by Jodi Thomas
Kora wanted only the man. He thought he was so hard, but she’d seen the gentleness in the way he looked at her, and tonight she’d felt it in his touch. The very wildness that worried him excited her. She’d never thought she’d marry. She liked everything calm and in order. His world was filled with clutter and danger. But his was a chaos that made her blood rush. She didn’t know what it was like to sleep with a man, but it was about time she found out. And there was no other man she wanted to show her except Winter.
Without a word Kora slipped behind the divider and undressed. Her fingers trembled as she buttoned her nightgown. She thought of all the things he’d never said. Like that she was beautiful, or that he loved her. Those words might matter to other women, but Kora told herself they didn’t matter to her. He’d said more important things, like the house would always be hers and that he needed her help. His words weren’t the words of love, but they were honest words.
When she stepped out from behind the thin wall, Winter was standing next to his washstand. He’d removed everything except his jeans, and they were open at the first
button. He’d managed to spill most of the water and nicked himself shaving, making Kora smile.
She moved across the room and touched the tiny spot of blood. He looked down at her with dark eyes afire with need, but he didn’t touch her as she lifted his towel and patted his chin.
‘‘We’d better go to bed,’’ he whispered, as if they were words he’d said every night since their marriage.
Without touching her, he moved to his side of the bed and pulled back the covers.
Panic climbed up Kora’s spine. In the trees when he’d kissed her it had been dark. When she’d told him she was ready, she’d still been warm from the passion of his kisses. Now he was standing before her silently waiting for her to share his bed, and she wasn’t sure she could. Maybe she didn’t have what it took. She’d never even been interested in any man this way except him.
She backed away.
For a moment Winter looked concerned, then confused, then he seemed to understand. Without a word he leaned over and put out the light.
Now the only illumination was from the moonlight and stars. Still she hesitated.
With a quick jerk, he pulled the covers from the bed and spread them on one of the rugs. ‘‘Are you afraid of me,’’ he asked, ‘‘or the bed?’’
He dropped to his knees on the blankets. ‘‘If you won’t sleep with me on the mattress, I’ll join you on the floor.’’
She smiled and moved toward him. When she was only a few feet away, he gently put his hands on her waist and pulled her to him, resting his head at her middle.
Kora touched his hair and felt the excitement that she had before. Slowly she lowered to her knees. Without a word, he kissed her gently as he lowered her to the blankets and spread out beside her. The night was cool, but his nearness kept her warm.
Her head rested on his arm as he leaned above her, kissing her gently. ‘‘Are you sure you want this?’’ he whispered between kisses. ‘‘I still have enough reason left that I could go to the study. I promised you I wouldn’t force this role on you.’’
Kora wasn’t sure at all. What if he got carried away and held her too tightly again? She wasn’t even sure what she was agreeing to. She’d heard many women say it was something every wife had to endure. But if it was like Winter’s kisses, making love would be easy to become accustomed to. And his touch had been a taste of heaven.
His fiery need for her excited her.
‘‘I’m sure,’’ she lied.
On his side, with her pressed close, Winter watched her face in the moonlight as his hand lowered to the center of her gown. He spread his fingers out over her abdomen and felt the warmth of her flesh beneath the thin layer of cotton. He wanted to feel her skin but didn’t want to frighten her. Move slow, he kept reminding himself. Move slow. He knew she was unsure, but she was looking at him like he knew what he was doing. Win wasn’t about to tell her how little he knew of loving. Surely it couldn’t be all that difficult. He knew the basics. He’d learn.
He kissed her on the forehead. When she closed her eyes, he lightly touched his lips to her eyelids and felt her lashes tickle his mouth.
When he reached her lips, they were full and ready for him. Opening without having to be encouraged. The knowledge that she was learning and responding to the way he liked to love made his blood warm, and awkward movements became smooth. Her mouth had the feel and taste of soft, warm honey. She remained still as he felt and tasted her mouth.
His kisses were no longer hard, almost bruising, as they had been in the orchard, but still a fire coursed through her. The feel of his hand across her abdomen moving slightly, pressing gently, made her long for him to touch her as he had.
For a long while he seemed content to kiss her. She timidly raised her hand and touched his bare shoulder. With her touch she knew that his wild, maddening need was being held at bay.
His fingers stroked her face and hair as his lips brushed hers.
Kora liked the pleasure he brought, but she wanted the passion. If she was to drink tonight, she wanted the full glass. She raised her hand and stroked his chest, trailing her fingers over his warm skin.
The kiss deepened.
She continued to explore the wall of flesh over muscle. She liked the way his body tightened with her touch and rippled beneath her hand. The sun’s warmth seemed baked into his skin.
Winter was fighting all his passion to go slowly, and she seemed to be fanning the fire with kerosene. When her fingers tickled their way down the center of his chest to the spot just below his waist where his pants were open, he couldn’t hold back a groan.
Kora laughed softly against his ear and repeated her action, loving the way she could make him react.
The third time she broke the hold on his reserve, and they began galloping at full speed. His kiss turned to liquid desire, and his hands moved over her in bold strokes. At first he’d been content to rest his hand on her; now he longed to touch her all at once.
When his fingers captured her full breast, Kora arched her back, offering more. His hold was tight as his thumb found her peak and rubbed across it back and forth with maddening pressure. The thin layer of cotton offered nothing to protect her as the layers of cloth had in the orchard. She took passion’s wave and moved, begging for more.
He no longer kissed her as he continued to explore her body, but allowed her to sigh and cry out softly in pleasure. But he couldn’t live without the taste of her. He left his mission only long enough to unbutton the buttons at her throat. When his hand returned to her breasts, he loved the way she sighed and rocked her fullness into his embrace as though welcoming him home. The roughness of his hands seemed to excite her.
With her gown undone, he could fully taste her throat. She rolled her head aside, offering him her neck from the sensitive area he’d found just below her ear to where the material parted, revealing the rise of one breast. For a moment, he stopped, unable to do anything but stare at the beauty she offered him so easily, so freely. The sight of her lying on her back with her eyes sparkling with starlight and her gown open made him feel as if his brain were exploding. He pulled the material away slightly until he saw the swell of both breasts and the inviting valley between them.
Her breasts were fuller than he’d expected, with creamy skin that begged to be touched. His gaze locked on hers as he brushed two fingers down the center of her gown’s opening, applying pressure to each breast.
Moving restlessly she silently begged to be touched. He closed his hand over the cotton covering one mound, enjoying the way she cried softly in pleasure as her eyes darkened to velvet blue. His hand molded around her, taking slow pleasure as his grip tightened over the mound.
Her lips parted in whispered cries of pleasure. He leaned over her and kissed her deep and completely.
When he rolled back beside her, she moved restlessly and her leg brushed against his need. He cover
ed her ripe breast with his hand once more, enjoying the way she responded by moving again and once again, brushing against his jeans. He knew he could open her gown farther, but he wanted to ration out perfection. The feel of her was enough tonight, later he’d undress her completely. He brushed the thin cotton covering her peak, and her lips parted, begging him for more.
Her eyes were wide with passion and need and uncertainty. His thumb crossed her peak again as his fingers tightened around her. Her eyes turned a darker blue and her mouth opened with a sigh. He’d never dreamed she’d respond to him so, and the knowledge drove him mad. This shy woman wasn’t going to just take his loving; she was feeling his every touch with a passion that rocked him.
He answered her with a deep, full kiss. As she relaxed in his arms, he spread his hand out and felt the rise and fall of her chest.
Then his mouth lowered to her throat as one arm encircled her. She responded as she had before, allowing him free rein over her body. Her back arched as his hand pulled demandingly against her virgin flesh. His grip tightened and she cried once more with pleasure, whispering his name.
His fingers became bolder, pulling, molding as his thumb once more circled her peak roughly, then held her tightly as her body shook with pleasure. He leaned into her, wanting to feel her responding. The pleasure he brought her burned him with deeper passion.
She didn’t disappoint him. Each time his hand circled and tightened, she moved. Each time his kiss grew bolder, she trembled with a need he knew was building inside her as well.
Curling against him, she began to swim in the fire of passion, losing all her mind except the desire, the need, the longing for more. His touch was gentle one moment, begging for her, and demanding the next, taking all he wanted of the feel and taste of her.
Suddenly he placed one hand on her hip and pulled her closer against him so that he could feel her with the length of his body. His mouth returned to hers, silencing her cries of pleasure as his fingers continued to travel along her legs and over her hips. When he returned to her breasts, each touch was like the first, making her bolt with fire and need. Only now her peaks were sensitive from his first rough touch and responded to even his slightest brush.
‘‘More,’’ she whispered against his mouth. ‘‘More!’’ He’d created an addiction within her.
Win smiled. She was made for loving, his loving.
The kiss deepened as he moved above her. The wall of his chest pressed into her, giving her the pleasure his hand had. Only now the pressure was doubled. Kora moved wildly beneath him, loving the feel of him above her.
She wasn’t aware that he’d lifted her gown until she felt his knee pry her legs apart. He raised above her for a moment, and she closed her eyes against the sudden cold without him. Blindly she reached for him and pulled him to her.
His chest pressed into her breasts as his mouth covered hers with a kiss that was almost savage with need. She was vaguely aware of his hands gliding over her legs, pulling them open with rough hurried movements. He pushed into her so suddenly she felt like she’d been struck by lightning.
She jerked wildly as pain shot through her body and her scream was caught in his mouth. He pushed again and again before she could think enough to react. The ceiling began to spin as he continued, driving deeper with each advance. Passion gave way to pain. Weakly Kora began to fight, but he didn’t stop.
Finally he shoved one last time with even more force than he’d used before. He broke their kiss as he let out a sound like none she’d ever heard. A heartbeat later her scream filled his ears as completion emptied his body of all energy.
Winter rolled to his side. He reached for her, but she rolled away. For a few breaths he couldn’t think of anything but how wonderful it had felt to be inside her. Then her soft crying reached his passion-drugged mind.
Lifting to one elbow, he looked at her. Kora was curled in a ball, pulling the covers around her as she cried.
‘‘Kora,’’ he whispered. ‘‘Kora, are you all right?’’
She didn’t answer. He didn’t even think she heard him. When he touched her shoulder, she pulled away.
Then he saw it. Blood. A spot on the blanket and another on the back of her gown.
Winter fell back and swore to the heavens. A virgin! Of course she’d been a virgin. Andrews hadn’t even known her until Win said her name; how could the man have slept with her? No other man had ever kissed Kora, much less touched her.
She’d come to him a virgin, and he’d taken her like she was a whore.
NINETEEN
WINTER STOOD AND PULLED ON HIS JEANS. ALL HIS life he’d thought of himself as strong and hard. He’d work hours longer than any man and was justly proud of what he accomplished. He’d stand to the death for something he believed in. He never backed down when he knew he was right.
But tonight for the first time, Winter hated himself. He hated himself more than he’d ever hated anyone since he’d learned Custer’s soldiers killed his mother.
He walked over to the pitcher of water on his washstand. Grabbing his discarded shirt, he soaked it in cold water and crossed back to Kora.
She didn’t move when he knelt on the floor beside her. The sound of her crying ripped his heart apart.
‘‘Kora?’’ he whispered as he gently touched her cheek.
To his surprise she didn’t pull away, but seemed frozen in place. Maybe she figured he’d done as much damage as he possibly could for one night. She stared up, but didn’t seem to see him.
He brushed her hair out of her face and saw the bruises already beginning along her throat where he’d tasted her flesh. He hadn’t meant to leave passion marks on her, but the proof was clear.
Winter swore to himself. He’d have killed any man for doing this to her. He’d never seen such marks on respectable women, only on those who liked to be passed around. ‘‘I’m sorry’’ was too lame an excuse for what he’d done. ‘‘I’m sorry’’ wasn’t even worth voicing.
She didn’t move as he slowly pulled the covers away. He wasn’t sure if she was too afraid to react or if she’d lost all feeling.
Her gown was still at her waist. With shaking hands, he wiped the blood away from her thigh, then placed the wet shirt between her legs, hoping to cool any more pain. He gently pulled her gown down and wrapped her in the quilts. She’d stopped crying and her eyes were closed, but he doubted she was asleep.
He lifted her in his arms and carried her to bed. Before he lowered her, he buried his face in her hair and fought down a curse. Her unvoiced cry rocked through him all the way to his soul. He’d crushed the only gentleness that had ever come into his life.
‘‘Kora?’’ he whispered from above her, wishing she’d say something, anything, but she didn’t answer.
Win felt so helpless. He wanted to lie down next to her and hold her all night, but her scream haunted his mind. It had been a cry of pure terror. He knew she wouldn’t welcome him near tonight or probably any night for the rest of their time together. From this point on she’d count the days until she was on the train to California.
He paced the room for a few minutes, then went downstairs. Maybe if she took a little brandy she could sleep? Maybe tomorrow the pain wouldn’t be so bad? Maybe she’d not hate him? He’d swear never to touch her again. It had been hard never reaching for her before tonight, but after what they’d shared, it would be torture.
She’d felt so good in his arms. She’d been so soft and willing, she trusted him completely. Until the last. Until she’d screamed.
He reached the study and was headed back to the stairs when he thought of tea. Kora always liked to drink a hot cup of tea each night. He’d watched her pass the study, carrying it to bed with her. But tonight they hadn’t stopped in the kitchen on their way to the bedroom.
Win had little idea how to make tea. He boiled some water and scalded his fingers pouring it into a cup. He misjudged how many tea leaves to drop in and frowned when the liquid turned to mud. With the cup i
n one hand and the brandy in the other, he started back through the darkness toward the stairs.
At the second-floor landing Jamie stepped in his path, making him splash tea onto his hand for the second time.
‘‘What are you doing up at this hour?’’ she demanded as if she were the night watchman.
‘‘I was getting Kora a cup of tea and myself a drink.’’ Win tried to sound calm.
‘‘Something wake you up, too?’’ Jamie leaned on her door frame. ‘‘I was sound asleep and swear I heard a scream.’’
Win was glad it was dark. ‘‘I heard it, too.’’ A lie wouldn’t set easy on him.
Jamie shrugged. ‘‘I looked around but didn’t find anything amiss. I figure it must have been one of those wounded men. Doc’s got them pretty full of pain medicine. I checked on them, but they were both sleeping like babies by the time I got my buckskins on.’’
Win didn’t answer. He shifted, waiting for her to move out of his way.
‘‘Kora’s all right, isn’t she?’’ Jamie asked suddenly. ‘‘It’s not like her to let someone else wait on her.’’
‘‘I wanted to.’’ Win fought the knowledge that Kora wasn’t all right and it was his fault.
‘‘You’d better be good to her,’’ Jamie began.
‘‘I know!’’ Win snapped. ‘‘Or you’ll cut me up in little pieces.’’ He might as well buy her a good knife, because when Kora woke up in the morning, Jamie was bound to find out how cruel he’d been.
‘‘Well, getting her tea is a start in the right direction, cowboy.’’ Jamie disappeared in her room. ‘‘Night!’’ she yelled just as the door closed.
Win walked up the next flight of stairs and across to the bed. First he lit the lamp, then laced the tea with a good portion of brandy. Kora was silent now, but he guessed she wasn’t asleep.
‘‘Kora,’’ he whispered as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her, blankets and all, toward him.