Love Restored

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  She didn’t speak for a while, but tears ran down her cheeks in sheets. When she went to her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his, he sighed.

  “I’m here, Graham. For however long we are who we are. And I’m so damned sorry.” She licked her lips. “So damned sorry.”

  He held her close to him, her ear on his chest, and his heart slowed from the race it had been running to the steady beat he relied on. He didn’t know what was to come, but he knew he’d already faced the worst of his life. He might never find the happiness he’d once had, but maybe, just maybe, he’d find peace he could live with.

  8

  Today was going to be a long day. Blake pressed her hands against her lower back and stretched backwards, trying to get out all the kinks. She hadn’t been working that long today in the chair, but she’d been up most of the night stressing over what had happened with Graham.

  And what hadn’t happened with Graham.

  Her heart hurt for him, simply ached. She couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling right now or how he’d felt since his daughter had died. Bile filled her throat at the thought of losing Rowan at that age, at any age. She didn’t know how Graham had survived, knowing he would never see his daughter again, never hold her in his arms and tell her he loved her.

  He’d lost his wife soon after, but he didn’t seem as messed up about that. After all, Candace still breathed, still moved, still lived. And Cynthia had been too sick for the medicine to ravage her body in its attempt to heal.

  Since Blake was alone in her piercing room, she let the tears fall once more, her shoulders shaking. Now she knew a little bit of why Graham was the way he was, why he growled and grumbled and always seemed a bit dark, a bit secretive. He’d had to become that way when he’d lost his light. She wondered what kind of person he’d been before the tragedy, what kind of father he’d been. Of course, even daring to think that, she knew it would be too much. He’d been put through hell, and had made it through the other side, but what kind of man had come out of the ashes?

  She was with him now, even if she didn’t know the precise label to put on them. With him enough to remember his taste and know that one day soon, she’d know the feel of him, learn every inch of him. Yet she was afraid of what would happen if they went too far. She wasn’t in a position to give herself to a man in any way other than bodily. She had to protect her daughter, and couldn’t do that with her mind in the clouds and her life split in two.

  And she wasn’t sure Graham wanted more than just a quick lay anyway. She might have been okay with that; might have even desired that, but now it was all a little sticky. She knew too much about him and his past, yet it didn’t seem enough. That scared her more than she thought it would. As for her? He didn’t really know anything about her, and that was something she’d worked hard to accomplish. It was second nature by now to hide her past, to hide the fact that she had a child. But as Maya had warned her, she needed to tell Graham before it was too late.

  Blake just needed to be sure it would be safe, would be worth it, to reveal her secrets. The danger that lurked from what would happen if the wrong people knew where she was, where her daughter was, would never fade.

  But she hadn’t told Graham the night before about her daughter as Maya had warned. She honestly hadn’t felt like it was the right time, though now she knew why Maya had been so adamant. How could she tell the man who had lost his daughter that she had a daughter the same age as Cynthia would have been? What would that have done to him right then? Yes, it was going to hurt regardless, going to burn no matter what, but telling him when he was most vulnerable hadn’t been the right time.

  Yet she wasn’t sure there would ever be a right time.

  And that was why she was such a freaking idiot.

  Blake wiped her tears and washed her hands, splashing cold water on her face afterward to try and hide the fact that she’d been crying. Maya had taken one look at her that morning and asked what had happened after Blake had left Maya’s house, but Blake hadn’t answered. Her eyes might be puffy, her cheeks still a bit pink, but she’d get through the rest of the day and figure out how to tell Graham about Rowan.

  When had her life gotten so complicated?

  It didn’t make any sense. One minute, she was in love with her high school sweetheart, breaking the rules, and trying to further ruin her already-not-so-perfect life; the next, she was pregnant and dealing with a man who hated her. Take another breath, and she was enabling a drug addict because she hadn’t known what else to do, hadn’t known how to fix him, though she’d tried.

  And when her daughter came, she’d become the woman she should have been at the start. And the man she’d thought she loved had died because he hadn’t been able to hold on.

  Now she had to hide her daughter from those who wanted to pin that death on her, and was falling for another man who harbored a pain in his soul she knew she would never be able to balm.

  Blake let out a breath and rolled her shoulders back. Time to push those thoughts out of her mind, if only for the day, and get back to work. She couldn’t keep a roof over her daughter’s head if she spent the whole day crying in the back room.

  When she walked out of her small piercing room, Derek gave her a long look before going back to work on his client’s sleeve. The problem with making new friends was that they started to feel like they knew you and understood the emotions you wore. She couldn’t tell them about her past, though; it wouldn’t be safe for Rowan. And she couldn’t talk about Graham’s words either because they weren’t hers to share. And while Maya might know the facts, Blake had a feeling Graham had been more open with her than others regarding how it felt to not have his daughter in his life anymore.

  So rather than share what she felt, she hid it behind the ice that was her shield and tried to go back to work. She had two piercing clients coming in shortly, and of course, she’d take on any walk-ins with small projects if they came in. As it was a weekend and Rowan was with Mrs. Gonzales for the day before going to a birthday party sleepover, Blake needed to work her ass off to keep her mind on not so important things rather than the ones that could hurt.

  When she made it to the front to check out the schedule, the bell above the door rang and she looked up.

  Her heart sped up, and she licked her suddenly dry lips.

  “Hey,” Graham said as he strolled in behind Maya. “I figured you’d be working today but I wasn’t sure.”

  She smiled despite the emotions and thoughts warring inside her. “I didn’t know you were coming in today, or I would have mentioned it.” Not sure what to do with her hands, she gripped the edge of the counter and stayed on the other side of it. She didn’t do relationships and wasn’t sure what exactly was going on between her and Graham. And feelings like this where she felt so out of her skin were just a few of the many reasons why.

  He grinned at her intently before leaning over the counter and running his thumb along her jaw. It took everything inside of her not to lean into that touch. When he lowered his head and brushed his lips over hers, she made a little sound that caused Graham to growl.

  “Later,” he whispered as he pulled back.

  “Later?” she asked, her voice annoyingly breathy.

  “How come you don’t say hello to me like that?” Derek asked from his chair, a shit-eating grin on his face.

  “Because I’ll castrate you,” Graham growled, though Blake wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not.

  To make things clear, Blake sauntered around the counter and moved toward Derek. “Honey, you couldn’t handle me if I said hello to you like that.” She flicked her hair over her shoulder and turned back to Graham, but not before she saw Derek put both hands over his heart and do that cartoon motion where it looked like it was beating.

  Graham grinned at her before sliding her hair behind her ear. “Nice.”

  “I try,” she drawled. “Anyway, what are you doing here?”

  “He’s here for me,” Maya said from beh
ind them. Blake turned to the other woman, who had a hand on her hip, and a curious expression on her face. “And while you might want to go let off some steam with your boyfriend here in the back, we have health codes for a reason.”

  “There’s an office,” Derek pointed out. “That should work.”

  Graham gripped Blake’s hip, and she forced herself to roll her eyes and not climb him like a freaking tree.

  “I’m surprised you said ‘let off some steam,’” Blake said instead. “No cursing?”

  Maya flushed and put her hand on her still flat stomach. “The guys and I are going to try not cursing like crazy with the baby coming and all.”

  Every single person in the room started laughing—including the clients, who Blake was pretty sure hadn’t known Maya for too long.

  “I hate all of you,” Maya growled. “Now, Gallagher, get in the da—chair so I can touch up that shoulder of yours.”

  “Nice with the whole not cursing thing,” Derek teased.

  “You’re fired,” Maya spat.

  “No, I’m not,” Derek sing-songed before going back to work.

  Blake sighed before standing straight. She hadn’t noticed that she’d leaned back on Graham’s very hard chest and even harder cock when she’d been listening to Maya. Damn traitorous body of hers.

  “You’re getting ink touched up?” Blake asked as she turned to face Graham again.

  “Yeah,” Graham said softly, his eyes on hers. “I worked this morning on the site, but since Murphy needs to gripe about a few things, I asked Maya to fit me in if she could. You want to get something to eat once you’re off?”

  Though just the mention of the site he worked on threw cold water over her, she felt her head nod in answer. “Okay,” she said since she’d already nodded. “I could eat.”

  “Good.” He kissed her again, and Blake did her best to not throw her arms around him.

  This was why she was always so confused. Her body wanted to do one thing while her mind needed to do another. Add in her heart, and she had no idea what she was doing.

  “Enough, you two,” Maya said with a laugh. “Get in the damn chair, Gallagher. Let’s see what you’ve done with my precious work since you won’t wear enough sunscreen when you’re acting all manly working without your shirt.”

  Blake snorted and pulled away as her next client walked in. “Have fun, you two. I have a piercing to do.”

  Graham nodded at her, and for a moment, she saw the pain she’d seen the night before when he’d spoken of Cynthia. Then he blinked it away. He was good at hiding that, but now that she knew a little more about him, she had a feeling she’d be seeing that look in his eyes more often.

  And what she would do with that…she didn’t know.

  “So, you really don’t care that I pierced Murphy’s dick?” she asked as she picked up another slice of pizza.

  After he’d gotten his tattoo touched up, and Blake finished the two cartilage piercings she had on her schedule, Maya told her to head out. Not wanting to anger the pregnant woman, Blake had left the shop with Graham. Instead of going out to eat, they’d ended up at his place with a pizza and salad, along with a couple of beers. She would need to drive home later no matter what happened, in case Rowan needed to come home early from the party, but she could stay for a little while yet. The fact that she could just as easily drive from Graham’s to pick up Rowan wasn’t lost on her, but she didn’t want to be away from home when her baby was out of the house. And since she didn’t want to be away from home when her baby was in the house, that made for tricky situations when it came to relationships.

  Graham had just taken a drink of his beer as she asked him about his brother’s dick in her hand so she wasn’t surprised when he choked on it. She handed him a napkin, and he wiped his beard, his eyes narrowed.

  “You did that on purpose,” he growled.

  Blake held up both hands. “No, that was just a happy accident.”

  “Wench.”

  “Bruiser.”

  He winked. “As for you piercing Murphy? Yeah, it made me a little jealous that you’d seen his dick before you saw mine, but as you’re here with me now, and I’m planning to fuck you over that chair in a bit, I call it a wash.”

  This time, she choked on her beer. She glared at him as he handed over a napkin, an innocent expression on his face. “You did that on purpose,” she said, mimicking his words.

  “Did I?” He blinked. “But for real, it’s your job, Blake. If I had a problem with it, then it would be my problem. The fact that you pierced him with a very large needle right after he dropped trou helps matters. Hell, I remember how much pain I was in when I got mine. Hurt like a bitch, but worth it in the end.”

  Blake straightened. “Your dick is pierced?” How had she not felt it when she’d rubbed up against him? And now, all she could think about was his dick and what it looked like with the piercing…and how fucking amazing it would feel inside her.

  “Yeah, most of the Gallaghers do. And now I’m done talking about my brothers’ junk. Got any piercings of your own?”

  Blake shook her head as she pulled on her earlobe where she had a simple stud. “Not right now. I’ve had a lot of piercings over the years—nipples, clitoral hood, nose, tongue, brow, all that, but I’ve since taken them out.” She shrugged. “I know it’s a good policy to have them as a kind of resume to those who come in, but I rotate them in and out. Right now, they’re out.”

  He stared at her intently. “I’d have liked to see them.”

  She licked her lips. “Maybe one day.” She needed to calm herself before she jumped him. So, of course, her mind went in the opposite direction. “What other piercings do you have?”

  “Just the one,” he replied. “Thinking about getting my nipples pierced, but I’m not getting any younger.”

  Blake rolled her eyes. “You’re not ninety, and even then, whatever. You’re still firm and built, Graham. And you’re not a woman who has to worry about gravity like that. Of course, even then, I’d say fuck it and pierce those suckers when they point to the ground. They’re your nipples, you know. But when you want yours done, just come in.” She shook her finger at him. “No one pierces you but me. I’m proprietary.”

  “You and Maya both.” He leaned over the table between them and kissed her, not too hard, not too soft. “Got it, Blake. My nipples are yours.” He pulled back and let his gaze linger on her breasts. “Now about your nipples...”

  She couldn’t help it, she laughed. “Is that a line?”

  Graham smiled wide. “You like it?”

  Her nipples, now once again receiving his attention, pebbled against her very thin bra. Little traitors.

  “I’ve heard better,” she breathed. Okay, she needed to get into the game here. She was going to have sex with Graham tonight; that much was clear. But she didn’t usually let the guy have full control. She couldn’t allow that, no matter how much she might want to let go and have someone take care of her for a little bit.

  She couldn’t afford to have that kind of peace.

  Not anymore.

  Graham stood then, moving around the table so he was right in front of her. He took her by her chin, grabbed her fingers with his other hand, and forced her to stand. She might have protested, but she couldn’t, not with Graham, not right then.

  “I like control in bed, Blake,” Graham growled. “I need it. I’m not talking dominant and submissive, but I need to be the one showing you where I need you so I can make you feel, make you come, make you forget to think. Do you think you can do that? Do you think you can let me have the reins if only for the night? And maybe for more nights afterward? I’ll never tell you what to do out of bed. But in bed? In bed, I want you to give yourself to me.”

  She let out a shaky breath. “That’s not me, Graham.” She met his gaze, saw the heat in his eyes. “You’re going to have to work for it. I’ll…let you in, but you have to know I’m not easy.”

  “Good,” he growled. “I di
dn’t think you were the first time I saw you, and I like the fact that you’re going to make this fun and so fucking amazing.” He cupped her face and leaned closer. “I want you, Blake. Can I have you?”

  “If you have to ask, then who is in control?”

  He kissed her then, hard. “Because no matter how much I want it, without it freely given, it’s not control at all.” He closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers. Her heart beat quickly, her breaths coming in pants from just his mere presence. Of course, there was nothing ‘mere’ about him. “I’m going to fuck you, Blake. And you better fuck me back just as hard.”

  “You got it, Gallagher,” she said on a laugh, then gasped as he slid his hand behind the waistband of her leggings and under her panties.

  “So fucking wet,” he growled. “I’m going to fuck you with my fingers in my kitchen then take you to my bed so I can eat you out. I want to lick every inch of you while you ride my face. Then I want to fuck you from behind, my hands digging into your hips as I go so deep, neither of us can catch our breath. And when I come, I want you to come, too, your pussy clenching my cock until I’m spent and you’re a pile of limbs on the bed. What do you say to that, Blake? Can you come for me?” He growled the last words again as he speared her with his fingers, his thumb pressing hard against her clit.

  She came for him, instantly, her body shaking. She’d have come from his words alone, the feeling of his growl along her skin. Add in his fingers, his touch, and she was a goner. She dug her nails into his biceps, her head thrown back as she tried to catch her breath. Graham latched on to her neck, licking, sucking, biting.

  “You’re fucking beautiful when you come,” he said softly before sliding his hand out of her pants. He cupped the back of her neck with his free hand, forcing his gaze to hers. “Part those pretty lips for me.” When she parted her mouth on a breath, he slid his wet finger along her lips before pulling away to suck her juices off each finger. Throughout it all, his gaze never left hers.