Lost Energy

by Lynn Vroman

  I used the couch to help drag myself up and plopped on the bright orange cushions. Everything, from the furniture to the dishes in the kitchen sink screamed with vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows. Happy colors. Now, their lives were destroyed. I had to clear my throat a few times. “Um, Wilma. In my head. Said they know we’re here.”

  “Shit.” Farren left the window and bent to the sleeping woman whose little girl found her own way to breakfast. Farren whispered in the woman’s ear, his tone gentle. She awoke confused at first, eyes wide. Then total devastation made her dark eyes endless, a sob escaping her lips. Farren whispered some more, my name coming up, while rubbing her shoulder. How he remained calm even though I knew he was wrapped tighter than a metal coil amazed me. After he finished, he gestured my way. “Lena, meet Cara.”

  I waved, and she gave a quiet smile.

  Farren said a few more things, all the while continuing to rub her shoulder. Cara nodded, tears still lingering in her lashes, and wrapped one arm around his neck. He lifted them both and headed toward the back of the house. Without looking behind, he said, “We need to get away from the windows.”

  I followed. “But, didn’t you push that button? They can’t see in now, right?”

  He pushed the bedroom door open with the tip of his boot and set the woman on the bed, which floated like the town. “Sure, but Guides can come right through the fucking walls in energy form. And I guarantee there’s a recon mission ordered to find us. That’s why the streets are so quiet.” He tucked a blanket around the woman and smiled for her benefit as he continued. “They’re trying to give us false confidence, make us believe it’s safe to leave our hiding spot. Make it easier for those glowing balls of shit to feel static. Ah, no offense.”

  “None taken. I’m not a glowing ball of shit in this life.”

  He grinned. “Once a ball of shit….” His grin faltered and he bowed his head. “We need to leave. Staying here makes us easy targets. Trapped, you know?”

  How the hell were we gonna leave, especially with Cara and her baby? If the answer would land right into my–

  Stay put and wait until dark so you can see the Guides’ lights. You’re close. I can feel you. Stick to the alleyways. I’ll meet you two blocks west from your current position. Don’t be stupid!

  Thank you, Wilma.

  We’d still have to worry about our new responsibilities, but at least we’d have Wilma’s help. I smiled and tapped my head. “Wilma said to wait until dark. She’s gonna meet us.”

  “Tonight? Twelve hours…okay.” He searched the room, checking the door for locks before tapping the corner of a tiny window too high for me to see out. He asked Cara something when the black didn’t overtake the clear glass and she shook her head. Farren cursed. He came back to me, rubbing his forehead. “Here’s the deal. Don’t. Say. Another. Word.”

  I tilted my head and opened my mouth. No way did he need to talk to me like I was five.

  “No, seriously, shut up. They’ll have listened to a recording of your voice, mine too. We stay quiet. Period.”

  I nodded, finally getting it. Not liking it, but whatever. Unfortunately, no talking meant thinking, not what I really wanted to do. Tarek filled every corner of my mind. If he’d talk to me, find his way inside my mind, tell me how pissed he was. Anything.

  I slammed the door on that part of my mind, which didn’t help put a block on my heart. No amount of willpower could ease the pain brewing in there. Shaking my head, I rubbed my temples before pointing at Farren, the door…and finally to my mouth.

  He shrugged with his hands out and a dumb grin on his face.

  Stomping my foot, I made the motion of eating and drinking.

  He mouthed oh and did some charades of his own.

  My turn to hold out hands with a shrug.

  Glancing at Cara, who looked at us as though we’d checked in from crazy town, Farren squatted, hesitated, and made what I’d consider an obscene gesture with his hands near his crotch before pointing back to me, a question raising his brows.

  Ah, the bathroom…

  I pointed from him to the door, mouthed you first, repeated his borderline porno moves, and scooped imaginary food into my mouth. He grinned again and left the room, thankfully understanding.

  I sat next to Cara, trying to maintain a smile as I grazed a finger across her daughter’s soft cheek. When I pulled away, Cara grabbed my hand and squeezed. She said nothing, gratitude and hope clouding her eyes. Responsibility for her safety overwhelmed me. I could barely take care of myself most of the time.

  But…this place…

  I straightened, clenching my jaw, and squeezed her hand in return. We’d give these people back their homes; give them a reason to fight. I might not be the strongest or the smartest, but goddammit, I had friends who were.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Waiting gnawed at my patience. I managed to help Cara wash up and had the nerve-wracking honor of bathing the baby with a sponge that smelled like lavender and a carafe of water while Cara napped. This little person… I was in awe with her innocent face and delicate brown skin as soft as cotton. Fierce protectiveness flooded all my senses when her little hand found my finger and squeezed. That Protector, the bitch who pointed her gun, hopped back into my head, sealing her death. I’d find her. She’d pay.

  They all would.

  When the baby fussed, I tamped down the rage building long enough to coo and smile as I carried her toward the bed. Cara awoke as soon as I placed the baby beside her. Funny how a mother always knew. She opened her fresh, clean blouse, giving me a smile before feeding her child.

  After making sure they were okay, I picked the spot on the floor beside Farren, who hadn’t taken his eyes off the door since he sat down three hours ago. Waiting didn’t seem to bother him at all. No fidgeting, pacing, nothing. Now that I didn’t have the baby to occupy my attention, I had to sit on my hands to keep from pulling at the ends of my hair or tapping on my knees. Leftover dried fish and apricots Farren scavenged from the kitchen sat between us. Wasn’t half-bad, actually. I picked at it to keep my hands busy.

  I also waited for Tarek to invade my head. Wished for him to, more like.

  Waiting.

  Waiting.

  Somewhere in those long, quiet eight hours, I fell asleep.

  Static woke me up.

  White noise pierced my temples until I screamed, though the static drowned out my agony even inside my head. Farren didn’t have trouble hearing me. He gripped my shoulders as I slapped my palms over my ears, throat raw.

  Farren shook me until I met his worried gaze, his mouth moving, but nothing coming out. At least, I didn’t hear anything. With every bit of strength I had, I switched my screams to jumbled words I hoped he understood. “They found us.”

  He stormed to the window, grabbing a thick blanket on the way. Farren covered the glass until the room darkened–all except the twenty shining orbs glinting like stars.

  I grit my teeth, their presence paralyzing me. One would’ve turned me into a drooling mess. Twenty held me on the ground like cement weights, the noise, and my attraction to them, more important than my life.

  Farren yelled, though I could only read his lips. “Move!”

  I tried, I swear, but those orbs…

  Desperation colored his face as he glanced from me to Cara who had her mouth open in a scream. One second. That was all the time it took for Farren to scoop me up, fling me over his shoulder, and race from the room, leaving behind Cara and her baby. Orbs followed us through the house. The ten surrounding me created such a magnetic force I couldn’t help reaching out to them. Farren stumbled under my weight as he tore open the front door. Ten others floated in separate directions, no doubt to alert their Protectors.

  I struggled in Farren’s arms, reaching for the lights, slowing him down. I needed to touch them, my arms stretching over his shoulders, and then pummeling his back, kicking him in the chest until he lost his hold. As soon as my butt hit the cobblestone, the orb
s, now invisible in the bright sun, pulled me up and caressed me. They trapped me while I smiled, finally able to feel their heat. Static in my head lessoned as though they hypnotized me into loving the sound, craving it. I followed the lights in the opposite direction.

  Farren jumped in front of me. As his fist flew toward my chin, and right before unconsciousness took over, I finally heard his voice. “Sorry, kid.”

  SAVIOR

  Fear cured most things. Hunger, thirst…hope. It filled me up until it ate my insides, burrowing deep into my psyche to remind me I was a piece of shit.

  A failure.

  I left them there, killed a mother and her child because I wasn’t strong enough.

  My eyelids, heavy and thick, refused to lift, forcing me to see their faces–Cara and her precious baby girl screaming for us, needing us. And we just left them. My mind replayed the same image of those lights swallowing them up, disintegrating them to ash.

  Wake up!

  My eyes shot open and pain lanced my brain. The static was gone, but the memories of it a dull, throbbing reminder. I tried to breathe, but panic forming in my throat made it difficult to do properly. Hyperventilating created clouds of dizziness. I tried to get up, but slammed back onto a floating surface as soft as velvet. When my movement made the swaying worse, I rolled to the edge of a bed and released all the dried apricots and fish from my stomach.

  A bucket scooted under the vomit stream, the heaves so violent I almost fell to the floor. Warm hands held me up and pulled back my hair as I emptied the last of my stomach’s contents, leaving a hole so big I wanted to disappear in it, escape everything.

  Sobs filled the room, distant at first, but then blaring right inside my head, almost as loud as the Guides’ attack. Moisture coated my face, coming from my eyes, my nose…my mouth. I couldn’t do it anymore.

  I couldn’t.

  “Shhh…I’m here, you’re safe.”

  Familiar safety of soft arms held tighter, the smell of vanilla pushing past the pain.

  Wilma.

  I clung to her, not opening my eyes again, not wanting to face reality. Ever. She didn’t force me and held on until the very last sob escaped. Until nothing was left.

  I wanted to go home, forget everything.

  I killed them.

  My head stayed nestled in the crook of her arm. She rocked me, stroked my hair. Said words I didn’t bother to try to comprehend. I cleaved to her voice. Too much. All of it had become too much. I couldn’t deal anymore.

  Take me home!

  Oblivion rescued me again. This time, blackness gave me peace.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  The next time my eyes opened, I managed to hold onto my stomach, though nothing lingered there, anyway. Memories created raw pain, but thankfully, emptiness helped to combat the tears. Wilma still held me, gliding a finger up and down my arm, keeping me close.

  I never wanted to leave her or this spot again.

  “I killed them, Wilma.” Tears I thought long gone flooded my eyes, and I pursed my lips to keep the sobs inside.

  “No, you didn’t. Don’t ever think that.” Her hand shook a little as she caressed my cheek, holding me closer. “There wasn’t anything you could’ve done.”

  My fingers pressed into her forearm, and I curled closer to her. “The lights…they were so strong.” The tears let go again and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. “Why couldn’t I see them? Why didn’t I see?”

  She didn’t answer, her chest hiccupping as her arms tightened around me.

  “I couldn’t move…I couldn’t save Cara because…I…”

  “Shh… Please, don’t. They’ve killed so many, and not a single life they’ve taken has been your fault.”

  “But–”

  “No, damn it, stop. I mean it. You have to stay strong, Lena. Stay strong.”

  I moved in closer, wishing I could crawl inside her and hide from everything. “I don’t know how anymore.”

  Her voice trembled, something I had never heard. “Yes, you do. Remember, you’re the strongest person I know.”

  I cried harder. “Tarek…he hates me. I-I can’t live without…”

  “That boy could never hate you! Trust me. He’s in so much pain, I do believe he thinks the world is ending–and his dimension probably isn’t too pleasant to be in, what with him moping like a teenager.” She pulled away and made me look her in the eyes. “And you could most definitely live without him even if that were the case. You are not who you are because of him. You are who you are because in here,” she pressed against my heart, “is fire and passion and courage. No one can take that away, understand?”

  I scooted closer, now almost on her lap, and looked up. “Love you…”

  She smiled, though I swear her eyes filled up, making the blue bright like the sea. “Right back at you, honey. Oh, which reminds me. You really think I’d waste centuries hanging out with an asshole?”

  Heat crawling from my neck to my cheeks made me sweat. “He told you, huh?”

  “More like yelled it inside my head for an hour. The big bastard gave me one hell of a headache.”

  “He defended her, even after I told him what she did.”

  She shrugged. “Well, of course he did! He loved her.”

  Damn, that hurt. I lowered my head, too empty to muster up any anger. “Yeah, well, he can have her.”

  “He does have her! You are her. Granted, she did let Exemplar defeat her in some ways, but she still had compassion. She wanted change, and just because she wasn’t perfect–”

  “She used blackmail. Against innocent people. That list…”

  “Innocent? Honey, not a damn person on that list is innocent of everything. Neither was she. Neither am I. Hell, neither are you.”

  “But Winston said… He said…”

  She shook her head and rolled off the huge bed, which was beautiful with bright green silk sheets in an elegant room with sandstone walls. “Winston cares about Winston. He also believes in every man for himself, or woman, if you prefer. You…the old you…never put herself first, not even for Tarek, whom she did love, mind you! Shitty thing to say to that boy, young lady.”

  The more she talked, the stronger I felt. Wilma’s in-your-face reality checks always erased self-pity. “Yeah, well…well…crap. You have any idea what it’s like being jealous of yourself?”

  “Nope, and you shouldn’t be either. Tarek loves you. He’s in that damn hole for you. Old you had nothing to do with that, seeing as how she isn’t…damn. This gets too complicated! Get over it.”

  I crawled off the bed, strength seeping in to remind me of who I am, not who I was. “Okay, okay, you win. I’ll grovel, if he’ll let me.”

  “Let you? I’ve been telling him to stay out of your damn head since you came here. Told him to let you cool off. He’s going goddamn crazy.”

  “Well, can you tell him to talk to me now, please? I need to hear him.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “Maybe, if you act right. And why the hell didn’t you wait until I said it was safe to come?”

  I fidgeted with a blanket, feeling like an ass. “I-I was mad.”

  She slapped her forehead and stomped to the window. “Mad? Mad? Well, you being mad got Farren shot, missy.”

  Terror. News that created nightmares. No. Not Farren. “Why didn’t you tell me? Where is he? I need to see him… please, God, don’t let him be–”

  “He’s fine. Flesh wound to the leg. But that damn scratch will make him less effective in the fight.”

  Relief turned my knees to water. I held onto a nearby reading chair to keep from falling to the ground. “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”

  “Say what?” Her innocent look didn’t fool me one bit.

  “Whatever, point taken. I’ll listen from now on. Still want to see Ginger, though.” I looked around the room, a fire lighting the area, giving the expensive gold and green furniture a soft glow. Night poured in, the breeze stinking of smoke and fir
e. “Where are we?”

  “Not obvious?”

  Teenesee’s. “How did we…?” I rubbed my jaw, still sore. The memory of Farren’s fist slamming into my face climbed to the surface. “That sonofabitch hit me.”

  “Good thing, too. I found him outside the gate, screaming his fool head off, ten Protectors hot on his ass. Brave kid. Dumb, but brave.”

  “He’s not dumb.”

  She snorted and went to a dresser in the far left corner of the room and ripped some clothes from the drawers. A pair of pants, matching short-sleeved shirt, and tan sandals flew my way. I caught the pants. The rest landed in a clothes puddle at my feet.

  “Get cleaned up.” She pointed to a door, which I assumed was a bathroom. “All you’re gonna do for a couple days is rest, and then Teenesee wants to see you. Zander, too.”

  The mention of Zander reminded me of something. “Wilma? The Guides…I couldn’t see them. I can see Zander when he’s…you know, but them? They were invisible.”

  She pushed the curls off her forehead and shrugged. “They’re more advanced than Zander, like me and Winston, you understand?”

  “Yeah, sure.” More advanced assholes to wreak havoc on innocent people.

  People like Cara and her baby.

  I hesitated on my way to the bathroom. The hole in my heart ached, even though Wilma made it smaller. “Wilma?”

  She sighed. “What?”

  “Do you think they’re dead?”

  The irritated scowl left her face, replaced with compassion. I didn’t have to tell her whom I meant. “I don’t know. Farren said–it’s killing him, too, Lena.”

  “The baby…I held her.” I looked at my hands, the memory of her soft skin bringing back a fresh wave of tears.

  Once again, I was in Wilma’s arms. No smartass comments left her mouth. I felt love–and not the tough kind. “Listen, whatever happens, I promise to find out one way or the other.”

  “Yeah?” I rubbed my eyes on her red shirt, already stained with a night’s worth of tears.

  “Yeah.”