Ship's Log

by Lawrence P White

  A glimmer came into his eyes as he asked, “Are all aliens as beautiful as you?”

  She smiled a sad smile and said, “In a perfect world, you would be able to learn the answer to that question on your own. I hope that day comes.” She shifted his attention to another matter. “There is something I need, but I’m not sure how we are going to do this. I do not trust myself to get up on my own.”

  He looked at her blankly until it dawned on him that she had to go to the bathroom. Jeesh, what next? He felt his face warming and was helpless to stop it. “Uh, okay . . . okay . . . uh, is this urgent, or can you wait until Nancy returns? She’s out fishing, but she should be back soon.” Was an hour ‘soon’ he wondered?

  “I can wait, and if you have things to take care of, take care of them. You do not have to keep me company.”

  “Are you politely asking for privacy?”

  “Not at all. I do not want to be any more of a burden than necessary.”

  He smiled and looked at her kindly, wishing he knew her better. She might be a soldier, but she seemed like a nice soldier. “You’re a challenge, but you’re not a burden, Arlynn. In fact, I guess when I think about it, you’ve brought more excitement into our lives than we’ve ever known. Maybe even too much, but we’ll have to see about that, won’t we? I don’t have any pressing duties right now, so if there’s anything I can do for you, just say so. Are you ready to eat?”

  “Yes, but since you ask, I must answer truthfully that what I would really like is a bath and to wash my hair and clean my mouth. Is any of that possible?”

  His breath whooshed out of him, and he found himself staring at the top of the tent. She’d caught him totally by surprise, again. He glanced at her to see if she was teasing, but she just returned his look with an expectant look.

  “Have we encountered another one of our cultural differences?” she asked.

  “No, not exactly. Maybe. I’m just not very well prepared for this. Let’s see now—we don’t have a bathtub, and I’m sure that wouldn’t be a good idea anyway with your burns. And I’m certainly not going to dip you in the lake for the same reason. You’d get an infection for sure. Nancy might be able to give you a sponge bath if it won’t make your bandage fall off.”

  “The bandage will not fall off, and I am not concerned with infection, Greg. I was carefully prepared for this trip to your world. Your microorganisms present no danger to me, nor are you in any danger of disease from me. I will talk to Nancy about a sponge bath.”

  “Well, in that case I still don’t see how we can wash your hair, but I’m certainly willing to brush it for you. I didn’t bring any mouthwash either, just toothpaste and a toothbrush, but Jim or Nancy might have some.”

  He managed to find Nancy’s hairbrush and soon found the knack for using it on another person. To his surprise, he found that he enjoyed the process, as did she. It seemed ridiculous to him that she would be willing to go through all the discomfort, but she seemed to need it. By the time Nancy and Jim returned, they had managed to brush her hair, wash her face, rinse her mouth, and she had eaten a solid breakfast from two of her food packets. As she described the food, it wasn’t necessary that it taste good to be good for you.

  The peacefulness evaporated the moment Nancy blew into the tent. She took over from Greg without any question that it was her rightful place, and he disappeared.

  When Nancy called them back in, they found Arlynn propped up on her right side. Nancy had elevated her head with pillows, so she wasn’t completely sideways to them. She looked fresh and a lot less stressed than the previous day.

  Jim even noticed. “That’s some pretty incredible medicine you have there,” he said. “You look like a new person today.”

  “Thank you. I am much improved in both body and spirit. Thank you again for taking care of me.” She shifted her gaze to Greg and said, “Nancy described some of what you went through for me during my battle against the Harbok. I’m sorry you had to be involved, but I am not sorry you are involved. I am grateful. My situation would be much different today had you not helped. Thank you again.”

  “You’re welcome,” he replied gruffly. “Are you well enough to continue our earlier conversation? I think we’d all like to know more about this amazing medicine that’s managed to heal in a few days what should have taken weeks.”

  “The medicine is truly amazing by your standards, by anyone’s standards,” she said, looking at each of them in turn. “In fact, if my own doctors were treating me, the treatment would be similar. Levels of the medicine might be regulated differently, but the only other major difference is that they could keep me asleep during the worst of this. If it were not for my need for nourishment and for my need to return to my ship, I would do the same here in your tent. The need for nourishment is great with this medicine. The medicine causes my body to divert large amounts of energy to the healing process, and that energy must be replaced often.”

  “Do you have medicines that work this well for other illnesses?” Jim asked.

  Greg did not think a person with those burns could squirm, but that’s the only way he could describe what Arlynn did. She really hesitated to answer the question, and for the life of him he could not figure out why. It was just a simple question. Maybe her spy training hadn’t covered every eventuality.

  “The answer to the question you ask, Jim, impacts several other fundamental issues,” Arlynn responded guardedly. “First, it brings us back to the question of honesty which arose yesterday. I know intellectually that on your world honesty is sometimes questioned. Where I come from, it is not. It is fundamental to our way of life. I will not lie to you, ever. Do not ask me a question you do not want the answer to, because I will answer if I am able. If I am not able to answer for any reason, I will at least tell you that I will not answer the question. I will not give you a dishonest answer even if it is to keep from hurting your feelings.”

  She gave him a moment to assimilate her words, knowing from their conversation yesterday that he might have difficulty accepting them, then she added, “I cannot answer all your questions, even if I know the answer, because of who I am and where I come from. The people of Earth are not even supposed to know that I exist, let alone know that I’m here. I have strict guidelines concerning this, and my very presence here with you is a violation of those guidelines.”

  “That part I get,” Jim said.

  Arlynn nodded. “I hope you ‘get’ this as well: answers to some questions could jeopardize the relationship we want to build between our peoples. If I choose not to answer a question, that might be the reason.”

  “It was just a simple, innocent question, Arlynn.”

  “The question is innocent. The answer is definitely not.” She searched Jim’s eyes for acceptance, even compromise, but he remained silent, unconvinced. She sighed and said, “You do not understand, Jim, and now we are back to the issue of my honesty. Can you accept my judgment that the answer to your question could jeopardize your people, and it will complicate the relationship I want to establish with you, as well?”

  The three of them responded with silence. She looked away, deeply troubled.

  Greg intervened. “Arlynn, I don’t want to let you off the hook here, but there are lots of other things to talk about. Maybe we can clear this honesty issue up on another subject where things are a little clearer to us.”

  She still hesitated, then she reached a decision and shook her head. “No. There must be trust between us or my mission will fail. Worse, we might close doors to the future.”

  She took a deep breath, let it out, then scrutinized each of them as she spoke. “The answer to your question, Jim, is that, with only a few minor exceptions, my people do not have other medicines. The reason we do not have other medicines is that we do not need them. This medicine cures all, or nearly all.”

  Greg felt the hairs on the back of his neck lift. When the next most logical question came to mind and the probable response to that question followed quic
kly upon its heels, Arlynn’s logic fell into place with a resounding clunk.

  “No!” he said under his breath.

  She must have had exceptionally keen hearing because he found her looking at him with that troubled look, a look that he interpreted this time as shared understanding.

  Jim looked back and forth between them with an angry expression. “Want to share the secret, Sherlock? Is it so bad to envy her people?”

  Arlynn started to answer, but Greg cut her off. “I don’t think that’s exactly what she had in mind, Jim. I think we should drop the subject. She’s stuck her neck out far enough already. I can tell you, though, that what she said cannot go beyond this tent. The rest of the world will never accept her people on any terms if they knew.”

  Jim leaned away from him. “What? Why?”

  Even Nancy was confused. “What’s the big deal, guys? She travels between the stars. Her civilization is more advanced. We know that.”

  “I’ll tell you what the big deal is,” Greg replied in a low voice, “but I need you to keep an open mind. We’ve all noticed how similar Arlynn is to us, at least in appearance. Suppose your next question was, ‘Would this medicine work for us?’ Now further suppose that her answer was ‘Yes,’ or perhaps, ‘Yes, with a few changes.’ How does that make you feel about her?”

  Nancy broke the ensuing silence with a shriek, her expression tragic. “How can you keep this from us?” she cried, jumping to her feet to face Arlynn. “Children are suffering and dying every minute of every day, even babies!”

  Arlynn’s expression was no less tragic and was all Greg needed to confirm his deduction concerning the medicine. He went to Nancy and put his arms around her. She was out of control with tears streaming down her cheeks.

  She looked again at Arlynn and said through her sobs, “Jim and I have been trying to have a baby. It hasn’t worked. Would it fix that?”

  Arlynn’s look was enough. Nancy collapsed with a moan. Jim went to her, and they sat together on the floor of the tent holding each other with copious tears running down both of their cheeks. Greg felt useless until he noticed that Arlynn was just as upset as Nancy. He knelt beside her cot and pulled out his handkerchief again to wipe away the silent tears, but the flow continued unabated.

  “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “So, so sorry we had to put you through this.”

  “I, too, am sorry,” she replied, “but I’m sorrier for the situation that makes these demands of us.”

  “It doesn’t have to be forever.”

  “That is our hope, but it will be for a long time.”

  “I suppose it will,” he sighed.

  Nancy eventually calmed down enough to listen to the rest of the story, the fact that as cruel as it sounded, if you saved one, you must save everyone. With fewer people dying, Earth’s populations would explode. Food shortages would become acute, leading to wars all over the planet. At best, millions would die. At worst, it could mean the end of civilization, perhaps even of our species.

  Nancy, understanding but still not fully accepting, went over to Arlynn and apologized, then they made up with clumsy hugs and more tears while Greg and Jim stood around with their hands in their pockets.

  “How can you live with this?” Nancy asked from her place beside Arlynn.

  “The same way you are going to live with it for the rest of your life,” she replied. “With hope. My people live with this hope. A few of us are luckier than others, of course. Some of us are doing something about it, things that will, hopefully, speed up the process for your world. That is, in fact, what I’m doing here.”

  “What? You said you were a spy.”

  “I am not a spy, nor did I ever say I was.”

  Greg looked chagrined as he made his apologies. “She’s right, Nancy. I’m the one who said she was a spy. I get the feeling she might be more like what we would call a special operations soldier than a spy.”

  “Soldier!” Arlynn exclaimed, spitting out the word. “I would rather be a spy.”

  Her response shocked Greg to the bone. Even Nancy and Jim seemed confused with her answer, so she added, “I’m a scientist, a sociologist specializing in Earth studies. I’m considered one of our foremost authorities on you and your world. Not that we know so very much,” she added, disgruntled. “There’s so much about you that we don’t understand, and now that I find myself here with you, I realize that the little we do understand is grossly incomplete. We have concentrated our efforts on group behavior, but you three are behaving much differently than our models would suggest. It might be one of those cultural things. On my world, in most cases, when you study the group you are also studying the individual.”

  “You cannot study only large groups here on Earth and expect to understand us,” Greg stated. “We could talk about this at length, but I’m more curious as to why your military sends you, a scientist, on a mission to steal from the Harbok. It doesn’t make sense unless you’re also a physicist or something.”

  “Have we completed the circle? Have we gone from distrust to trust, and now back to distrust?” she asked, troubled.

  “We’re not done with the trust issue, Arlynn. This issue might never be resolved to our mutual satisfaction, though I confess I want to believe you. That doesn’t change the fact that sending a sociologist on a military operation makes little sense, not if there were only two of you.” He paused with a frown, thinking hard for a moment, then added quietly, “Unless you’re an expert on the Harbok as well. Is there anything you’d like to add, or change, about your story?”

  Arlynn’s expression hardened. “There is not. I have told you all that I can about my mission. I see the path your logic takes, Greg. Can you not accept my words as truth?”

  “Can you not understand that I cannot?”

  “No. You must.”

  Greg considered his next words carefully before opening his mouth. They were closing in on one of those diplomatic faux pas that he had discussed with Jim. Could he defuse the situation?

  “Arlynn, I want to believe you. You should know that in talking among ourselves, all of us agree that we like the Arlynn we’ve met. We hope to become your friend one day. That’s a building process, as is learning to trust each other. Trust is not automatically assumed or given, at least not here on Earth. We will happily meet you half way if we can figure out a halfway point between trust and distrust.”

  He looked off into space with a frown. This was not going well. The hole was getting deeper. The halfway point between trust and distrust would be defined by the amount of risk they were willing to take. It was basic risk management, but no insurance plan in existence would cover the potential losses they faced.

  “The risks are so great, Arlynn. Surely you see that.”

  “Earth shares no risk here.”

  “What?” He shook his head. Could her view of things be so simple? The look she returned suggested it might be. He held the palms of his hands out, beseeching her to understand. “We’re just four insignificant individuals sitting peacefully in a little tent in the Canadian wilderness hundreds of miles from civilization, a mote in God’s eye so to speak. In the big picture of things, whatever we three do for you will not matter except to you. Right?”

  He paused, waiting for understanding to show in her eyes, but it did not. He only found patience, as if she had no idea where he was going with this. He shook his head again, confused, then he jumped back into the breach, carefully studying her as he spoke.

  “Let’s suppose we decide to help you. On the way to your ship, the Harbok catch us.” She started to retort, but he held up a hand to silence her. “Forget the risk to us personally. Think big, think about the whole planet. The Harbok lost an entire ship and its crew. The fact that we three humans helped you, then we helped you escape, could be interpreted by the Harbok as all humankind helping you. Might they not hold all humankind responsible? Might they not retaliate against the whole planet?”

  Disagreement showed in her expression, so
he changed his approach. “On the other hand, suppose we three help you and we’re successful. You get away, but the Harbok find out later that we helped. Arlynn, we didn’t just help you get away. We helped your people acquire top secret military secrets from the Harbok. Again, they might take out their anger on our whole planet.”

  “Where do you get such ideas?” she responded, clearly puzzled.

  “Where? Have I exaggerated? Do you know the Harbok well enough to predict their responses?”

  She looked confused, then she looked bleak. She took her time before answering. When she did, it was not what any of them expected. “I am so sorry for you,” she whispered sadly, looking away. The three of them watched her in silence, waiting. The stillness became uncomfortable, but still, they waited. Her gaze moved across each of them, not making eye contact, unusual for her, then she shook her head sadly and spoke softly, almost to herself. “To have grown up among so much distrust, to even conceive of such things, to value life so cheaply . . . We are truly alien beings.”

  They pulled away from her, confused and sensing her distaste of them. Greg’s immediate inclination was to strike back, but the anguish on her face brought him up short. He sensed real grief. He had the feeling that not only did she not understand the dangers he had outlined, she could not even comprehend the ugly picture he had tried to paint.

  He moved to her cot and sat on the floor of the tent, then he leaned close. “Convince me I’m wrong,” he offered gently.

  She looked across at him with large, frightened eyes. “I must leave. Please take me to my ship. I will offer rewards.”

  “You cheapen us with trinkets?” he responded angrily, rising to his feet and looming over her. “After what we’ve done for you? Grow up, girl. The universe is not a peaceful place, or hadn’t you noticed?”

  She somehow managed to cringe and glare back at him at the same time. “The universe is a wonderful place when you understand it, when you work with it rather than against it.” She looked away and mumbled to herself, “At least until the Harbok came along.” She lifted her chin in defiance. “We despair, but we have not given up. We will somehow learn to work with the Harbok too, rather than against them.”