by E. L. Todd
“I understand Arsen coming home drunk and pissed off.” Silke continued to get in her face. “I understand Arsen pulling away from his family because you keep hurting him. Leave him alone. If you care about him at all, just leave him alone.”
Her bottom lip quivered slightly. “I’m sorry. I just—”
“I don’t care,” Silke snapped. “You had your chance and you blew it. Now go to your other son, the one you actually cared about. Arsen doesn’t need you anymore because he has me. I’m his family now. I take care of him.”
Sherry backed up and turned to the door.
Silke put her hands on her hips as she watched her go. The strength in her posture told me she was willing to throw a punch if that’s what it came down to. She watch my mother leave until she was completely out of sight.
Silke turned back to me, a look of irritation still on her face. “There. Problem solved.”
“You really think she won’t come back?” I asked incredulously.
“If she likes all her fingers, I’d say she wouldn’t.” Silke shouldered her bag and fixed her hair like nothing happened.
“I know you’re protective of me but you don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t have to do anything, Arsen,” she said coldly. “But anyone who hurts you, hurts me. I’m not putting up with it anymore. If she wants to get to you, she can go through me.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Now are you ready for lunch?”
I knew my mother would come back eventually. Silke was scary, but my mom had experienced worse. I would have to deal with her again, but for now I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted to be with the woman I loved, the girl who wasn’t afraid to stand up to anybody to protect me. “Yeah.” I leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. “I’m ready.”
Chapter Six
Jared
I called her babe.
What the hell was I thinking?
It just slipped out. I didn’t even think before I said it. I blurted it out like an unstoppable moron. Thankfully, Beatrice didn’t seem to take it seriously. She brushed it off like I was being cocky like usual.
Thank god.
That could have led to an uncomfortable conversation I didn’t want to have. It could have led to a crossroads I couldn’t walk down. She and I were perfect the way we were. If I pushed too hard or made a stupid move, I could lose everything. Keeping her at a distance was all I could handle. In a way, I was torturing myself. My heart had attached to her. It clung for dear life like it wouldn’t beat if it didn’t have her as an anchor. And that obsession only grew with every passing day. These feelings wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried.
But I couldn’t have her.
Why did I put myself in this situation? I said we would only be friends and I had to keep my word. Why was that so hard to do? Why did this have to happen?
Sometimes I thought about just giving in. Sometimes I just wanted to do whatever the hell I wanted. When she looked at me with those green eyes I wanted to grab her face and kiss her. When she sipped her wine, I wanted to yank the glass out of her hand and taste the liquor off her tongue.
But where would it lead?
We’d be happy together for a while, a few weeks or maybe a few months. Then the beast inside me would come out, roaring and insatiable. I would meet a girl somewhere in a dark place. My inner desires would come to the surface and I wouldn’t be able to resist her charms. Then I would fuck her and enjoy it.
Then I would hurt Beatrice.
My best friend.
How could I possibly do that to someone I cared so much about? I would lose her altogether. I would lose the friend I did everything with. I would lose the person I shared every experience with.
I couldn’t risk it.
But that left me in a tough position. How long would this go on for? Would these feelings only get worse? Would I eventually get over her and fall for someone else?
But how could I fall for someone else when Beatrice was the most amazing girl in the world.
Now I’m opening a business with her so that wouldn’t help me. I’d be stuck with her every day, watching the way she glided around the bar with her shoulders back and her chin held high. I’d have to watch the way her jeans hugged her perfect curves and even more perfect ass. Sometimes when she wore those cardigans I wanted the buttons to fall open just so I could see the swell of her tits.
God, I’m a monster.
***
Beatrice sat across from me on the couch. She held her deck of cards and she was examining them intently. “Go fish.”
I drew another card. “I think you’re lying.”
“Why would I lie?”
“Because I have three nines. Therefore, you must have a nine.”
“No, it’s in the pile.” She kept her eyes on the cards. “Do you have a five?”
“Go fish.”
She narrowed her eyes at me.
“No, I’m not lying.” I rolled my eyes.
She drew a card and placed it into her deck. Then she smiled and pulled a pair out. “Looks like I found the five.”
“Good for you,” I said sarcastically.
She pouted at me. “Is someone a sore loser?”
“You’re just a mean winner.”
She chuckled. “I know you hate losing at things.”
“Do you have a queen?”
She pulled the card from her deck and handed it over.
I grinned and snatched it. “Now look who’s a sore loser.”
She returned her eyes to her cards.
“How was your day?” I never asked this question to anyone. I never asked Lexie when we were married. Honestly, I never cared about hearing the answer. But with Beatrice, I did.
“The pesticide company finally sprayed the crops. Hopefully, it doesn’t dilute the quality of our grapes.”
“It can really affect it?” I asked with interest.
“If they overdue it, it can.”
“You learn something new every day…”
“Do you have an ace?”
I growled then handed it over.
She smiled. “Thank you.” She put her pair off to the side. “How was your day?”
“Good. Just did some work in the office.”
“Does that get boring?”
I shrugged. “It can. But I like being my own boss. I can take off if things get really boring.”
“How’s your family?”
She never asked me this before. “Good. I haven’t talked to them in a while.” A really long time, actually. Mom yelled at me last time I saw her, but that was because I told her what I’d done to Lexie. I had a feeling she didn’t want to talk to me.
“Is your Mom doing well?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“You mentioned she had a heart attack awhile ago.”
She remembered that? “She’s doing well. She just needs to lie off the pie and cream.”
“Well, we all know that’s hard for anyone to do.” She asked me for another card and I handed it over. “I’m glad she’s doing well.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Are you close with your family?”
I shrugged. “I used to be.”
“What happened?” she asked.
“I got a divorce and fucked everything up.”
Beatrice gave me a look of pity. “That was years ago.”
“I know. But I told my mom the real reason before you and I started hanging out. I’ve never seen her look so disappointed in me.”
Beatrice lowered her gaze because she couldn’t look at me. “That doesn’t mean she stopped loving you, Jared.”
“I know…but I’m still embarrassed. And the worst part is knowing I have no one to blame but myself.”
Beatrice did something I didn’t expect. She reached across the couch and rested her hand on mine. The second her skin came into contact with mine, I felt the shivers move down my spine. My heart stopped for a moment in time because the touch w
as so exciting. Within a blink of an eye, I felt so many things. Did she?
“You’re too hard on yourself, Jared.” Her green eyes shined when she looked into my face. There was friendship, trust…and something else deep within. “I don’t like it when you put yourself down. You’re a great person.” She took her hand away.
I didn’t like that.
She returned her attention to her cards.
Why couldn’t I change? Why couldn’t I be different? If I were, I could hold her hand whenever I wanted. But I’ve never wanted to hold someone’s hand so much before. Now I craved the intimacy like I never have before.
“We all make mistakes,” she said. “How can we move on and change if we have to keep apologizing for them? Just put it in the past and let it go. I’m not saying what you did was right, but life goes on.”
“It’s not so easy…”
“You know how I am,” she said. “I’m distrustful and fearful. You think I’d spend all my time with you if you weren’t the best guy I knew?”
Warmth spread through my body. “Or maybe it’s because you don’t have any friends…” Now wasn’t the time for a joke but I couldn’t handle it when she said all these incredible things about me.
She rolled her eyes and swatted my arm. “I could make friends if I really wanted to.”
I tried not to laugh. “Sure.”
“I could,” she argued.
“Yeah, whatever.”
She swatted my arm again. “Don’t be mean.”
“Sorry,” I said with a laugh. “It’s my job to tease you.”
“No, it’s my brother’s job. I get that at work all day. You’re supposed to be nice to me.”
“I am?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah, because you love me.”
I flinched at her words and felt the blood drain from my face. I suddenly felt cold, ice-cold. It was like someone dumped an ice chest over my head. But I was hot at the same time, like I’d been stuck in a desert for a week. Her words immediately made me uneasy, and I tried to find an appropriate reaction. What did she mean by that? Was she being serious? Was she joking?
“Jared?”
“Hmm?” My eyes found hers and I tried not to look panicked.
“Do you have a jack?”
“Oh…” I looked at my cards and tried to find one. “Uh…” I tried not to get flustered but I couldn’t focus my gaze. My palms were suddenly sweaty. “No.”
Beatrice didn’t seem to notice my reaction because she drew another card.
Fuck, I needed to calm down.
***
“Mission Impossible, here we come.” We sat in the movie theatre with our boxes of candy.
“I have a feeling it’s going to be like every other Mission Impossible I’ve ever seen.” She threw the milk duds into her mouth.
“No, it’s going to be awesome. Just wait and see.”
“Okay…” Skepticism was in her voice.
“If it sucks, I’ll take you out to dinner.”
“And if it doesn’t?” she asked as she turned to me.
“I’ll still take you out to dinner.”
She grinned. “That sounds like a good gig.” She settled into her seat then set her empty box into the cup holder. She shivered slightly and rubbed her arms.
“You cold?”
“A little.”
I pulled my sweater off then handed it to her. I didn’t think twice before I did it. If she was cold, I wanted to keep her warm.
“Thank you.” She pulled it over her shirt and it was a million times too big.
I immediately pictured her in one of my t-shirts as she walked around my apartment. She only wore her panties underneath as she walked into my kitchen and searched for something to eat.
Damn, I can’t think like that.
She crossed her arms over her chest and finally looked comfortable.
I forced myself not to look at her and focus on the screen. Finally, the movie started. There were a ton of previews before the film began. Halfway through it, I glanced at her to see if she liked it.
Her eyes were closed.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head at the same time. Then I returned my focus to the screen. A moment later, she leaned toward me and rested her head on my shoulder. She must not even understand what she just did because she was asleep.
I stiffened at her touch. The smell of her hair washed over me. It smelled like a meadow in the height of summer. There were flowers and leaves in the wind. The sun was rising, spreading warmth to the birds and the trees. Then her arm hooked through mine. Our hands were near each other but they didn’t touch.
I stared at her palm, noting her small fingers. Instead of watching the movie, I watched her. I kept wondering how it would feel to hold her hand.
Shit, why did I care? What the hell was wrong with me?
Then I did something really stupid. I grabbed her hand and interlocked our fingers.
What the fuck am I doing?
It immediately felt good. It had nothing to do with sex but it felt better than any sexual experience I ever had. I couldn’t describe it. Was it a cure for the loneliness? Was it because I felt closer to her? What was it?
Her fingers tightened in mine and she snuggled closer to me.
What the hell were we doing?
I should pull my hand away but I couldn’t. The damage was done. I made the move without thinking and now I had to live with the consequences. Maybe she was asleep and didn’t even realize it. When the movie ended, I would quickly pull my hand away and act like nothing weird just happened.
I returned my focus to the screen but all I could think about was our adjoined hands. Her fingers were so small compared to mine. They were tiny, like a child’s size. Her scent continued to wash over me, and I wondered if my sweater would smell like her until I washed it. I wish that smell could be soaked into my sheets. I wondered if she tasted as good as she smelled.
The movie ended and the lights came on.
I discreetly pulled my hand away and tried to act like I didn’t just act like a douchebag.
Beatrice stirred then rose from my shoulder. She blinked her eyes several times like she was forcing herself to wake up from a particularly good dream. “Sorry…I think I fell asleep.”
“It’s okay.” I awkwardly crossed my arms over my chest.
She smiled then pulled the hair out of her face. “Well, it looks like you owe me dinner.”
***
I walked her to her door, and she still wore my sweater. I wasn’t cold and I didn’t need it back. But I liked the way it looked on her. It was one of the sweaters I wore when I played basketball with my friends. It was way too big on her but she still looked cute.
“Thanks for taking me to dinner and a movie.” She stopped in front of her door and looked at me with a smile that wouldn’t disappear. She always looked at me like that, like I was her favorite person in the world.
“No problem.”
She started to remove the sweater. “I should give this back to you.”
I held up my hand. “Keep it. You can give it to me later.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t want you to get cold.”
She straightened the sweater even though there weren’t any wrinkles in the fabric. “Sorry I fell asleep during the movie.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t even paying attention to it.”
She raised an eyebrow. “What?”
Shit. “I mean, I wasn’t paying attention to you sleeping.” I hoped she believed that bogus story. “I didn’t even notice until you started drooling on my shoulder.”
She covered her mouth and gasped. “Oh my god…I drooled?”
I smiled because her embarrassment was so cute. “No. I was kidding.”
“Oh.” She clutched her chest in relief. “Thank god. I would have been mortified.”
“There wasn’t any slobber on my shoulder so you’re good.”
“Phew. Oth
erwise you would have teased me for all eternity.”
I shrugged. “I’ll find something else to tease you for.”
She glanced at her door then turned back to me. “Well, good night.”
“Good night.” I continued to stand in front of her door but I wasn’t sure why. My feet wouldn’t carry me away. Did I expect her to invite me inside? Did I want to come inside?
What the hell was wrong with me?
Instead of unlocking her door, she stepped closer to me then wrapped her arms around my waist. She hugged me and moved her face to my chest.
I stilled at her touch because I hadn’t been expecting it. Once her arms were securely around my waist I knew it was really happening. My arms automatically moved around her waist and I pulled her close to me. My hands had a mine of their own and did whatever they wanted.
My chin rested on her head because she was at the perfect height. She felt petite in my arms, like I could pick her up with one arm then hoist her over my shoulder. My hand glided down to the small of her back and it rested there. I loved that area of her body. It made her curves even more exaggerated than they already were. I’d give anything to feel her bare skin with mine. I knew she would be smooth, smooth enough for me to glide my tongue up and down.
We stayed like that for a long time, neither one of us saying anything. It didn’t seem like either one of us wanted to end the embrace. Last time we hugged the same thing happened. It seemed to be harder for both of us to pull away every time this happened.
What if we stopped pulling away altogether?
She pulled away first then looked up into my face. Her green eyes twinkled light Christmas lights. They had their light that couldn’t be dimmed. The affection deep within made me feel good about myself. It was a sensation I couldn’t explain. Her emotions were easy to read once she allowed you to be close enough.
I needed to drop my embrace. I needed to walk away. I needed to say good night.
Beatrice continued to stare at me. Then she glanced at my lips.
No.
This can’t happen.
No.
Her eyes took me in again before she looked at my mouth. Intention was written clear all over her face.
I can’t let this happen.
Beatrice leaned in for the kill, rising on her tiptoes to reach my lips.