Christmas Jack-o'-Lantern

by Subhajit Waugh

  Devil looked warily at Beelzebub’s docility, as if almost aware of ‘something else’ brewing in Beelzebub’s mind. Devil appeared to be trying to figure out the striking point of his advisor’s hard-bargaining tactic. “Would you like to share some of your thoughts, Beelzebub?” Devil made his gambit move.

  “As per your instructions, I have thoroughly examined a list of possible candidates for heading this project” Beelzebub said, “obviously, ‘Krampus’ tops the list in qualifications”.

  Beelzebub handed over the list to Devil. He waited for a few moments for a response from Devil, but getting none, he continued, “Krampus is definitely the most suitable candidate for this task. As you are very well aware, he was the right hand person and spymaster of Weihnachtsman. He is ruthless and ambitious……….and besides, he has access to lots of dark secrets of both Santa Claus and Ded Moroz”.

  “I thank you for your selection” Devil replied, “Krampus is indeed very suitable. But I have made up my mind”. Devil removed the cigar from his mouth, puffed out slowly, and tapped the cigar over the ashtray.

  “May I ask whom you wish to appoint?” Beelzebub said.

  “As my advisor, you have right to know. I shall appoint Jack…I mean...Jack-o’-Halloween”.

  “Jack-o’-Halloween!” Beelzebub exclaimed “Jack-o’-Halloween, my lord?” Dissatisfaction appeared on Beelzebub’s face like a child denied his birthday present.

  “That’s right!” Devil said “all the dark forces respect him and pay homage to his Jack-o’-Lantern, especially on Halloween night. Jack is undoubtedly the ‘pumpkin King’ of Halloween!”

  “But does he suit our purpose?” Beelzebub blurted.

  “Why not?” Devil replied “First thing to consider is, Jack had sold his soul to me; so he will be nothing more than a puppet. Secondly, despite his huge popularity in the dark world, he doesn't maintain a ‘standing army’ of dark forces. It suits me perfectly. He has a little power to protest. Thirdly, by appointing him in my service, we can automatically gain an upper hand over the dark forces as well. Nice kills with a shot, isn’t it?”

  Beelzebub considered his master’s words carefully and then said “You wished to rock Christmas world by bringing Santa and Moroz, the two titans, in direct confrontation and enjoy the clash. For that, Krampus, a seasoned expert on darker side of Christmas world, might have been a better choice”.

  Devil crushed his unfinished cigar in the ashtray. “Of course I’ll love to see the two greedy scoundrels fighting over a bone” Devil grinned “But not just for pleasure! You haven’t fully understood the project yet”.

  Devil paused to drink some bubbling and fuming; amber colored liquid, holding his nose tightly and forcing it rapidly down his throat. Then he resumed “Christmas has rapidly gained a foothold worldwide, but at the expense of the dark world. The dark forces are dwindling in number. Vampires no longer dare to form open societies in Europe and America. Even worshipping me is becoming a taboo! Voodoo culture is declining, and zombies in Caribbean and West Africa are having a tough time…. It is the same sad story everywhere I survey”.

  The gloom on Devil’s face cleared slowly and a ray of hope appeared; just like the ray of sunlight appearing behind a dark cloud. “But we can unite all Halloween creatures under my banner in Jack-o-Halloween’s name” Devil said “and a lot of funding will be borne by immensely wealthy Santa Claus and Ded Moroz. Each of them shall maintain huge units of my dark armies, at their own costs, to maintain their cut-throat rivalry!”

  “I understand your plans, my Lord; but there is one problem. As far as I am aware, most people associate Jack with evil” Beelzebub said “They dread him like a monster and shudder at the sight of his pumpkin lantern. He is the alleged bad guy. Employing this outsider from the dark world to manipulate the supposed bright Christmas world may expose our own image”.

  “You are speaking of good image, eh?!” Devil said in a mocking tone “Don't you suppose, everybody knows, that your favorite candidate Krampus kidnaps children, and feed on their flesh?” There was an unmistaken tone of sarcasm in Devil’s voice.

  Beelzebub fell silent. He seemed nervous and trying to guess what was coming next after this reprimand.

  Devil removed his own cap, which revealed two small, goat-like horns, on his head. Then he scratched his thick, black beard and said thoughtfully “You are right. Harmless Jack’s image has become synonymous to a monster!”

  Reflecting deeply for some more time, and then becoming serious, Devil said, “Instead of worrying, I should rather spare no effort to magnify this image of Jack. He is exactly what I need. A harmless paper tiger, an eternal adolescent, dreaded as a monster!” He observed Beelzebub’s reaction for a moment and continued, “think in the reverse way. Fear can often accomplish what love can’t”.

  The last trace of hope vanished from Beelzebub’s face on hearing this. “But my Lord, it is a very responsible and challenging job, requiring a lot of expertise” Beelzebub said. “If rumors are to be believed, Jack was a village rustic; half illiterate and a drunkard”.

  “He is like a lump of steel; awaiting treatment in a forge to become sharpest sword” Devil reacted instantly “You are quite unaware how sharp-witted he really is! He is like a piece of uncut diamond, requiring just cut and polish to shine brilliantly”.

  “What about Krampus, my Lord?” Beelzebub stammered.

  “Have you made any secret deal with Krampus?” Devil asked bluntly “Have you already taken his bribe, or, expecting a fat commission from him?”

  “No my Lord” Beelzebub said with a shocked tone and a pale, bloodless face “I think only about your benefit. Always”.

  Devil appeared relieved on seeing the miserable and depressed face of Beelzebub. “Returning back to your question” Devil said, “I intend to appoint Krampus as Jack’s mentor and guide. He will teach Jack about reverse psychology, lessons of diplomacy, the art of running secret organization, and all sorts of useful dark arts. Just watch how I turn this village rustic into a greatest grandmaster”.

  “If you had already decided, then why did you ask me to search for candidates?” Beelzebub said in a complaining tone.

  “Don't feel frustrated. Your efforts have not gone in vain” Devil assured “I have gone through your list, and I feel convinced now, that we haven't missed some better candidate”.

  “You really wish to see Jack in a position of power and importance?” Beelzebub said.

  “Not really! He shall be in my service” Devil said “I am the owner of his soul. I had ordered him to roam at night till eternity. He has roamed enough like a free bull. Now it is time to put the yoke on his shoulder!”

  “But Sir, I think you should consider-”

  “Now pay attention to what I say” Devil scolded “I want you to approach Jack, and force him to join my service. Blackmail him if needed. But don't intimate him anything of our plans” Devil commanded. “He should first learn that I am the boss, and he must be taught to obey orders without questions…and besides, I have some personal scores to settle first”.

  Beelzebub looked hesitated, as if unsure whether to stay or to leave. He muttered, “Is it your final decision? I mean, I had not even considered Jack as a candidate for this task. I don't know much about his bio-data, or about his past!”

  “But I do!” Devil said “I met Jack for the first time in a bar in Ireland a long time ago. I remember as if it happened yesterday”.

  “And what if, he refuses to join our service?” Beelzebub asked.

  “I have already thought about that” Devil said, and pulled out a rolled parchment from his drawer.

  “Jack had sold his soul to me” Devil said, “This parchment contains his thumb impression with my red ink”. Devil handed it over to Beelzebub.

  From another drawer, Devil pulled out a doll with a face remarkably similar to Beelzebub. Then he took a sack-needle and started playing menacingly with the doll.

  Beelzebub’s hand shook, and his fac
e turned pale with horror as he watched on.

  “You know the dire consequence of failure; don’t you?” Devil said.

  Beelzebub recoiled at the mention of ‘consequence’, just like burnt child recoils on facing a bright candle.

  While Beelzebub shuddered, Devil’s eyes turned into glowing charcoal. “Take this parchment-just in case!” Devil said in an ice-cold voice.

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  Chapter 7

  Devilish Blackmail

  Jack was playing a game of ‘snakes and ladders’ with Barbarossa. Jack’s face was brimming with hope at the distinct possibility of winning the game and pocket all the silver coins on the table as he threw the dice.

  “Down goes your piece!” Barbarossa said triumphantly “you slipped down right from the verge of victory”.

  “What a bad luck!” Jack sighed, as he moved his piece down to the tail of the snake “this only reflects my own horrible fate in my real life” Jack sighed deeply once again.

  “Come on Jack, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill” Barbarossa said “There are plenty of ladders as well”.

  “My lantern has become the mascot of Halloween around the world, but I am still an unknown figure” Jack spoke with a passion; as if it were the first time he was narrating his sorrow to Barbarossa. “I have never been able to appear in the limelight myself. How horrible my fate is: I am doomed to roam the lonely paths at night till eternity. Curse the Devil!”

  No sooner had Jack uttered Devil’s name, there was a knock at the door, and Devil’s henchman Beelzebub appeared. “Jack” Beelzebub said, “Why do you swear in my Lord’s name? Here I am; at your service.” Then he addressed Barbarossa “May I have a private chat with Mr. Jack please?”

  Barbarossa left.

  “I have overheard some of your laments!” Beelzebub said, “Well, I wasn't eavesdropping actually. I was just standing outside the door patiently. Some of your laments entered my ears”.

  Jack frowned and said “so you were not eavesdropping, eh?!”

  “Now don't be cross Jack. I have come at the right moment, at the right place, with the right offer. I have come to your relief and to fulfill your heart’s desire”.

  “If I am not mistaken, you have been sent here by your master, the Devil!” Jack’s voice stiffened “What exactly do you want?”

  “My master shall make you the undisputed king of Halloween” Beelzebub made a solemn vow “You shall become as famous yourself as your lantern. But for that to happen, you must follow my instructions blindly. You must join Lord Devil’s service first”.

  “So, this is your offer!” Jack sneered, “Is that why you came here?”

  “Thank your stars, Jack. You really don't know how lucky you are!” Beelzebub spoke with great enthusiasm “You have been chosen by none other than Lord Devil himself to join his service. It is something anyone would crave for. It is a rare opportunity to prove your true worth.”

  “Thanks, but I'm not interested” Jack reacted bluntly.

  “It is a really exciting offer. Real worthwhile, I assure you, and…” Beelzebub took out a small, silver snuff-box from his hip pocket and inhaled a pinch of snuff deeply “…as your friend said, there are ladders as well. Try to climb this ladder of success”.

  “You ask me to trust Devil?” There was a tone of distrust and hatred in Jack’s voice.

  “Lord Devil must have felt pity on you, and he's willing to spare you from this eternal punishment” Beelzebub said “Are you not disgusted with your present unchanging situation? Don't you crave for a change Jack?”

  “You are a good diplomat, I must admit! You can ask someone to go to hell in such a manner that he will actually look forward for the trip” Jack said with laughter “So what exactly do you suggest Sir Beelzebub?”

  “Just sign this document, and you shall be in Lord Devil’s glorious service”.

  “For how long is this contract?” Jack asked and glanced at the document through the corner of his eye.

  “Well ... umm…you see ... ... I mean, the expiry date has not been specified, which effectively means indefinitely” Beelzebub faltered momentarily at Jack’s unexpected question. Composing himself quickly, he added, “The bright side is, you need not ever fear termination from service or bear the tension of retirement”.

  “What?! You mean I shall be his eternal slave! Oh my God!” Jack’s jaw fell in astonishment and he gazed at Beelzebub “you are asking me to jump from the frying pan into the fire!”

  “You must be joking, dear Jack! How can you label such an incredible offer as enslavement? You are absolutely confused” Beelzebub paused, and pulled out a bottle of whisky from his hip pocket. He opened the lid and offered it to Jack “take a swig, Jack! Your doubts and confusions shall vanish. You shall be able to think more clearly”.

  “Thanks, but I won't touch that Devil's liquor” Jack said, “I have completely sobered up”.

  “Changes bring opportunity, Jack. Be brave, and grasp the opportunity. Lady Fortune kisses the brave and slaps the cowards”. Beelzebub touched Jack’s soft cheek and moved his fingers playfully up to his lips. “Would you prefer the warm kiss of miss fortune, or the icy-cold kiss of misfortune?”

  “What if I don’t sign this?” Jack said. He had stiffened like a log, and his knuckles tightened, displaying his bold and adamant attitude.

  “Of course you will sign it” Beelzebub sneered with deep confidence “unless you were born with brain damage from your mother’s womb”. His tone was bitterly caustic “but even then, we know ways of curing this mental disorder called ‘obstinacy’ completely”.

  “Thanks for clarifying!” Jack retorted, “But I am not at all inclined to sign it”.

  “Now don’t be silly Jack” Beelzebub pulled out the rolled, old parchment from his garment and displayed to Jack “we still have this”.

  “Are you threatening me?” Jack said. He was shaking with uncontrollable emotions.

  “I am only trying to be reasonable” Beelzebub said “but if you like to see it that way, then so be it”.

  “And what if I refuse to sign it?” Jack’s lips were trembling, his face was pale, and his voice didn’t sound like his own.

  “Now don’t speak shit like a Jackass, dear Jack” Beelzebub said with a violent outburst of temper “Lord Devil doesn’t like to hear ‘No’ for an answer”

  Beelzebub patted Jack’s shoulder softly and said in a friendly, compassionate tone “I might suggest an easy exit. Go to a sea-cliff, fill your lungs to the utmost with fresh air, then take a deep plunge in the deep sea and fill your lungs with brine water”. His tone changed unfriendly and harsh “your only exit is death; drowning will be much less painful than refusing to this offer”.

  Jack tried to reply something but failed. He opened his lips twice, but nothing came out. He looked like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.

  Beelzebub smiled at him and said, “Take your time Jack! I give you two weeks to decide. And in case you decide to join…which I am sure you will…here is my card.” Beelzebub took out a visiting card and handed it over to Jack.

  Jack stared it for some time.

  Though Jack had learned to read and write over the years, and was reasonably literate now, he could not read anything.

  How could he? The visiting card was blank!

  Before Jack could ask anything, he got the answer: “When you start your journey to Lord Devil’s global headquarter at Pandemonium, the card will show the address and direction, one line at a time, and then disappear. And when you reach your destination, it will auto-destruct”.

  Before leaving, Beelzebub took out a ‘voodoo’ doll with a face resembling Jack’s and a needle. He jabbed the needle in the doll’s butt.

  Jack twitched in excruciating pain and went dancing around madly and rubbing his buttock. But he didn’t let out a single scream of agony.

  Beelzebub left triumphantly, allowing Jack plenty of time to rub his butt and decide between the Devil and t
he deep sea.

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  Chapter 8

  Jack joins service

  It was at this point that Jack desperately wanted to consult the village oracle.

  After meeting the cave-dwelling oracle, obtaining her vermilion blessing and the charmed bracelet, and after learning about the prophecy of his unprecedented fame and glory, Jack left for Devil’s headquarters. But it was actually the oracle’s demonstration with boiling hot tea, about the consequences of ignoring Beelzebub’s blackmail that Jack decided to surrender to his doomed fate and join Devil’s service. Jack had realized that having sold his soul to Devil, even drowning himself in the deep sea offered him no exit. It would only ensure the burning of his soul in the embers of hell till eternity.

  An impending, terrible misfortune had been predicted by the oracle, which made Jack deeply apprehensive. With his stomach churning with tension, and a thumping heart, Jack proceeded towards Devil’s headquarters.

  A rather tall and dark attendant greeted Jack at the gates of Pandemonium.

  “Lord Devil has wished to meet you at the Palace stable” he said.

  “Meet me at the stable?!” Jack said, staring in wonder.

  “Generally he meets all new recruits at the reception hall. But when he is busy with some other activity, he may meet his recruits anywhere- in his puppet show theatre, or in his alchemist lab, or his study room, or even in the dungeon”.

  He studied Jack’s face carefully. “Don’t be nervous! He is in a jolly mood. Right now, he is pampering his favorite horses”, the attendant informed “go straight, take a right turn, walk along the hedges and head straight towards the stable”.

  “And, best of luck!” he spoke in a loud voice as Jack proceeded along the grassy path towards the stable.

  When Jack arrived, Devil was talking to his horse in a low voice and rubbing it gently on the neck. Surrounding Devil were his five attendants; two of them appeared drunk. A strong smell of hay, oat, drying dung and whisky hung in the air. The smell reminded Jack of his own Irish village barnyard. The almost forgotten memories of wild barn dance around a fire flashed in Jack’s mind. Jack compared then and now, and sighed.

  “Welcome Jack!” Devil turned around and addressed Jack “I’m so glad to meet you after a long time”. There a cunning smile on Devil’s face, and his voice seemed like a teasing.