by E A Owen
I waited at the crosswalk for a car to drive by before I walked across the street, both arms wrapped tightly around my upper body to try to keep warm. I ran across the street so fast with my head down to keep the wind from burning my face that I didn't even notice the curb and tripped. I caught myself with my hands and stood up quickly, hoping no one had seen me fall, just as I felt fingers tap the back of my shoulder.
“Are you okay?” a deep voice from behind me asked with concern.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said, embarrassed, feeling my face flush as I turned around. I'd never seen him before. I would certainly have remembered; you don't ever miss a face like that. He was tall with a square jaw and deep-set eyes that were mesmerizing. He appeared to be muscular but it was hard to tell for sure with a big, bulky jacket on.
“My name is Elliott, and it's nice to meet you,” he said, holding out his hand.
“I'm Mary,” I replied, and taking his hand in mine I noticed his strong grip, my gaze lasting a bit longer than normal. He was very attractive, and I couldn't help but smile ear to ear as I blushed, shyly looking down at the ground.
“Are you headed to class?” Elliott asked.
“Yes, yes I am,” I replied
“You mind if I walk you to class? I would hate for you to lose your balance again. Maybe my arm would be of some assistance,” he said, smirking.
“Are you making fun of me?” I asked playfully.
“Maybe a little, but you're cute when you are embarrassed!” he said, grinning. I couldn't help but look away. His confidence and good looks were intimidating. “And maybe after class you could show me around town. I'm new to the area and could use some help from a pretty little lady like yourself to keep me company.” All I could think of was how hypnotic his eyes were. It was like he had me in a trance and I couldn't speak. After a few moments, he spoke up to void the silence that fell between us. “But if you're busy later, maybe some other time would work better for you.”
“Ummm, yeah, I get out of class at 4:00. Where would you like to meet?” I asked him shyly.
“Why don't I pick you up here, and we could grab a bite to eat and get to know each other a little better?” His voice was deep and very sexy. “I'll park out front and wait for you there. I wouldn't want you to blow away on me before I get the chance to dazzle you with my charm,” He said playfully and with a smile. I just stood there, speechless, dumbfounded by how confident, sexy, and playful he was—and he knew he had me. “I will take that as a yes.”
“Sorry, you ah, just caught me off guard. Guys around here are shy and beat around the bush. I'm just not used to this is all,” I replied.
“I will take that as a compliment, and I will let you get to class before you are late. I will see you at 4:00. I drive a black Lexus,” he said as he turned away.
The whole time in class I couldn't concentrate. My attention kept going back to Elliott, that deep voice, his eyes, his confidence. He was a very beautiful man with a sexy smile that would make any girl’s heart melt. Standing at 5ft 10in, 140lbs with long, straight blonde hair that fell a few inches past my shoulders, big, emerald green eyes and a few freckles that kissed my nose and cheekbones, I was far from the most attractive girl around. I barely wore any makeup compared to most the girls my age, who mostly cake it on and look fake. I have been told I have natural beauty and only wear a little makeup to brighten my pale skin, but I am shy and not very social. I pretty much keep to myself. Some call it stuck up but I'm far from conceited. I just don't like the drama that young adults my age bring. I try to keep my life very simple and as uncomplicated as possible.
I have enough money from the trust fund to live off very well, but I don't flaunt it like most people would. I don't want friends or boyfriends just because I have money. I want true friends who are there because they truly care. But unfortunately, society is very selfish and money-driven, and I don't want to be a part of that. I didn't know what Mr. Charming saw in me, but I was happy we ran into each other and he wanted to get to know me better. A guy like that will make you forget all your worries for a while. I only met him for a few minutes, but there was something about him that was so tantalizing and made my entire body tingle in excitement. All I could do was daydream about him, and you couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face.
Four o'clock came around faster than I had expected. I grabbed my books, realizing I hadn't heard a thing the professor said the entire class because I was busy daydreaming, which is not like me at all. I always pay attention and takes notes. My only priority was getting good grades so I could graduate college and obtain my nursing degree. Now, after meeting Elliott, my focus was on him entirely, how dreamy he looked and that voice, so deep and sexy. How could someone have that kind of effect over me in just a few minutes? I knew I might want to steer clear of him if I intended to graduate in the next couple years. Otherwise my mind might be off in La La Land and not focused on homework or studying.
As I walked outside, I peered across the parking lot, looking for a black Lexus. I saw headlights flash on and off a few hundred feet in front of me, but the fog made it hard to see since during class it had grown to a thick mist. At least the wind had died down for now. As I walked across the parking lot I became very self-conscious. I hadn't had time to even look in the mirror or freshen up, and I was beginning to feel nervous at the thought of being around him. What if he thought I was boring and wanted nothing to do with me? What if I was at a loss for words? I was starting to second guess myself and to clam up before I even reached his car. I could turn back now and forget I even met Elliott in the first place, but there was something drawing me to him, a magnetic force that I couldn't resist. It was a feeling I'd never felt before, and it was scary and exciting all at the same time.
What was it about him? I just couldn't put my finger on it, but there was no turning back now. As I approached his car, the driver’s door flew open and he came strolling around the front of the car to the passenger’s side and opened the door for me. He spoke in that low, sexy voice, “Mary, it's nice to see you again.” A confident, wide grin stretched across his face, his eyes captivating me.
“Hi, Elliott,” I shyly replied as I crouched to get into his car. He shut the door behind me. It smelled new, with a mixture of whatever cologne he had on, which was very seductive and manly smelling. As he climbed in the driver’s seat, he glanced over at me with a sparkle in his eyes that made him irresistible.
“Did you decide where we should grab a bite to eat?” I looked away almost immediately. His gaze made me more nervous than I had imagined it could.
“I was thinking someplace quiet with good food, possibly Bravo's, which is just a few blocks away. The place is usually hopping on the weekends, but it should be quiet enough tonight, it being Monday and all.”
“I like that. Most women I come across tend to leave all the decisions to me. I like a woman who knows exactly what she wants and doesn't second guess herself.” His response made me blush instantly.
The last date I had been on was about nine months ago. His name was Adam, and he was cute and nice enough, but we just didn't hit it off. We went on a few dates, but nothing became of it, probably because he had a few too many to drink one night while we were out, and things got a little hot and heavy and I didn't feel comfortable sleeping with him. He was very pushy and made me feel uncomfortable. I told him no, but he was persistent, and he reeked like a brewery. He was slurring his words and couldn't stand up straight; it was an immediate turn off. Don't get me wrong, I like to drink, but a couple glasses of wine and I'm good. I don't like the feeling alcohol gives me when I have a few too many, especially the next morning—I hate hangovers. Finally, I’d had enough of his drunken behavior. I told him I had to go to the ladies’ room and I never came back. Rumors went around campus like a wildfire that I was an uptight bitch who didn't know the first thing about having fun and that I left Adam stranded without a ride.
A few guys have asked me on dates since, but I turned
them all down. One of them was so offended he told me that the rumors were right about me and walked away. Guys my age were immature and party too much, and that’s not the type of man I wanted to settle down with. I had more important things to worry about than dating.
And then Elliott came along and changed my way of thinking completely. Just then my door opened and all I could see was Elliott's hand reaching out for mine. “What a gentleman!” I said as I grabbed his hand. He just smiled and we walked up to the restaurant hand in hand. Nothing felt more right. The whole dinner conversation he made me feel at ease and there were no awkward silences. It felt natural to be with him, and better yet, he was easy on the eyes. I could see myself falling for him hard, and at that moment I knew we would spend the rest of our lives together.
IV
Sixteen Years Later
(Elliott)
How did my life turn upside down so abruptly? How did I not see the warning signs? Or did I and subconsciously ignored them because I didn't want to believe this perfect world I thought we created was a lie. I could not ask for more. I had a loving husband, a beautiful daughter, the perfect job and home. I didn't want to believe the devastating news, but it was all so very real and brought about complete and utter destruction. As much as I wish I could to take away the pain and betrayal of trust my daughter has extensively experienced, there is no going back into time to fix this horrific anomaly. Where to begin?
I fell deeply, madly in love with Elliott Hamlin. I was just twenty years old. We made love. He proposed to me. I found out I was pregnant. We got married six months later, and just three short months following our wedding, our baby girl, Natalie, was born. Elliott was a very loving, attentive, respectful husband and father. He reminded me a lot of my own father. We took many family vacations together to Hawaii, Germany, Italy, Rome, Norway, Iceland, New Zealand… You name it, we've been there. We lived a life full of luxury and happiness. But Elliott was having an affair that I was unaware of, and my precious daughter got caught in the middle. She loved her father dearly and unconditionally, keeping secrets for him. How heavy a burden that must have been to keep all those secrets bottled up and no one to turn to. If she had just told me, maybe I could have stopped this whirlwind of events that have destroyed this family. But as a child, it is not her responsibility. It was her father’s secrets and his betrayal that destroyed everything, and he was solely responsible for his actions.
My life was too good to be true, and maybe Elliott overcompensated for his lies and secrets by being the most loving and affectionate man. I never once second guessed his intentions. I trusted him completely. I just thought I was the luckiest woman in the world to find such an amazing man to share my life with. I have heard horror stories of men who are abusive and was happy that my Elliott was not one of them. But truth be told, he was having an affair for years. It started with him working late, until 10:00, then progressively getting later and later, not getting home till after midnight some nights. But this only happened once or twice a week and he had legitimate reasons, or so I thought.
Then he got laid off from his job three years ago and had to be sneakier about his love affair. He stayed at home with Natalie while I worked. I got promoted and started taking business trips a few times a year that lasted four to five days. Some trips I had to take lasted a week and sometimes two. During these times, Elliott got his friend, Joseph, to stay with Natalie while he would spend those days I was away with his girlfriend, Ashley.
The business trips after my promotion was when everything changed for the worse. I just assumed my husband was at the house when I was working and Natalie at school. But Elliott used my business trips, and trust, as a gateway to his affair without getting caught. When I came home from my business trips, the house would be clean, the laundry folded and put away, and the yard mowed; and my husband and daughter had stories of everything they had done while I was gone, like going out to eat or ordering in a pizza and watching movies together, or going out to the theater to see a new movie that was playing. They seemed very happy every time I came home, and I assumed it was because they got to spend quality time together and Natalie was absolutely a daddy's girl and loved spending time with him. In truth, Elliott was happy because he was banging a girl in her early twenties, but Natalie was hiding a deep, dark secret even from her dad.
To make a long story short, Elliott's affair resulted in him committing suicide, our daughter pregnant with twins at the age of fourteen, and his so-called friend, Joseph, in prison for molesting and raping our daughter for three years. This was devastating to our family. Things will never be the same again. Natalie has to grow up without a father and with the mental and emotional damage from the rape. Natalie was in therapy, and we agreed that being a teenage mom with twins to remind her daily of being raped and the suicide of her father was not possible. Natalie has her whole life ahead of her. Abortion was out of the question, and so adoption was the only logical choice.
***
To My Beautiful Wife,
I am so sorry for what I have done. I cannot live with the guilt a day longer. The guilt has tormented my soul and I am reminded of how horrible a man I am, every time I look at you and our daughter. I never meant for any of this to happen. I met Ashley at work when she was twenty-two and an assistant at the firm, and I eventually gave in to the temptation and couldn't stop my sexual urges. I was not honest with you about being laid off. I resigned after the firm found out about Ashley since the relationship was considered against company policy. I was very selfish, and I blame myself for everything that has happened. The guilt is eating me alive. I can't eat or sleep. It is completely consuming me. I trusted Joseph to care for our daughter while I slept with another woman against our vows of marriage and I know this must hurt you immensely. But worst of all, the man I trusted raped our daughter for three years and got her pregnant. Even though Joseph was found guilty and is in prison for hurting our little girl, I cannot live with the guilt any longer. I am reminded of the horrible husband and father I am and how neither of you deserved this. So I am doing what I do best and being selfish by ending the torment that has been eating me alive. I am sorry for everything. You and Natalie will be much better off without me around. You both deserve a better man in your lives. I always loved you, Mary, even if you don't want to believe me. Goodbye, Elliott
***
I noticed that my daughter was more quiet than normal and wasn't acting herself for the last few years, but I assumed it was hormones and the transition of becoming a teenager and all the stress from school and homework. I never thought she was being raped in our home by a man I only met a few times. I blame myself for being so naive and not taking my daughter’s behavior changes seriously. Now I drown myself in what-ifs. What if I hadn't been promoted, for example? I would have never had to go on business trips and my husband wouldn't have asked his friend to stay with our daughter, alone and overnight so he could sneak off and have an affair. I, of course, noticed we hadn't been having as much sex as we used to, that our love life was dwindling away, but I just assumed it was because we had been married for so long. I never thought he would cheat on me. I trusted him without a doubt. I thought we were happy. I thought we had the perfect life together. We took lavish vacations every year. We had a big, beautiful house and nice cars. Elliott was always very loving and attentive to me and our daughter. Natalie adored her father and I was madly in love with my husband. We had everything!
I took a leave from work to be with my daughter during this horrific time in our lives. She was having a really hard time dealing with the death of her father and the hormonal and physical changes from the pregnancy. We both were going to therapy to deal with the tragedy that had changed our lives forever. I don't know how much it helped, but at least it gave us the opportunity to speak to a professional openly about what we were going through emotionally. And Natalie could tell her therapist things she might be afraid to tell me, or not feel comfortable telling me, because maybe deep down insid
e she blames me for all this happening to our family. Natalie was also having a very difficult time at school. Kids can be so cruel!
***
I was in the laundry room just finishing up folding the last few items in the dryer when I heard the door open and then close, followed by a click. I could hear Natalie crying but it sounded muffled. “Sweetheart, is everything okay?” I asked while I walked down the hall that led to the living room, feeling the hardwood floor against my bare feet as I walked. Natalie was curled up on the floor next to the front door with her hands covering her face while she sobbed uncontrollably. “Honey, what happened?” I sat down beside her, rubbing her back to try to comfort her. I could tell she was trying to calm herself down. I remained silent, waiting for her to tell me when she was ready. The worst thing to do is to try to rush her into telling me because I can never understand what she is saying when she is crying like this. I continued rubbing her back, praying it was just her pregnancy hormones getting the best of her and that it was nothing serious.
As we sat there on the floor for a few minutes, Natalie finally got hold of herself and lifted her head. Her eyes were filled with tears, her cheeks streaked from the tears rolling down them. She looked so vulnerable and innocent that I just wanted to grab her and hug her tight and never let go, telling her everything was going to be okay. But instead, I gave her space because I knew that she would just breakdown crying again. “The kids at school called me a slut.” Natalie took a deep breath. “They said I was such a disappointment to my father that he killed himself!” She started bawling again, this time having a hard time breathing and so started hyperventilating.