by Beth Flynn
I started to smile and was taking the casserole out of the oven when she added, “I wonder if I did ask Christian, and he said yes, if it might make Slade even a little bit jealous.”
I looked at her seriously. “I’m sure to your fifteen-year-old brain that sounds like a solid plan, but I will tell you now, Mimi, it’s not a good idea. Please don’t do that, honey. Don’t use Christian. You wouldn’t like it if somebody used you.”
I thought I saw her flinch, and our conversation was interrupted when Jason came barreling in, Alec and his boys right behind him.
Alec held up some movies he’d rented and said as I laid the casserole on the table, “I picked up some flicks I thought the boys would enjoy. I was thinking if it wasn’t too much of an imposition that maybe Mimi wouldn’t mind staying here with the kids after we eat and letting me take you to a jazz club for a couple of hours. Just get you out of the house for some adult interaction, Ginny.”
“Uh, thanks, but I don’t like jazz,” I said without looking up at him. I was suddenly very focused on my kitchen counter.
He laughed. “Well, it doesn’t have to be jazz. We can certainly find a club with another type of music.”
“Um. I don’t like clubs, and really, I have plenty of adult interaction.”
The kids were too busy jabbering with each other to notice the exchange, but Mimi noticed.
“Ginny,” he whispered. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m not suggesting we go on a date. I’m suggesting you join me, as a friend, to listen to some music and maybe even enjoy a glass of wine. I know you have adult interaction, but it’s always because you’re volunteering somewhere. Doing something for someone else. I was thinking maybe you’d like some time to actually enjoy yourself.”
He paused then, and I realized Alec was either always working or taking care of his children. I wasn’t certain, but since he was the sole caregiver of his kids, I doubted he had much of a social life. Maybe he’s the one who needs a friend.
No sooner had I thought it than he added, “I know I could use some adult companionship.”
Before I could reply, Mimi chimed in, “Mom, go. I’ll stay with the kids.”
This was Alec. The same man who’d been Tommy’s partner for years. The same man I’d come to rely on in recent months. The same man who never gave one hint of anything that didn’t resemble friendship.
I nodded and sat down at the table to eat dinner. Yes, I would go.
Chapter Forty-Three
Grizz
2001, Fort Lauderdale
“She said that? She said those exact words?”
Carter looked down at the table. She was sitting in the rear booth of a fast food restaurant. Grizz sat with his back to the wall facing the patrons that came in. He’d never sit with his back to a crowd, in spite of the slight risk that he might be recognized.
She’d sent him a message some time ago that Ginny no longer needed him, but he’d stayed around. She hadn’t told him in that message the other harsh words Ginny had said much later, words she told him now: That Grizz could relieve Carter of her duty to summon him. That Ginny would never send for him.
Carter was right in feeling he wouldn’t leave without further explanation, but even though she knew he’d been hurt by the details she’d just relayed, she also knew she wouldn’t lie.
“Yes.” Carter chanced a glance at him. “But I don’t think she means it. She’s coming from a place of pain and anger. Look at what she’s been through, not just since Tommy died, but knowing beforehand about your secret. Finding out you were his father. It’s just too much. She needs more time.” She took a quick sip of her soda and avoided eye contact with Grizz. Ginny had recently confided to her that Grizz was not Tommy’s father. Should Ginny ever decide to see or talk with Grizz, it would be her story to share. Not Carter’s.
This was the first time Grizz had actually met with Carter face-to-face since his return.
“I shouldn’t have just smashed that bitch’s face into the table. I should’ve fucking killed her!” The memory of the prison interview with Leslie was still fresh in Grizz’s mind. It was her fault Ginny was having to deal with so much right now.
Carter quickly changed the subject.
“So how has it been for you? What are you doing with yourself, and where are you living?”
He explained in as few words as possible that he worked on a landscaping crew. He’d moved out of an efficiency apartment on the beach and was renting a furnished three-bedroom house in a little subdivision called Laurel Falls. He was surprised how much development there had been in South Florida since he went to prison.
“Every fucking house looks the same. So does every neighborhood. If there wasn’t a sign in the front that said Laurel Falls, I wouldn’t know where the hell I was.”
Carter nodded. “I’m sure it’s changed a lot since you’ve been here. A car dealership sits where your motel used to be.”
“Yeah, I saw that. I can’t believe how far west the development has spread. It’s a fucking concrete nightmare.”
“How are you doing with staying off the grid?” Carter knew the temptation to visit his old bars and biker hangouts must be difficult.
“Not as hard as I thought, but I still keep a hat on and wear sunglasses as a rule. Fucking crazy that I’m being forced to live by the same rules I placed on Kit—errrr, Ginny—all those years ago. Karma is biting me in my ass.” He took a bite of his hamburger.
“At least you have an ass to bite. I don’t know how you pulled this off, but you did.”
He stared intently at Carter, slowly chewing his food.
“You’re not asking me how I did it, right?”
“Wouldn’t dream of asking,” she said honestly, then smiled. “I’m sure it’ll make a decent book one day.”
“I still don’t know why she’d send for me after Tommy was shot.” The bewilderment in his tone was obvious. “My first thought was that he’d been targeted, and she felt threatened in some way. Or maybe she thought the cops would never get the guy, and I might still have an ear to the ground. Hell, she could’ve just gone to Blue or Anthony for that. But I guess my gut wanted to believe she needed me because maybe she still loved me.”
He said the last part over Carter’s shoulder. He wouldn’t look at her.
Carter gave him a funny look. “Grizz?”
He met her eyes. “Yeah?”
“Ginny was wearing the bandana the day before Tommy was shot. I paged you within minutes of seeing her. Are you telling me you didn’t get it until after he was shot?”
Grizz sat up straight and focused on what Carter was telling him. She could see the wheels begin to turn.
“I’d accidentally turned my pager off. I got the page the day after Tommy was shot. I was actually sitting in a diner somewhere in Louisiana watching it on the national news when your message came through. I assumed it had been sent after the shooting.” He frowned. “Do you know why she was wearing it the day before he was shot?”
“No. She told me she’d forgotten it was a way to signal you and she just happened to be wearing it that night.” She paused, then leaned over the table toward him. In almost a whisper, she added, “But I know she wasn’t being honest.”
**********
He sat in his car, fighting the temptation to march into the club and stake his claim on the only woman he’d ever loved. It was killing him.
He’d done everything within his power to stay away from her and keep a low profile as he’d slowly immersed himself back into society. It wasn’t easy. The pull to go back to his old life was strong, especially since he didn’t have her to anchor him. He had dark thoughts about reinventing himself underground, bringing his gang back to its glory days, but he knew those thoughts were as misguided as they were ridiculous.
He hadn’t tried to see her since the day of Tommy’s funeral. The last couple of months had been hell. Knowing she was out there. Knowing she had needed him. Wondering why she hadn’t asked Cart
er to arrange a meeting.
He figured the initial message that he was no longer needed was because of her grief, so he’d stayed hoping she would come around. He was almost ready to accept she’d changed her mind after Tommy died.
But hearing from Carter that she’d been wearing the bandana the day before the shooting fueled his need to see her, to talk to her even further. To ask why.
For two days, he’d sat in a strip mall that faced the entrance to her neighborhood before finally seeing her. But when he finally did, it wasn’t what he’d expected. He’d had to blink twice to see if she was really in the car with the man he’d seen at the funeral. She was smiling at something he’d said as the streetlight illuminated her face. His blood began to boil with fury.
Grizz had followed them to a club and felt the darkness start to invade. He hadn’t felt anger like this since she’d given birth to Jason and he’d had to beat another prisoner to death. He knew there was only one thing he could do. He would have to drive away from the club before he did something stupid. He would have to find another outlet to quench his darkest fury.
No, not tonight. He’d have to patiently wait for the right time to approach her. He wanted to know why she'd worn the bandana and he didn’t know how he would control himself until he got the answer. But one thing he did know for certain.
He wouldn’t be leaving South Florida until she looked him in the eyes and told him to. And maybe not even then.
Chapter Forty-Four
Ginny
2001, Fort Lauderdale
Surprisingly, I enjoyed myself the night Alec took me to a club. He’d found the perfect venue with a band that played nothing but seventies music. The place had a retro-hippie feel to it, and I absolutely loved it. I even agreed to go again the following Saturday night.
Alec was a perfect gentleman, and I hadn’t expected anything different. I remembered feeling a slight high from his compliment the day I’d gone to the office to surprise Tommy, but there was nothing in his actions during our night out that indicated he was interested in anything other than an evening without the kids. During the band’s breaks, he filled me in on his time away from civilization. How he and the boys had bonded while living in North Carolina, away from the noise and busyness of city living.
“Being away from technology for those few months was the best decision I ever made,” he said. “I felt closer to my boys, and I got them to open up about their feelings of abandonment by Paulina. It wasn’t easy, but I had to explain some things to them.”
**********
A week later, I was slicing carrots at the kitchen counter when Jason came in and was digging through the refrigerator.
With his back to me, he blurted, “Caleb wants you to marry his dad.”
I stopped slicing and turned to look at Jason, who was drinking milk from the carton. I was too stunned to reprimand him. Caleb was Alec’s youngest. I just stared.
“He wondered if you were doing kissing things. That’s what he called it.” He rolled his eyes.
“Well, if it ever comes up again, you can make sure he knows that I’m not doing kissing things with his father. We’re just friends.”
“I know. I told him that. I guess he thinks because he doesn’t have a mother and I don’t have a father, we would make a good family.”
“He’s young, and I can understand why he would think that, but I think you should continue to discourage him, honey. It’s not going to happen.”
“Good, Mom. I’m glad you said that. I don’t want another father. Not even Alec.”
He tossed the empty carton of milk in the garbage and, swiping his arm across his mouth, he left the kitchen.
“Good,” I whispered to myself. Because I don’t want another husband.
I made sure Mimi would be home so I could sneak over to the church and work on my Sunday school lesson. Even though I’d prepared the actual lesson, I wanted to update the bulletin boards to coincide with the new unit I’d be introducing. I sat in one of the tiny chairs with my knees higher than the table.
Somehow, I was immediately reminded of being in the exact same position last year, when I’d made the right decision to go back to Tommy. I remembered the call I’d received from him, telling me Jan had been murdered. I shook off the sad memories and went back to cutting out letters from bright red construction paper.
I was wondering if I should cancel seeing Alec later that evening. Jason would be staying overnight with his friend, Max, and Mimi was going to be babysitting for Daisy, Anthony and Christy’s little girl. I knew she genuinely loved little Daisy, but there had to be a part of her hoping she’d somehow run into Slade.
But now, after Jason’s comment in the kitchen, I was seriously reconsidering my friendship with Alec. Not because I was having any feelings toward him or sensing he had feelings toward me, but because I was concerned about how our friendship might seem to the children. Our friend date the weekend before went smoothly, but I didn’t want to give our kids the wrong impression. Maybe I’d talk to Alec about it tonight.
I was in my church classroom and standing on my tiptoes, trying to get a stubborn tack in the wall, when I sensed a shift in my surroundings. I couldn’t place where the feeling was coming from; I just knew something had changed. I listened carefully. It wouldn’t have been unusual for someone else to be in the building with me. I wasn’t the only person with a key, nor was I the only teacher to work on my lessons the day before class. But what did seem unusual was that they hadn’t made themselves known. I swallowed.
I’d used my key to come in the side entrance and up the back staircase, but that didn’t mean someone couldn’t have come in through the church, which was kept unlocked on weekends, and found their way up through the front stairs.
I stepped to the small CD player on the windowsill and turned down the volume. With my back to the classroom door, I slowly scanned the side parking lot, leaning up and over to peek at the other parking lots. Mine was the only car.
I turned around and stopped myself from gasping.
My right hand flew to my heart.
Grizz.
Oh, dear God in heaven.
He stood in the doorway of my classroom. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I willed myself to be calm, to not think, as I slowly scanned him, starting at his feet and finally coming to rest on his eyes.
Those eyes.
He looked like an older version of the Grizz I’d been married to. His hair had grown in and showed what I thought were slight streaks of gray, barely noticeable against his dark blond locks. The long scruffy beard I’d remembered from his execution was gone, replaced with a neatly trimmed one. He looked more muscular, if that was even possible. I also realized his arms sported different tattoos. I could recognize Grizz’s ink in my sleep, knew every detail of every tattoo, and these were different. He’d had them worked on.
You’d think I’d have a million things to say to him. A million things to ask. But instead, I blurted out the first asinine thought that came to me.
“So. You’re not naturally bald. I guess you’d been shaving your head all those years. Lucky for you it grew back.” Of all the things I could have said, I picked that? I forced myself to breathe, to act natural.
If I’d have been watching a movie, this would be the part where the heroine ran to the hero, threw herself into his arms, and thanked God he was still alive. But not me. I was standing in front of a man who was supposed to be dead, discussing male pattern baldness.
His expression was casual, unreadable. A beat passed.
He raised a brow. “I read somewhere that we inherit our tendency to be bald, or not, from our maternal grandfathers. I guess I had a grandpa with a decent head of hair.”
I nodded like we had this conversation every day, like my heart wasn’t beating straight out of my chest. I couldn’t think of a reply, so I said nothing. I clenched my fists and stood straighter, waiting for him to say something else.
“When did you stop wearing your
bangs, Kitten? You know how much I love them,” he said in a quiet voice. His eyes were pleading with me. For what, I didn’t know.
“I stopped caring about what you love a long time ago,” I snapped. “Remember? I was following your orders.”
He stood there and just nodded.
A full minute must have passed, and finally he muttered, “You must be wondering how this is possible—”
But I’d heard enough.
“I already know how this is possible. Tommy and I didn’t keep secrets.” Of course Tommy did, they both had, but I felt the need to go for the throat.
All he did was raise a questioning eyebrow and waited for me to say something else.
I huffed out a breath. “Fine. So you’re alive. Well, I’m happy for you, Grizz. I hope you can carve out a nice life for yourself somewhere. Just do me a favor.” I narrowed my eyes. “Make sure it’s as far away from me and my children as possible.”
My heart thudded as I scooped up my purse and keys. I had to get out of here. Now. Had to distance myself before I lost control of everything, even the places in my brain.
“I guess you didn’t get Carter’s message that you’re no longer needed.” My words came out in a high-pitched squeak. My body was betraying my actions. I looked at the keys in my hand, saw it was starting to shake.
He stepped fully into the room now. “You’re shaking, Kit. Are you afraid of me?”
I heaved my purse onto my shoulder. “I’ve never been afraid of you, and I don’t go by Kit anymore. Never call me that again. Oh, wait.” I lifted my chin. “That won’t be a problem. Because we’ll never be speaking again.”
“Don’t leave. Please. Let me talk to you. Let me explain some things.”
“Oh, twenty-five years later and now you want to ‘explain some things’? You know what, Grizz? You could’ve done that in 1975, but you didn’t. And now it doesn’t matter. None of it.” I stood up straight. “It’s over. Done. You’ve accomplished whatever it was you set out to do. The almighty Grizz has somehow beaten the system.”