Pretender to the Throne

by Maisey Yates

  “Kissing me really works that well?”

  “Yes,” he said.

  “The Zombie Princess?”

  “I don’t have time for people like that. They’re idiots. They don’t know what it’s like to kiss your lips, or feel your curves beneath their hands. They know nothing.”

  She was really blushing now. “It’s hard for me to think when we kiss, too. I didn’t think I would miss touch. I thought I could live without being with a man because I didn’t want to deal with the fact that I could be rejected for my looks. Or that any man who was with me might be with me out of pity. But when you kiss me, I care less about how you feel because I’m too focused on what I feel.”

  “I make you selfish?” he asked, moving closer to her.

  “Yes. For that. For what you can give me. I’ve...never actually been kissed by anyone else. And the one thing I always regretted, in spite of myself, was that the night in the garden, you know what night I mean, we got interrupted.”

  “I regretted that, too. I tried not to think of you after I left, Layna, but I did regret that. I regretted you. If my life hadn’t have changed, you would have been my future, and I was always content with that vision. The life I’ve had has never been as beautiful as that dream. As that certainty I had for those few months we were engaged. I could see it all, you as my wife, us ruling Kyonos, and it felt right. Maybe that was really why I came to look for you after I returned. Because I hoped that somehow it wouldn’t be too late to have some of that.”

  “And look what you came back to.”

  He put his hand on her cheek, a move he made often and one she didn’t think she’d ever tire of. He was so comfortable touching her, even her scars. “But the feelings are the same. It’s amazing how much we’ve both changed, only to come back to this point.” He put his hand on her other cheek and lowered his head, kissing her, deep and long. “I do want you. As badly as I ever have. More even, I think, because I know how bitterly I’ve regretted the fact that I didn’t claim you before. I will never make that mistake again.”

  She looked up into his eyes. They were still so bleak, so haunted. She could see it even in the dim light of the cave. “Do you need me?” she asked. “Do you need to forget?”

  She did. She was wounded and hurting. For her, for him. For everything they’d lost. For the years of pain. For the years they suffered alone when maybe what they should have done was cling to each other.

  “Yes,” he said. “Please.”

  She kissed him then. Slowly traced the seam of his mouth with her tongue, asking for entry. He gave it, and with a growl wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly against him as he let her take the lead on the kiss.

  She knew she was a little clumsy at it, but he really didn’t seem to mind, his erection hard against her stomach, an air of desperation coming from him in waves.

  She could feel it reflected in her, deep in her core. The need to feel like she wasn’t alone. He’d said that he’d been inside of a woman before and felt utterly isolated, but somehow she knew that wouldn’t be true with them.

  Because they both knew rock bottom. And it seemed like they deserved to reach for the heights, even if it was just for a few moments.

  He took the blanket off his shoulders and laid it down on the sandy floor of the cave. “I have never seduced a woman in here before,” he said. “I know I told you that already but it feels like my current actions might make that assertion seem suspect.”

  “A little bit, but I don’t really care,” she said, blinking back tears. “I’ve been cold for a long time,” she said.

  “Because you were in the ocean.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “No, I’ve been cold inside for a long time. I feel like you could make me warm. I need you to make me warm.”

  “You deserve better than this,” he said, kissing her again, cutting off any response she might have made. “You deserve so much better than this, but I don’t have the strength to give it to you, because all I can do is take this for myself.”

  His desperation fed hers, the need that wrapped itself around his voice was like balm for the scars inside. She might be the Zombie Princess, but right then, the beautiful, damaged prince wanted her.

  They were both broken. Barely limping through life. But maybe if they held on to each other tight enough they could hold each other up. Maybe she could be strong enough if they were braced on each other.

  He swept his hand over the line of her back, a wave of sensation crashing over her. How long had it been since she’d focused on her body? On what she felt physically. She’d been training herself to deny physical desire. To deny cravings of any kind. Of specific foods, rest, sex. Because it was important for a woman with her aims to deny herself.

  But right now, Xander was making it impossible to think of anything else except what she felt. What she wanted. He was making her need, a deep, aching need that she couldn’t possibly let go unanswered.

  She wouldn’t let it go unanswered. She knew what he meant now. Because she knew what she should do, too. She knew she should ask for a bed and soft sheets, and for him to be slow and gentle because it was her first time.

  She knew she should demand marriage vows, because it was right.

  But she was beyond that. None of it mattered. The cave floor would do, the commitment they had would have to as well.

  She had a feeling that, if she had met him again and he hadn’t offered marriage, they would be in the exact same position.

  Because this was unfinished business. This was the chance to either bond her and Xander together for good, or to at least have him lose some of his power over her by answering some very important questions. The chance to turn regrets of missed chances into mistakes made.

  She was honestly okay with the idea that it might be a mistake when it was over. Because she was short on those. Or maybe not. Maybe her life had been one long, steady, low-key mistake.

  That sent a jolt of panic through her, spurred her on, made her kiss him all the more desperately. Xander made her feel so much. So many things she thought she’d let go of, and he brought it all roaring back, or to life for the very first time.

  He pushed his hands beneath her shirt, repeating his earlier move, this time over bare skin. She moved her hands to his stomach, tugging his shirt out from his pants and slipping her fingers beneath. He was so hot, so hard. So very different from her.

  She would have been shocked by her boldness in other circumstances. But not now. Not when they were in the dark. In this place that almost seemed removed from reality. Not when they were holding each other up.

  Not when they were helping each other forget by filling the present with so much pleasure the past couldn’t exist anymore, and the future couldn’t be a concern.

  He pulled his lips from hers and kissed her neck, teeth grazing her sensitive skin, his tongue sliding over her flesh to soothe away the sting. He knew just where to hit, just when to stop and suck at her skin, when to inflict pain. When to give pleasure.

  He tightened his hold on her and drew her forward, raising his other hand to cup her breast through the fabric of her damp top. He moved his thumb, finding her nipple with ease, finishing the work of the cold water and tightening it to a painfully hard point.

  A low growl rolled through his throat and he propelled her backward, pushing her against the wall of the cave. He pushed a thigh between her legs, then took advantage of her widened stance, his arousal coming into contact with the most intimate part of her.

  There were layers of clothing between them but she still felt it, so devastating. So erotic. So unlike anything she’d given herself permission to want or feel for far too long.

  She’d told him that she was a woman, and had been long before he’d walked back into her life. And it was true. But she’d suppressed an amazing pa
rt of what it meant to be a woman, and only now, with his lips on her skin, his hands on her body, his hardness against her softness, did she realize that.

  She angled her head and caught his lips, kissing him deep, tasting him, reveling in the slide of his tongue against hers. For too long she’d had hazy. Gentle. Life on a near flat line with barely a blip, and now she felt like she was going to explode with the intensity of this encounter. With the rawness of it.

  The rock at her back, the man at her front, the sound of the waves just outside the cave walls. It was sensory overload in the most perfect way. An infusion of sensation, bursts of flavor on her tongue. Years of bread and water dissolving into a sensual feast that she didn’t think she would ever get enough of.

  He forked his fingers through her hair and tugged, hard, guiding her away from the wall, down onto the blanket, his body covering hers, his lean hips settling between her legs. She bucked against him, chasing the promise of release that sparked through her with every touch of his body against hers.

  He pushed her dress up, tugged her panties down to her knees, his hand at the apex of her thighs, thumb deftly finding the sensitive bud there. She didn’t have time to be shocked or embarrassed, didn’t have time to do anything but simply revel in the pleasure he knew how to give.

  “You want me,” he said, his voice feral, his words barely intelligible.

  “Yes,” she said, kissing his neck. “Yes.”

  The blanket was bunched up underneath them, only offering a partial shield between them and the ground, but she didn’t care. It added to the intensity, to the depth of it all.

  He slipped a finger inside of her and the wholly foreign sensation rocketed her to the brink of orgasm.

  “You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

  “Yes,” she said, pleasure rocketing through her as he slid his thumb over her clitoris again.

  “And you’re sure this is what you want?”

  “I need it,” she said. “I need you. I need it like this.”

  “It’s not going to be romantic,” he said, abandoning her body, reaching for the closure on his pants and unbuttoning them, then tugging his shirt over his head. “It’s probably going to be fast.”

  “Are you trying to talk me out of it?”

  “Theos, yes. Because if I have a soul left, this will damn it for sure.”

  She shook her head. “No. It won’t. How could that be true? How can that be true when I feel like if I don’t have you I’ll die?”

  He kissed her lips, gentle, searching, at odds with the ferocity of the moment. “That’s absolute proof that I’m right,” he said. “I’ll try not to hurt you.”

  The blunt head of him probed at the entrance to her body and she tensed for a second before he started to push inside. The farther in he went, the more she relaxed. It didn’t hurt. It just felt...new. And wonderful.

  He put his hand under her bottom and lifted it, thrusting into her all the way. A harsh sound escaped from his lips, along with a curse that sounded more like a prayer.

  He pushed her dress up higher, exposing her breasts, lowering his head and sucking a nipple deep in his mouth as he moved inside of her, driving her higher, faster than she’d imagined possible.

  It seemed natural, having him like this, moving with him, finding her pace. She locked her legs around his lean hips and arched against him, meeting his every thrust, nails digging into his shoulders.

  He lowered his head, his movements harder, faster now, pleasure sparking in her, each thrust bringing the bursts of white heat closer together, turning it into a continuous flame that burned through her whole body, threatening to consume her as he ravaged her, pushed her to a point she hadn’t imagined possible.

  Xander growled, teeth closing down on her shoulder, his pelvis hitting hard as he froze above her and shuddered out his release. The pain ramped her pleasure up higher, the overflow of sensation an utter shock. Beautiful. Blinding.

  And when the fire burned out, it was only the sound of their breathing echoing off the walls of the cave.

  A chill stole through her blood, a slow trickle of ice that replaced the heat that had come before. And it hit her that she was lying on the floor, outdoors, kind of, almost, with Xander on top of her.

  Her dress was still on, his pants only pushed down just past his hips. That she’d let him—no, begged him—to take her like this. When they weren’t married. When they hardly knew each other. When they certainly didn’t love each other.

  He moved off her, standing and tugging his pants up, his movements fluid as he dressed. It all spoke of his experience—experience he’d gained with other women.

  Anger curled in the pit of her stomach. Anger she had no right to feel because she knew his past, she knew something of his experiences, and she’d just benefitted, mightily, from those experiences. It had been...amazing. Physically.

  Emotionally she felt...an empty, crushing weight in her chest. The kind he’d spoken of. They’d just been as close as two people could possibly be and she felt alone. More alone than she’d felt in ages, with him right there, the scent of his skin still on her body. It made no sense.

  Sex without love.

  Yes, that had to be it. Lust. Empty lust that meant nothing.

  But it had all seemed substantial in the moment. It had seemed necessary. Now she felt singed inside. Like she’d been burned, hollowed out.

  No wonder she’d spent so many years content with...contentment. Happy to feel no brilliant highs so that she could avoid the lows. So that she could avoid this level of emptiness and confusion.

  “Let’s not talk,” she said, scrambling into a sitting position and trying to put her clothes back in place. “Let’s just...not.”

  “Why?” he asked, doing his belt and the final few buttons on his shirt.

  “Because there’s no point. I don’t want to...I don’t want.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  “I don’t understand it.”

  “What’s not to understand? We wanted each other. We acted on it.”

  “Didn’t I just say I don’t want to talk?”

  “Hiding?”

  “Why not?” she asked, feeling like she was on the verge of tears. “It’s what we’re both best at. We hide from our pain and our issues and from anyone who might hurt us or ask anything from us, right?”

  “Sums it up,” he said, his tone hard. “And that right there is my favorite method of running. You have to admit, it’s a lot more exciting than hiding in a convent.”

  “It was more something, but I haven’t decided if I liked it or not yet.”

  He grabbed her arm and pulled her forward, kissed her hard on the mouth. “You liked it.”

  “I did?” she asked, keeping her voice monotone.

  “You came pretty hard, baby, you can’t hide that from me. I could feel it.”

  Her face heated. “Don’t.”

  “Don’t because you want to pretend that you’re just a sweet, good girl? We both know you aren’t.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Xander. Assuming I care about being good. I don’t. I never have. I just cared about hiding. I’ve never needed to be good, and I think if I had, I wouldn’t have given you my virginity on the floor of a cave.”

  “Then maybe our marriage will be a success, agape, because if neither of us care about being good, then we might have a lot of fun.”

  “More fun like that, you mean?” she asked, her tone disdainful.

  “Yes,” he said, “that’s exactly what I mean.” He hauled her against him for a kiss, his lips hard on hers. “And don’t play wounded maiden with me. It doesn’t suit you.”

  “What? All my wounds aren’t convincing enough for you?”

  He released his hold on her. “Whatever
the hell your problem is? Get over it. I expect sex in my marriage and since you don’t want me to have it with anyone else, I’ll damn sure have it with you. Unlike you, running off into celibacy isn’t my style.”

  “You are...you are...”

  “Sexy?”

  “Your ego is...”

  “Yeah, I know. But I don’t need ego in this instance. I know just how much you enjoyed that, so let’s just skip this part.”

  She gritted her teeth. “I believe I’m the one who suggested that in the first place.”

  “So we’ll continue with it then.”

  Layna dressed, careful not to look at Xander as she did, then headed out of the cave and into the sunlight. It was shocking that it was still midday. Shocking that the world seemed so normal outside while everything inside of her was rearranged to the point where she couldn’t find a damn thing!

  And, yes, damn again. She blamed Xander for her expanding vocabulary. Not that she hadn’t known the words, just that she hadn’t seen fit to use them until he’d come back into her life.

  “For what it’s worth,” Xander said, his voice coming from behind her, “I do feel better.”

  “I think I might find that offensive.”

  “Don’t,” he said. “Because usually I feel worse when it’s over, and I don’t. Even after we’ve had a fight. Actually, I think I like that we had a fight.”

  “Why?” she asked, incredulous now.

  “Because we talked. And I don’t want to leave it on a fight because sometimes, you never get a chance to repair it when it’s over.”

  Her heart squeezed. “I suppose that’s true.”

  “A truce, then?”

  She didn’t really know how she felt about a truce with the man she’d just had sex with. She didn’t know how she felt at all.

  He stuck his hand out, as though she was meant to shake it and all she could do was stare. “A truce?” she repeated, sounding dumb.