The Dark Side of Love

by Rafik Schami

  Farid tossed and turned uneasily in bed. He woke early next day. His mother was surprised by his grave face, and even more by his first remark to her.

  “Do you know which of the Shahins are on bad terms with our family? Is one of them a lawyer?” he asked even before taking his first sip of tea.

  Claire stroked her son’s head. “If you’ve lived with a Mushtak for as many years as I have, you know about their enemies the Shahins from great-grandson to great-great-grandfather. Why?”

  “Oh, nothing. I was only asking. I met someone whose surname is Shahin,” he said, glossing over the facts. She smiled at his poor attempt at camouflage.

  “There are Shahins everywhere, but it’s only the Mala family that the Mushtaks hate. Let me think,” said Claire. “Yes, I believe one of them is a lawyer or a judge. I don’t know for sure, but I could soon find out. A friend of mine knows him. Shall I ask her?”

  “No, no, never mind,” replied Farid. He had made up his mind to ask Rana himself.

  He was absent-minded all day. His chemistry teacher was the first to notice. “Our promising chemist has gone missing today,” he said, when he had asked the class a question and Farid just went on staring into space. This remark too passed him by. Only the laughter of the class roused him.

  “What? Why?” he stammered.

  “I was asking about the difference between olefins and paraffins,” said the teacher patiently, without a trace of sarcasm.

  “Paraffins are saturated hydrocarbons and olefins are unsaturated.”

  “Correct,” said the teacher, admiring Farid’s ability to come up with the right answer even when his mind was on something else, while the rest of the class were concentrating hard and still couldn’t reply. That boy will be a chemist some day, he thought to himself, smiling with satisfaction.

  11. An Obstacle

  He couldn’t eat lunch. Claire had laid the table for him and then went to her neighbour’s, to help prepare the house for the arrival of a hundred mourners in a few hours’ time. Faris, the neighbour’s husband, had been fifty-nine and sound as a bell when his head suddenly dropped on his chest as he drank his morning coffee. “Faris! Oh God, Faris!” his wife cried out, full of foreboding. But her husband had taken her cry away with him into eternity.

  Many of the neighbouring women were hurrying to the house to help. Some cooked food, others brewed huge quantities of coffee. Claire and her friend Madeleine were busy arranging borrowed chairs in the inner courtyard, with a sofa and an armchair for the bishop and the priest. The late Faris had been an important man in the Catholic community of Damascus, sitting on almost all the church committees.

  Farid smartened himself up and finally rubbed his face with some of his father’s eau de toilette. It had a pleasantly fresh orange-blossom scent. When his mother came home in the afternoon, she found his lunch untouched.

  Sufaniye Park is next to the Christian Bab Tuma quarter. Farid gave himself plenty of time to get there, and still it took him only ten minutes. He was sweating. It was March, but almost as hot as summer. There was no sign of Rana anywhere.

  After a while she came walking through the park, and saw him sitting lost in thought on one of the benches. She thought he looked wonderful in his white shirt, white trousers and beige leather shoes. His brown skin gleamed in the sunlight. Tall and thin as he was, he looked almost like an Italian, as if he might be a foreigner among the other rather stout figures out in the park on this warm day.

  Suddenly Farid looked up. He saw her, and they both laughed. He kissed her for the first time, though only on the cheek, but his lips briefly brushed her mouth.

  “Ooh, look, he kissed her,” a boy told his mother, who was playing cards with him on a brightly coloured quilt spread on the grass.

  “They’re brother and sister. Anyone can see that. Your turn to play a card,” she reproved him.

  Farid was slightly disappointed when he told Rana how his thoughts had kept him awake last night, and heard that she herself had slept better than ever before. Obviously the question of his own surname hadn’t yet occurred to her. Damascenes were not particularly interested in surnames. He asked what her father’s first name was.

  “Basil. Why are you interested?”

  “Because I want to know which Shahins you are,” he replied. And he felt even more vexed with himself as he mentioned his suspicion that she might be one of the Shahin clan from Mala, his own family’s enemies.

  “So you come from Mala? And you’re one of those Mushtaks?” asked Rana in surprise.

  He nodded.

  “I thought you were half-European. So my feet haven’t carried me very far from that dunghill of a place,” she said, with disappointment in her voice.

  “You’re from Mala too?” asked Farid, barely audibly, because he already knew the answer.

  She nodded in silence. Her laughter was gone.

  He took her hand. It was cold, and he felt that Rana was trembling.

  “He’s not her brother,” Farid heard the boy on the quilt tell his mother.

  “Play your cards,” she crossly told her son. “It’s none of our business! Are you playing cards or setting up as a marriage broker?”

  Rana looked at Farid. She saw longing and sorrow in his eyes, and although she was very much afraid, she knew for certain at that moment that she wanted to live with him. But next minute she remembered her mother’s words: “A Muslim is still a human being, but the Mushtaks are rats! Rats! Rats!” The voice echoed through her head.

  “Did you hear about my family’s latest catastrophe?” she asked.

  He nodded, and he realized she knew that the Mushtaks were held to blame for the arrest of Rana’s uncle and the financial ruin of the entire Shahin family.

  She didn’t know much about the feud between the two clans, she was just aware that there was one name her parents always repeated when they wanted to suggest something ugly, malicious, contemptible and hateful, and that name was Mushtak.

  “Why does life have to be so complicated?” asked Rana.

  “Because I’m a walking disaster area,” he replied. There were tears in his eyes, for at that moment he saw the mighty wall that was rising in front of him, and he was in despair because he couldn’t get over it.

  She kissed him, and he didn’t know what to do. Her lips were cold; it was a strange feeling. He wasn’t carried away as much as he had expected; instead, he saw himself like an actor on screen and tried to embrace Rana as an actor would. She laughed. He kissed her on the mouth.

  “That’s not the way a brother kisses his sister,” said the boy. His mother took no notice. She was dealing the cards again.

  12. In Love

  That spring of 1953 Farid didn’t want to go to Mala for Easter, not at any price. He claimed that he wasn’t well and wanted to rest. Couldn’t his father, he asked, make an exception just for once?

  Elias Mushtak wouldn’t hear of any exceptions or compromises. The entire family must go to the village and publicly commemorate his father. They would also celebrate the latest ignominious defeat inflicted on his enemies of the Shahin clan.

  “You can wear the city around your neck like a jewel the rest of the year, but we all belong in Mala for this one week,” he said calmly but implacably. Any further argument, as usual, was futile. What Elias said was law. Even Claire seldom protested.

  So Farid obeyed, and went up into the mountains with the others in a very bad temper. That year he noticed for the first time how dangerously his father drove along the winding road. Three times, he almost crashed into vehicles coming the other way. Farid pictured himself falling into the abyss. It was always his father’s fault, but Elias Mushtak cursed the other drivers at the top of his voice.

  The higher up the mountain road the car made its way, the bleaker and more unattractive the boy found the landscape. And it seemed to be reflected in his face. A moment came when his mother noticed the grief in it as he stared at their surroundings. It was very unusual for him to l
ook like that. He’s in love, she thought, unhappily in love. And Claire was not wrong.

  13. Scruples

  All the Mushtaks arrived in Mala on Good Friday, in relays, and light and music filled their long-deserted houses again.

  As if they had been waiting all winter for this solemn moment, the five village boys came to the Mushtak villa in their best clothes next morning, making a rather shy and restrained noise under the big balcony until Farid heard them and asked them in for a lemonade, as he did every year. They liked it very much, particularly with ice cubes from the only electric refrigerator in the village at that time, which of course belonged to the Mushtaks. Sticking to their usual custom of the last few years, as they drank their lemonade on the balcony they decided to go for a picnic under the huge old elm tree on the hill after church on Easter Sunday. From that vantage point, you could think of the village as charmingly small and insignificant, the way the boys liked it. Furthermore, no one could catch them smoking up on the hill. They kept watch through the binoculars on anyone and anything moving further down. They didn’t really have anything to fear during Easter week, for no one else felt like going up to the distant elm tree when festivities were in full swing in the middle of the village.

  So next day, soon after church, Farid and his five friends set off uphill to the elm tree. His mother had packed as much food as if he and all the others were emigrating to America. The contents were pure delight for the Mala boys, who these days brought nothing with them but their appetite for any number of strange delicacies.

  When they reached the elm they lit a small fire on the spot where shepherds, stopping to rest on the hill, had lit their fires for decades. Farid wasn’t hungry, and gave the other his sandwiches. But he drank the strong, smoky tea and enthusiastically described the beautiful women of the capital city to his friends. The farmers’ sons relished his exciting descriptions, and couldn’t get enough of them.

  They sat there for hours, feeding the fire with stout branches and thistles, and warming themselves even more on the women’s bodies delivered up by Farid to their wild imaginations.

  But suddenly the usually silent Matta said this was the last time he’d be with them. Hesitating slightly, he poked the embers of the fire with a twig. “My father’s a distant cousin of the new abbot of some monastery in the north. I have to go into it. They need novices, and there are hardly enough priests these days for all the Christian villages. But I don’t want to go.” And then he fell silent again.

  “Oh, come on, what’s the matter with that? It’s better than this dump. All you can do here when you finish school is feed goats, grow wheat, and have children. It’s worth leaving Mala for the good life in the monastery. I’ve heard everyone has a bed to himself there,” said Simeon the beekeeper Isaak’s son, trying to encourage his friend.

  “That’s true, it’s something to look forward to.” Butros, son of the shepherd Fadlu, joined in the conversation. “It’ll be worth going into the monastery just to get away from your brothers and sisters farting at night.”

  But Matta shook his head.

  “No, really,” Butros persisted, “you ought to be glad. You’ll get clean clothes and enough to eat. And you’ll learn a lot more than in our lousy school here. What else do you want?”

  Simeon went on cheering him up. “Yes, and these days priests live like millionaires.”

  “But what’s he going to do with the prick between his legs? Those monks in black aren’t allowed to marry,” pointed out Ghassan, the vegetable dealer Tanius’s son. Matta smiled grimly.

  “Oh, he can put it in olive oil to keep it fresh and crisp,” joked Butros, “until one of those randy women comes along confessing that she needs three men a day plus her own husband or she can’t sleep at night.” He turned to Matta himself. “And then she asks you, ‘What am I to do?’ And you say, like the man of God you are, ‘My daughter, consider your husband and the other three your main course, and have me for dessert.’”

  Butros laughed a lot at what he considered his own excellent joke. The other boys laughed too, and even Matta smiled faintly. Only Farid was quiet.

  “What’s the place called?” he asked.

  “The monastery of St. Sebastian.”

  Farid knew that it was on the Mediterranean coast. “It’s a good one,” he said, pretending enthusiasm out of sympathy. But Matta’s face remained unmoved. He looked as if he were desperately trying to find a way out of an invisible maze.

  When the sun set they rose to go home. Instead of fetching water from the nearby spring to put out the embers, the five others lazily pissed on the ashes. Only Farid refrained.

  The boys laughed at him. He didn’t dare piss just because he was superstitious, they said. For in the village it was thought that if you pissed on a hearth your pee would hit the Devil, who likes to swelter in any fire, and he’d be so angry that he’d strike men impotent and light an inextinguishable fire in their wives’ cunts, forcing the women to cuckold their husbands. The goatherd Habib, who used to screw not only his wife and his maidservant every week but his forty goats too, had been impotent, so rumour had it, ever since he drank too much tea one night and was too lazy to move a few steps away from the fire on the hearth. Then the Devil hissed with anger, and his hairy hand shot out of the embers and scratched Habib’s glans. The poor man jumped and felt a strange chill in his limbs, like a snowstorm sweeping through his bones.

  Next day, so the story continued, he felt unwell and went to Damascus to be examined and cured. In vain. A week later his prick was dried up, wrinkled, and dark brown. It looked like an old fig. Ten days later it simply fell off. Habib didn’t even feel any pain. He saw his prick lying in bed beside him early in the morning. At first he thought it was a black olive, but then he wondered how an olive could have come into his bed. All he had left was a hole above his testicles. And after that, so the tale went, his wife went flitting about like a fairy every night – in search of a man.

  Later, a distant aunt told Claire the true story of the goatherd. Farid pretended to be asleep on the sofa, and heard that the wily man had served up this tall story about pissing on the fire to his simple-minded wife so that she wouldn’t discover the truth.

  “And what was that?” asked Claire, amused.

  “The fact was that the goatherd was insatiable and visited the whores in Damascus every month. There he met the famous Nariman. All the citizens of Damascus are in awe of her, and it’s not for nothing they call her She Who Sucks You Dry. And it was Nariman, of all people, whom the miserly goatherd refused to pay one day, saying she hadn’t given him a good time. So she sucked his penis away to punish him, and sent him off with nothing but the husk of it,” said the aunt, laughing. “Now he has only a limp rag between his legs – you could dry your hands on it, but there’s no pleasure to be had from it any more.”

  Up on the hill under the elm, however, superstition was not Farid’s reason for holding back. He was violently lovesick for the first time in his life. His lovesickness not only took away his appetite and left him sleepless at night, it even made him unable to pass water that day. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t tell the village boys about his love. They were between fourteen and sixteen, they’d have laughed at him and insulted Rana with their coarse remarks. Love doesn’t tolerate coarse tongues, and the tongues of the village boys were coarser than a rasp.

  However, there was another reason for him not to breathe a word about his love. Rana had sworn him to silence, for if the secret of their love came to light she feared for her life. And Farid knew from the evidence of his own eyes that her fears were not exaggerated. The previous summer young Ayesha had indeed paid with her life for love. She was a butcher’s daughter, and the whole village was talking about her relationship with the bus driver Bassam, whose family were at daggers drawn with Ayesha’s parents. Both families were Muslims, part of a small minority in the otherwise Christian village of Mala. Their dispute, which began over a large consignment of smuggled cigarett
es, had led to three dead and over ten injured on both sides within the space of five years. The original cause of it, the cigarettes, retreated entirely into the background. The blood that had been shed now lay between the two families.

  Ayesha’s parents, relations, and friends urged her to leave Bassam, but he was the only man she wanted. In the end they wrote a letter to her brother, who was earning his living as a labourer in Saudi Arabia, and he came back in a hurry. He offered her immediate marriage to his school friend Hassan, who was in the police, but Ayesha wouldn’t hear of it, and met Bassam secretly to tell him about her brother’s threats. She hoped they would induce her lover to flee abroad with her until tempers had calmed down again, but she didn’t guess that her brother was in the barber’s on the village square at that very moment, keeping watch on her. Bassam drove out of the village with his lover. It was afternoon, and he had an hour’s break before the next journey to Damascus. Where he took Ayesha no one knew, but an hour later they came back in the bus.

  Farid was standing on the balcony drinking tea when Ayesha climbed out of the bus in the village square. Her brother marched out of the barber’s shop opposite the bus stop, crying, “Treacherous woman, you have let an enemy of our family defile you!”

  He fired three shots. Farid’s glass fell from his hand. The bus driver, realizing his danger, stepped on the gas and saved his own life. Ayesha uttered a loud and terrified scream. “Mother, help me!” Then she died, there in the middle of the square.