Alls Wel that ends Well

by William Shakespeare

  A poor physician's daughter my wife! Disdain

  Rather corrupt me ever!

  KING. 'Tis only title thou disdain'st in her, the which

  I can build up. Strange is it that our bloods,

  Of colour, weight, and heat, pour'd all together,

  Would quite confound distinction, yet stand off

  In differences so mighty. If she be

  All that is virtuous-save what thou dislik'st,

  A poor physician's daughter-thou dislik'st

  Of virtue for the name; but do not so.

  From lowest place when virtuous things proceed,

  The place is dignified by the doer's deed;

  Where great additions swell's, and virtue none,

  It is a dropsied honour. Good alone

  Is good without a name. Vileness is so:

  The property by what it is should go,

  Not by the title. She is young, wise, fair;

  In these to nature she's immediate heir;

  And these breed honour. That is honour's scorn

  Which challenges itself as honour's born

  And is not like the sire. Honours thrive

  When rather from our acts we them derive

  Than our fore-goers. The mere word's a slave,

  Debauch'd on every tomb, on every grave

  A lying trophy; and as oft is dumb

  Where dust and damn'd oblivion is the tomb

  Of honour'd bones indeed. What should be said?

  If thou canst like this creature as a maid,

  I can create the rest. Virtue and she

  Is her own dower; honour and wealth from me.

  BERTRAM. I cannot love her, nor will strive to do 't.

  KING. Thou wrong'st thyself, if thou shouldst strive to choose.

  HELENA. That you are well restor'd, my lord, I'm glad.

  Let the rest go.

  KING. My honour's at the stake; which to defeat,

  I must produce my power. Here, take her hand,

  Proud scornful boy, unworthy this good gift,

  That dost in vile misprision shackle up

  My love and her desert; that canst not dream

  We, poising us in her defective scale,

  Shall weigh thee to the beam; that wilt not know

  It is in us to plant thine honour where

  We please to have it grow. Check thy contempt;

  Obey our will, which travails in thy good;

  Believe not thy disdain, but presently

  Do thine own fortunes that obedient right

  Which both thy duty owes and our power claims;

  Or I will throw thee from my care for ever

  Into the staggers and the careless lapse

  Of youth and ignorance; both my revenge and hate

  Loosing upon thee in the name of justice,

  Without all terms of pity. Speak; thine answer.

  BERTRAM. Pardon, my gracious lord; for I submit

  My fancy to your eyes. When I consider

  What great creation and what dole of honour

  Flies where you bid it, I find that she which late

  Was in my nobler thoughts most base is now

  The praised of the King; who, so ennobled,

  Is as 'twere born so.

  KING. Take her by the hand,

  And tell her she is thine; to whom I promise

  A counterpoise, if not to thy estate

  A balance more replete.

  BERTRAM. I take her hand.

  KING. Good fortune and the favour of the King

  Smile upon this contract; whose ceremony

  Shall seem expedient on the now-born brief,

  And be perform'd to-night. The solemn feast

  Shall more attend upon the coming space,

  Expecting absent friends. As thou lov'st her,

  Thy love's to me religious; else, does err.

  Exeunt all but LAFEU and PAROLLES who stay behind,

  commenting of this wedding

  LAFEU. Do you hear, monsieur? A word with you.

  PAROLLES. Your pleasure, sir?

  LAFEU. Your lord and master did well to make his recantation.

  PAROLLES. Recantation! My Lord! my master!

  LAFEU. Ay; is it not a language I speak?

  PAROLLES. A most harsh one, and not to be understood without bloody

  succeeding. My master!

  LAFEU. Are you companion to the Count Rousillon?

  PAROLLES. To any count; to all counts; to what is man.

  LAFEU. To what is count's man: count's master is of another style.

  PAROLLES. You are too old, sir; let it satisfy you, you are too

  old.

  LAFEU. I must tell thee, sirrah, I write man; to which title age

  cannot bring thee.

  PAROLLES. What I dare too well do, I dare not do.

  LAFEU. I did think thee, for two ordinaries, to be a pretty wise

  fellow; thou didst make tolerable vent of thy travel; it might

  pass. Yet the scarfs and the bannerets about thee did manifoldly

  dissuade me from believing thee a vessel of too great a burden. I

  have now found thee; when I lose thee again I care not; yet art

  thou good for nothing but taking up; and that thou'rt scarce

  worth.

  PAROLLES. Hadst thou not the privilege of antiquity upon thee-

  LAFEU. Do not plunge thyself too far in anger, lest thou hasten thy

  trial; which if-Lord have mercy on thee for a hen! So, my good

  window of lattice, fare thee well; thy casement I need not open,

  for I look through thee. Give me thy hand.

  PAROLLES. My lord, you give me most egregious indignity.

  LAFEU. Ay, with all my heart; and thou art worthy of it.

  PAROLLES. I have not, my lord, deserv'd it.

  LAFEU. Yes, good faith, ev'ry dram of it; and I will not bate thee

  a scruple.

  PAROLLES. Well, I shall be wiser.

  LAFEU. Ev'n as soon as thou canst, for thou hast to pull at a smack

  o' th' contrary. If ever thou be'st bound in thy scarf and

  beaten, thou shalt find what it is to be proud of thy bondage. I

  have a desire to hold my acquaintance with thee, or rather my

  knowledge, that I may say in the default 'He is a man I know.'

  PAROLLES. My lord, you do me most insupportable vexation.

  LAFEU. I would it were hell pains for thy sake, and my poor doing

  eternal; for doing I am past, as I will by thee, in what motion

  age will give me leave. Exit

  PAROLLES. Well, thou hast a son shall take this disgrace off me:

  scurvy, old, filthy, scurvy lord! Well, I must be patient; there

  is no fettering of authority. I'll beat him, by my life, if I can

  meet him with any convenience, an he were double and double a

  lord. I'll have no more pity of his age than I would have of-

  I'll beat him, and if I could but meet him again.

  Re-enter LAFEU

  LAFEU. Sirrah, your lord and master's married; there's news for

  you; you have a new mistress.

  PAROLLES. I most unfeignedly beseech your lordship to make some

  reservation of your wrongs. He is my good lord: whom I serve

  above is my master.

  LAFEU. Who? God?

  PAROLLES. Ay, sir.

  LAFEU. The devil it is that's thy master. Why dost thou garter up

  thy arms o' this fashion? Dost make hose of thy sleeves? Do other

  servants so? Thou wert best set thy lower part where thy nose

  stands. By mine honour, if I were but two hours younger, I'd beat

  thee. Methink'st thou art a general offence, and every man should

  beat thee. I think thou wast created for men to breathe

  themselves upon thee.

  PAROLLES. This is hard and undeserved measure, m
y lord.

  LAFEU. Go to, sir; you were beaten in Italy for picking a kernel

  out of a pomegranate; you are a vagabond, and no true traveller;

  you are more saucy with lords and honourable personages than the

  commission of your birth and virtue gives you heraldry. You are

  not worth another word, else I'd call you knave. I leave you.

  Exit

  Enter BERTRAM

  PAROLLES. Good, very, good, it is so then. Good, very good; let it

  be conceal'd awhile.

  BERTRAM. Undone, and forfeited to cares for ever!

  PAROLLES. What's the matter, sweetheart?

  BERTRAM. Although before the solemn priest I have sworn,

  I will not bed her.

  PAROLLES. What, what, sweetheart?

  BERTRAM. O my Parolles, they have married me!

  I'll to the Tuscan wars, and never bed her.

  PAROLLES. France is a dog-hole, and it no more merits

  The tread of a man's foot. To th' wars!

  BERTRAM. There's letters from my mother; what th' import is I know

  not yet.

  PAROLLES. Ay, that would be known. To th' wars, my boy, to th'

  wars!

  He wears his honour in a box unseen

  That hugs his kicky-wicky here at home,

  Spending his manly marrow in her arms,

  Which should sustain the bound and high curvet

  Of Mars's fiery steed. To other regions!

  France is a stable; we that dwell in't jades;

  Therefore, to th' war!

  BERTRAM. It shall be so; I'll send her to my house,

  Acquaint my mother with my hate to her,

  And wherefore I am fled; write to the King

  That which I durst not speak. His present gift

  Shall furnish me to those Italian fields

  Where noble fellows strike. War is no strife

  To the dark house and the detested wife.

  PAROLLES. Will this capriccio hold in thee, art sure?

  BERTRAM. Go with me to my chamber and advise me.

  I'll send her straight away. To-morrow

  I'll to the wars, she to her single sorrow.

  PAROLLES. Why, these balls bound; there's noise in it. 'Tis hard:

  A young man married is a man that's marr'd.

  Therefore away, and leave her bravely; go.

  The King has done you wrong; but, hush, 'tis so. Exeunt

  SCENE 4.

  Paris. The KING'S palace

  Enter HELENA and CLOWN

  HELENA. My mother greets me kindly; is she well?

  CLOWN. She is not well, but yet she has her health; she's very

  merry, but yet she is not well. But thanks be given, she's very

  well, and wants nothing i' th' world; but yet she is not well.

  HELENA. If she be very well, what does she ail that she's not very

  well?

  CLOWN. Truly, she's very well indeed, but for two things.

  HELENA. What two things?

  CLOWN. One, that she's not in heaven, whither God send her quickly!

  The other, that she's in earth, from whence God send her quickly!

  Enter PAROLLES

  PAROLLES. Bless you, my fortunate lady!

  HELENA. I hope, sir, I have your good will to have mine own good

  fortunes.

  PAROLLES. You had my prayers to lead them on; and to keep them on,

  have them still. O, my knave, how does my old lady?

  CLOWN. So that you had her wrinkles and I her money, I would she

  did as you say.

  PAROLLES. Why, I say nothing.

  CLOWN. Marry, you are the wiser man; for many a man's tongue shakes

  out his master's undoing. To say nothing, to do nothing, to know

  nothing, and to have nothing, is to be a great part of your

  title, which is within a very little of nothing.

  PAROLLES. Away! th'art a knave.

  CLOWN. You should have said, sir, 'Before a knave th'art a knave';

  that's 'Before me th'art a knave.' This had been truth, sir.

  PAROLLES. Go to, thou art a witty fool; I have found thee.

  CLOWN. Did you find me in yourself, sir, or were you taught to find

  me? The search, sir, was profitable; and much fool may you find

  in you, even to the world's pleasure and the increase of

  laughter.

  PAROLLES. A good knave, i' faith, and well fed.

  Madam, my lord will go away to-night:

  A very serious business calls on him.

  The great prerogative and rite of love,

  Which, as your due, time claims, he does acknowledge;

  But puts it off to a compell'd restraint;

  Whose want, and whose delay, is strew'd with sweets,

  Which they distil now in the curbed time,

  To make the coming hour o'erflow with joy

  And pleasure drown the brim.

  HELENA. What's his else?

  PAROLLES. That you will take your instant leave o' th' King,

  And make this haste as your own good proceeding,

  Strength'ned with what apology you think

  May make it probable need.

  HELENA. What more commands he?

  PAROLLES. That, having this obtain'd, you presently

  Attend his further pleasure.

  HELENA. In everything I wait upon his will.

  PAROLLES. I shall report it so.

  HELENA. I pray you. Exit PAROLLES

  Come, sirrah. Exeunt

  SCENE 5.

  Paris. The KING'S palace

  Enter LAFEU and BERTRAM

  LAFEU. But I hope your lordship thinks not him a soldier.

  BERTRAM. Yes, my lord, and of very valiant approof.

  LAFEU. You have it from his own deliverance.

  BERTRAM. And by other warranted testimony.

  LAFEU. Then my dial goes not true; I took this lark for a bunting.

  BERTRAM. I do assure you, my lord, he is very great in knowledge,

  and accordingly valiant.

  LAFEU. I have then sinn'd against his experience and transgress'd

  against his valour; and my state that way is dangerous, since I

  cannot yet find in my heart to repent. Here he comes; I pray you

  make us friends; I will pursue the amity

  Enter PAROLLES

  PAROLLES. [To BERTRAM] These things shall be done, sir.

  LAFEU. Pray you, sir, who's his tailor?

  PAROLLES. Sir!

  LAFEU. O, I know him well. Ay, sir; he, sir, 's a good workman, a

  very good tailor.

  BERTRAM. [Aside to PAROLLES] Is she gone to the King?

  PAROLLES. She is.

  BERTRAM. Will she away to-night?

  PAROLLES. As you'll have her.

  BERTRAM. I have writ my letters, casketed my treasure,

  Given order for our horses; and to-night,

  When I should take possession of the bride,

  End ere I do begin.

  LAFEU. A good traveller is something at the latter end of a dinner;

  but one that lies three-thirds and uses a known truth to pass a

  thousand nothings with, should be once heard and thrice beaten.

  God save you, Captain.

  BERTRAM. Is there any unkindness between my lord and you, monsieur?

  PAROLLES. I know not how I have deserved to run into my lord's

  displeasure.

  LAFEU. You have made shift to run into 't, boots and spurs and all,

  like him that leapt into the custard; and out of it you'll run

  again, rather than suffer question for your residence.

  BERTRAM. It may be you have mistaken him, my lord.

  LAFEU. And shall do so ever, though I took him at's prayers.

  Fare you well, my lord; and believe this of me: there can be no

 
kernal in this light nut; the soul of this man is his clothes;

  trust him not in matter of heavy consequence; I have kept of them

  tame, and know their natures. Farewell, monsieur; I have spoken

  better of you than you have or will to deserve at my hand; but we

  must do good against evil. Exit

  PAROLLES. An idle lord, I swear.

  BERTRAM. I think so.

  PAROLLES. Why, do you not know him?

  BERTRAM. Yes, I do know him well; and common speech

  Gives him a worthy pass. Here comes my clog.

  Enter HELENA

  HELENA. I have, sir, as I was commanded from you,

  Spoke with the King, and have procur'd his leave

  For present parting; only he desires

  Some private speech with you.

  BERTRAM. I shall obey his will.

  You must not marvel, Helen, at my course,

  Which holds not colour with the time, nor does

  The ministration and required office

  On my particular. Prepar'd I was not

  For such a business; therefore am I found

  So much unsettled. This drives me to entreat you

  That presently you take your way for home,

  And rather muse than ask why I entreat you;

  For my respects are better than they seem,

  And my appointments have in them a need

  Greater than shows itself at the first view

  To you that know them not. This to my mother.

  [Giving a letter]

  'Twill be two days ere I shall see you; so

  I leave you to your wisdom.

  HELENA. Sir, I can nothing say

  But that I am your most obedient servant.

  BERTRAM. Come, come, no more of that.

  HELENA. And ever shall

  With true observance seek to eke out that

  Wherein toward me my homely stars have fail'd

  To equal my great fortune.

  BERTRAM. Let that go.

  My haste is very great. Farewell; hie home.

  HELENA. Pray, sir, your pardon.

  BERTRAM. Well, what would you say?

  HELENA. I am not worthy of the wealth I owe,

  Nor dare I say 'tis mine, and yet it is;

  But, like a timorous thief, most fain would steal

  What law does vouch mine own.

  BERTRAM. What would you have?

  HELENA. Something; and scarce so much; nothing, indeed.

  I would not tell you what I would, my lord.

  Faith, yes:

  Strangers and foes do sunder and not kiss.

  BERTRAM. I pray you, stay not, but in haste to horse.

  HELENA. I shall not break your bidding, good my lord.

  BERTRAM. Where are my other men, monsieur?