Heartthrob (Bennett Brothers Series)

by Ahren Sanders

  “You ARE such a Bennett girl!” they both screech-whisper. “You’re the epitome of a Bennett girl!”

  I shrug, finding no use in arguing a moot point.

  “Claire, I’m not defending him, but did you ever talk to Mathis and tell him how you felt? You’ve been holding back a huge piece of yourself, which isn’t exactly fair to him. Maybe he didn’t have a clue you were harboring resentment from all those years ago.”

  “No, I didn’t tell him that. I was too infatuated with the fact we finally were an item. I’d waited years for him. The last thing I wanted was to chase him away. It was best to bury it and enjoy what we had.”

  “You had a packed bag and left nothing behind. Being together for such a long time, it was too easy for you to leave. That doesn’t sound like a woman who was enjoying herself.”

  “I can’t expect either of you to understand. What we had worked.”

  “Shaw says he’s upset, Claire. I think you need to talk to him.”

  “Of course, he’s upset. I’d be shocked if he wasn’t. We had an incredible sex life. We had a ton of fun together because, even though we’re opposites, our personalities played off each other. Not to mention, we were surrounded by amazing family and friends and work together at jobs we both love. Like I stated earlier, comfort and familiarity.”

  “He deserves to hear all this from you, know how you feel.”

  “I’ll call him tomorrow; however, it’s not worth dredging this up. It won’t change anything now.”

  “You don’t know that. Maybe there’s a chance.”

  I can hear the underlying hope in Bizzy’s voice and recognize it on Grace’s face. There’s one way I can make them understand.

  “He watched me try online dating without a word. He saw me when Bizzy was in her accident and could have died. He let me go to Charlotte without a care. And, for the last fifteen months, he’s watched me come and go with my overnight bag, not once suggesting I unpack it.”

  “How did we miss all this? Why didn’t you talk to us?” Sympathy, hurt, anguish… it’s all obvious in Bizzy’s question.

  “At first, there was nothing to talk about, then as our relationship went on, things have always been crazy. Grace ran away then got engaged and married. You had shared custody of a newborn and were adjusting to a new life. Then you got pregnant and had Brinley. Not to mention the Super Bowl. It’s been busy.”

  “I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs. You needed me.”

  “I hope I always need you,” I whisper honestly.

  “What can we do?” Grace whispers back.

  “Nothing, it’s done. Mathis is the most wonderful man in the world. He’s a kick-ass doctor, an excellent person, and an amazing friend. We’ll get back to that place. You guys don’t need to worry.”

  “How can you just give up?” Bizzy asks.

  “I’m not giving up. I’m forcing myself to move on. He doesn’t love me in the way I want to be loved. I’ve had a good time, but he’s given me all he can. We had a great go of things, and I’ll never regret it.”

  “What do I do with this? I love him and I love you. You can’t be over.”

  “Biz, how long were you with Shaw before he said he loved you?”

  “Don’t do that. It’s not fair. We’re a different story.”

  I switch my glare to Grace. “How long for you?”

  She darts her eyes around the room, avoiding the question.

  “See, you both had it all. I thought I had it all, too. I was satisfied with waiting because Mathis is intense. I love him and thought that was enough.

  “Claire—” Grace tries to interrupt.

  “No, Grace, you don’t understand.” The wine finally kicks in, and my lips are loose. “Your man followed you across the globe. Bizzy and Shaw went through heavy shit, and Shaw made sure she was okay. Mathis let me go over and over. He’s never once made me number one. I jumped him at Bizzy’s wedding, risking years of pent-up aggression. He took me for what it was, for who I was.”

  “He finally got his head together. You’ve been a couple ever since,” Grace reasons.

  I give her a small smile, knowing she’s trying to make sense of this. “He did, and I have loved every minute with him. We ignite together. That was never a problem, and until recently, I thought it was enough. But something snapped the other night. He said it wasn’t working, and I saw myself in the same position as before. I was ready to bolt. When he told me ‘double occupancy’ was a problem, it was like he was annoyed with the inconvenience. And when I realized I’d never get the true love story, something in me… died. He’s not my guy. Maybe, in truth, I’m not the woman he needs.”

  “What about the whole ‘timing doesn’t mean anything to these guys? One week could equal one month, one year, one decade’.” Grace once again repeats what I told her, referring to Nick and Shaw’s rapid speed in their pursuits.

  “Peach Princess, it’s been almost six years. I think we can safely say I don’t get that same treatment.” I try to find a way to be strong but choke on my words.

  In an instant, Bizzy is on me, her arms around my shoulders, and I do the unthinkable.

  I fall apart, clutching to her for comfort. I weep for the years of hurt and sorrow, the times I never let myself mourn the crush I had that was so deep.

  “He didn’t want me…” I rasp.

  Grace joins us at my side.

  “He didn’t chase me… “He let me go on dates, to Charlotte for eight weeks. He didn’t care.” I can’t go on because remembering all the times Mathis has rejected me scorches in my veins. Sobs rack my body. Bizzy and Grace are no help because they’re crying equally as hard.

  “Why didn’t you talk to us?” Grace asks in a hoarse voice.

  “There was nothing to say.”

  “This ends here. You’ve been holding back some pretty deep feelings.”

  I pull away from their embrace and wipe my face. “I think it all bubbled to the surface.”

  “Are you truly ready for this to be over?”

  “No, but I have no choice. My two best friends are married and having children while I’m still having sleepovers with my boyfriend.”

  “You have to tell him how you feel,” Grace pleads with me.

  “Did you not hear my confession? It won’t change anything.”

  “He needs a push. He’s crazy about you.”

  I decide this has gone on long enough. It’s time for me to snap back to myself.

  “Of course, he’s crazy about me. I’m a kick-ass chick who’s a blast to be around. I’m a fucking catch. Not to mention, he’ll never find another woman who loves giving blow jobs as much as me.”

  Grace sucks in a deep breath, her eyes going wide as Bizzy giggles.

  “Don’t look shocked, Peach Princess. I know you’re not a virgin.”

  She places her hand on her lower belly and laughs.

  “That’s better. And, word of caution, let’s never mention the whole crying jag again. It’s you two who are the weepy wimpsters.”

  “Your secret is safe with us.” Bizzy squeezes my hand. “You’re always safe with us.”

  I reach for the bottle of wine and top off our glasses. “I’m counting on it.”

  “Hey.”

  “Jesus, Claire, where are you?” Mathis barks through the phone.

  “At one of my parents’ condos.”

  “Which one?”

  “One you have never been to. It’s on the other side of town.”

  “What’s the address? I’ll come to you.”

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” I curl into the sofa, covering myself with a blanket.

  “Claire, you’ve been avoiding me for three days. We need to talk.”

  “We are talking.”

  “This isn’t exactly what I had in mind. I mean face to face where I can actually touch you.”

  My heart lunges; the thought of his touch sends a shiver down my spine. I miss the way my skin tingled every ti
me he was near. Less than sixty-seconds on the phone and I’m ready to give in.

  Buck up, Claire!

  “Mathis, I think we both know what will happen if you come over. We won’t talk and, instead, will end up having sex. You’ll think everything is okay when it isn’t.”

  “Is having sex bad?”

  “No, but it’s not going to solve what’s wrong.”

  “Do you mind explaining to me what is wrong? You left me without much to go on.”

  “It’s not working.” The words scorch my tongue saying them out loud.

  “What’s not working?”

  “That’s what you said. It’s not working.”

  He sighs, and I can picture him running his right hand through his hair as he always does when something frustrates him.

  “I was talking about our living situation. You were so exhausted when I got home, you didn’t even know where you were. That’s insane. With our schedules, all this going from one place to the other needs to stop.”

  I ignore how much his words hurt. He still refers to us living together as a convenience. Bizzy and Claire’s pleas to talk to him replay in my mind, and I forge ahead.

  “Do you remember the last time you said ‘it’s not working’?” I ask him, holding my breath.

  “I’m sure I say it all the time. I work in medicine.”

  “You said it to me that night in Tallahassee when you decided my coming to work at the hospital could jeopardize your status.”

  The line is silent for a beat and then he explodes. “Fucking Christ, Claire! That is not what I meant, and you know it. How do you remember that?”

  “Because it was one of the most horrible nights of my life. I’ll never forget the words you used,” I tell him honestly.

  “I thought we were past this. It was years ago.”

  I laugh, but it’s not a laugh of comedy; it’s cynical. “Such a guy thing to say.”

  “Claire, this is ridiculous. Tell me the address.”

  “No, Mathis, you want to talk, we’ll talk. But I can’t see you right now. You’ve always been my weakness, and now that I’ve made this decision, I can’t be weak.”

  “What decision is that?”

  “You know,” I barely whisper, my throat closing.

  “Dammit. We’re not over. No matter what craziness you have in your head, we are not over.”

  “I’m not crazy, Mathis. I’m realistic. We both need to move on.”

  “For fuck’s sake! I’m not letting you do this, Claire. We’re good together.”

  “Yeah, we were, but I’m not sure we’re going in the same direction.”

  “What direction is that? I asked you to move in with me.”

  “No! You didn’t.” The fire in my gut begins to flame, and my attitude comes alive. “You told me the double occupancy thing was a pain in your ass! You didn’t ask me shit. You didn’t even do the whole Bennett brother, ‘I’m going to wear you down until I convince you’ thing. You made it sound like an inconvenience.”

  “Bennett brother thing?” He sounds confused.

  “Yes!”

  “What the hell is that?”

  “I’m not getting into this, Mathis. Let’s not end on a bad note.”

  “As far as I’m concerned, we’re not ending at all. Ever.”

  A spark of something stirs inside at the sound of his determination. I’ve heard it before, the night of the football game when he told me he was done fucking around. But I can’t allow myself to hope.

  “I’m going to go now. I’ll see you at the hospital.”

  “No, Claire, you’ll see me everywhere. Get ready because this isn’t over.”

  I hang up before I tumble stupidly into the trap that will undoubtedly shatter me apart again.

  Chapter 4

  Mathis

  I press the call button on my steering wheel and don’t wait for his greeting when the phone picks up. “I’m driving into your parking garage.”

  “It’s about fucking time.” Shaw disconnects, and I pull into a spot.

  He’s waiting with the door open with Bizzy tucked under his arm when the elevator opens.

  “I need you.” I go straight through the house to the back patio, stopping at his outdoor bar and snatching a bottle of whiskey.

  “About fucking time,” he mutters again, following me.

  “Nick and Grace are on their way,” Bizzy informs us, bringing me a glass of ice.

  “You called them?” I ask unnecessarily.

  “We’ve all been on call since last night.”

  “What happened last night?”

  She bites her lower lip, inching away and hiding behind Shaw. “Grace and I went to see Claire.”

  I swallow the liquor straight from the bottle, letting the burn simmer inside my stomach. “You knew where she was?”

  “I had a hunch,” she answers sheepishly.

  “You didn’t tell me?”

  “No.”

  I shake my head, not surprised. “You want to tell me where she is?”

  “It depends.”

  I take another gulp. “She finally answered her phone. We talked.”

  “And?” Bizzy steps back toward me.

  “I fucked up more than even I could have imagined.”

  “Yeah, you did.”

  I raise my face to her, seeing the worry in her eyes. “I’m going to fix it.”

  “I hope so,” she says gently.

  The door opens, and Grace and Nick walk out.

  “Did you fly over here?” I ask.

  “We kinda were ready for this,” Grace says, coming to my side.

  “I’m going to check on Brinley, be back,” Shaw tells us, disappearing inside.

  “How much did she tell you on the phone?” Bizzy joins Grace.

  “Apparently, I fucked up my attempt to ask her to move in with me.”

  There’s a collective gasp, and I look at Grace, who is the least likely to give me shit. “What do you know?”

  “She’s a wreck. She’s trying to put on a good front, but you hurt her more than you can imagine.”

  “I need more than that.”

  The girls glance at each other, and I wait helplessly as they have a non-verbal conversation with only their eyes. Bizzy gives a small nod and pulls over a lounger as Nick does the same, sitting Grace between his legs and wrapping his arms around her protectively.

  “This isn’t entirely because of the way you mentioned living together. From what I heard last night, it goes much deeper than even I could have imagined.” Bizzy launches into what happened.

  During the story, Shaw comes back, situating himself behind Bizzy and taking the same position as Nick with Grace. I listen, drinking the whiskey and welcoming the feeling as it scalds down my throat. When she’s done, all I can do is stare at them.

  I take in the way they mold together naturally, the protection and support each man wraps around his wife. Possession mixed with obsession radiates from their bodies, and I realize how blind and stupid I’ve been.

  “She cried?” My chest throbs picturing her. The last time I know of Claire crying was when Bizzy was in a car accident that scared the shit out of all of us. Even then, she pulled herself together, taking charge of comforting everyone.

  “I’m not sure crying is the right term. She was hysterical, unlike anything I’ve seen before,” Bizzy says softly.

  “She’s going to kill us if she knows we told you that.” Grace cracks a small smile. “But don’t worry, she bounced back to her snarky ways and started talking about blow jobs.”

  I eye my brothers who are both fighting their own smiles. I chuckle under my breath.

  “Pillar of strength. She’s always strong.”

  “There’s a difference between being strong and having strength,” Shaw assesses.

  “Not sure I’m following you.”

  “It seems to me she’s been burying her emotional vulnerability. Even though you two were together, she never let herself bel
ieve it was going to be forever. As the days ticked by, you didn’t do anything to change her view.”

  “You been attending the therapy appointments you mandate to your clients?” I throw back at him.

  “Maybe,” he answers unfazed.

  “Can I ask you something?” Grace’s violet eyes are clouded with sadness.

  “I think we all know there are no boundaries. Ask away.”

  “Why did you avoid the attraction for so long? Why did you let her go to Charlotte without a fight? It took you a long time to make your move. And, after listening to her last night, even I’m questioning your commitment.”

  I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, knowing this is the moment of truth. These are things that I should be discussing with Claire, but I’m going to need all the help I can get. When I open my eyes, I focus on the view beyond the railing, staring into the darkness.

  “Things were intense when Bizzy and Claire went to Charlotte. I wasn’t happy about it, but Bizzy needed her best friend, and I had no right to demand Claire stay. I also knew they would make an excellent team and help train the staff of the new Pediatric Oncology team. It sucked, but I had to let her go. Nurse Evie put me in contact with the nursing director, and every day, I’d contact her about how things were going. I knew about every patient Claire worked with and every doctor she came into contact with. Her reports were always exemplary, and there was talk of offering her a full-time position to stay. I didn’t take the news well and went straight to Evie. She promised me she’d handle it. The night Claire came back to Miami for the children’s Christmas party was the night I felt relief like I’d never felt in my life. I realized that night how scared I was to actually lose her.”

  “Oh my God,” Bizzy breathes out.

  I stay focused on the night sky and keep going. “I took too long to make my move because I was intent on getting my shit together. The pressures of work closed in on me. My choice to do a combined residency in Pediatric Oncology and Hematology has been tough, and it’s required a lot of sacrifices. Then, with the boards and other certifications, my time was never my own. I couldn’t ask her to live with that. I convinced myself it was enough to have her in my life in some way without asking her to live with the uncertain schedule and demands. Her free-spirit was a direct contrast to my rigid structure. Everyone knows what happened that night at the game. I gave in, said fuck it to my overly inflated sense of righteousness. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. The only things that didn’t change were my schedule and demands. My commitment to her is unwavering, but it’s also spread amongst my obligations.”