Ray of Heart (Ray #5)

by E. L. Todd

  I forced myself to do it back, faking a smile. “Nothing much. You?”

  “We’re just bar hopping tonight.” Zeke turned to Ryker and shook his hand.

  Actually shook his hand.

  “You remember Monica, right?” Zeke presented her like the trophy that she was.

  “Of course.” Ryker shook her hand and held on longer than necessary.

  She stared at him like the piece of eye candy he was.

  Now I was a little ticked. Not because I was possessive of Ryker, but because she was with Zeke. She had the greatest guy in the world on her arm, and she was looking at someone else. That didn’t settle right with me.

  “Excuse me, I need to powder my nose.” Monica walked off, her hips swaying like a supermodel on the runway.

  Zeke drank his beer and set it on the table. Then he asked Jessie about Tobias.

  “I’m going to use the restroom too.” Ryker dropped his arm from around my waist and walked away.

  I was alone with Zeke. It was the first time we’d been face-to-face like this since the night we broke up. Our relationship ended on the sidewalk just outside. I remembered the defeat in his eyes when I said it wasn’t going to work out. He turned around and walked away, letting me go.

  Zeke finished his conversation with Jessie and turned back to me. “So, what’s new?”

  Could I really stand there and act like everything was normal? That it was just a regular Friday night? “Nothing much. You?”

  “I got a new secretary to replace Jessica, and she’s doing a good job. I’m grateful I’ll be getting off work earlier from now on.”

  “Yeah...that must be nice.”

  He drank his beer again, not giving me that scorching gaze that used to pierce my skin.

  I missed him so much. I hated this distance between us, this obvious gap. That connection I once lived for had disappeared, and now I would give anything to have it back. The fact that he slept with two different women didn’t seem to matter anymore. All I could think about was the painful hollow in my chest. “You and Monica seem pretty serious.” I didn’t know what possessed me to say that, but the words came tumbling out.

  He looked me in the eye, handsome as ever. “I wouldn’t say we’re serious. We’re just hanging out right now.”

  “You’re with her a lot.” Every time I’d run into him, she was on his arm. It seemed like more than just a fling.

  He shrugged. “She’s pretty cool. You remember her, right?”

  “Remember her from where?”

  “She’s Zoey’s best friend. I think you guys met at a barbecue a few years ago.”

  She was his sister’s friend? That meant if they got serious, it would be perfect for his entire family. This was worse than I thought. “No...I can’t seem to place her.”

  “I had a crush on her when I was younger, and I ran into her the other night and we started talking... You know how it goes.”

  And they probably hooked up all weekend. My stomach flared at the knowledge, and I wanted to vomit all over the floor.

  “So, you and Ryker seem to have fallen right back into place.” There wasn’t anger or bitterness in his voice. Actually, he seemed indifferent.

  “We’re just...not serious.” I didn’t want Zeke to think I was already in another relationship. I was completely lost right now, having no idea which direction to go. I was absolutely miserable, just as sad as the day we parted ways on the sidewalk. The only true happiness I felt was during that thirty minutes when we got back together.

  “You know, Ryker really isn’t that bad. He seems different than before. I’ll try to get Rex to calm down.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just nodded.

  Monica came back and headed straight into Zeke’s arms. Her arms circled his neck and she kissed him—right in front of me. “Missed you...”

  He smiled as he looked down at her. “Missed you too.”

  I wanted to flip the table over and scream, and I also wanted to fall into a corner and sob. This was my worst nightmare playing out right in front of my eyes.

  Ryker returned, but his arm around my waist didn’t help this time. He looked down at me and saw the devastation written all over my face. “We really should get going if we’re going to make those dinner reservations.”

  What dinner reservations?

  Ryker circled my waist and pulled me along. “We’ll catch up with you guys later.” Being casual, he pulled me out of the bar until I was outside with the fresh air. The coldness entered my lungs, but it didn’t comfort me much.

  Ryker waved down a cab and got me into the backseat, extracting me from the horrific scene I’d just witnessed. He wrapped his arm around me and ran his fingers through my hair, doing his best to make me feel better. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

  I wouldn’t let myself cry, but keeping the tears back was a constant battle. “I know you are...”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Rex

  Jessie and Kayden were on the dance floor, throwing their hands into the air and moving with the music. Kayden shook her ass and looked sexy as hell, smiling and having a good time under the strobe lights. Men everywhere checked her out, but they were way too intimidated to approach her.

  “Rex.” Zeke snapped his fingers in my face. “Are you even listening to me?”

  “Huh?” I turned back to Zeke and Monica, not hearing a word of the previous conversation.

  Zeke looked like he wanted to punch me in the face. “This plan isn’t working. I’m just being a complete asshole to Rae. You told me this would work, but it’s only breaking her heart and pushing her away.” He ran his hand through his hair, flustered.

  “Dude, it is working,” I said. “Just chill.”

  “Rex, we haven’t accomplished anything except putting Rae on suicide watch. She can barely stand on two feet right now.”

  “Good,” I snapped. “Let her suffer until she realizes she can’t handle it anymore and comes crawling back.”

  Zeke gripped his skull and sighed. “I don’t know, man. The look on her face...”

  “I think it’s working,” Monica said, crossing her arms over her chest. “She can’t stand to see me touch you. She’s still possessive of you. And we need to make this work, because damn, Ryker is the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in my life.” Her eyes moved back and forth between us. “Besides you guys, of course. And I don’t want to ask him out—I need to ask him out.”

  “Nothing would make me happier...” Zeke took a long drink of his beer, needing more alcohol than was available in the entire bar. “Rex, I’m starting to worry. What if she’s just clinging to Ryker more because she’s upset?”

  “She’s not,” I countered. “She didn’t see him once this week because she just wanted to be alone. She’s just using him.”

  “And he obviously doesn’t mind,” Zeke said bitterly.

  “Just hold on a little longer, alright?” I said. “I really think she’s gonna snap out of this soon.”

  “How soon?” Zeke asked. “I’ve already kissed Monica twice in front of her.”

  “And those were great kisses, by the way.” She smiled and nudged him in the side.

  Zeke was too depressed to even respond.

  “Give it one more week,” I said. “Be patient.”

  “And then what?” he demanded. “What happens if she doesn’t come back to me?”

  “I don’t know, man. I guess you can try talking to her at that point. Or...just let her go.”

  Zeke drank his beer again, this time finishing it. “I can’t let her go, man. You already know that.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Rae

  I sat at Ryker’s kitchen table and looked across the city. It was sometime in the middle of the night, and the lights were shining abnormally bright. There was a cloudless sky, but the stars couldn’t be seen in the heavens.

  Ryker left the bedroom and walked down the hall, in just his sweatpants. We went to bed that night wi
thout any action. I wasn’t interested in sex, and he didn’t seem to be either. He studied me at the table then pulled up a chair beside me.

  All the lights were off in the apartment, but I preferred it that way. My face was difficult to see, so Ryker wouldn’t know I’d been crying for the past hour. “You have a really nice view,” I whispered.

  “Yeah. Sometimes I sit here and think.”

  “What do you think about?”

  He paused before he answered. “My father. COLLECT. You.”

  “I didn’t realize you thought about work any longer than you had to.” I knew he wasn’t a fan of his job. He was there out of obligation, and his father’s death would keep him there forever.

  He didn’t chuckle at my joke. “There are some things that are always on my mind.”

  I kept my eyes focused out the window, wondering what Zeke was doing. Was he asleep? Was Monica beside him? Were they in the bed that I used to sleep in every single night?

  “What are you thinking about, sweetheart?”

  I felt his eyes on me. “You already know.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “There’s not much to say...” The entire world knew how I felt about Zeke. I wore my feelings on my sleeve, and despite my situation with Ryker, I suspected even Zeke knew that. He must have seen the agony in my eyes earlier that night.

  “Rae, I know I’ve said this before and I shouldn’t repeat myself, but I’m going to anyway.”

  I closed my eyes.

  “Give him another chance.”

  I opened my eyes again, seeing the Space Needle in the distance.

  “You can’t live without him, Rae. I can see it written all over your face—even in the dark.”

  “He’s with Monica now...”

  “He doesn’t love Monica,” he whispered. “I can tell.”

  “How?”

  He shrugged. “I just can. If you told him you wanted to give it another try, he would take you back in a heartbeat.”

  I wasn’t so sure.

  “I know you’re mad at him because of what he did. But forgive him and leave it in the past. I know you love him in a way you never loved me—and that’s saying something because I know how you felt.”

  I finally looked at Ryker, seeing his crystal blue eyes reflect the city lights.

  “Love like that doesn’t happen for everyone, Rae. Whatever you guys have is unique and special. He made a mistake, but I think he should be forgiven. You know he’ll never do anything like that ever again.”

  “But—”

  “Forgive him, Rae. You’re being unfair.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” He held my gaze as he spoke. “End this nightmare, and just take him back. Be happy.”

  My eyes started to water again because I knew he was right. This pain would never go away until I was with Zeke again. I loved him in a special way because he was the perfect person for me—my soul mate. I would never be happy with any other man as long as I lived. That truth was both painful and exhilarating.

  But I knew what that meant for Ryker. He loved me and wanted us to have a life together. He made a mistake that he could never take back. He waited too long to do something about it.

  “Don’t be like me, Rae.” Like always, he could read my thoughts. “I waited too long to tell you I loved you. And I missed my chance forever.” His hand moved across the table until it rested on mine. “Don’t let that be you.”

  Tears started to fall, but for a new reason entirely. “Ryker...”

  He squeezed my hand. “I know you’re going to go back to him, Rae. I’ve known this entire time. I just wanted to enjoy one last time before I had to let you go.”

  I placed my other hand on top of his. “I’m so sorry...”

  “Don’t apologize, sweetheart.” He looked at me with strength in his eyes, not the heartbreak that used to be there. “I would give anything to go back in time and change what I did. I wish I told you how I felt when I had the chance. I wish we could get married and have kids...but I know that can’t happen.”

  Both of the tears reached my chin then dropped to the surface of the table.

  “You should be with Zeke. Don’t feel bad for me.”

  “But I do. I wish things were different too...”

  He pulled my chair out then patted his thigh.

  I moved into his lap and straddled his hips, my face pressed close to his.

  “I hope we can be friends, Rae. I don’t want to come between you two, but I hope this goodbye isn’t forever.”

  “Of course we can be friends. You’ve been a big part of my life, Ryker.”

  He gave me a weak smile.

  “I know you’ll find the right person someday, Ryker. She’ll be a million times better than me.”

  When he smiled, it seemed genuine. “I hope you’re right. I won’t make the same mistake twice. And I hope she’s smokin’ hot.”

  I chuckled, feeling the strain leave my chest.

  He held my waist and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “As much as I hate to say it, I think it’s time for you to go.” Ryker cupped my cheeks and brushed his thumbs across my skin, catching the moisture from my tears. His touch was warm and full of love.

  “I know...”

  “But I want to tell you I love you one last time. And hear you say it back.” His fingers cupped my neck. “I love you, sweetheart.”

  My arms circled his neck, and I pressed my face close to his. “I love you too, Ryker. Forever.” For the last time, I pressed my lips to his and kissed him, giving him an embrace unlike any other. It was soft and warm, full of all the love I could never give him. It wasn’t about attraction or chemistry. It was simply about love—in the purest form.

  ***

  I stood on his front porch in the middle of the night. It was past three in the morning, around the same time I came by a few weeks ago. There wasn’t a car in the driveway, but that didn’t mean Monica wasn’t inside—sleeping in his bed.

  A part of me wanted to leave because it felt wrong to try and steal him away. But another part of me refused to give him up if there was any chance of getting him back. With a steady hand and determination, I knocked.

  Like before, I heard his footsteps gently tap against the hardwood floor as he approached the entryway. They stopped when he peered through the peephole, and after all the locks were undone, he opened the door.

  In just his boxers, he stared me down. His blue eyes were indecipherable, his thoughts a mystery. He hid every emotion below the surface, so I had no idea what he was thinking. Like before, he refused to speak until he knew what I wanted.

  “I’m sorry...” I practiced my speech a million times in my head before I got there, but now everything went out the window. My tongue was numb, and my body was shaking, but not from the cold. “I’m sorry to bother you. I’m sorry to show up like this. I just...”

  “What?” he said coldly. “I’m not your fuck buddy, Rae. You want to get laid, call Ryker.”

  The insult stung, but I deserved it. “That’s not why I’m here.”

  “Then tell me why you’re here.”

  He didn’t invite me inside, and I suspected I wouldn’t get an invitation. “I’m sorry if I’m too late. I’m sorry if I took too long to understand how I feel. But I love you and miss you...and I forgive you for what you did. I can’t stand to see you with Monica—or anyone. I want to make this work because you’re the only man I want to be with.” I kept my feelings in check and refused to let myself cry. I’d cried enough for the past few weeks. “Please take me back, Zeke.”

  He didn’t welcome me with open arms—not like last time. “Rae, I’m not playing games anymore. You can’t throw a tantrum next time it comes up. You can’t get mad at me all over again and leave. I’m done with that.”

  “I’m done too.”

  “Then you forgive me?”

  “Yes.” His mistake seemed irrelevant now that I was so miserable. I knew it didn’t mean anyth
ing to him, and I knew he would never hurt me like that again. He was still my best friend—no matter what.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  He continued to watch me like he didn’t believe me. “Do you trust me?”

  I nodded. “Of course. I know that will never happen again. Because I know you love me...”

  Zeke finally dropped his hostility, his eyes softening. His shoulders were no longer tense, and his hands were bound tightly into fists. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside, out of the cold and into his arms. He shut the door and held me in the entryway, forcing me so hard against his chest I nearly stopped breathing.

  I closed my eyes and savored the moment, finally feeling happy for the first time in forever.

  He pulled away with his arms still around my waist. “I want you to do something for me.”

  “Okay.”

  “I want you to get your stuff and bring it over here. And I want you to get rid of your apartment.”

  My heart melted at the request. “You want me to move in with you?” After months of being apart, I thought he might want to take things slow until we returned to normal. But I was relieved he didn’t.

  “Yes. We have a lot of time to make up for.”

  This time, I did cry because I couldn’t stop myself. “I would love to...”

  He cupped my face and pressed a kiss to the corner of my eyes, his lips absorbing my tears.

  “What about Monica?”

  “Forget her. Now, there’s only you.”

  She was beautiful and cool, and he dropped her the second I walked back into his life. I wasn’t sure why Zeke loved me so much when I didn’t deserve his undying devotion. “Thank you...” It was an odd thing to say, but in the moment, nothing better came to mind.

  “This is it, Rae,” he said firmly. “This is the end of the road for both of us. It’s you and me forever. Do you understand me?”

  I nodded.

  “Do you understand me?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  He scooped me into the air and wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me into his bedroom. Once we were inside, he lay me down and stripped off my clothes.

  I was relieved there wasn’t a woman already occupying his bed.