by Ali Dean
“Do they know that we’re just warming up?” Jenny asks.
We gape as they swarm around us, jumping in the air. How do they have so much energy? “Red Bull,” Zoe answers my unasked question.
The guys start organizing themselves in two lines and we can make out what the letters on the chests spell. One line says “Brockton” and the other says “Pepper.” It’s quite impressive. And I know who organized it. Jace is at a college visit in Michigan this weekend, but only he would be able to get fifteen high school boys to cheer at a cross meet first thing on a Saturday morning.
As we jog back to the team tent, I see Gran standing on the sideline by her chair snapping photos of the football team running beside us. She’s by Zoe and Claire’s parents, and some other parental types who look familiar. I wave and she gives me a double thumbs up and a toothy grin. She’s decked out in our school color, royal blue, from head to toe. She’s even got a blue winter hat and blue high top Nikes.
It’s a cold morning and I can see my breath. I wear a long sleeved shirt underneath my singlet, a blue headband that covers my ears, and gloves. Hopefully the shirtless fans won’t get hypothermia.
We huddle in a circle with our arms over each other’s backs. Claire’s my co-captain and she usually leaves it to me to give a pep talk before our team cheer. She surprises us when she speaks up.
“I’m not running in college so this could be my last cross meet. I hope it won’t be, because I know that we can qualify for State as a team. I just want to tell you all that being on this team has been my favorite part of high school. So, thanks. Anyway, I hope you guys all run your hearts out today because I really want my last meet to be the State championship.”
We just barely missed making State as a team last year, and Claire missed making it individually by two spots. If there’s anyone to dig deep for today, it’s her. And I think even Dorothy knows it.
We scream our cheer and jog to the start line. Because there are so many teams, only two of us can toe the line. Claire is next to me, Chloe and Jenny are in the row behind us, and Dorothy with our two other varsity runners are behind them. It’s going to be a messy start with all these girls.
“Runners, take your mark . . .” BOOM! The gun goes off and I sprint forward to get away from the crowd. Normally I wouldn’t go out this hard but it beats getting trampled. The sound of the fans cheering is a blur as I keep my elbows to the side to prevent getting knocked over.
The crowd quickly thins out and the path narrows before entering the woods. Settling in with a pack of about ten others, I take stock and recognize all of the runners from other meets. There are three or four who could give me a good race, including Kendra Smith who placed second at the Aspen Leaf Invitational. But I’m feeling fairly confident that I’ve got this.
Coach Tom is standing at the top of the first hill. “Settle in, Pepper! You look great. Stay right there!” The plan’s to run in the lead group until the top of the last hill, about 800 meters from the finish. No matter how good I feel, I’m supposed to stay with them. Coach thinks 800 meters is plenty safe to allow me to break away, since I’ve got a decent kick.
I focus on staying behind the three girls in front of the pack who are setting the pace. Followed someone else’s lead isn’t in my nature, and it’s hard to suppress the urge to burst through them and take off.
One of the shirtless entourages is lined up along the side of a straightaway when we come out of woods towards the end of the first mile I the 3m1 mile (5 kilometer). They scream and cheer while running alongside us for about 100 meters before slowing to a stop. We’re running close to a 5:30 pace so keeping up for more than 100 meters isn’t exactly easy, all things considered. I smile at the guys, and I almost wave, before realizing it would be sort of an insulting demonstration of my lack of effort to the other runners who aren’t holding anything back.
We’re about halfway through the race when we pass by the starting line and a roar of cheers. There are fans scattered throughout the course, but most people have congregated by the start/finish area. I see Gran bouncing up and down in her bright blue outfit and I grin at her.
“Go, Pepper, go!” She screams.
A couple of girls start dropping back until there are only five of us in the lead pack. Coach Tom is at the edge of the field when we reenter the woods for our final loop. He must sense my impatience because he yells, “Keep it steady, Pepper. Right at this pace.”
Watching the ponytail of the girl in front of me sway back and forth, I try to relax. But my legs are itching to go faster. The cold air is refreshing, and the fans’ energy is contagious.
When we pass by the 2-mile marker, I find myself moving in front of the other four girls. I don’t consciously decide to drop them. Maybe they just slowed down. But once I see that there is no one beside me or in front of me, I drop the hammer.
I fly up the last hill, which has always felt like a steep mountain when I’ve raced this course before. I hardly notice the boys’ team cheering for me at the top of the hill. I’ve never been high, but I’m pretty sure it must feel something like this. It’s like my body has just taken over and I can’t be stopped. I keep going faster, and the slight burn in my chest and ache in my legs only drives me to push harder.
I accelerate down the hill and into the large field, where hundreds of people are on their feet cheering. The finish line is just ahead, and the clock above it with the ticking time is a blur. It doesn’t even matter what my time is. This feeling alone is amazing.
I burst through the finish line with a huge grin on my face. I can hear the announcer. “Pepper Jones is the district champion. And in a new course record of 16:48, ladies and gentlemen . . .”
It’s my fastest time ever, and not just on this course. I’ve never run a 5 kilometer cross country course in under 17 minutes before.
I make my way out of the finish area so I can cheer for the rest of the team. Claire and Zoe are racing right next to each other and I cheer like a maniac when they run by me. They cross the finish at the same time, and I watch them give each other an exhausted hug before collapsing to the ground.
“Pepper!” Ryan runs towards me and lifts me up in the air to twirl me around. “That was incredible!”
I laugh. “Hey! Put me down, you need to conserve your energy!”
“I don’t care. I’m inspired. That was the most badass run ever.”
When he lets me go, Charlie scoops me up for another hug that lifts me off the ground. “I’m proud of you, Pepper.”
After the boys race, we find out that both the girls’ and the boys’ team won Districts, claiming the individual and team titles. Rollie invites everyone over to his house to celebrate. The runners who aren’t on varsity come as well, and there must be at least fifty people crowded into the den in his basement.
The party is almost as big as the one at Remy’s house, but instead of feeling out of place, I’m surrounded by all my friends. And we definitely don’t need any alcohol to lift our spirits. The relatively tame pizza party quickly turns into a crazy dance party, with some of the quietist members of the team dancing on the coffee table and jumping on the couch. It could simply be a sugar high from drinking soda, but Brockton’s cross team is in wild form. A great race will do that to runners.
Ryan is standing talking to Omar and Rollie when one of my favorite Justin Timberlake songs starts playing. I grab his hands and pulls him towards me. I start dancing playfully around him until he has no other choice but to join me. He’s a good dancer, but keeps it simple, letting me be the one to really move. I love to dance, but it’s usually just with Zoe or Gran. Dancing with a boy, especially a cute one like Ryan, is exhilarating.
He seems to appreciate my enthusiasm, and pulls me in closer to him. Before I know it, I’m pressed up so close to Ryan that my swaying hips seem inappropriate with an audience. We are chest to chest, and with my arms wrapped around his neck, I can feel each hard angle of his body. I murmur the lyrics to the song and tone
down my dancing so we’re just shifting lightly together in sync with the beat.
We continue dancing together for several more songs, and its not until I realize people have started to head home that we break apart. The adrenaline rush from the race and dancing is starting to fade, and I can tell I’m going to crash from exhaustion at any moment.
Zoe offers me a ride home, but Ryan jumps in, saying I’m on his way. I watch him discreetly for a moment in the car. His forehead is damp with sweat from dancing, and his blue eyes look soft and sleepy from the long day. When he glances at me, and smiles, showing off those adorable dimples, he looks so happy. And it all seems so simple with him.
He likes me. I like him.
If it wasn’t for Jace, there would be no question at all what direction things should go with Ryan and me. And what’s stopping me now?
Ryan clears his throat. “I don’t know if this sounds weird or not, but I’d love for you to come to brunch tomorrow with my family.”
“Why would that be weird?” I ask.
“I don’t know. You’ve become a really good friend, and I’ve gotten to know your Gran, so I thought it’d be nice for you to get to know my family a bit.” He pauses, like he’s going to say more, but thinks better of it.
“Yeah, that’d be cool. I’ve never met your dad and he could be my coach someday, so it’d be great to talk to him.”
When I get home, I see I have two missed calls from Jace and a text message from congratulating me for the race. I didn’t bring my phone with me to Rollie’s because the only people who would call were at the party. Or so I thought. Apparently Jace wants things to go back to normal again.
And normally, I’d call him back. But who know what he’s doing. He’s in Michigan, on a college visit, so I can only imagine the shenanigans he’s up to. I’m done being hurt by Jace. I need a break.
Ryan picks me up at ten the next morning.
“So where are we going?” I ask him as I buckle in. Driving around in the passenger side of his jeep has become a regular thing.
“Have you been to Lucille’s?” He asks.
“Yes! I love Lucille’s! Have you been?”
Ryan laughs. “Yeah, we went whenever I visited last year. I’ve developed a sick obsession with their beignets.” My mouth waters just thinking about the deep fried pastry. “Sunday brunch is kind of a thing we’ve done forever with my family.”
Ryan doesn’t tell me that it’s his mom’s birthday until after we’ve parked and we’re walking to Lucille’s. The wrapped gift he pulls out from behind the driver’s seat gives it away. “This is a family thing, are you sure I’m invited? I didn’t bring anything. I’m going to look like a jerk!”
Ryan takes my hand and kisses me on the cheek. It feels so natural, like we’ve been doing it for years. “She’s thrilled you’re coming. That’s a present on its own.”
I recognize the Harding family from a block away. Ryan’s parents and younger brother are thin, fit, and good looking. That’s not especially unusual in Brockton, but there’s a wholesome, all-American quality about them that Ryan has too.
Ryan’s mom beams when she sees us. “Pepper! It’s so nice to see you again. We’re really happy you could join us.”
“Thanks Mrs. Harding. And happy birthday. Ryan just told me, so I didn’t get a chance to bring anything.” I elbow him playfully.
“Oh, no, you didn’t need to bring a thing. And it’s Marie, honey. Mrs. Harding is my mother-in-law. You remember Kevin, right?” She gestures to Ryan’s little brother, who smiles shyly. “And this is my husband, Mark.”
“Hi Mr. Harding, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Call me Mark, please.” He laughs. Mark must be in his forties, but he still has the unmistakable physique of an elite runner. He was a professional marathoner for years, and I think won some major titles. Chicago or New York? Maybe both. I’ll have to ask him about it.
“We should be up any minute. You know how it is here. There’s always a wait,” Marie says.
The Hardings ask about Gran, and Dave. I feel like I’m talking their ears off, but they seem genuinely curious about what I have to say. When our name is called, we’re placed in a table by the window, where we all have to sit very close together to fit. After ordering, Ryan gives Marie her present.
“She’ll get the rest tonight, but I always give her one in the morning,” Ryan explains.
“Ever since he was a little boy, he could never wait to give me my birthday present.” Marie smiles lovingly at Ryan.
Marie unwraps the paper and pulls out a necklace with a turquoise pendant and matching earrings. The jewelry is both beautiful and trendy, and it suits her. I raise my eyebrows at Ryan. “You have good taste.”
He shrugs and smiles. Mark helps her with the clasp and we all admire it. “Thanks, hun. You’re so sweet.” Marie leans across the table to kiss Ryan on the cheek.
For some reason, I leave the brunch feeling a little sad. Ryan’s family is so normal. Two loving parents, and a sibling. I never had that. Jace never had that. I guess I never felt much of a longing for it either. My parents died when I was too little to remember, and all I’ve ever known of my family is Gran. And with Jace, he and his dad sort of filled in the empty spots. Jace didn’t have a whole family either, and Wes’s parents were always out of town growing up. Seeing Ryan’s family like that, it just makes me feel like I missed out on something.
Gran’s hanging out with Lulu, so I expect to come home to an empty apartment. Instead, Jace is sitting at the kitchen table. He looks up from his phone when I open the door.
“Hey,” I say. “I thought you were in Michigan.”
Jace stands up. He’s wearing a pair of old sweat pants and a hooded CU football sweatshirt that used to be Jim’s in college. The soft, worn clothing looks comfortable and it makes me want to wrap my arms around him.
“I got back this morning. I heard about your race, Pep. I’m so proud of you.” He opens his arms for a hug, and though I’m still mad at him, not to mention hurt and confused about our relationship, I can’t help but walk into his arms. The feel of his soft clothing and hard body against mine is one of the best feelings in the world. Comfort and protection all wrapped up in one. But I can’t give in.
I’m the first to pull away. “You look like you could use a nap. I got your messages, Jace. You didn’t have to come over.”
“I know, but I wanted to. What were you up to this morning?” He asks.
“I went to Lucille’s with the Hardings,” I say as I make my way to the couch. Dave jumps up beside me.
“Ryan’s family?” Jace asks with a frown. He settles in on the other side of the couch.
“Yeah.” I snuggle up to Dave, who is sniffing me thoroughly. I’m sure I smell like friend dough and bacon.
“I didn’t know,” Jace says. “Are you two serious now?”
I really don’t want to get into this with Jace. Ryan and I haven’t even talked about it yet. “I think we’re just friends. But I feel like that might be changing.”
Jace raises his green eyes to meet my brown ones. He tilts his head to the side. I realize what I’ve just said could apply to Jace as well. Except maybe we’re changing from friends to not friends at all.
“Changing?” he asks.
“Jace, I’m not going to tell you everything that’s going on in my life anymore when you keep so much from me.” I watch Jace’s composed expression crumble. “Sometimes I feel like you know every little thing about me, and I don’t know you at all.”
I recognize Jace’s lost little boy look and it makes me want to apologize, but I don’t. This isn’t okay with me anymore. Whatever this is.
Jace pulls something out of his pocket and places it on the kitchen table. It’s a friendship bracelet. Just like the one I made him for his first football state championship his freshman year. Except this one is purple and white and his is green and white. It’s about an inch wide – thick enough that it’s held together all these y
ears. He’s still wearing it. Once it’s knotted, you can’t take it on and off.
“Where’d you get that?” I ask.
“I made it.”
“You made it? Really?” I can’t hid my surprise. “How’d you figure it out? You never used to want to learn.”
“I looked it up online, and went to Michaels to get the stuff. I did it on the plane. The people sitting next to me probably thought it was pretty weird that a teenage boy was making jewelry.”
I smile at the image of him hovered over the strings, trying to braid them together without messing it up. “I’m impressed.”
“Took me a few tries,” Jace says with a gentle smile. “Want me to tie it on for you?”