by Lucy Gordon
She threw her arms up in the air.
‘Does that mean you can have a rest?’ he asked.
‘Well, I’ve got paperwork and stuff to catch up on, but I can relax a bit, yes. And do you know the best thing of all? Someone told me that they heard my legal opponent say they’d done a clever thing to back down rather than face me, because I was a Rottweiler. Isn’t that wonderful?’
‘Is it?’ Luke asked blankly.
‘Well, not normally of course, but in my job it’s a great compliment.’
‘I can see how it would be,’ he said, amused. ‘Then let’s celebrate your freedom. I’ll go out and buy some wine and a couple of ready-cooked pizzas. No cooking tonight, just relaxing-’
‘And watching some stupid game show on TV?’ she asked eagerly.
‘The stupider the better,’ he promised.
He returned a few minutes later, bearing food and wine, to find her changed out of her severe clothes into jeans and sweater, and looking like ‘urchin’ Minnie, the one he preferred.
It was a wonderful evening. Over pizza she entertained him with vivid impressions of her courtroom opponents, which made him laugh.
‘You should have been an actress,’ he said. ‘You have the gift.’
‘Of course. That’s what a lawyer needs. I can be anything in a courtroom-demure, respectful-’
‘Or Avvocato Rottweiler,’ he supplied.
She gave a reminiscent smile. ‘The first time I was in an Italian court, it sounded so strange to hear the lawyers called Avvocato. I’d just returned here from England and it sounded like “avocado”. I kept giggling and nearly got thrown out.’
‘Things never sound so impressive in English,’ he said. ‘Take your noble ancestor, Pepino il Breve. You’ve got to admit that “Pepin the Short” lacks a certain something.’
‘My noble ancestor!’ she scoffed, then began to chuckle. ‘Pepin the Short. I love it.’
Afterwards they sat on the sofa and hunted through the TV channels for the worst game shows they could find. There was plenty of choice and they bickered amiably, engaging in furious argument over the sillier questions.
Neither of them had mentioned their closeness of the night before, but when he laid his hand on her arm it seemed natural for her to lie down lengthways, with her feet over the end of the sofa, and her head resting on his leg.
‘You got that last one wrong,’ she said, taking a bite out of an apple.
‘I did not,’ he said hotly. ‘There were three choices-’
‘And you got the wrong one,’ she insisted.
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. The first contestant said-’
‘Oh, shut up and hand me another apple.’
He did so and she tucked into it until, a few minutes later, she began to laugh.
‘Pepin the Short,’ she said. ‘What a name!’
‘That’s what you get for being English,’ he said lazily.
‘Half English.’
‘How did that work out when you were a child?’
‘Not well. I don’t think my parents’ marriage was very happy. My mother was a rather uptight person, while my father, as far as I remember him, was very-very Italian, emotional, with a big warm heart and a way of not letting himself be bothered by details. It drove Mamma mad, and I suppose she was right really, because it meant a lot of burdens fell on her. But I didn’t see that. I just saw that he was wonderful, and she disapproved of all the things I thought nicest about him.
‘When I was eight he died, and she took me back to England as fast as she could. But I could never be at home there. By that time I had an Italian heart and I hated the way she tried to make me completely English, as though she could wipe out my Italian side just by fighting it hard enough. I wasn’t allowed to speak Italian or read Italian books, but I did anyway. I used to get them from the library and smuggle them into the house. I can be terribly stubborn.’
‘Really? You?’
‘Oh, don’t be funny. Anyway, you haven’t seen me at my worst.’
‘Heaven help me!’
‘I’ll chuck something at you in a minute.’
‘You wouldn’t assault an invalid, would you?’
‘I might if it was you.’
‘Go on with your story while I’m still safe.’
‘Luckily my mother married again when I was eighteen, and I was clearly in the way, so I could flee back to Italy without anyone trying to stop me. In fact-’
Suddenly a wry grin twisted her mouth.
‘What did you do?’ he asked, fascinated.
‘I don’t want to tell you; it’s rather shocking,’ she admitted.
‘You never did anything shocking.’
‘Don’t you call blackmail shocking?’
‘Blackmail?’
‘Well, in a sort of way. Although I think bribery is probably a better word. My stepfather was very well-off and he let it be known that if I’d make myself scarce it would put him in a generous mood. I knew I’d need some help until I found my feet-’
Luke began to laugh. ‘How much did you take him for?’
‘Let’s just say it covered my training.’
‘Good for you!’
‘Yes, I was quite pleased with myself in an insufferable sort of way.’
‘Insufferable, nothing! You were smart. If you ever get tired of law I could use you in my business. Come to think of it, the business could use a good lawyer.’
‘Ah, then I have to admit that I gave it all back.’
‘Minnie, please!’ he said in disgust. ‘Just when I was admiring you! Now you’ve spoiled it.’
‘I know. I tried not to. It was a fair bargain because we each gained from it, and I’d kept my side and never troubled them since. But when I was earning enough to repay it, I just had to. I was really cross with myself.’
He didn’t speak for a while. He was fighting an inner battle, sensing the ghost hovering on the edge of their consciousness, unwilling to spoil the moment by inviting him in, yet knowing that he must do so, if he were to be any use to her.
At last he forced himself to say, ‘What did Gianni think?’
CHAPTER TEN
H E WAITED to see if she flinched at Gianni’s name, but she merely gave a fond, reminiscent smile.
‘Gianni thought I was crazy but he didn’t try to stop me. Come to think of it, that was always the way. He was very easygoing. He used to say, “You do it your way, carissima.”’ She gave a brief laugh. ‘So I always did.’
‘He sounds the ideal husband,’ Luke observed, keeping his voice carefully light. ‘You said, “Jump” and he jumped. What more could a woman ask?’
‘Sure, it makes me sound like a domineering wife, but actually it was all a con trick. He pretended to be meek and helpless but it was just a way of pushing the boring jobs on to me. If there were forms to be filled in, phone calls to be made to officials, it was always, “You do it, cara. You’re the clever one.” And after a while it dawned on me that I’d been tricked into doing all the work.’
‘Did you mind?’
‘Not really. It made sense since I was a lawyer, and you know what bureaucracy is like in this country.’
‘And if you hadn’t been a lawyer?’
‘He’d have found some other excuse, of course,’ she said, smiling. ‘He was just like my father. Anything not to fill in a form! But so what, as long as one of us could do it? We were a team, a partnership.’
‘And you were the clever one, weren’t you? Cleverer than him, I mean.’
‘He used to laugh and say anyone was cleverer than him. Sometimes I’d rebel and say, “Come on, you can do that one yourself,” and he’d grin and say, “It was worth a try, cara.” But I didn’t mind because he gave me so much in return, love and happiness. We had a marriage that-I don’t know-I can’t say.’
‘Go on,’ he said when she fell silent. ‘Tell me how it was.’
She shook her head.
‘Mind my own busin
ess?’ he asked lightly.
‘We were married for ten years. How can I tell you how “it” was? Which “it” are we talking about? The first year, when we were discovering each other, or the middle years when we settled into being an old married couple?’
‘You mean when you were in your mid-twenties? That sort of old?’
‘That’s right. I didn’t mind being “that sort of old” because I knew I’d come home and found the place I belonged. I wanted to stay there for ever.’
‘But you can’t. Life moves on.’
‘I know,’ she said with a sigh. ‘At first we fitted together perfectly. I spent years going to law school and then serving an apprenticeship with a firm, not earning very much, and he didn’t earn very much either.’
‘What sort of job did he do?’
‘He drove a truck for a local firm that buys a lot of stuff through Naples and Sicily.’
‘So he was away a lot?’
‘If it was Naples he could get back the same day, even if it was quite late. For Sicily he’d have to be away overnight, maybe two.’
‘But that must have been handy if you were studying?’
‘It was. He used to say that all the other drivers worried about leaving their wives, in case they were unfaithful, but he knew his only rival was my books.’
‘What about children? Did you ever think of having any?’
Was it his imagination, or did she hesitate a moment?
‘We talked about it, but there were always hurdles to clear first. I wanted to give him children. He had such a great heart; he’d have been a wonderful father.’
She didn’t say any more and he left it there. Another show was coming up on television and they watched it for a while, making ribald comments about the quality of the contestants. She went into the kitchen to create a late night snack, then checked the curtains to make sure that they were completely closed.
‘They weren’t looking in, were they?’ Luke asked.
‘I wouldn’t put it past them. Once Netta’s set her heart on something, she doesn’t give up.’
‘Couldn’t you just be strong, and tell her that nothing on earth would prevail on you to marry me?’ he suggested.
‘I’ve already done that. It didn’t work. The way she sees it, our marriage would benefit everyone, so it’s my duty to sacrifice myself.’
‘Thanks!’
She grinned. ‘I just thought I’d warn you of the forces ranged against you.’
‘Think I can’t manage for myself, huh?’
‘Are you kidding? Between you and Netta I’d back her any day.’
‘So would I,’ he observed gloomily.
‘Don’t worry; I’ll save you from that ghastly fate. I’ll be strong for both of us.’
‘Who’s strong for you?’ he asked impulsively. ‘Who’s ever done that?’
Her shrug seemed to imply that she had no need, but he was beginning to know better.
The game show was followed by a historical film, made about fifty years ago and set in the days of ancient chivalry. It concerned a knight escorting a lady to her wedding with a great lord. They fell in love but maintained perfect virtue, symbolised by the knight laying his sword on the ground between them as they slept side by side.
People said ‘Gadzooks!’ and ‘Avaunt!’ The lady swooned regularly. The colour was lurid and the film was truly terrible. They enjoyed it immensely.
‘If you tried that sword trick in real life,’ Luke observed, ‘you’d be cut to pieces.’
‘And they’re all so clean,’ Minnie objected. ‘Days travelling through the countryside, and not a speck. Do you want anything else to eat?’
‘No, thanks,’ he said, yawning. ‘I’m off to bed.’
‘Me, too.’
In the doorway he paused and said lightly, ‘I don’t have a sword, but I do have a bad arm.’
‘You don’t have to reassure me,’ she said quietly.
‘I’ll see you, then.’
When she appeared in his room a few minutes later he was in bed. He extended his good left arm and she tucked herself into the crook. He turned out the light, and for a while she was so still that he thought she’d fallen asleep. But then she said, ‘Thank you, Luke.’
‘Does it help?’ he asked quietly.
‘You’ll never know how much.’
She fell asleep on the words. He waited, listening to her soft breathing in the darkness. At last, easy in his mind about her, he settled down.
Only once in the night did she stir and begin muttering words that he could not discern. He stroked her hair with his bandaged hand, murmuring, ‘It’s all right. I’m here.’
She became content, and didn’t move again.
Sometimes over the next few nights, lying in the darkness of that quiet room, Minnie had the feeling of being in a small boat that was drifting out into uncharted sea. Their destination was a mystery, but she knew there was nothing to fear.
She had no idea what deep instinct had made Luke so attuned to her needs, and so willing to subordinate everything else to her. This man whom she’d once thought harsh and insensitive, seemed to have the power to look into her heart, and be gentle with what he found there.
She lost track of time. By day they talked, or rather she talked while he listened, offering the odd word or question to bring forth more memories that always looked strangely different once she had voiced them. He had spoken of letting in the light of day, and it was true. At night there was the comfort of untroubled sleep.
It couldn’t last. The passion that had briefly flared was still there, subdued but waiting. But, for now, this was the sweetest experience of her life.
She lost track of time. She only knew that one night his cellphone, which he kept beside the bed, shrilled until they woke. He fumbled for it, tried to press the right button with his left hand, and dropped it.
‘Stay,’ she said, motioning him back while she picked up the phone, pressed the button, and handed it to him.
He grunted his thanks. ‘Pronto!’
It was Toni, and Luke could hear at once that something was badly wrong. Minnie, watching, heard him say ‘Mamma!’ twice, and grow pale.
‘I’ll be there as fast as I can,’ he said, and hung up.
‘What’s happened?’
‘It’s my mother,’ he said, speaking with difficulty. ‘She collapsed suddenly and had to be rushed to hospital. They think it’s a heart attack and she might-I’ve got to get there, fast.’
‘I’ll call the airport,’ Minnie said at once.
But the flight from Rome to Naples had just left, and there wasn’t another until the following morning.
‘It’ll be midday before I land,’ he groaned. ‘That might be too late. I’ll have to drive.’
‘Not with that bandaged hand,’ Minnie said. ‘You’ll never control a car.’
‘Don’t you understand? I have to get there!’ he raged.
‘Then I’ll take you. The roads will be clear at this hour, and we’ll be there in less than three hours.’
Without giving him a chance to answer, she went to her room and dressed quickly. When she came out he’d managed to scramble into some clothes and was standing by the door, his whole being expressive of tense urgency.
Her car was locked in a row of garages further down the street. As quickly as she could, she eased it out, and soon they were on their way out of Rome, on to the autostrada that led to Naples. Then she put her foot down, driving as fast as she dared.
Only once during the journey to Naples did he speak. ‘Thank you. I don’t know how I’d have managed but for you.’
‘Anyone in that building would have done this for you,’ she said. ‘They all count you as their friend. But I wanted to be the one to do it.’
‘Thank you,’ he said again, and fell into brooding silence.
On the outskirts of Naples they came to a place where there had been an accident. Nobody had been hurt, but a truck lay on its side, blocking the
road, save for one lane, and the traffic had slowed to a standstill.
Luke groaned and seized his cellphone. But his father’s phone was switched off.
‘Hospitals won’t have them on,’ Minnie said sympathetically. ‘But we’ll be there soon. The front of this queue is moving.’
He slumped down in his seat. ‘It might be too late. Why wasn’t I there?’
‘Has she been ill before?’
‘Not as far as I know.’
‘Then how could you have been on the alert? You couldn’t have known this was going to happen.’
‘That’s easy to say, but she might be dead right this minute, and I wouldn’t know. I should have called her more often. She might have told me that she was feeling bad-’
‘But maybe she wasn’t. Luke, don’t start creating “what ifs?” to torment yourself.’
‘But you can’t stop yourself creating them,’ he said sombrely. ‘You know that better than anyone. Suddenly I find myself saying all the things you said about Gianni.’
‘But you didn’t quarrel with her,’ she said softly. ‘She knows you love her.’
‘I should have called her yesterday, but I didn’t. If I had, I’d have said-’ he sighed heavily ‘-probably nothing very much, but she’d have known I cared because I took the time to make the call.’
She longed to comfort him, as he had comforted her. The traffic was still for the moment, and, in her desperation to pierce his haze of misery, she took hold of him and gave him a little shake, forcing him to look at her.
‘Luke, listen to me. How many years has she been your mother? More than thirty? Do you think she doesn’t know by now how you feel about her? Do you think one incident counts against all those years?’
‘Why not?’ he asked her simply. ‘Isn’t that what you think about Gianni? All those years of loving him, and you can’t forgive yourself for one incident.’
‘But you’ve been telling me how wrong I was.’
‘I know. And you are wrong, just as I’m wrong now. And we both know it, but it doesn’t help, does it?’
‘No,’ she said, putting her arms right round him. ‘It doesn’t help, however hard we try to reason, because in the end reason has nothing to do with it. It’s what you feel.’