The Sam Gunn Omnibus

by Ben Bova

  “No.”

  “Not Jill?”

  Smiling, Jade said, “I want you to meet Minerva La Guerre.”

  “Never heard of her.”

  “She’s heard of you,” Jade said.

  He shrugged. “Okay. Lunch tomorrow. Where?”

  “In her hotel suite. I’ll set it up.”

  “High noon,” he said.

  “You’ll answer my questions then?”

  Another shrug. “We’ll see.”

  JADE GAVE SAM a swift peck on his cheek, surprising him so thoroughly that he stood there with his mouth hanging open while she ducked into her apartment and locked the door behind her. She leaned against the door, breathless. He’s my father! Jade told herself. I know it. I can feel it.

  With a glance at the security screen by the door she saw that Sam

  was slowly walking back up the corridor, in the direction they had come from.

  Her insides trembling,Jade walked uncertainly to her desk. She sat tiredly on the spindly little wheeled chair and stared at the phone’s blank display screen. Then she nodded, her mind made up, and phoned Jill Meyers. After that, she called the Beryllium Blonde.

  JENNIFER MARLOWE WAS smiling with lots of brilliant white teeth, but Jade thought her eyes betrayed her true feelings: the Blonde was tense, wary, suspicious.

  Jill Meyers was the epitome of graciousness as she led Marlowe and Jade across the sitting room of her suite and into the small dining area next to the kitchen and the waiting robots. Jade followed behind them.

  “You know,” Jill was saying, “I was asked to serve on the panel of judges when Sam was being tried for genocide.”

  “You were?” the Blonde said, her cornflower blue eyes taking in every stick of furniture, every sparkle of jewelry that J ill wore.

  “I declined,” Jill said, gesturing to one of the chairs. “I was too emotionally involved.”

  “You would have voted to acquit Sam.”

  Jill laughed. “I would have voted to have him hanged. Before the first witness was called.”

  Marlowe giggled appreciatively as she sat demurely on the chair Jill indicated. Even in zippered-up coveralls of baby blue, Jade thought, she couldn’t help looking like a sexy centerfold model.

  Once the three of them were seated and the serving robot had brought them glasses of fruit juice, Jill said, “This meeting is Jade’s idea. Sam’s going to be here in half an hour, so I suggest we get down to brass tacks.”

  La Marlowe turned to Jade. “And just what do you hope to accomplish, Ms. Inconnu?”

  It’s Mrs. Johansen, Jade corrected silendy. But she let it go. Aloud, she replied, “Two things: I want you to drop your suit against Sam, and I want Sam to marry Jill.”

  If either point surprised the Blonde she didn’t show it.

  “How do you propose to do that?” she asked.

  “I’ll need your help.”

  Jill broke in, “Off the record, is there any real basis for your suit? I mean, I’ve known Sam longer than both of you combined and I’ve never heard him utter the word ‘marriage.’“

  Marlowe smiled enigmatically. “I have it all on disk. Sam promised to marry me.”

  “Disks can be faked,” Jade said.

  “This one has been authenticated,” Marlowe said calmly.

  “By whom?”

  “By two separate and independent teams of analysts.”

  “Hired by your law firm?”

  Smiling again, with even more teeth, Marlowe said, “Why, Ms. Inconnu, that would be unethical, wouldn’t it?”

  “How much?” asked Jill.

  Jade was surprised by the question. Marlowe simply widened her smile slightly.

  “How much do you want to drop your suit?” Jill asked. She looked slightly irritated, Jade thought.

  “You’re a very wealthy woman,” said Marlowe. “Old money is the best kind.”

  “How much?”

  “I’m sure a jury would award me ten million, at least.”

  Before Jill could reply, Jade said, “Wait a minute. There’s something else involved here.”

  “Something else?”

  “What?”

  Jade said, “Sam’s up to something. He—”

  “He’s always up to something,” said Marlowe.

  “So what else is new?” Jill quipped.

  “Why is he trying to get control of the orchestra?” Jill asked. “I mean, Sam doesn’t do things like that without some ulterior motive.”

  Both the women nodded agreement.

  “I wonder what he’s really up to,” Jade murmured.

  Jill grinned. “It must be something convoluted, knowing Sam.”

  Marlowe said, “Whatever it is, he still has to deal with my breach of promise suit before he does anything else.”

  A silence fell upon them. Jade realized that Jill hadn’t pursued her offer of settling Marlowe’s suit, not since the sum of ten million dollars had been mentioned. That’s how old money keeps its money, Jade thought. Philanthropy goes only so far.

  “Why does he want the orchestra?” Jade wondered again.

  “Ask him when he gets here,” said Jill Meyers.

  “If he shows up,” Marlowe said. “I wouldn’t put it past him to pull another disappearing act.”

  “But he promised me!” Jade protested.

  Both the other women stared at her. Marlowe said, “How can you be so naive? You’ve done all this biographical research about Sam and you still think—”

  The doorbell chimed.

  For an instant none of them moved. Then Jill said to the suite’s communications system, “Display entry hall, please.”

  A misty Japanese landscape on the far wall of the dining alcove dissolved into an image of Sam Gunn out in the entry hall. He was fidgeting nervously and whistling something too low for Jade to make out.

  “Hey, is anybody home?” he shouted. “Have I got the right room number?”

  Jade pushed away from the table and sprinted toward the door. He could be halfway down the corridor by the time I get there, she worried.

  But when she slid the door open, Sam Gunn was standing there, in slightly faded coveralls, a lopsided gap-toothed grin on his round, freckled face.

  “There you are,” he said. “I was starting to worry.”

  “It’s a big suite,” Jade began to explain, “and we were back in—”

  But Sam was looking past her. Turning, Jade saw that the Blonde was standing in the middle of the spacious living room.

  “You!” Sam gasped.

  “Hello, Sam,” said the Blonde. Then she added, “Darling.”

  Turning back to Jade, Sam growled, “You’ve led me into a trap! How could you?”

  “It’s not a trap, Sam,” Jade said, struggling to keep the tremor out of her voice.

  “You can’t hide from me forever,” Marlowe said, moving toward Sam like a cobra slithering toward its prey and sliding an arm in his. For his part, Sam stood there open-mouthed and wide-eyed like a paralyzed mongoose.

  Jade cleared her throat. “Um, Sam, there’s someone else I want you to meet.”

  Jill Meyers entered the room, smiling almost shyly. “Hello, Sam.”

  “My God!” Sam blurted. “I’m surrounded by assassins!”

  But he disengaged from La Marlowe and went to Jill with open arms. “I thought so! I knew Minerva La Guerre had to be a phony name!”

  “And you came anyway?”

  “Sure,” Sam said carelessly. “Why not?”

  He gave Jill a hug; then, with Jill on one arm and Marlowe on the other, he grinned at Jade and asked, “So what’s this all about?”

  “You promised to marry me,” said Marlowe.

  “You’ve promised to marry me,” Jill Meyers said, “several times.”

  “I never spoke the word ‘marriage’ to either of you and you both know it.”

  “I have you on disk, Sam,” Marlowe said.

  “Yeah, along with Godzilla, King Kong, and the Em
peror Ming of Mongo.”

  “You agreed to marry me, Sam,” Jill repeated.

  The Blonde insisted, “I’ve got authenticated evidence—”

  Jade wished she had a referee’s whistle hanging around her neck. She raised both her hands and shouted, “Wait! Hang on for a minute. This is getting us nowhere.”

  Sam disengaged his arms and bowed politely to her. “And just where do want us to go, Oh most beautiful of producers?”

  Jade pointed to the long, low-slung sofa against the wall. “You sit there, please.” Turning to Marlowe, “And you there, on the armchair.”

  “And me?” Jill Meyers asked.

  “This armchair, on the other side of the sofa.”

  Once they were seated, Sam looked up Jade with a pleasant smile. “Okay, we’re all in our places with bright shining faces. Now what?”

  Jade replied, “Sam, you promised me that you’d tell me why you’re so interested in the Selene Philharmonic.”

  “I never promised.”

  “Yes you did.”

  “Did not.”

  Jade began to fire another retort, then she realized, No, the little scamp never did promise. He implied that he’d tell me, but he never promised.

  “You’re right, Sam. You didn’t promise. I apologize.”

  “But he promised to marry me,” Marlowe said, as firmly as a judge pronouncing sentence on a doomed prisoner.

  “Okay,” Sam said lightly. “I’ll marry you.”

  “Oh no you don’t!” Jill Meyers snapped. “If you marry anybody, Sam Gunn, it’s going to be me. I’ve waited too long and been left at the altar too many times to let you go off with ... with this ... with anybody else.”

  Smiling as benignly as a saint painted by Raphael, Sam said, “Don’t worry, Jill, I’ll marry you. Honest.” “You can’t marry both of us!” Marlowe said.

  Sam raised two fingers. “You forget, people, that there are two of me. My duplicate is out at the black hole in the Kuiper Belt, but I can call him back. He’ll be overjoyed to make you his wife, Jennifer. I know, believe me.”

  “Your duplicate! I don’t want a duplicate. I want the original Sam Gunn.”

  Spreading his arms in a gesture that might, in another man, have indicated helplessness, Sam said, “But which of us is the original? We have the same physical makeup, down to the quantum vibrations of our atoms. We have the same memories, the same personality. Take your pick. For crying out loud, neither one of us knows who’s the original and who’s the copy.”

  Marlowe gaped at him, her startling blue eyes wide.

  Jill laughed. “I’ll take either one. Whichever I can get.”

  Laughing back at her, Sam said, “Atta girl! That’s my Jill.”

  Marlowe sank back in her armchair, silent, looking confused.

  “What’s the matter, Jen?” Sam asked. “You can have your dream come true. You can marry me. We’ll live happily ever after, more or less.”

  The Beryllium Blonde slowly shook her head. “I don’t want either one of you!” She rose to her feet, her face a mask of frustrated anger.

  “All right, Sam. You win. I’ll drop the suit; fat lot of good it would do me if one of you is willing to go through with a wedding.”

  She turned and headed for the front door.

  “Ms. Marlowe!” Jill called to her.

  The Blonde stopped, but didn’t turn around.

  To her back, Jill Meyers said, “Ten million is way too much. But I’ll send you one million. You’ve earned that much in aggravation, I imagine.”

  The Blonde turned and said, “Thank you,” through gritted teeth. Then she marched to the door and left.

  Once the door slid shut, Jill broke into delighted laughter. “Talk about chutzpa! Your twin would marry her! How could you say that, Sam?”

  “Because he’s exactly like me. He’d marry her and they’d have a terrific honeymoon. I wouldn’t give you much of a chance for afterward, though.”

  Jade sank into the armchair that the Blonde had vacated.

  Sam turned to her. “Okay. La Marlowe has left the field of battle and I’ve surrendered to my beloved Jill. Is there any other business?”

  “Beloved Jill?” Meyers murmured, delighted.

  “Yeah,” said Sam. “After all these years, you still want me?”

  Jade was surprised to see tears in Jill Meyers’s eyes.

  “Yes, I still want you, Sam. I love you.”

  “I can’t imagine why,” he bantered. “But, for what it’s worth, I love you too, Jill.”

  She leaped out of her chair and onto Sam’s lap. Jade felt her cheeks flush as they kissed passionately.

  Sam at last came up for air. His face looked red, too. “Okay, kid,” he said to Jade. “I guess that wraps up everything with a nice blue ribbon.”

  “Um, not quite,” Jade said, almost in a whisper.

  “What? You want to know about the orchestra?”

  “That, and—”

  Sam didn’t give her a chance to finish. “Okay, I’ll tell you. But it’s strictly between us, right?”

  Among us, Jade corrected silently.

  With Jill still on his lap, Sam explained, “If that committee of bluenoses lets me take control of the orchestra, I’ll appoint Satay as its musical director. Then he can apply for citizenship in Selene and get it.”

  “He wants citizenship here?” Jade asked.

  “And Selene won’t allow him in?” asked Jill Meyers.

  “Selene’s very strict about awarding citizenship,” Sam answered. “Otherwise they’d have a horde of refugees streaming here.”

  “But Satay’s a famous musician,” said Jade.

  “And you’re a judge of the International Court,” Sam countered. “Have you applied for citizenship?”

  “No,” Jill admitted.

  “If you did, you’d find out how tough they can be.” Stroking her back gently, Sam went on, “Fortunately, you’re going to marry a Selenite. That’ll make you a citizen automatically.”

  Jill kissed him on the cheek.

  Sam cocked a brow at her. “Say, is that why you want to marry me? To get citizenship here?”

  Before Jade could blink, Jill pulled both Sam’s ears hard enough to make him yowl.

  “Okay, okay,” he yelped. “I was only kidding!”

  “Wait a minute!” Jade interrupted. “Back up! Why is it important to you to appoint Satay the leader of the Philharmonic?”

  “Like you said, kid, he’s a famous musician.”

  “There’s got to be more to it than that.”

  “He wants to get away from the Indonesian government,” Sam said, “and their taxes.”

  Jade considered that for a moment, then asked, “And what do you get out of it, Sam?”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you. There’s something in this for you, isn’t there?”

  “Child, you cut me to the quick.”

  “Knock it off, Sam,” Jill Meyers said. “What’s cooking in that twisted mind of yours?”

  “Gosh, you people are so suspicious!”

  Jade suddenly understood. “Satay has a considerable fortune, doesn’t he? Family money that he’ll bring to Selene with him.”

  “I suppose,” Sam replied, trying to look innocent.

  “And if you help him gain citizenship, he’ll be grateful to you, won’t he?”

  Sam nodded, then admitted, “He’ll also be grateful to Jill.”

  “To me?”

  “For marrying me. Then I won’t be a danger to his daughter anymore.”

  “Ah-ha,” Jill said.

  “How will his daughter feel about that?” Jade asked.

  Sam shrugged, not an easy thing to do with Jill still on his lap. “She’s young. She’ll find somebody. Besides, she doesn’t have control of the money.”

  “And just what do you intend to do with Satay’s money?” Jade demanded.

  “The matter duplicator,” said Jill. “I should have thought of it before this.”


  “Matter transmitter,” Sam corrected. “I’ve sworn off duplicating things. Or people.”

  “Two Sam Gunns are enough to make an honest man of you?”

  Sam waggled his free hand. “More or less.”

  “Matter transmitter,” Jade murmured.

  “You bet. If the Indonesian government tries to keep Satay’s money in Indonesia,” Sam explained, “I’ll be able to zap most of it here to Selene.”

  “Once you get a matter transmitter working,” said Jade.

  “If you get a matter transmitter working,” Jill corrected.

  “It’ll work,” Sam assured them.

  “But Professor Townes is out in the Kuiper Belt with the other Sam, isn’t he?” Jade said.

  “So what? He proved that a matter transmitter can work. Now any bright team of kids can duplicate his results.”

  “If they’re real,” Jill muttered.

  Sam gave her a hurt look. “They’re real, Oh love of my life. We’ll produce a matter transmitter and turn Selene into the greatest tax haven in the solar system.”

  “Is that all you can imagine doing with a matter transmitter?” Jade asked.

  His expression turned crafty. “Well, I’ve gotta admit that another thing or two has crossed my mind.”

  Jill giggled. “I’ll bet.”

  “It ought to make transportation through the solar system a lot easier,” Sam mused.

  “And cheaper?” asked Jill.

  Sam pursed his lips, then answered, “You’ve got to pay for the energy, honey. It takes a lot of energy to zap a mass even my size across a laboratory.”

  “You blacked out half of Selene doing it.”

  “So we’ll build big fusion power plants,” Jill said. “You could get rich, Sam.”

  “With my looks and your brains,” he said to Jill, “the whole solar system is our oyster!”

  Jill laughed and kissed him lightly.

  “Okay,” Sam said, turning to Jade. “Does that clear up everything for you?”

  Suddenly Jade’s throat felt dry, so tight she could hardly speak. “Almost,” she choked out.

  “What else?” Sam asked.

  Jade had to swallow hard before she could say, “I... Sam, I think you’re my father.”

  For long moments the room was absolutely silent. Jill, sitting on Sam’s lap, stared at Jade. Sam, for once in his life, seemed dumbfounded. His hazel eyes were wide, his mouth hung open.