Courting Hope

by Jenna Mindel

  “Sure.” The tandem response from the girls didn’t lack enthusiasm. They’d had Shannon’s homemade chocolate chip cookies before.

  Hope fetched the box of bulletin copies and Sinclair’s outlined message insert. She stationed the girls at Shannon’s desk since she’d left for the day and put them to work folding and stuffing. “Like this, see?”

  The girls nodded and grabbed for the goods.

  Hope watched them fold and stuff the first few copies, making sure they knew what they were doing.

  “When did we get new employees?” Sinclair stood near Hope’s desk with his hands on hips, an exaggerated stern look on his face. “I didn’t approve any new hires.”

  Both girls giggled.

  Hope smiled. “Pastor Sinclair, these are Dorrie Cavanaugh’s girls.” She touched each one’s head. “This is Hannah, and this is Grace. They’re here to volunteer.”

  “Oh, well, that’s different. Volunteers are special.” Sinclair bowed with a flourish, making the girls giggle again. “Pleased to meet you both. Is Miss Hope working you too hard?”

  “She gives us fun jobs.” Grace spoke in a lisp through her missing teeth.

  “And cookies,” Hannah added.

  Sinclair gave Hope a smile. “She’s a smart lady.”

  Hannah nodded. “Yup. Mom says Miss Hope is the best kept secret in northern Michigan.”

  “Your mom is right about that.” Sinclair gave Hope a smile that zapped those butterflies back to life with a vengeance. “And I better let you two get to work.”

  Hope followed Sinclair to the kitchen so she could fetch the promised snack. “You don’t mind if they’re here, do you?”

  “No. Not at all, as long as they don’t bother you.”

  Did that mean interfere with her work? “They live in that old mobile home across the hayfield. I’ve got all kinds of odd jobs to keep them busy when they stop in.”

  Sinclair studied her. “It’s not your responsibility to watch them.”

  Hope had told him about these girls the other day at lunch, and he still didn’t get it. He didn’t see their need.

  “I feel better knowing they’re all right. This is their first summer home alone. Their mom calls them often to check in, but I want them to know it’s okay to come here if they need anything.”

  He smiled at her. A sweet, soft kind of smile. “You take care of everyone, don’t you?”

  She squared her shoulders, not sure if he was complimenting her or if he meant that she was a pathetic sucker. “Aren’t we supposed to take care of each other? The church body and all that?”

  “Yeah, we are.”

  She was caught by the tender look in his eyes. She couldn’t make her feet move, even though her brain warned her to turn tail and run. There were so many snares for her when it came to Sinclair.

  “Miss Hope? We ran out of inserts.” Hannah stood in the doorway.

  “No problem. I’ve got more. Come on, I’ll show you where.” Hope herded the girl back to the office without a backward glance.

  * * *

  By the end of the day, Hope hadn’t decided how to tell her parents that she planned to go to Eva Marsh’s engagement party. She was an adult, but she might as well be back in high school, waiting for that right moment to ask for permission to go to a party after a football game.

  Driving home, she mentally ran through her list of logical reasons not to tell them anything. She was twenty-seven and had the right to some privacy. They were going downstate to a farm equipment auction anyway. She should simply tell her folks that she was going out and leave it at that in case they called. She didn’t like to make anyone worry.

  Still in her work clothes, Hope plopped on the living room couch and grabbed the TV remote. Turning to the local news, she figured she’d let tomorrow night’s weather forecast confirm her decision. If it was going to rain, she might stay home.

  Her mother came into the room with a small suitcase in hand. “Your dad and I are heading out. I left the number of the hotel by the phone if you need anything.”

  Now was her chance to say something, but Hope only nodded. “I’ll be fine. When will you be back?”

  “Sunday.” Her mother’s chin lifted slightly.

  “Good for you.” Hope was glad her folks weren’t going to spend another year grieving at home. And they wouldn’t be around Saturday night.

  “You’ll be okay here alone?” her mom asked.

  Hope spotted her father in the doorway, looking concerned and almost as guilty as her mom for going away. “Of course I’ll be okay. Tomorrow night, I’m going to an engagement party.”

  When her mother’s brow furrowed, Hope bounced up and gave her mom a hug before she could ask any questions. “Go and have a nice weekend away. You both deserve it.”

  “Don’t forget to feed the horses. I dropped hay for the beef cattle that should last all weekend.”

  Hope gave her dad a hug, too. “I’ll take care of it.”

  Her parents looked hesitant, but Hope shooed them with her hands. “Go. Go. I’ll be fine.”

  After exchanged looks of relief, her parents left, leaving behind a quiet house.

  Hope slumped back onto the couch and the dog jumped up next to her. She scratched behind Gypsy’s ear. “Looks like it’s you and me this weekend.”

  The dog’s tongue lolled out the side of her mouth, and then she butted her head under Hope’s hand, wanting more love.

  Hope laughed and gave in.

  With her folks out of town, did she really need to explain why she wanted to go to Eva Marsh’s engagement party? Hope didn’t fully understand herself. It had been hard enough answering her mother’s questions about why she’d gone to Traverse City with Sinclair. Her mom didn’t believe their meeting was work related or that lunch had been simply lunch. Her mother hadn’t complained about it though, nor had she looked a bit surprised.

  If her father knew about it, he hadn’t said anything.

  All Hope knew was that spending what would have been Sara’s twenty-fifth birthday at home was not an option for any of them. Not this year.

  * * *

  Saturday night, Hope parked her car on the road in front of the Marsh Orchards sign. It allowed for an early getaway. An easy one if needed. She breathed in the warm evening air. The grass had been cut earlier and its sweet earthy scent still smelled strong and fresh.

  It was the perfect kind of summer night with a balmy feel to the soft breeze that stirred her senses. This was the kind of night for romance, and longing spread through Hope. She wanted dates and flowers and candy.... If only the risk of heartache didn’t go along with all that.

  She spotted the big ball of orange sun hanging low in the hazy western sky and forced herself to think practical thoughts. It’d be a couple hours before dark. She’d stay only until then.

  Hope’s insides clenched as she walked up the Marsh family’s long driveway lined with cars. Spotting the cheerful farmhouse painted the color of ripe sweet cherries pinched her heart. It had been years since the last time she’d been here, and memories of Sara swirled through her mind.

  They’d played on the old wooden swing hanging from a huge maple tree in the front yard. She could even hear Sara’s squeals as she chased Ryan with water balloons during a Fourth of July picnic. Once upon a time, their families had been friends and attended the same church with a large youth group. She’d met Sinclair in that youth group.

  Memories of him crashed into her thoughts and took over. As a kid, she used to hang out with him on the porch to watch the sun go down or play catch in the yard. Sometimes, she had helped finish his chores so they could go for bike rides. The images were a flash flood of painful reminders of her shame. She used to follow him around like a puppy.

  Was she doing that again?
r />   Working with Sinclair was interesting and new, and she’d kept their bittersweet past, for the most part, in the past. But tonight was different. Time had somehow wound its way backward, and she couldn’t stop the images swirling in her mind or the feelings they conjured up.

  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Smoothing the front of the filmy summer dress she’d purchased in Toronto, Hope gathered her courage. She could leave now and no one would know.

  Too late. Rose Marsh intercepted her. “Hope, I’m so glad you came. And you look lovely.”

  She managed a wobbly, “Thank you. Thank you for the invite.”

  Rose stepped closer and touched her elbow. “You okay?”

  “There are so many memories here.” Hope blinked back sudden tears.

  “I know.” Rose gave her arm a comforting squeeze. “Hard to face sometimes, but we need to do it anyway.”

  Hope nodded.

  Rose had suffered, too, if those new lines etched around her eyes and mouth were any indication. She’d lost a future daughter-in-law, and Sinclair had taken off for Haiti with no clue when he’d return. And they’d sold their orchard.

  Hope pulled herself together. “Where do I go?”

  Rose smiled and then pointed. “At the start of the orchard, we’ve set up a big tent. Bathrooms are in the house and pole barn. You go on ahead. I have to grab more iced tea from the fridge.”

  “Need help?”

  “Nope, you go.” Rose smiled even wider, reminding her of Sinclair.

  Everything here reminded her of Sinclair—the boy and young man he used to be. But he’d changed. He was different at work. Would he be different here?

  Hope made her way toward the large white canopy tent that was positioned at the highest part of the sloping orchard with views of both lakes—Lake Leelanau and Lake Michigan just beyond. Tent poles were wound with white netting and white lights and clusters of wild daisies. Even though it’d be a while before the sky grew dark, the mood was already festive.

  The sound of people’s chatter mixed with the band warming up calmed her somewhat, but she felt far from relaxed. Stepping under the tent, she glanced around. Light hors d’oeuvres probably made by Sinclair’s aunt lay spread on a long table. Glass canisters of chilled lemonade and iced tea were melting in the heat. Glass bottles of soft drinks and other beverages were placed in metal tubs filled with ice.

  She spotted Sinclair surrounded by several women, some she recognized from high school. Again, that pinch to her heart made her question her presence. He wasn’t wearing his glasses tonight, and when he laughed, he looked like his carefree old self. Even more handsome, though.

  “Hope!” Eva Marsh waved.

  Sinclair’s sister nearly knocked her down with a hearty hug. “Wow, look at you. How are you?”

  Hope smiled. “I’m good. And you look so happy. You’re radiant.”

  “I am happy. Deliriously so.” Eva grabbed her hand. “Come with me. You have to meet Adam.”

  They wove their way through a throng of people, and Hope recognized Ryan Marsh before he saw her. He chuckled at something a shorter man had said. That man looked like he might have walked off the pages of a men’s fashion magazine. He was that strikingly handsome.

  When they stopped in front of him, Hope swallowed her surprise.

  “This is Adam Peece, my fiancé. Adam, this is Hope Petersen.”

  Hope shook Adam’s hand. He had the brightest blue eyes she’d ever seen. “Nice to meet you, and congratulations.”

  “Thanks. How do you know Eva?”

  Hope glanced at Ryan. His brow furrowed, and the stark pain she read in his eyes made Hope want to run away. Fast. “We grew up together.”

  “All of us did.” Eva looked at her brother with concern, like she’d momentarily forgotten and was sorry for dragging Hope along.

  Hope wished she could disappear. But she’d come tonight hoping for closure, and that meant some discomfort along the way. She looked at Ryan and smiled.

  “How’s it going, Hope?” Ryan asked.

  “Pretty good, and you?”

  “I have my days.”

  “I know.” There wasn’t much else she could say.

  Today had to be one of those days, maybe the worst kind of day. Ryan had to be thinking about Sara turning twenty-five. A sensitive guy like him wouldn’t forget, would he? Sara would have loved a party like this—outside at the end of a hot summer’s day. That was her sister in a nutshell, sunny and warm.

  And yet Ryan was here for Eva’s sake.

  “Excuse me.” Ryan gave Adam a nod and stepped away.

  Eva’s fiancé looked a little confused until understanding dawned. “Hope Petersen...you’re—”

  “Sara was my sister,” Hope said.

  “I’m so sorry,” Eva quickly added. “It’s still hard for him.”

  “Really, it’s fine.” But it wasn’t. It hurt. And Hope’s heart broke for Ryan. Obviously, he hadn’t moved on. But then, maybe she hadn’t, either. Not really.

  “I think it’s good for him to see you,” Adam said. “He tries too hard to forget her.”

  Hope nodded, her throat tight.

  Eva squeezed her hand. “He’s pretty close with my brother, so you can trust him on that one.”

  “There are memories all over this place.” Hope’s voice came out raw.

  Adam wrapped his arm around Eva, pulling her close. “And we’re ready to make new ones, right?”

  “You know it.” Eva looked at Hope. “Now, tell me what you’ve been up to.”

  Hope shrugged off her gloom and forced a smile. “Working at the church is pretty much it.”

  “Sinclair said that you do a great job.” Eva grinned. “He’d be lost without you.”

  Warmth spread through Hope. He really did need her. But before she could dig for more information, another couple joined them. They fawned over Eva’s half-carat engagement ring. Hope oohed and aahed along with them. She noticed how Adam’s chest had puffed up with pride and how his eyes softened every time he looked at Eva.

  Another twinge to Hope’s heart. She wanted that. Eva was blessed to have found someone who fulfilled her dreams, and it was obvious the two were head over heels about each other.

  Hope looked around for a quiet escape and caught Sinclair watching her from across the tent. How did he manage to zero in on her every time she felt overwhelmed?

  He cocked his head in question, as if to ask if she was okay.

  No, but she gave him an encouraging wave anyway.

  Hope moved on to greet a couple of girls she hadn’t seen since high school. After laughter and hugs, she finally relaxed into a folding chair and went about the business of catching up with old friends.

  * * *

  Sinclair milled with guests, but his temper hadn’t cooled. He’d had it with Ryan. Watching him snub Hope was the last straw. He’d been patient, he’d tried to give his brother time and space, but really, did the whole world have to stop because Ryan still hurt?

  The sun had set over half an hour ago, leaving behind darkening skies, and he found his brother on the other side of the pole barn staring down the driveway. Ryan twirled his keys like he contemplated an early departure. Might be better for everyone if he left.

  “What’s with you?”

  Ryan turned and glared. “Don’t start with me.”

  “Oh, I’m going to. You were rude to Hope.”

  “No. I wasn’t. You weren’t there.”

  “Come off it. I saw you walk away from her.”

  Sinclair heard Ryan mutter a curse. He was tempted to return the same but didn’t. Instead he stepped closer. “You’re not the only one in the world to feel pain, you know.”

  “Really, Sin, you think?” Sarcasm dripped from h
is icy tone. “Oh, wait, you’re Sanctimonious Sinclair now, home to save us all.”

  His hackles did more than rise, they nearly sprang off his back. “You don’t get it, do you? You’re not alone. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could take back that dare. Not a moment when I don’t see her lying on the ground.”

  Ryan started to walk away. “I’m not talking about this.”

  Sinclair grabbed his brother’s arm. “Maybe it’s time you did.”

  Ryan pushed him away with both hands. “Yeah? Where were you the last three years when I wanted to talk about it?” He pushed again, hard. “Huh? Sin? Where were you!”

  The sheer agony in his brother’s eyes made Sinclair step back, defeated. “I’m sorry.”

  Ryan snorted with contempt. “You’re sorry. Everybody’s sorry.”

  Sinclair swallowed, but his throat was so dry and tight he thought he’d choke. He’d hurt so many people with his stupidity. Time was no healer when it came to Ryan. God could heal him, if Ryan would only let Him.

  “It’s my fault she’s not here.” Sinclair raked a shaking hand through his hair. “I couldn’t deal with that then, so I ran away. I can’t change what happened, but I’m trying my best to deal with it now.”

  “No.” Tears welled in his brother’s eyes, taking him by surprise. “The fault’s mine. All mine.”

  Sinclair reached out to him, but Ryan walked away.

  He watched his brother enter the open doors of the pole barn. Taking deep breaths didn’t ease the ache in his chest. Losing his brother was like having his limbs ripped off and being left to bleed to death.

  He’d seen injuries like that after the earthquake. He’d had to help choose who got care and who didn’t because they were too far gone. Sometimes he had nightmares about it still.

  “Jesus,” he breathed. “Touch Ryan. Help him. Help me.”

  “Sinclair?”

  “Yeah?” He turned around and saw Hope with tears streaming down her cheeks. How much had she seen? How much had she heard?

  “It’s no one’s fault.” Her voice sounded raw with emotion. “Sara’s death was an accident. I finally get that.”