by E. L. Todd
“Do you know why?”
“Actually, I don’t. He said it just didn’t work out and I didn’t ask any questions. Honestly, I’m not that close to Theo. Conrad is a better person to ask.”
“Do you know if he’s dating right now?”
“Uh…” I wasn’t good at playing matchmaker. “I honestly don’t know. But the last time he mentioned his love life it seemed like he wasn’t really looking for something serious. Does that help?”
“It does,” she said with a nod.
“Are we done playing cupid?” I asked.
“It’s so hard for me to find a good guy. I just like to know if I’m wasting my time or not.”
“Well, he’s definitely a good guy. But I don’t think he’s what you’re looking for right now. He’s a little out of touch, and I’m pretty sure he’s still heartbroken over that girl.”
“Oh…that’s too bad.”
I shrugged. “That’s how it goes.”
Instead of leaving, she leaned against the counter.
What now?
She released a deep sigh. “I’m so jealous of what you have with Trinity. Honestly, I’ve never been the kind of girl that wants to get married and settle down right away…but seeing you two together makes me want it.”
It was flattering but also awkward. “Well, the grass is always greener on the other side.”
“Well, it looks like you water your lawn really well.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Trinity and I are very happy and madly in love. But I don’t want to act like it’s a walk in the park. Our relationship has been a pain in the ass. It requires constant work and attention. You really need to find someone you’re madly in love with otherwise you won’t be willing to put in so much blood, sweat, and tears. That’s my best advice to someone looking for a serious relationship.”
She nodded. “Very wise.”
“Right now, I don’t see that happening with Theo. But I don’t see why you guys can’t be friends.”
“You’re right. He’s a nice guy. And he’s really cute.”
I cringed. “I guess he’s not bad to look at.”
She gave me a knowing smile. “It’s not rocket science to know someone of the same sex is attractive. I think Trinity is really pretty.”
“Well, duh. She is.”
“Then it shouldn’t be hard to admit Theo is cute.”
“It’s cute when girls do it. When guys do it, it’s just gross.” I pulled my guitar strap over my shoulder. “If girl talk is over, I’d like to get home to my wife. We’re still trying to get pregnant and she’s going to be irritated that I’m late.”
“Sorry it hasn’t happened for you yet.”
The image of Trinity crying wounded me. “Thanks…but it’ll happen soon.”
She gave me a smile. “Good. Stay positive.”
“I’m trying to stay as positive as possible.”
***
Theo, Conrad, Roland, and I played basketball at the courts a block over from my shop. We were all equally good so splitting up the teams wasn’t difficult. Conrad was slightly taller than all of us so he had a little more edge.
We played for forty-five minutes, and in the end Roland and I won.
“Take that, bitches.” Roland shook his hips and did a dance on the court.
“Stop acting like a cheerleader.” Conrad threw the ball hard into his chest.
Roland staggered back slightly. “Such a sore loser…”
“No,” Conrad snapped. “You’re just an annoying cheerleader.”
“Is that a gay joke?” Roland asked.
“You tell me.” Conrad shoved him playfully.
“Good game.” Theo stole the ball from Roland then spun it on the tip of his finger. “But Conrad and I let you win. We know how sensitive you both are.”
“Sensitive?” I blurted. “I’m the least sensitive person ever.”
“Says the guy trying to knock up his wife and start a family,” Conrad jabbed.
“That doesn’t make me sensitive,” I snapped.
“Dude, you cried on your wedding day,” Roland said.
I gave him the bird. “You cry every day.”
“No, I don’t,” Roland argued.
Theo rolled his eyes. “Shut up. This pointless argument could go on for days.”
We reached the bench and grabbed our water bottles. We all downed the water and poured it on our heads to rinse the sweat off.
I wiped my face with my shirt then turned to Theo. “Dee asked about you yesterday.”
Surprise moved into Theo’s eyes but before he could say anything Conrad spoke.
“She did?” Conrad asked with interest. “What did she say?”
“Chill, man,” Theo said. “You’re acting like this is high school and the hottest girl in school wants to suck me off.”
“Shut up,” Conrad said. “What did she say?”
I took another drink of my water. “She asked if you were a good guy and stuff…”
“What did you say?” Theo demanded.
“And what do you think I said?” I snapped. “That you’re a dickhead?”
Conrad narrowed his eyes in annoyance. “What else did she say?”
“She asked if you were a one-night stand kind of guy or a one-woman kind of guy,” I said.
“What did you say?” Theo asked.
“The truth,” I said. “I don’t really know. But I told her about Alex and how you were pretty hurt over it.”
“You aren’t supposed to tell a girl that,” Conrad snapped. “Why the hell would you say that?”
“Because she’s my friend and I’m not going to lie to her.” I drank my water again.
Theo had a dazed look on his face.
“Now Theo can never get her,” Conrad said. “She thinks he’s damaged goods.”
“No.” Theo held up his hand. “This is a good thing. I can’t be in a relationship right now and I don’t want an easy lay, so this is for the best. She knows I have nothing to offer her.”
Conrad rolled his eyes and growled. “Dude, this chick is cool. Don’t miss out because you’re being a drama queen.”
“I’m not being a drama queen,” Theo said. “I just don’t want to waste her time. She has the right to know the truth. I really like her and respect her. Besides, if I just played her it would make things awkward with Slade and the band.”
“Exactly,” I said.
Roland had a confused look on his face. “Who the hell is Dee?”
“My new guitarist,” I explained.
“She’s really hot,” Conrad said. “I want Theo to fuck her.”
“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked.
“I don’t think she’s hot,” Conrad said. “I’m just explaining what she looks like without any details.”
“I don’t want to fuck her,” Theo said. “I did that once and it was depressing. I can’t go back to being a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy. After being in a relationship that actually mattered, I can’t just go back. But I’m not ready for another relationship.”
“Don’t you think dating Dee would make you ready?” Conrad asked.
“How is that fair to her?” Theo asked. “I can’t do that to someone.”
Roland sighed in annoyance. “Guys, I’m gay and even this conversation is putting me to sleep.”
I’d started to daydream about taking Trinity from behind. I shook the thoughts away before I got hard in my shorts. They were thin and flimsy, and my hard dick could be seen if I wasn’t careful. “I agree. Theo can’t be with Dee. End of story. Let’s move on.”
Conrad shook his head. “It’s so stupid. How many chicks like Dee have you ever met?”
Theo stood up and walked away. His shoulders slumped like they carried too much weight. Without looking at us over his shoulder, he spoke. “None.”
Chapter Five
Arsen
I have a brother.
A normal person would be happy by this news
. Someone else might consider themselves lucky that they had another family member.
But not me.
Why did I get the short stick out of every situation? Why did I get trampled on when everyone else was picked up from the ground? What did I do to deserve this? My mother had another son but she actually cared for him and raised him. Now they had a good relationship. He liked her enough that he actually let her live with him.
What the fuck?
Why didn’t I get that treatment? Why did I have to share a room with five other guys until I was eighteen? Why did I have to resort to selling weed so I would survive?
This wasn’t fair.
Silke knew there was something wrong but I hadn’t told her what my mother said. She didn’t ask either, probably because she knew I was about to explode at any moment. During the moments I thought I would break down every wall in my house, Silke had Abby sit next to me and talk to me. Whenever Abby looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes and stared at me like I was her hero, all the anger went away.
She was my savior.
I really shouldn’t let this affect me so much. I had so much to be grateful for. The woman in my life was unnaturally beautiful, on the inside as well as the outside. Her spirit was compatible with mine, and whenever mine took a turn for the worse, she lifted me up.
She loved me and was devoted to me, now and forever. I understood just how lucky I was to have the love of a woman like that. She put up with my shit but she called me out on it at the same time. I was the love of her life, and she was mine.
I also had a beautiful little girl that was the most precious thing on the planet. She had a good heart, she was smart, and she was sweet. Whenever there was darkness in my heart, she pulled me out of it.
And I had Ryan and Janice, parents who adopted me when they didn’t have to. They took a chance on me when I could have robbed them when they weren’t home and screwed them over. And I had all my friends to count on.
So I shouldn’t let this wear me down. It was something from the past and had no hold on my future. But yet, it drove me insane.
I lay in bed while Silke brushed her teeth in the bathroom. The fan on the ceiling was on, and I watched it spin round and round. I tried to count the number of turns but it was moving too fast for my eye to notice.
Silke turned off the bathroom light then came into the bedroom. She usually wore one of my shirts to bed with her panties underneath. I liked it when she wore my clothes. She looked better in them than I did.
Silke set her alarm before she got in between the sheets beside me. She moved into my side and snuggled close to me, tucking one leg between mine.
I continued to stare at the ceiling.
“You haven’t been yourself lately.”
My eyes didn’t move to hers. “I know.”
“Abby noticed.”
That caught my attention. “She did?”
Silke nodded. “She asked why you’re sad all the time.”
My heart clenched in pain.
“I told her you were just tired and not to worry about it.”
I didn’t want to hurt my little girl. It was the worst pain in the world.
“Talk to me, Arsen.” She ran her hand up my chest.
I released a deep sigh. “I had coffee with my mom.” It was such a weird sentence to say out loud. It felt weird on my tongue.
“And it didn’t go well?”
“No.” I didn’t want to talk about it but I couldn’t keep it from her either.
Silke patiently waited for me to elaborate.
“She told me I have a brother…a younger one.” Acid filled my mouth after I spoke.
Silke didn’t react. Her hand remained over my heart. “What did she say about him?”
“His name is Levi and they live together in the city. That’s all I know.”
Her hand moved down my chest and stomach then to my hip. “She kept him and not you?”
I didn’t answer her question.
“You have every right to be upset, Arsen. I’d be hurt too.”
I closed my eyes as I combatted the pain. “I just want her to disappear. She causes me nothing but pain.”
Silke leaned over my chest and kissed the skin over my heart. “I know…it hurts me.”
Feeling her lips on me invigorated me with new strength. Her touch burned my skin and brought new life to my heart. I wrapped my arm around her waist and rolled her to her back. Then I wrapped her legs around me, wanting our bodies to be connected. We hadn’t made love in a while. I was usually too upset to feel any type of emotion other than pain. “I’m sorry I’ve been so…”
“Don’t apologize.” She cupped my face and looked into my eyes. “I know this is your greatest demon, your darkest past. I don’t expect you to shake it off and keep walking.”
“I’m just sorry I hurt you over it.”
She kissed the corner of my mouth. “When you hurt, I hurt. It doesn’t matter if you talk about it or pretend it doesn’t exist. My soul feels it just the way yours does. We’re one person, Arsen.”
I took a deep breath as I stared down at her. Her eyes glowed in the dark as she looked at me. I didn’t know what I did to deserve such a goddess in my bed every night, but I obviously did something. How could I doubt my worth when I had Silke in my life? When I had Ryan and Janice? When I had Abby and all my friends? Why should I feel so unsure when I had something most people wished they had? “I love you.” I couldn’t think of words to describe what I was feeling. I couldn’t explain how I felt, at least not in English. It was the only phrase that came to mind that could do it justice.
“I love you too.” She kissed me again, but this time more softly.
Her touch ignited the fire inside me. I channeled everything I was feeling into the woman beneath me. I pulled her underwear aside then slipped inside her. The second I felt her tightness I breathed into her mouth. Being this intimate, this close, was what I needed.
She was the woman I lived for. She was everything to me. And I needed to show it because I knew I hadn’t been doing it enough.
***
Silke stopped by my office at lunchtime. “Hey, handsome.” She swayed her hips as she walked in her heels.
The moment she stepped inside, my cock responded to her. She wore a tight black dress that showed her endless curves and valleys. I immediately wanted to bend her over my desk and fuck her until the furniture collapsed. “Hey, beautiful.”
She approached my desk with her purse over her shoulder. “Want to eat with me?”
“I want to eat you.” I said it with a straight face so she knew I wasn’t kidding.
“Well, what am I going to eat?” A playful look was in her eyes.
I leaned back in the chair. “I have something in mind.” Silke gave great head. Actually, hers was the best I’ve ever had. But sex with her in general was the best I’ve ever had.
She stepped back before I could snatch her. “I only get half an hour and I’m hungry—for real food.”
“Fine,” I said with a defeated sigh. “But I want to eat you later.”
“We can arrange something.” A flirtatious look was in her eyes.
Man, I really wanted to bend her over right now. “Knock it off. Otherwise I’m going to fuck you anyway.”
“Oh no…what a shame that would be.”
I grabbed my keys and gave her a dark look. “I’m about to spank you.”
“Why?” she asked with fake innocence. “Have I been bad?”
“Very.”
“Oh no…Daddy is going to give it to me good.”
I growled. “Seriously, you can’t tell me no and then act like that.”
She giggled like a schoolgirl. “Did you ever think I might be a tease for a reason?”
“To torture me?”
“No.” She inched closer to me before she was right in front of me. “Because I want you to think about me every second of the day until you finally get home.” She gripped my definition through my
slacks and massaged it. Then she dropped her hand.
I released a quiet growl. “That’s just mean.”
She shrugged. “I know.”
My secretary’s voice came through the intercom. “Sherry is here to see you, sir.”
All the arousal left my body instantly. The flirty moment Silke and I just had disappeared in light of his announcement. The gates around my heart immediately closed, and my guard was up. My fortifications were thicker than steel.
Irritation came into Silke’s eyes. “Is that her?” She must have figured it out based on the look on my face.
“Yes.”
Stewart’s voice came over the intercom again. “Sir, shall I see her in?”
I wasn’t sure what to do. I’d never had to deal with her while Silke was there.
Silke hit the button. “Yes, send her in.”
Wait…what?
Silke faced the door like a soldier on the battlefield.
Oh no, that’s not good.
The door opened and Sherry walked inside. When she saw Silke, she immediately flinched in surprise. She was used to cornering me alone. If she thought I was intimidating and scary, she was in for a surprise. Silke was far scarier than I was. “Oh…I didn’t know you had company.”
“He has other people to see besides you.” Silke crossed her arms over her chest.
“I…” Sherry’s voice trailed off. It was clear she didn’t know how to respond to Silke’s obvious hostility.
“I’m sick of this,” Silke said. “I understood why you wanted to reach out to Arsen in the beginning. You either wanted something or you wanted to get to know him. Fine. Whatever. But now every time my man comes home, he’s upset and hurt. I’m tired of you destroying his soul and making him doubt just how amazing he is.” Silke came closer to her and pointed her finger in her face. “This needs to stop. Leave Arsen alone. Or I’ll make you.”
Sherry backed up slightly then her eyes turned to mine.
“Do what she says,” I said. “I don’t make the decisions around here.”
“I mean it,” Silke said. “I’m not going to let you terrorize him anymore. You haven’t repaired your relationship or made him feel better. All you’ve done is made him feel worse. Now go.”
Sherry remained rooted to the spot, but I had a feeling it was out of fear, not defiance. “I just…you’ll never understand.”