Walking Into The Unknown

by Ginny Dye

  “New Mexico?” Janie gasped. “Go to New Mexico? We can’t do that.”

  “Why not?” Matthew asked. He had seen what he needed to see. Now he just needed to give her mind time to reach the conclusion her heart had already reached.

  Janie stared at him. “I have school. You have the paper. We can’t walk away from our commitments.”

  “Why not?” Matthew repeated. “Carrie is looking for homeopathy students to join her, and Dr. Strikener has given her approval if she can find anyone who wants to go.” He saw the flicker of hope in Janie’s eyes before she shook her head stubbornly.

  “You have your work. You can’t just walk away from it.”

  “Can’t I? I believe the paper will be interested in articles about Bosque Redondo. It will also give me time to finish the book, and also start on the next one.” Matthew waited for that to sink in before he pressed forward. “You need a break, my love. I know you are strong enough to push down all your feelings and continue with your studies, but I don’t believe you have to.” He also very much doubted she had enough left in her to push down her feelings, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. “It would mean the world to Carrie to share this experience with you, and the two of you together can do so much good for the Navajo. The stories I tell will make Navajo problems real for the rest of the country. School will be waiting for you when you get back.”

  Janie turned to stare at the window casting their reflection back into the room. The winds were growing more intense. The snow Miles had forecast would probably be coating the ground when they woke.

  Matthew saw the instant she quit fighting. He reached for her hands as she turned to him.

  “New Mexico…” It was no longer a question as Janie murmured the words, her eyes beginning to shine.

  “New Mexico,” Matthew said firmly. Now that she was no longer resisting the idea, he decided to press his advantage. “You can help Carrie recruit a few more students to join the team, and you’ll also be there to help gather all the medicines and supplies you will need.”

  Janie jumped up and began to pace around the room, her flannel nightgown flowing behind her. “New Mexico!” she exclaimed. She turned and leapt back onto the bed. “We can really do this?”

  “We can really do this,” Matthew replied with a smile. “Personally, I am quite excited about it. I’ve not done any travel out west. I never quite envisioned heading out there in a wagon train, but it might be my last chance. It won’t be long before the railroads stretch coast to coast. Wagon trains will not always be a possibility.”

  Fear crept into Janie’s eyes. “We have to take a train as far as Independence, Missouri,” she said hesitantly.

  “Yes,” Matthew admitted. He wasn’t going to be hypocritical and tell her it would be fine, because they both knew the truth. If there were any other way to navigate the first part of the trip, he would do it. “I will be there with you for every moment,” he promised. He knew his next words were risky, but he didn’t want Janie’s fear to stop her from taking advantage of a great opportunity. “Isn’t two days on a train better than a whole winter in Philadelphia without Carrie?”

  Janie narrowed her eyes. “You do know how to put things in perspective, don’t you?”

  Matthew waited, knowing she had to come to her own conclusion. He watched the play of emotions over her face, hoping she had enough spirit left in her to walk through her fears. He sagged against the bed when she nodded her head.

  “Let’s go to New Mexico.”

  Matthew grinned. “You mean it?”

  Janie eyed him. “You’re really excited about this, aren’t you?”

  Matthew nodded easily. “I am. I was being truthful when I said I always wanted to travel out west. Just think what a great story it will make for our children when we tell them we were on a wagon train on the Santa Fe Trail.”

  *****

  Carrie was up early. Her fire had died down during the night, leaving her room like a cold tomb. She jumped out of bed, pulled on slippers, and shrugged into the thick robe lying across the end of the bed. She glanced at the stack of wood and kindling next to the fireplace, and then dashed to the window. A wide smile spread across her face when she saw the line of saddled horses tied to the fence posts. Miles and Clint had gotten up extra early to do as she had asked.

  Carrie dashed into the hallway. “Everybody get out of bed!” she called. “You have a Christmas surprise waiting!” She clapped her hands loudly. “Get out of bed!” She laughed and ran back into her room to put on layers of warm clothing.

  Thomas and Abby were the first to walk into the kitchen to join her, their eyes still sleepy. Susan trailed them, rubbing her eyes.

  “This better be good,” Thomas muttered. Abby remained silent as she reached eagerly for the hot cup of coffee Annie held out to her.

  Susan grabbed a cup of coffee and settled into one of the rocking chairs in front of the fire. “Wake me again when everyone is here,” she said wearily. Her head slumped against the back as her eyes closed.

  Matthew and Janie pushed in through the door next.

  Matthew glared at Annie. “Do you know what is going on?” he demanded. “I know better than to ask the woman who jousted me out of a solid sleep. I’ll probably say something I might regret later.”

  Annie shrugged. “I ain’t tellin’ nothin’ I know. Once Miss Carrie told me I didn’t have to do the nonsense she has planned, I just did my part.”

  “And what is your part?” Jeremy growled as he and Marietta joined the group. He turned to Carrie. “You know I love you, but snowy mornings like this are meant for sleep.”

  “No, they’re not!” Amber yelled as she ran in through the back door, letting in a blast of cold that made all of them edge closer to the roaring fire. “It’s meant for riding!” Her eyes were wide with excitement as she danced in front of them. “We have horses ready for everyone. Me, Clint and Miles started working as soon as it was light.”

  Harold walked in at the same time Rose and Moses did. “Horseback riding?” he asked. “I looked outside and saw the snow on the woods out back. I was hoping to go riding.”

  “Are we all going?” Moses asked, his eyes glowing with pleasure as he pulled Rose close to his side.

  Carrie grinned. “Well, I couldn’t talk Annie or Polly into it, but they convinced me they would be more appreciated if they have a hot meal waiting for us when we return.”

  The door to the kitchen flew open again as John bounded in. “Me, too! I’m going riding, too!”

  Rose looked at Carrie and raised a brow.

  Carrie nodded. “This is a family Christmas outing. John and Patches will be fine.”

  John nodded hard. “Patches can keep up with those big horses,” he boasted. He looked up at Moses. “Tell them, Daddy!”

  Moses smiled proudly as he scooped John into his arms. “He’s right. He rides the plantation with me most days. If Patches can’t keep up at some point, John can handle him just fine.”

  Carrie felt emotion swell in her as she looked at the group gathered in the kitchen. She pushed aside the surge of sorrow that Robert wasn’t there, determined to focus on creating good memories. The people she loved most in the world were all right here for Christmas. Her blessings far outweighed her sorrow.

  “What about Felicia?” Thomas asked.

  “She’s in the barn already,” Amber answered.

  All eyes turned to her. “Excuse me?” Rose murmured. “Did you say my daughter is in the barn saddling horses on a cold, snowy morning? I think you must have her confused with someone else.”

  Amber giggled. “It’s Felicia,” she insisted. She smiled slyly. “I told her it was part of her cocooning time, and that she didn’t have a choice.”

  “Her what?” Marietta asked.

  Rose smiled. “I’ll explain it later. You’re going to be part of it.” Her smile grew broader when others stared at her. “Felicia wanted to have a rite of passage like my mama and Chooli had. She told me
I could create one for her.” She shrugged. “I have. And all the women standing in this room are going to be part of it.”

  “But you ain’t talkin’ about it now,” Annie said, ending the discussion. She handed each person a hot ham biscuit wrapped in a cloth. “The only way you’re gonna get the feast me and Polly are fixin’ is to get out of this house and go for a ride in that cold, frozen world out there.” She shuddered as she opened the door. “Now get out of my kitchen, eat that biscuit, put on enough clothes so you don’t freeze to death, and leave me be.”

  *****

  Seventeen horses were lined up at the fence, watching with great expectancy as the group emerged from the house. Their breath hung suspended in air as they stomped their feet and swished their tails.

  “What a marvelous idea!”

  Carrie smiled at Janie when she walked up, glad to see the dark sorrow had lifted from her friend’s eyes. She had struggled all night with her decision to go to Bosque Redondo, but she still believed she was doing the right thing. “I’m glad you think so. I want to create as many memories as possible this year.”

  Janie eyed her as they moved toward their horses. “Because you think this is our last Christmas together?”

  Carrie sighed. “I don’t know what to expect about anything anymore,” she admitted. “Every day I feel like I am walking into the complete unknown. Rose and Moses are leaving with their kids. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get back from New Mexico, and I have no idea where you and Matthew will be.”

  Janie smiled slightly. “I can tell you where we will be until late summer.”

  Carrie stopped walking, caught by something in Janie’s eyes. “Where?”

  “I hear the weather is wonderful in New Mexico,” Janie said quietly.

  Carrie stared at her. “New Mexico?” she stammered. “What are you saying?”

  Matthew walked up. “My wife is saying we have decided to go to Bosque Redondo with you.”

  Carrie continued to stare at them, at a loss for words. She finally made her lips move. “You’re coming to Bosque Redondo as part of the team?”

  “We are,” Janie answered. She hesitated then, a flash of vulnerability in her eyes. “If you want us, of course.”

  Carrie laughed and sprang forward to embrace her friend. “There is nothing I would like more,” she cried. “How did you…?”

  “Now, Miss Carrie, you can talk to Miss Janie later.”

  Miles’ scolding voice broke through the questions swarming in Carrie’s mind.

  “You told us to get up early to get these here horses ready for ever’body. We done did it. It be too cold to stand around and talk.” He walked over to his Cleveland Bay mare, Chelsea, and mounted easily.

  Carrie smiled. “You’re right.” The look she gave Janie told her they would talk later, but excitement coursed through her body as she thought of Janie and Matthew being on the trip with her.

  She quickly directed everyone to the horses selected for them, and then mounted Granite, making no effort to stop his playful prancing. She laughed as snow powdered around his flashing hooves. “Let’s go!”

  Happy chatter filled the air for the first thirty minutes of the ride, and then it was as if a blanket of silence settled over the group. Even Amber and John fell silent. The only sound was the crunching of snow under horse hooves as they rode across white expanses bordered by gray trees and interspersed with pines and cedar. Flashes of red and blue appeared, as cardinals and blue jays darted among the branches. The silence deepened when a red fox darted from the woods, froze into a statue as it stared at them, and then vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

  Carrie took deep breaths, content to let the silence wrap around her. Harold rode beside her. She could tell by his face that he was entranced by the plantation. The towering bay gelding he rode was a perfect fit for his tall slender body. His blue eyes snapped with life when he turned to smile at her. Carrie returned the smile, but the odd feeling that she was riding with Matthew continued. She did not know this man, but she felt very much like she did. She wondered if he had his brother’s depth of character.

  Harold grinned. “Is galloping allowed?”

  Carrie glanced back at John proudly riding Patches between Moses and Rose. There were only a couple inches of snow on the ground, so the horse’s legs were not in danger.

  Moses interpreted the question in her eyes. “Go,” he mouthed.

  Carrie looked at Harold, but her only answer was to grin and lean forward slightly. Granite had been waiting for the signal since they had left the barn. He went from a sedate walk to a ground-swallowing gallop in a few seconds. Carrie heard the calls behind her, but all she cared about was the wind rushing through her hair and blasting her face. With Eclipse still stalled in the barn, and with Silver Wings being treated for a swollen fetlock, there was not a horse that could come close to catching Granite. She laughed with delight, and for just a moment…

  Carrie caught her breath and listened to the wind.

  For just a moment…she heard Robert laughing back.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rose stood at the end of the table and looked at the women who had assembled. The ride was over, and the feast Annie and Polly prepared had been consumed. When the last bite was eaten, Rose had excused all the men from the table. They had left willingly, though with puzzled expressions. Rose smiled at Felicia who was seated next to her, and then gazed around at the women surrounding the table, expectant looks on their faces. Felicia had wanted Carrie, Janie, Abby, Marietta, Chooli, Susan, Annie and Polly to share this time in her life. Felicia had gotten her wish, though she was still horrified at how close Janie had come to not being there. She pushed aside that thought, and began.

  “Ladies, you have all been invited to be a part of the Cocooning Rite for Miss Felicia Samuels,” Rose said gravely. “My mother often shared with me how important her rite of passage was when she moved into adulthood at age thirteen in Africa. Slavery robbed young black people of that important moment in their lives. Freedom has given it back. Felicia has requested her own rite of passage.” She paused. “Since none of the rites I know about seemed to be appropriate for Felicia, she asked me if I would create one for her. I have done that.”

  A murmur of approval rose around the table.

  “How wonderful,” Abby said softly.

  Chooli remained silent, but her eyes glowed with delight.

  Rose laid her hand on Felicia’s shoulder. “We are calling it the Cocooning Rite.” She had considered having Felicia explain it but ultimately decided it should be her, since Felicia had asked her to create it. “As Felicia and I talked, she mentioned that the thing she found most fascinating in nature was just how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. We discussed why she found this so fascinating, and she raised many wonderful questions.”

  Rose was excited they had discovered the perfect symbol for Felicia’s rite of passage. “I’ve always been enthralled by the caterpillar, as well. It will never cease to amaze me that a caterpillar has the ability to transform into a butterfly or moth capable of flight. It’s a strong testimony to the power of God, and also to the power of nature. I believe Felicia, as a young woman, is transforming from a child into a woman capable of anything she desires. As we talked about that transformation, she asked some significant questions.” Rose smiled as she remembered her amazement at the quality of questions Felicia had raised. “She wonders if the wormy caterpillar can really envision what it will become someday. She asked if they are aware of what is happening when they are enclosed in a cocoon that must surely seem like a pretty tomb. She wonders if they have any clue that this dark, scary time is actually the prelude to the most wonderful time of their life.”

  Rose smiled at all the women clustered around the table, leaning forward with intense concentration. “It’s crucial to the success of the Cocooning Rite that the women who are important to Felicia be part of it. She requested all of you who are here at this table because you m
ean so much to her. I am excited to have you all here because every woman at this table has something special and unique to offer my daughter as she moves into womanhood.” Pride and pleasure filled all their eyes. “Many rites of passage last for weeks or months, but we don’t have that kind of time. Besides the fact that we are leaving for Ohio in a few weeks, this will be the only opportunity for Felicia to be with all of you. The final Cocooning Rite will be held on New Year’s Day—marking the beginning of her new life. I would ask that each of you find time in the next nine days to talk privately with Felicia. Let her ask you questions, but most importantly, Felicia would like to know what you believe is the most important thing she should know as a woman.”

  Rose looked down when Felicia rested her hand on her arm. “Yes, Felicia?”

  “May I speak, please?”

  “You may,” Rose said formally. She knew how the rite was performed was as important as the rite itself. She wanted her daughter to always remember this as a sacred, special time in her life.

  Felicia let her eyes sweep the table. “I appreciate each of you being here. I realize I am becoming a woman at a very vital time in our country. I will not have a life where I can choose not to be strong. As a black woman, I will have to be very strong.” Her voice grew more earnest. “I want to be strong. I want to be like all of you. I’m so glad I have been able to watch how all of you live, but I’m also eager to hear what you have to say to me.” She took a deep breath. “I only ask that you be honest, even if you think it will be hard for me to hear. I already know these are very scary times. I have already lost my parents, and I know there are many people who would be very happy if I was dead. I don’t intend to give them that satisfaction.” She lifted her head proudly. “I already know that I’m smart—it would be silly to pretend otherwise—but I’m learning I must become wise, as well. If I can learn wisdom from each of you that will keep me from making the mistakes you made, then I will be able to help my people much sooner.”