Spirit of Love

by Duncan, Alice

  The ghost seemed to waver and shrink. For a second, Ash’s heart soared because he thought he’d finally discovered how to get rid of it without going through the hard part. Unfortunately, Dev came back again after only a moment. “It’s not that easy.”

  “No? You keep telling me it’s that easy.”

  “Aye. But you’re still alive.”

  “So what?”

  “So, you have an opportunity to tell her now while it’ll do you some good. I—ah—had a wee bit of trouble getting the words out when I was alive.”

  Ash huffed indignantly. “And you don’t think I do? For God’s sake, Dev, Phoebe about killed me!”

  “Don’t I know it. But you see, I never quite got around to declarin’ myself while I was alive.”

  “You’ve told Maybelle you love her since you died, haven’t you?”

  “Er, not exactly.”

  “What do you mean, not exactly?”

  Dev swooped around in an agitated circle that Ash found difficult to keep up with “She won’t listen to me, is what I mean! Every time I try to proclaim my everlasting love to her, she throws something at me!”

  “Ha.” Ash couldn’t help it. He remembered Maybelle heaving shoes at him and Georgina the day he met the train, thought about how the old witch would probably have an even better time heaving things at her dead lover who never quite got around to telling her he loved her, and laughed.

  Dev eyed him coldly. “It’s not funny, boyo.”

  It was, too. Ash finally managed to choke down his guffaws, but he had to wipe his eyes.

  “So you’d better get on with it,” Dev said, still fairly chilly. “I’ll hover around and direct you.”

  “Lord.” Ash wasn’t looking forward to that particular threat being fulfilled. “I reckon I have to do it, if that’s the only way to get rid of you.”

  “It is.”

  “But it’s not fair. After I talk to Georgina, you’ve got to talk to Maybelle,”

  “I’ve talked until I’m blue, and the woman won’t listen.”

  Ash peered at the ghost of Devlin O’Rourke and thinned his gaze. “You know something, Dev?”

  “What?” Dev swooped back up to his oak branch.

  “I think you’re as scared as I am to say the words.”

  “Me? Never!”

  “You wouldn’t say them in life,” Ash pointed out reasonably.

  “Aye, perhaps, but I know better now. I’ve tried since I died, and she won’t listen.”

  “Try again today. She might change her mind when she knows I’m talking to Georgina.”

  “I don’t know, Ash . . .”

  Waffling. This was pure, cowardly waffling on the ghost’s part, and Ash resented it “Dammit, I’m willing to tell Georgina I love her.” He shuddered, a reaction that had become automatic to him in recent years whenever he thought about the word love. “It’s not fair to expect me to do something you’re afraid to do yourself. Criminy, Dev! You’re a ghost! What can Maybelle do to a ghost?”

  “You don’t know Maybelle.’’ Dev sounded gloomier than ever.

  “I know her well enough to understand your reluctance,” Ash conceded. “But I’m not going to let you get away with this, Devlin O’Rourke, because it’s not fair. It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to Maybelle. Hell’s bells, man, if what I understand is true, you’ve loved her for years. Why in blazes did you wait so long to tell her?”

  The ghost turned his head and muttered something that made the oak leaves flutter.

  Ash said, “I didn’t hear you.”

  Dev’s head whipped around again. “Because you’re right. I’m a damned coward, is why. Because I allowed one woman to rule my behavior for the rest of my life, even though she’d been dead for years before I even met Maybelle! I allowed Laurinda O’Dell to color my perception of all women. In fact, I’m just like you!”

  A protest trembled on the tip of Ash’s tongue until he realized the ghost’s assessment was correct. Dammit, he hated it when things like that happened. “Well, now’s your chance, because I’m not going up there to make a fool of myself in front of three women without you there too.” Something occurred to him “They know about you, don’t they?”

  “Of course they do.”

  “Shoot. No wonder Georgina looked so sick the first few weeks she was here.”

  “If you’re sayin’ I made the woman sick, I’ll take it amiss, Ashley Barrett.”

  Ash cast a glance at the heavens. “No, no, no. I’m only saying that meeting you for the first time is an unsettling experience.”

  Dev squinted at him for a moment, but at last appeared mollified. Ash wasn’t going to let him off the hook, however.

  “I mean it, Dev. You’re going to that house with me, and you’re going to tell Maybelle exactly how you feel about her. Fair’s fair.”

  “Ach! You’re a hard man, Ash Barrett.”

  Immediately Ash’s thoughts turned to Georgina. Before he had time to stop himself, he murmured, “Not at the moment, I’m not.” When he realized what he’d said he blushed for the second time in twenty years.

  Dev laughed. “Jay-sus, you’ve got it bad, boyo. I suppose I’d better go with you to make sure you don’t botch it up.”

  A protest bounced around in Ash’s brain before he decided not to bother voicing it. If he did, they might be here all day, and he wanted to get this over with and get on with his life.

  In the end, Ash walked to the Murphy house with his heart hammering out a funeral dirge in his chest and Dev floating along overhead. He couldn’t recall ever being this scared and nervous. Not even when he was in the Dakotas chasing Indians and knowing his life might be blasted out of his body any second had he been this scared and nervous.

  He knocked almost timidly. The door whooshed open so fast he uttered a quick “Damn!”

  “Are you still here?”

  Maybelle held the shotgun and looked mean enough to use it.

  Ash frowned at her. “You aren’t going to need that, Miss Maybelle. I need to speak to Georgina for a minute.”

  “She doesn’t want to speak to you. Go away.”

  “Listen, Miss Maybelle, I need to talk to her. Just for a second or two. It won’t take long.”

  “Christ, man, don’t say that. You want these women to think you’re going to spend the whole rest of your life making everything up to Georgina.”

  “Making what up to her? What have I ever done to her?”

  “You seduced her you son of a bitch! If you don’t remember that, I’ll be damned if I’ll let you talk to her now!” Maybelle pulled the lever on the gun, and Ash heard a round chunk into place in the chamber.

  “No! No, I didn’t mean that!” Damn, he wished Dev would go away.

  “You’re goin’ about this all wrong, Ash.” Dev was obviously annoyed with him.

  The ghost’s annoyance was nothing compared to Ash’s. “Dammit, shut up.”

  “Don’t you tell me to shut up, you lousy, two-bit, good-for-nothing scoundrel!”

  “Not you, Miss Maybelle. I didn’t mean you.” Ash raked his hand through his hair and wished he were dead.

  Maybelle squinted into the sun above Ash’s head. “Oh. Is it Dev? Is that pesky damned ghost bothering you?”

  Thank God she understood that much, at least. “Yes.” Ash felt so relieved, he almost managed a smile. “Yes, Dev’s been talking to me”

  “Is that why you were out there swinging your arms around and acting like a lunatic?”

  Hmm. Ash wasn’t sure he appreciated Maybelle’s assessment of his prior behavior, no matter how accurate it was “Yes.” He sucked in a huge breath. “Now may I please talk to Georgina?”

  Maybelle thought for about three seconds. Then she said, “No,” and slammed the door in Ash’s face for the second time that day.

  He stood there, staring at the door, an unremarkable piece of carpentry, and felt at a complete loss. Now what? iI he knocked again, the same thing would happen—if, o
f course, Maybelle didn’t decide to blow a hole through him instead.

  He glared up at Dev. “All right. What am I supposed to do now?”

  “Let me think a minute.”

  Dev thought. Ash waited. Dev thought some more. After about two or three minutes—they felt like two or three hours—Ash heard Maybelle’s witchy voice through the keyhole.

  “Get the hell off my front porch, Ash Barrett, or I’ll shoot you off of it!”

  “Good God.”

  Perceiving no real alternative, since he had no particular wish to die even if Georgina never agreed to see him again—no matter what Dev thought—Ash went down the porch steps. He walked over to Shiloh and stroked his neck. He presumed Dev was still thinking. As for Ash, he was all thought out. He didn’t know what to do. As much as he hated himself for making two gigantic mistakes in one short lifetime, he loved Georgina Witherspoon. There was no getting away from it.

  And maybe Dev was right. Maybe Georgina wasn’t like Phoebe.

  Oh, hell, Ash knew she wasn’t. He supposed his reluctance to snatch her up and marry her was that he feared she might one day turn on him. That’s what Phoebe had done. She’d waited until she had him locked up right and tight, and then she’d shown him her true colors. According to Dev, Georgina’s true colors were the same ones she showed to the world every day, but Ash didn’t quite dare believe it for fear he’ d tumble headlong into disaster again. He didn’t think he could stand to be so disillusioned in a person another time without cracking up.

  It galled him that he, a man of the law and a Texan, for the love of God, should be at the mercy of a tiny little female.

  “I don’t see any alternative, Ash. You’re going to have to do it outside.”

  Ash looked up to where Dev had taken to hovering once more. He’d sure be glad to get rid of him. Not that he hadn’t always liked Dev, but hell’s bells, liking the living man was a whole lot different than putting up with the dead man’s ghost. He shook his head and decided he’d he very glad when his world stopped tilting sideways and got back to normal.

  “Do what outside?”

  “Tell, the woman what she means to you.”

  “How can I do that? If they won’t let me inside to talk to her, I can’t imagine she’d agree to come outside and talk to me.”

  Dev eyed Ash as if he were the slowest student in class. “Pisht, you’re a knothead, Ash Barrett. Odd how I never noticed it until now.”

  Ash was not amused. He glared at the ghost.

  “What you’ve got to do is declare yourself from out here. They aren’t going to let you do it any other way.”

  Ash blinked at Dev. “You mean holler at her? What kind of god-awful, cockeyed notion is that? I can’t stand outside and yell at her!”

  “And why not?”

  “Because . . . because . . .” Oh, hell.

  Ash thought. He knew he couldn’t do it, but the explanatory words weren’t on the tip of his tongue, and he couldn’t seem to locate them anywhere else in his head. At last he settled for, “Because it’s not . . . right. Or something.”

  “Hogwash. You’re a coward, is what’s the matter here.”

  “Confound it, Dev, quit calling me a coward!”

  “And why should I? It’s the truth.”

  “Damn.” Ash took a swipe at the ghost of Devlin O’Rourke and nearly got his hand frozen for his effort. Criminy, the substance of the ghost was cold.

  “You’re being nonsensical, Ash. Just stand under a window and bellow. Why not? The only folks who’ll hear you are the three ladies inside the house, and they already hate your guts. What’s a little disturbance going to matter?”

  “What’s it going to matter?” Ash could hardly believe his ears. “I’ll humiliate myself beyond redemption, is what! What’s the matter with you, anyway?”

  “Nothing that doing what you’re going to do wouldn’t solve in a minute, if Maybelle would only listen to me and reciprocate.”

  There they were. Apparently there was nothing like dying with unacknowledged love to block one’s passage into the hereafter. Well, hell. Ash stroked Shiloh’s neck another few times. Then he looked back at the house, scowling. Finally he eyed Dev. Hard. “Oh, very well. I reckon they already think I’m crazy.”

  “Sure, and it’s a likely thing.”

  Ash resented Dev’s agreement in this particular instance. Nevertheless, before he could talk himself into some sense, he walked back over to the house. In fact, he walked around the house, trying to determine where the best hollering site might be. Ultimately, he opted for the front porch, right smack in front of the door. If Maybelle aimed to shoot him, he didn’t want her to miss a vital organ. Far better he die at once and get it over with than linger in agony for days.

  He positioned himself squarely, legs apart, arms at his sides. He removed his hat, just in case—well, he didn’t know why, but he did. He licked his lips. He cleared his throat. He wiped his hands on his britches and cupped them around his mouth.

  “God damn it, Georgina, I love you!”

  “Jay-sus,” Dev muttered behind him.

  Hmm. All right, so that didn’t sound awfully loverlike. Ash tried again. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you!”

  That was better. Behind him, Dev snorted. Ash drew his eyebrows together in a frown of concentration. Was he supposed to say more than that?

  Aw, hell, this wasn’t fair.

  He wiped his hands again, cupped his mouth, and bellowed, “I don’t want to live without you! I love you! I want to marry you.”

  Since he’d run out of breath, he paused. He heard not a peep from inside the house. Damn.

  “Keep going, boyo. Keep it up until her heart melts.”

  “It’s more likely that Maybelle will shoot me off her front porch,” Ash muttered, feeling sorely aggrieved.

  Dev only laughed.

  Ash gulped more air, and then gathered his strength for the next yelling segment. “I know I made a mess of things yesterday, Georgina! That’s because I was scared! I kept thinking you were going to ruin my life like Phoebe did!”

  He stopped. Dev swooped down and hovered in front of his face. “Keep going, you blasted fool! You can’t just leave her like that. You’ve got to tell her why you don’t think so any longer.”

  “But I’m not sure I don’t think so any longer!”

  “Jay-sus! You’re either as stupid as a rock or as stubborn as a mule, Ash Barrett! If you don’t think it’s the truth, then lie, for the love of Christ!”

  Feeling abused and mistreated, Ash guessed he might as well. Hell, he’d already made a bigger ass of himself than he could ever remember, doing. “Georgina! I know you’re not like Phoebe! She was a good-for-nothing flibbertigibbet. You’re not! You’re . . . you’re useful! You can cook!” More or less. Well, hell, she was trying. Ash supposed that was the important part. “You can make butter! You can you can . . .” Aw, hell, what else could she do?”

  “She can disarm bandits single-handed,” Dev suggested.

  Good one. “You can disarm bandits!” Ash shouted. “I know you don’t need me! But I need you! Do you hear me? I need you!”

  Suddenly someone inside the house yanked a curtain aside and pushed wide open a window to his left. He held his breath until Georgina’s pretty head appeared, then he released the breath in a gust. He honestly didn’t want Maybelle to shoot him.

  “What in the world are you shouting for, Ashley Barrett? Haven’t you done enough damage already?”

  “Damage?” Well, he liked that! “Confound it, Georgina, didn’t you bear what I said?’’

  “How could I help but hear what you said? You shouted it to the whole neighborhood!”

  As the whole neighborhood consisted of the Murphy farm, a bunch of trees and a few chickens and horses and cows, Ash didn’t think her point was at all valid, although he wasn’t going to argue about it now. “Listen, Georgina, I love you. I love you, and I want to marry you.”

  She squinted
at him as if he were something vile and despicable that had taken up residence on her front porch without anyone’s permission—a poisonous mushroom or a toad or a rattlesnake, perhaps. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

  Aw, hell. Trust a woman.

  “Make her believe you, boyo, or you’ll never know another moment’s peace.”

  Ash gritted his teeth. “Why? You gonna haunt me to death?”

  “Pisht! I mean you’ll regret it if you lose her, boy! You know it’s true.”

  “I guess so.”

  “You guess what?” Georgina looked and sounded aggravated.

  “I guess I love you! I guess I’ll be miserable if you don’t agree to marry me! I guess I’m sorry about yesterday! Not because we went to bed together. That part was wonderful. I’m sorry I spoiled it by remembering my marriage. Dammit, Georgina, you don’t know what it was like!”

  Ignoring the last part of his speech, which Ash figured he should have expected, Georgina seized upon the first part. “What do you mean, you guess you love me, Ashley Barrett? You either do or you don’t, and if you can’t make up your mind, I think we might as well terminate this conversation right now!”

  She reached out, Ash presumed to pull the window closed, but he got there first and damned near broke the glass stopping her. As it was she caught his hand between the two frames.

  “Ow! Dammit, Georgina, you’re squashing my hand!”

  “Want me to shoot him, honey?”

  Great. There was Maybelle, holding that shotgun, her bird-of-prey eyes sparkling like polished obsidian, and looking as if the greatest pleasure in her life would be shooting Ash. He gave her a murderous scowl, which had about as much effect as anything ever did on Maybelle Murphy.

  “Oh, Mother! Please don’t shoot the sheriff! I’m sure the law takes a very dim view of such things!”

  Good old Vernice. Ash really appreciated her. Georgina finally relented and pushed the window open enough for Ash to withdraw his hand from between the two sides. He shook it hard, wondering if he’d ever recover full use of it. The woman was dangerous.

  “Please, Georgina,” he said, willing to do as Dev had told him to do and beg if it would help. “I mean it. I do love you. When you said you wouldn’t marry me, I almost died.”