Passion Sought

by C Zinnia

  Eli nodded. “Well, you ought to make time for them. They’ve had always been there for you. Don’t forget about those who love you. Make time for them,” he said. He patted her shoulder. “See you Monday night, if not sooner.”

  “Thanks,” Viola said as Eli left.

  Viola stared at the doorway. She allowed herself to reflect on the reading. Viola’s heart sped at the thought of meeting her mate. What is she like? What would we talk about? What type of gifts does she have? How will our first kiss feel? she thought.

  Dana had said that a kiss from Lee made the world stand still. Viola wanted something like that.

  Viola didn’t want to talk to anyone about the reading, especially since most of it involved Eli lecturing her. She felt like she had already addressed so much about her past. I don’t think it’ll affect my relationship, she thought. If anything, my mate will help heal any residual issues. Viola knew if she went back to the kitchen they would pry. She snuck through the house. She heard warm chatter and laughter coming from the kitchen. The living room boomed with sounds from a game a group of people was watching.

  No one noticed Viola as she went up the stairs and into her room. She gathered supplies and took a long hot shower before jumping into bed.

  It was somewhat early, but Viola knew she needed rest. It was just as essential as training and recovery were. Will my mate be at the fight? Viola wondered. I hope so. What better first impression than my mate seeing me win? Seeing my strength and power?

  Don’t lose focus or else you’ll lose your first fight ever in front of her , Viola’s rational brain warned.

  Viola thanked God for the fight she won against Chris. Some people went into a match to win. Viola went into a match having already won. She looked at the person as though they were trying to break into her home and steal the victory from her. The victory didn’t belong to them. The triumph was already hers. In Viola’s mind, she already won the fight against Chris. Monday, Chris was going to try to steal the win from her and Viola refused to let it happen.

  Viola closed her eyes and thanked God for everything she had: for the roof over her head, her family, friends, and for the win against Chris. She was truly blessed. And Viola looked forward to sharing that blessed life with her mate.

  Chapter 9

  The next day . . .

  Mel strummed her guitar as she hummed a wordless tune. She felt such joy and love. She was a blessed woman.

  Strong arms wrapped around Mel from behind and pulled her close. Lips grazed Mel’s neck.

  Mel happily sighed and leaned back into her love. She finally found the one.

  Arms were ripped away from her. Her guitar dropped to her feet and smashed into a million pieces. The ground around her collapsed.

  She was falling . . . falling . . . falling . . .

  Mel landed in her seven-year-old body. She stared at the boy before her and wished she was somewhere else. He was so mean. She was supposed to love him because he was blood, but she’d seen how quickly blood diluted in water.

  “He’s such a pansy,” the boy said definitively as they watched a neighborhood boy walk to his house. Even though Mel was young and still unfamiliar with her gifts, the boy’s hate was strong enough that it felt like it burned across her skin. Mel knew most of the hate was directed at himself. Mel was too young to understand why the boy’s self-hatred led to his hatred of another person. “I bet he’s gay,” the boy added. “Gays like that ought to go back wherever they came from. It’s not natural.”

  Mel thought it was a very mean thing to say. “If it’s not natural, then how do they exist? How are they born?” she asked.

  The hate was redirected at her. She nearly fell back from the power of it. She still wasn’t used to dealing with such negativity directed at her. She couldn’t defend herself as it felt like sharp edges of his energy slashed into her. He glared at her. “Shut-up Mel, you’re so stupid! You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I know that Mommy says it’s ugly to talk bad about people,” Mel said. She tried to imagine herself being stronger. It only worked for a few seconds, and then his energy slashed into her again. She still wouldn’t balk. “You’ve never talked to him before, how do you know he’s a pansy? He’s always been nice to me.”

  “You’re just defending him because the only people who’ll be your friend are the ones who are different. I bet you’re just as weird as he is!” He shoved Mel to the ground. “You’re a freak like him. Aren’t you? Little freak. Little weirdo. Nobody likes you because you’re so weird. You’d be better off living with a pansy.”

  The comment hurt like a stab in her heart. Does he know about my gifts? How could he when I keep them a secret from everyone? What else does he know about me? Mel thought.

  “I hate you!” Mel shouted. She ran and hid among the dumpsters in the alley. She wrapped her arms around her knees and cried. “I’m not weird. I’m not weird. I’m not weird.” She said it like a mantra over and over again.

  Even as the sky turned black, Mel wouldn’t move. She shivered in the cold and kept her head low; wishing the concrete below her would open up and swallow her whole.

  Mel woke up. She was disoriented at first and nearly fell out of a bed that wasn’t hers. She didn’t hear the normal sounds of the city. Oh no! Have I gone deaf? she thought in a panic.

  It took a moment to remember she was at the Countryside B&B. She breathed out in relief.

  Mel hadn’t remembered that incident with her cousin in years. He had been a bigoted drunk who died from wrapping his car around a tree when he was twenty. The only good aspect of the situation was he didn’t kill anyone else in the process.

  Mel mourned the loss of her cousin. Mel knew that her cousin struggled with his sexuality. She tried to talk to him about it one time when she was sixteen. He flipped out on her. He swore at her and threatened her if she ever even mentioned the topic again. Mel left him alone about it, but it was unfortunate to see the path he took of self-destruction. She tried talking to his parents, but it fell on deaf ears. They were just as much in denial about their son being gay as he was. It wasn’t until after his death that they acknowledged how much he suffered. Their guilt from their lack of actions festered and destroyed their marriage. Mel hurt for them. It taught her a valuable lesson that inaction can be just as harmful as a wrong action.

  Mel knew if his parents had addressed his sexuality with warmth and acceptance, things would have gone differently. Because her cousin was essentially left on his own with only society there to tell him how wrong being gay was, her cousin viewed being gay as being a deviant and a pervert. Mel hardly blamed him for his brainwashed view. All he heard in church was his damnation for liking men. On top of that, society made him feel subhuman for being attracted to men.

  Mel noticed a tendency for there to be self-destructive habits among the LGBTQIA youth. She felt it was more and likely due to the fact that they were made to feel damned or unworthy of a happy, healthy life. They were also frequent targets of bullying and violence. Not to mention the isolation and lack of acceptance they felt in their environment was more than enough to spur addictions and reckless sexual behavior. She felt sorry for those who were kicked out of their homes and shunned by their families. Mel remembered reading the other day about a boy who was murdered by his father for being gay.

  Mel was sad that her cousin never was able to learn to love and accept himself.

  Mel noticed it was still dark out. She collapsed back in bed with a dramatic sigh. She refused to get up until the sun rose. Falling asleep had been nearly impossible because it was so much darker and quieter here in the country than she was used to in the city. It was almost eerie. She had to put on an app that played ocean sounds before she managed to fall asleep. Besides, she was still tired. This was her vacation and she deserved to sleep in as long as she wanted.

  Five minutes later, she was out of bed. She put on a warm fuzzy robe as she cursed under her breath. She hoped that she’d be
able to sleep in before her vacation was over. She decided she’d take advantage of the opportunity to listen to music and do some light reading with a cheesy romance novel. She didn’t feel awake enough to work on her music.

  Mel also knew she was procrastinating. She didn’t know why she was delaying working on her music, but she was and she didn’t have the willpower to overturn her attitude just yet.

  She walked downstairs and found a switch to turn on the porch light. She went outside. She shivered and quickly went back upstairs to grab a blanket she had brought with her. She went downstairs again and back outside. She glanced up at the porch light and was horrified by the number of insects swirling around the light. Mel contemplated going back inside. “Don’t be such a wimp, Mel,” she muttered. She hoped the bugs left her alone as she went to the porch swing. She created a cocoon on the swing.

  She put on her headphones and listened to the strong vocals of the female artist followed by the rhythmic beats of the drums. Her heart felt like it matched the cadence.

  She opened her cheesy romance novel and enjoyed reading the typical scenario of love conquering all as the sky around her slowly changed. The only complaint she had about the story was it wasn’t something she could truly relate to. If only the characters were a little different, she thought.

  The woman was singing about love as well but in a way Mel couldn’t quite relate to. I want to write about love I can connect with, she thought. I shouldn’t always have to tweak lyrics in others’ songs to suit me.

  Mel paused in her reading to watch the sky go from dark blue to orange and pink and yellow. She put her music on pause.

  The birds chirped as they started their morning scouring for food. Robins strutted across the lawn as they sang and pecked at the ground for worms. Black-Capped Chickadees and Tufted Titmice flew to birdfeeders. Each loudly proclaimed the birdfeeder was their territory before being driven away by another bird.

  The sun peeked over the two-story trees. Its golden light travelled across the ground to meet Mel’s shoulder. She enjoyed its warmth even through her blanket. It really was beautiful here.

  She felt Daren’s energy near her. She looked up at the front door.

  The door opened and he came out. He stretched loudly, unaware of her presence. He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.

  “It is too cold to be dressed like that,” she said.

  He jumped as he let out a strangled screeched.

  Mel couldn’t help but laugh at the sound. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said.

  He clutched his chest dramatically. “Holy cow, Mel! I’m pretty sure I left my body for a moment! I didn’t even know you were here. How did you do that?” he said.

  Mel was confused. “Do what?” she asked.

  “I wasn’t able to smell you,” he said.

  Mel made a face. “Smell me? Do I stink normally or something?” she asked.

  Daren realized what he had just said to her and froze. “No, no,” he said hastily. He had a panicked look on his face as he tried to think of how he was going to get himself out of this predicament. “That’s not what I meant. I mean . . . um . . . I normally know when others are close by.”

  “Oh, you can sense energy?” Mel asked eagerly. She was excited about the prospect of someone having gifts like her.

  Daren was confused. “Energy?” he repeated.

  “Yeah. Energy. Essence. Qi. Bioelectric field. Whatever it is that makes up the person that spreads out farther than their physical body,” Mel said.

  “I don’t know, maybe,” Daren said. “Why? Do you?”

  “Yes. So, you can sense people’s energy by smell?” Mel asked. “What do I smell like?” The question made Daren uncomfortable. Mel didn’t understand the cause of his discomfort but decided to drop the topic. “Never mind.”

  For the first time, Daren realized how Mel was dressed and laughed. “Did you bring all of the covers down with you?” he teased.

  “Almost. It’s really chilly,” Mel said.

  “It tends to be cold in the early morning,” he said. “But it’ll warm up soon.”

  “What are you doing up this early?” she asked.

  “I could ask you the same thing. Aren’t you supposed to be on vacation?” he asked.

  “You would think so, but my body hasn’t gotten the memo yet,” she said.

  “Don’t worry. By the time you get used to it, your vacation will be over,” he said.

  She laughed. “That is true,” she said.

  “And what are you reading?” Daren asked as he glanced at her book. He snorted. “Romance. Really?”

  “Why not?” Mel asked.

  “It’s just so . . . lame,” Daren said.

  Daren’s statement struck a nerve for Mel. It reminded her of when she would get teased in middle school and high school for the books she read. She felt her cheeks flush. “You know what I don’t understand?” Her voice had quieted and had an edge to it that caused Daren to pause. His noticed her eyes had turned a darker blue as she spoke.

  Like storm clouds, he thought.

  “Why is it considered lame or inappropriate or terrible to enjoy romance?” she continued quietly. “Why is it better to read books about killing or hurting people? Why is it better to focus on drama and hatred and whatnot? Why is it better to focus on events where people harm each other or reality shows were ignorant people get to perpetuate materialism, petty fights, and chaos? Why are love and romance viewed with disdain and condescension? As though those who don’t believe or enjoy romance are somehow better and more fulfilled than those who do? I haven’t noticed people who dislike romance novels as being necessarily happier, have you? It’s like negative people who try to make optimists feel stupid or foolish for looking on the bright side. Are those pessimists’ lives really that much better or more fulfilling?”

  Daren was speechless.

  Mel glanced down at her cheesy romance book. She cleared her throat as she promptly closed her book. “Well, I guess I better step off my soapbox now,” she said.

  Daren laughed. “I apologize for calling romance novels lame. That was inappropriate of me. You did make some good points,” he conceded. “The world would be a better place if everyone aimed to spread love rather than hate.”

  “Or violence,” Mel added.

  Daren laughed again. “Or violence,” he said. “Though, I enjoy contact sports and action movies.”

  “Some action movies are entertaining. And I don’t have an issue with people watching those things. It’s when they act holier-than-thou that it . . . well. . . it pisses me off. None of us are better than anyone else,” Mel said. She realized he was grinning at her. “What?”

  He continued to grin as he shook his head. He knew better than to tell her she looked cute when she was angry. He made the mistake of telling his friend Elisa that one time and it didn’t end well for him. “Nothing,” he said as he chuckled. “And you’re right. No one is better than anyone else.”

  “You look like you’re dressed to go somewhere,” she said.

  “Yes. I’m going to go train with V,” he said.

  “V? You mean Viola? This early? And after training last night?” She was astounded. “Why on Earth would you go this early?”

  “V likes to train throughout the day, so we start early in the morning. Oh, and I got the tickets for tonight’s show. Let me tell you, you ought to be flattered I’m missing training this evening because of you,” he teased. “V is only letting me get away with it because her fight isn’t until Monday-”

  He froze. He suddenly realized what he had said and who he said it to. “Dang it. What is it about you that makes me think I can yap on like you’re one of us? Unbelievable!” he exclaimed.

  Mel was stunned. She hadn’t expected that kind of response. Viola is a fighter! she thought. And this is the second time he brought fighting up. Politeness be damned! I’m asking questions today.

  “She fights? What kind of fight? Was that the fig
ht you talked about yesterday?” Mel asked. She was practically wiggling in her seat from excitement. She hoped maybe he would invite her to the match.

  Daren sighed loudly in annoyance. “Yes, but it’s nothing that would interest you,” he said quickly. “I got to go. Bye.” He sped off into the woods before Mel could say anything else.

  What got him so anxious? And why does he keep bringing up the fight ? she wondered. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Should I try to go to the fight? And what does Daren mean by one of us?

  It sounded like Viola was involved in an illegal underground fight club.

  No wonder Daren likes contact sports, Mel thought. Do they put bets on the fights? Mel’s imagination took off at the thought of a seemingly innocent quiet town harboring a violent underground world.

  “God, I wish I had a knack for writing novels,” she said. “I would just make sure to fill it with love too. The world needs more love.” She shook her head of her fantasies and realized the sun was finally up.

  Her stomach growled loudly to let her know it had awakened.

  She felt Dana before Dana joined her outside. Dana was laughing. “Was that your tummy?” Dana asked.

  Mel was surprised. How good is Dana’s hearing? she thought.

  Dana continued; “I thought there was a bear on the front porch.”

  Mel forgot all about Dana’s hearing. “Are there bears out here?” she asked, alarmed.

  Dana stared at her as though she was trying to figure out if Mel was serious. “Honey, you’re in the country. Of course, there are bears out here. But you don’t have anything to be afraid of because they tend to leave us alone.”

  “Oh, okay.” Mel didn’t feel comforted by Dana’s words. Mel looked towards the woods and noticed it suddenly appeared foreboding. She felt confident in sensing when a person was approaching her, but she didn’t have the same level of confidence with an animal.

  Mel was used to city life where the biggest animals were people’s dogs. She could sense dogs, cats, and rats if she focused, but she wasn’t sure about the types of animals that were found in the country. She wasn’t even sure what a bear’s energy felt like.