Ray of Heart (Ray #5)

by E. L. Todd

  “I’m gonna be out for the night, so can you keep an eye on Safari?”

  “I’m not your maid,” he barked.

  “You look like one.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You want me to watch your dog?”

  “You don’t need to watch him. Just let him out to pee in a few hours.”

  “Nah.” He walked across the hall and opened my door. “Come on, boy.”

  Safari walked right past me into Rex’s apartment.

  Rex followed him back across the threshold. “We like having him around. Much better company than you are. Where are you going, by the way?”

  “To a Wizards game.” I crossed my arms over my chest, knowing exactly how jealous he would be. “Courtside, baby.”

  “What?” His mouth dropped. “Right in front of the cheerleaders?”

  Not an incentive for me, but whatever. “Yep.”

  “What the hell? Zeke is gonna take you instead of me? What a shithead.”

  “Uh...I’m not going with Zeke.”

  Rex’s face fell when he understood my meaning. “Oh.”

  “Ryker will be here any minute.” I tried to speed things along to make this less awkward. “So, I’ll see you later. Keep an eye out for a friendly face on TV.” I turned around so I wouldn’t have to look at him anymore.

  At that moment, Ryker appeared down the hallway, dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans—like usual. “You ready for this?” He didn’t spot Rex in the open doorway yet, his eyes on me and my jersey. “Need a jacket?”

  “No, I’m good. It’ll be warm on the court with the players.” I locked the door to my apartment, aware of Rex still staring at us.

  Ryker finally noticed him. He looked at him with his unreadably stoic expression, seeming unaffected by my brother’s presence. “Long time, no see, huh?” He placed his hands in his pockets, wearing his handsome smile.

  Rex’s only response was a glare.

  Man, this was awkward. I tried to keep the moment light. “Thanks for looking after Safari.” I shoved my keys in my purse then walked down the hall with Ryker.

  Rex stared at us the entire time, his eyes smoldering with hatred.

  When we were out of earshot, Ryker sighed. “Wow. That guy still hates me, huh?”

  “Honestly, I think he’s always going to hate you.”

  Ryker shrugged it off. “Eh, whatever. I’ll butter him up eventually.”

  ***

  “Can you believe this?” If I stuck my foot out, I would actually be touching the inside of the court. Sweat gleamed from the players’ bodies, and I could actually smell it. They were playing Cleveland, and LeBron looked even bigger in real life. “This is amazing.”

  Ryker sipped his beer and smiled. “I can’t believe it either. Way better than watching it at home.”

  “I hope they lose control of the ball and come toppling this way.”

  Ryker raised both eyebrows. “Man, I really hope not. If LeBron jumped on you, he’d snap you in half.”

  “It’d be worth it.”

  He chuckled then picked up his basket of nachos from underneath the seat. He popped one into his mouth and watched the players run back and forth. “Anything new with you?”

  Ryker and I hadn’t seen each other in over a week, and in that time period, a lot had happened. We sent each other random text messages every day with pictures of dogs in ugly sweaters, but we didn’t discuss anything real.

  “Not really.”

  “What’s been going on with Zeke?”

  I had no idea what I was doing with Zeke. I was still so angry at him, but I couldn’t keep my distance. “Well...I did something really stupid.”

  “Uh-oh,” he said with a grin. “That doesn’t sound good...”

  “We were all hanging out, and I asked him to sleep over.”

  Ryker popped another chip into his mouth, keeping his thoughts a mystery.

  “Then we got breakfast the next morning and took Safari on a walk. After that, we went back to being friends again.”

  “You guys had sex but didn’t get back together?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “We just slept together. We didn’t even kiss. I’m just so exhausted from not getting enough sleep, and I missed him so...I had a moment of weakness.”

  Ryker’s shoulders immediately relaxed. “Oh, I see.”

  “And now we’re back to being friends, but I still miss him... I’m so confused. I don’t want to take him, back but I can’t stop thinking about him.” I talked to Ryker about my relationship problems more than I did with my own girlfriends. Somehow, he’d turned into a confidant that I shared everything with.

  “You want to know what I think?”

  My eyes followed the ball on the court, listening to him the entire time. “I guess.”

  “I think you’re just postponing the inevitable. You love the guy, so just take him back. No one is going to judge you for it.”

  “But I can’t forget what he did. I love him and miss him, but once I think about him and that woman, I push him away again. It’s a vicious cycle that will never go away.”

  “Maybe you need more time to forgive him. But I don’t see why you can’t be with him during that time.”

  Maybe I was being irrational, but it really seemed like no one understood how I was feeling. “He slept with another woman. I don’t think we can move on from that.”

  “But you obviously can’t move on from him,” Ryker pointed out. “So what’s the lesser of two evils?”

  “That’s not how I want to think of my relationship.”

  “You may have to.” He tossed a few more chips into his mouth, his eyes on the game. The second quarter ended, and we went into halftime.

  “What about you? Have you been seeing anyone?”

  He placed the nachos under his chair again. “No.”

  “Not even a date?”

  He shook his head. “Nope.”

  I wondered if he was still waiting for the possibility of getting back together with me. I told him it was never going to happen, but perhaps he didn’t believe me. He had encouraged me to go back to Zeke, so that didn’t exactly add up. “Not even hooking up with a regular?”

  “No.” He eyed the players as they retreated to their places at the benches. “I had meaningless sex for a while, and it just made me feel worse. I’m just not in the mood to pick up a woman for a late-night fuck. Honestly, I miss the sex we used to have.”

  I stared at the court and tried to ignore the inappropriate statement he just made.

  “Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. But I’m being honest.”

  “No, it’s okay. It really was good sex.” There was no denying that we both enjoyed it on a spiritual level.

  “Anything besides that is...mediocre.”

  “Maybe it’s because we had a connection.”

  “Yeah,” he said in agreement. “I think it’s because we loved each other—even though I was too much of a shithead to admit it.”

  I crossed my legs and adjusted myself in my seat, wanting to do something with my body.

  He turned to me, examining my face. “You asked, right?”

  I nodded. “You’re right, I did. Does that mean you aren’t trying to date?”

  “I’ve had no interest. My days are pretty routine. I go to work, hit the gym, and then come home. Sometimes, I go out with some friends, but I’m not looking for tail.”

  Ryker was a sexual person so going through a long-term dry spell didn’t sound like him. “And you just use your hand all the time?” It was an inappropriate question to ask, but I did it anyway.

  “Yeah. In the shower every afternoon. It took some getting used to, but now I’m comfortable with it.” His eyes darkened like he was thinking of something arousing. “What about you?”

  “I’ve had no sex life since the day Zeke and I broke up—not even by myself.”

  “You retired the vibrator?” he asked with a smile.

  “I think the batteries are dead. Not
sure.”

  “That’s a long time to go without a release,” he said. “Not like you.”

  I used to be really sexual when we were together. After he dumped me, I went through a dry spell that lasted longer than the dust bowl. But when I got over it and started seeing Zeke, I picked it up again. Now, I was back in the desert, having no sexual appetite at all. “I’ve been too miserable.”

  “Actually, you seem a little better. I think you’ve come a long way since I found you in that bar.”

  I was so grateful Ryker was the only person who knew about that incident. “I do feel better. But I’m still pretty lost right now.”

  “What’s the worst thing that could happen if you take back Zeke?” he asked. “You push him away from time to time when you remember what he did? It’s not like he’s going to make that same mistake twice.”

  “I don’t want to be in a relationship unless it feels right. And right now, it doesn’t.”

  He sipped his beer and watched the TV in the corner. They were doing the kiss cam, where the camera focused on couples in the audience and waited for them to kiss on live TV. “Hmm... I’ve never seen them do that at a basketball game.”

  “Me neither.”

  The camera moved between the different couples, and of course, it landed on us—because that was my luck.

  Ryker smiled then turned to me, wiggling his eyebrows.

  I laughed but didn’t lean forward, having no intention of kissing on live television.

  The crowd cheered, trying to get us to kiss, and the camera stayed on us.

  Ryker shrugged, suggesting we just kiss so the camera would move on.

  Zeke was probably at home watching the game, and there was a good chance he could see us right this second. And even if that wasn’t a possibility, I couldn’t kiss Ryker. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea of where this friendship could lead.

  Ryker recognized my discomfort so he held up his hand. “How about a high-five? It’s a kiss with our hands.”

  I smiled at the suggestion then clapped my hand against his. “I can do that.”

  The camera finally moved on, and the focus was taken off of us.

  “Crisis averted.” He drank his beer, all the women staring at him now that they knew he was available.

  “If Rex saw us kiss, I would never hear the end of it.”

  “You’re never gonna hear the end of it anyway,” he said. “He wanted to tell me off then and there.”

  “Ignore him. He’ll get over it.”

  “Not only do I have to deal with Safari, but now I have to deal with your brother too. But I guess I deserve it. I was a huge punk.”

  I didn’t think Ryker needed to beat himself up forever. “I’ve forgiven you, so don’t worry about it.”

  “Yeah?” he asked. “So, if Zeke wasn’t in the picture, would I have a chance?” He turned his beautiful blue eyes on me, watching every reaction.

  He asked me this question once before, when we were at dinner together. “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do,” he said quietly. “And I want an answer.”

  Spending time with Ryker felt oddly normal, like I was with a good friend. I was still attracted to him, feeling the knots deep in my stomach. He’d changed a lot over the course of eight months, becoming exactly who I wanted back when we were together. “I think so.”

  He nodded, a slow smile stretching his lips. “Good to know.”

  “But that doesn’t mean anything will ever happen.”

  “That’s perfectly okay,” he said. “But I wanted to know that answer—for myself.”

  ***

  “You didn’t need to walk me to my door.”

  “Are you kidding me?” he asked, his hands in his pockets. “It’s one in the morning, and Safari isn’t here to make sure you’re safe. So the job falls on my shoulders.”

  “Rex taught me how to break a man’s nose, so I think I’m okay.”

  “I know how to kill a man with a single fist.” He walked to the door then leaned against the frame.

  Across the hall, Rex’s door shifted and a shadow of footsteps could be seen under the door.

  I knew Rex was watching us. “Rex, we know you’re there,” I said with a loud voice.

  After a bit more shuffling, the door opened. Rex stepped out with a garbage bag that was half empty. “Just came out to drop this in the trash chute...” Safari came out behind him and immediately growled once he looked at Ryker. Rex smiled and patted him on the head. “Good dog.”

  I got my door unlocked and snapped my fingers. “Inside.”

  Safari walked between Ryker and I, growling at Ryker the entire time.

  “Such a drama queen...” I shut the door so Safari’s growls could no longer be heard. “Sorry about that.”

  “Maybe I need to bring him treats,” Ryker said. “A bone or something.”

  “Or maybe you should go back in time and not be an asshole,” Rex jabbed. “Safari wouldn’t have a problem with you then.”

  Ryker wasn’t the type of man to take shit from anyone, but he held his tongue. He gave Rex a threatening look but that was the worst of it. “Why don’t you make yourself busy and dump that empty trash bag instead of spying on your sister?”

  “I’m not spying,” Rex said defensively. “Just making sure there are no creeps in the building.” He walked to the end of the hall where the trash chute was located.

  Ryker turned back to me, still looking annoyed. “Thanks for coming to the game with me.”

  “No, thank you. I’ve never sat that close to the court before.”

  “Well, if I get more tickets, you’ll be the first to know.”

  “Awesome.”

  Ryker’s eyes moved to Rex, who was coming back up the hallway. “Well, I should get going before I punch your brother. Good night.”

  “Good night.”

  Ryker turned around and walked away, his hands still in his pockets. His powerful shoulders looked strong as he walked away, the muscles rippling under his t-shirt. When he turned into the stairwell, he disappeared.

  “Stop spending time with him.” Rex’s bossy voice came into my ear. “Zeke acts like it doesn’t bother him, but I know it pisses him the hell off.”

  “How ironic,” I said sarcastically. “It pissed me the hell off when he fucked some bimbo. Looks like we have something in common.” I glared at Rex hard, standing my ground and ignoring his obnoxious insult.

  Rex’s argument died in his mouth. He didn’t know what to say to that. But he kept up his look of hatred, frustrated that this situation wasn’t going the way he wanted. His prejudice against Ryker would always be there—even when we were old and gray. “He’s the reason you and Zeke aren’t together anymore. So, you shouldn’t be spending time with him.”

  “No, Zeke is the reason we aren’t together anymore.” Zeke had the right to be as angry as he wanted when he saw me with Ryker, but he didn’t have the right to pull his dick out of his pants.

  “I’m on Zeke’s side for this one, Rae. If you hadn’t kept spending time with Ryker, none of this would have happened. You’re in the wrong. You should have been more respectful toward Zeke.”

  I placed my hands on my hips, feeling my anger boil. “Shut up, Rex.”

  “No. I’m telling you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it. Frankly, you’re lucky Zeke is still hanging around. If it were me, I’d move on. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who won’t admit their faults but point out mine like I’m a criminal.” He walked into his apartment and slammed the door.

  Then I walked into mine and did the same.

  ***

  I was just about to take my lunch break when my phone lit up with a message from Zeke. Lunch?

  I probably shouldn’t spend more alone time with him than necessary, but seeing his name on my screen sent chills down my spine. The butterflies exploded in my stomach and all I wanted to do was be with him—right this second. Sure.

  Pizza?

&n
bsp; Okay.

  I left the lab and walked to the pizzeria that we always went to. Zeke already had a booth when I walked inside, his order number sitting at the edge of the table. Two fountain drinks were on the table. Zeke knew I liked cherry cola, so he already had it ready.

  Even in scrubs, he looked sexy as hell. The muscles of his chest were noticeable in the deep curve of his shirt. His chin was covered with hair because he hadn’t shaved in a few days. And today, his eyes seemed to be brighter than usual.

  I slid onto the chair and hid my disappointment that I wasn’t greeted with a hug. “Hey.”

  “I ordered a combination. Should be out any moment.”

  “Great. I’m starving.” I sipped my soda so my nerves would die down.

  He stared at me with a look that I was used to, like he missed me but wouldn’t say it out loud. “How’s work?” He hid behind the question, talking about something generic that wouldn’t make either one of us uncomfortable.

  “Pretty boring. I’ve had to do paperwork all day.”

  “Does sound boring,” he said with a smile. “But once that paperwork is done, it’ll be interesting again.”

  “How’s the office?”

  “Today was Jessica’s last day. She just left for maternity leave and everyone is pretty excited about it.”

  “Wow, good for her.” I saw her at an office party when she was just a few months along.

  “So, I have a temp in for the next three months. Jessica is a great admin so I’m gonna miss her while she’s gone.”

  “I bet.”

  “I have a feeling I’ll be at the office a little later than usual.”

  “Hopefully not by much.” I knew Zeke loved his job, but his life didn’t revolve around it. He had a well-rounded life, an existence not based on any single thing.

  “Worst case scenario, I can have the games on the TV while I finish up in my office. So, it won’t be too bad.”

  “True.” I didn’t have a TV in my lab, just two desktop computers.

  “So, had fun at the game last night?”

  Of course, Rex told him. “Yeah. I’ve never sat that close before.”

  “I couldn’t believe it when I saw you on TV. When I saw Ryker beside you, I realized it was really you.”

  So maybe Rex didn’t tell him anything. And Zeke did see the kiss cam moment, so thankfully Ryker and I only shared a high-five. That would have eaten Zeke alive. “Ryker got the tickets from some guy he knows. Asked me to come along.”