by K L Wood
Normally, I’d have given Paige three weeks before she caved, but she had that determined look in her eyes. The girl might actually do it.
After buying her third pair of shoes, we headed out, and I silently prayed this was our last stop. My feet were throbbing.
“Feel like hot fudge sundaes and a movie?” she asked.
I smiled. “I’d love that. My place or yours?”
“Yours is closer.”
Back at my apartment, there was a package sitting in front of my door. The return address was Auntie Jo and Uncle Matt’s.
“Your parents sent me a package?”
Paige’s eyebrows rose, and she smirked as if she knew what it was. “You know what? I’m really in the mood for strawberry ice cream. I’m going to pop over to the store. You want anything?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
She brought her bags in, and I placed the package on the table.
She pushed the box closer to me. “You should really open that.”
“What is it?”
She grinned. “I’ll leave you alone for a bit. Text me when you’re ready for me to come over.”
I narrowed my eyes as she walked out the door. I examined the box closer and recognized the handwriting: Reed. My heart hammered as I ran to the junk drawer for the scissors. I cut through the tape and let out a deep breath before opening it.
Inside was an envelope with my name on it. I set it aside, unsure whether I was ready to read it. Warmth filled me when I saw my old copy of Anne of Green Gables underneath. I opened it to see a note written on the inside cover:
Promise me you’ll never use a proper bookmark. ~ Love always, Reed
The book fell open in my hands to a later page where I found a blue paperclip—the one that used to hang on his closet door—tucked in. Scanning down, I found a quote he had underlined.
“Anne has as many shades as a rainbow and every shade is the prettiest while it lasts.”
But Anne’s name had been crossed out, and my own was written above it. The handwriting was off—it looked like a kid had written it.
Did I do that, ages ago?
I held the paperclip between my fingers and recalled how my father had brought me home colored paperclips once when I was a little girl since I would always play with his, linking them together to make necklaces and bracelets. I knew I had grabbed one a few times to hold my place in a book. I must’ve left this blue one behind.
And Reed kept it all these years?
The last object in the box was a phone. My hands trembled as I pulled it out. A sticky note was stuck to the screen.
Play “Missing Her.”
I could barely breathe as I punched in his passcode and attached his phone to my speaker.
The song “Be Still” by The Killers surrounded me. I sat down on my couch, my mind flowing back to that moment in Reed’s room when I was in high school. I switched to the next song. “Just Like Honey” by The Jesus and Mary Chain. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of Reed and the way he’d looked at me that night, like I was the sun. I’d thought maybe we had a chance.
A tear trickled down my cheek at the realization of what all this meant.
“Missing Her” was about me.
I grabbed the envelope and ripped it open. Tucked inside a letter was a plane ticket to Kentucky.
The moonbow.
I set the ticket aside and read the letter.
Dearest Tabitha,
There’s so much I want to tell you that I’m having a hard time knowing where to begin. I suppose the best place to start is by explaining what I promised I would one day tell you…why I had been such an asshole those five years.
I love you, Tabitha. I’ve loved you for a very long time.
You were my first crush. It started the day you convinced me to read Anne of Green Gables. You asked me once what that blue paperclip meant to me. Well, you left it in the book when you lent it to me. I’ve never parted with it since.
And yes, I underlined that quote and filled in your name when I was just a kid.
Even back then, I truly saw you.
I dropped the letter in my lap, the tears blurring my vision.
That was the moment I fell for Reed—when he read that book and let me stay in his lair.
I wiped my eyes and continued on.
As we got a little older, the age difference between us intensified. I felt like a pervert for crushing on a girl who was obviously too young, especially when I began to sprout and fill out. It was a bizarre time for me, and I reacted by teasing you more, treating you like a sister. That made it easier to still care about you without it feeling awkward or weird. I learned to deal with it, and it worked for a while.
I dated girls, although I never once connected with them. None of them wanted to read through my wall of book quotes or peek through my notebooks or study my closet door like you did.
That day I mocked you with your diary, when I realized you were writing about me, the things you knew about me…it floored me. I avoided you because those feelings I tried so hard to suppress surfaced again, and I didn’t know how to deal with them. You were only fifteen, with braces on your teeth, but you were still beautiful to me, and it wasn’t at all sexual. To me, you were my light, the sun I wanted to look at but couldn’t.
I always had to be the strong one, the adult, and it was so damn hard.
Your senior year, you had grown so much, and you were legal. I can’t tell you the inner struggle I had with this. My heart and now my body wanted you, but I knew that I couldn’t give in. You needed space to grow and experience life…and I knew I would never have let you.
On that night when you cut yourself wide open and poured your heart out to me, you have no idea how close I was to saying yes. I have gone over and over that moment for five damn years, wondering whether I made a mistake and, worse, whether I lost you forever.
I lied to you when I said I don’t love you like that, but I promise it was the only time I’ve ever lied to you.
I did love you then, with all my heart. I wanted nothing more than to kiss you in that moment, hold you in my arms, make love to you until the damn sun came up. But I felt that accepting your proposal would be selfish. It wasn’t just you who needed to grow. I did, too.
That first time I came back…I came back for you. I planned to tell you how I felt, that I loved you, and then you walked in with another man who had his hands all over you. Anger was an understatement. I was angry at me for letting you go and missing my chance, and I was mad at you for accepting those idiots you call boyfriends. They didn’t deserve you and never truly saw you or how incredible you are. None of them loved you like you deserved to be loved. The thought of them touching you, kissing you, fucking you…it was unbearable and worse when I got to witness any of it in person.
I know it’s not an excuse, but it was easier to be an asshole, to fight with you, to fester in anger, because the other option…I don’t think I could have lived with that kind of pain. Anger didn’t feel good, but it felt better than facing the fact that I’d made a huge mistake by not telling you how I truly felt when I had the chance or the realization that I may never have another chance again.
I’m so sorry, Tabitha. For all of it. You didn’t deserve any of that.
I don’t want to close myself off anymore or hide what I feel. I would tell you in person, and I tried once, but you rejected me before I had the chance, so I took the coward’s way out.
But I won’t this time.
This time I’m cutting myself wide open to you.
And the strangest part? Even if you do reject me, I won’t regret one moment of it. What I would regret is losing you without ever having told you what you truly mean to me.
I love you. I love your mind, your heart, your laugh. I love that you see the parts of me that would pass by someone else. I love the way you feel in my arms when you rest your head against my chest. There are no words to adequately describe those moments. It’s pure and ra
w, and I know in my gut that feeling would never diminish or change even when we were old and grey like my adopted nonna.
You are my light, Tabitha, my sun.
We share a lot of memories…but I’m hoping that you’d like to make many more with me.
If you feel the same and want to give us a chance, then I offer a proposition: meet me at your moonbow. I’m not asking you to join me on my road trip. I know you have responsibilities, but please give me this one weekend.
If you don’t show, then I will know you’ve moved on or are not ready. And I will make a promise to respect your wishes and do my best to never treat you the way I used to out of anger.
Just please stop dating tools and don’t change for anyone. It would make it a lot easier. :)
Whatever you decide, know you will always be my family.
I love you,
Reed
29
Moonbow
Reed
My hands tightened around the steering wheel as I pulled into the Cumberland Falls State Park. Sweat beaded my forehead. I adjusted the air vent and turned up the AC, but even that wasn’t helping. My stress levels were so damn high that my insides felt like an inferno. The burning only intensified as I pulled up to park. I gulped down more water and wiped my face with a hand towel before stepping out of the RV.
I slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed up the trail. I was early, but I wanted to be there before Tabitha showed…if she showed up at all.
That was one thought I tried to push down, but it only wound my stomach even tighter.
This was the moment of truth. I was either going to be the happiest guy on earth or my heart was about to get torn in two.
The sun was low in the west, and dusk would be coming soon. I searched the sky for any trace of clouds but didn’t see one. The perfect weather for a moonbow sighting. I imagined sharing this experience with her, holding her close, inhaling her scent, feeling that wholeness and peace I craved so badly.
A cool breeze brushed through the leaves and across my skin. I could already hear the water running off the cliff. I knew I was close, and my heart pounded as I climbed the boulder that overlooked the small waterfall. I froze when I got to the top.
Standing near the edge was Tabitha.
All the tension I’d felt for the past three weeks melted at the sight of her and filled me up with so much warmth and love I could barely contain it all.
My mind took in every inch of her, wanting to remember her exactly in this moment. The way the sun hit her hair, the ripple of her yellow sundress as a soft breeze blew by.
I slowly walked toward her and wrapped my arms around her from behind. She didn’t flinch and instantly knew it was me. She arched her back into me, and I held her even tighter. “I’m so sorry for ever letting you believe I didn’t love you.” I kissed the top of her head, inhaling the sweetness of her scent. “You always had my heart.”
She turned to look up at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes. “I’d go through it all again if it meant I get this happily ever after.”
I cupped her face in my hands. “This isn’t the end for us. Thankfully, we get a sequel.”
Tears glistened in her eyes, and I leaned in to kiss her. The softness of her lips, the taste of her sweet like strawberries and cream…I wanted more but forced myself not to lose control. If I had it my way, I’d make love to her right here and now, but I had something special planned for our first time.
I slid my hands down her arms and interlocked my fingers with hers. “Have you eaten dinner yet?”
“No. I was so nervous I could barely eat anything all day.”
“I brought some sandwiches and fruit, but we could go to the resort if you’d rather have a nice hot meal. Peak hours for the moonbow won’t be for another couple of hours.”
I’d suggest eating in the RV, but if I got her alone with the bed only steps away, all willpower would fly right out the window.
Her hands wrapped around my waist. “A picnic by the waterfall sounds perfect.”
I zipped open my backpack and pulled out my inflatable seat cushions, two Thermoses, and a lunch tote.
She opened one of the Thermoses and sniffed. “Wine?”
“White.” I inflated her seat and handed it to her. “You’ll want to sit on this. Boulders get uncomfortable after a while.”
“You thought of everything. I’m impressed.”
And I wasn’t done yet.
“I only have you for the weekend, so I plan to make the most of every second we have.”
“About that…how would you feel about me staying longer?”
The other seat popped out of my hand as it self-inflated. “How long?”
She bit her lip. “Well, Paige found someone to sublet my apartment, and my boss helped get me a remote position.” A wide grin spread across her face, lighting up her eyes. “It’s not great pay and just a junior position, but I get to edit romance novels.”
I caressed the side of her cheek. “Tabitha, that’s incredible.”
“If your initial offer still stands, I’d love to do the rest of the trip with you. If you still want that.”
My heart damn near leaped out of my chest in excitement. I leaned forward and kissed her. “There’s no one else I’d want to experience this with, only you.”
Her soft fingers slid through my hair at the base of my neck. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Pookey Bear.”
Tabitha laughed. “My little Monkey Butt.”
Tabitha
Reed enveloped me in his arms, and I leaned my back into his chest as we looked over the moonbow arch, which stretched from the top of the falls down into the flowing water. It was a soft, misty bow with only a hint of color. A few other people were on the boulder and some down below, taking pictures. There was something magical about it, like there was more to it than it revealed or we could see.
Reed held his camera out to me. “Look at the viewfinder.”
On the LCD screen was a picture of the moonbow, but it was brighter and the colors clearer.
“Reed, it’s beautiful.”
“You have as many shades as a rainbow, and every shade is the prettiest while it lasts.”
“You really saw me like Anne when you were a kid?”
“Yes, and I was like Gilbert Blythe.”
“We were a lot like them.”
He kissed my neck, and it sent shivers through my core. “We were.”
Images of what he did to me at the vacation house, the way he sent my body places I didn’t know it was capable of going, filled me with desire. I wanted him.
I wanted all of him.
My hips swerved, and I pressed into him even more. His steady hand moved to my lower belly, and he pulled me even closer. He leaned toward me, the heat of his breath by my ear. “Are you trying to give me a hint that you’re ready to leave?”
“I am,” I admitted.
Reed gently bit my earlobe, his teeth gliding all the way to the ends. I let out a soft moan.
He stepped back and held out his hand. “Let’s go home.”
“Home?”
“For the next four months, the RV is our home.”
I intertwined my fingers with his. “So, take me home, then.”
Reed grabbed his backpack and packed up his camera. He lit the way with his phone flashlight and helped me down the boulder. I wrapped my arm around his as we followed a few others walking the trail. When we got to the RV, we drove to the state park’s campground area.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him, and he kept stealing glances and kisses on the top of my fingers. He looked at me like I was his world, his heart.
All those years he was crushing on me, too, and I didn’t even know.
All those years he loved me, but I believed he didn’t.
I’d been so blind.
We parked in a secluded spot, and he got up. I practically leaped into Reed’s arms once my seatbelt was off. He reached int
o his pocket and handed me his phone. “It’s a new one but has the same passcode. Open it.”
I did and found his iTunes app open with a list of his playlists.
“Play ‘My Light, My Sun.’”
“Be Still” by The Fray poured through a speaker on the counter. I knew it by heart. It was the song Reed danced with me to on my disastrous prom night…although, because of him, it ended up becoming one of the best nights I’d ever had.
“You remembered,” I whispered.
He swept his fingers through my hair. “Of course I did. That was the night of our first dance…and our first kiss.”
“And you left without saying goodbye.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but if I’d stayed, I wouldn’t have had the strength to deny you.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “It doesn’t matter. You’re here now.”
“I promise from now on, I will always be open with you.”