Change Of Life

by Anne Stormont

  Tom didn’t seem able to speak. He buried his head in my shoulder.

  I took his face in my hands. “And, Tom,” I said, looking into his eyes, “I want you with me when I get the scan and the radiotherapy. I want you with me on what’s left of this particular journey. And you can boss the medics around as much as you like.”

  He still couldn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. He just held me very tightly.

  A little while later, as we lay side by side, I took his hand and interlaced my fingers with his. I told him how much I’d enjoyed our walk on the beach. “It made me think of home and how much I miss it. I’ve been in the city long enough.”

  Tom propped himself up on one elbow and looked into my eyes. He stroked my face. “So,” he paused, cleared his throat, “So, you’re coming home then, Rosie, home to Gullane, to the kids - and me?”

  “Yes, I’m coming home.” It was indescribably wonderful to say those words.

  Tom’s smile showed just what this meant to him. He took me in his arms and kissed me. He managed to say, ‘Oh, Rosie’, and then he kissed me some more.

  The rest of the week passed too quickly, in some respects. But, in other ways, I wanted it to be over so I could go home. We spent some time with Sam, of course. She was happy at uni and delighted with our news. She showed me her room in the hall of residence, and took us to all the places she went to in a normal week. I was so proud of her and told her so. On our last day in St Andrews we took her out to lunch and said our goodbyes.

  After lunch we loaded up Tom’s car. As we got in, Tom said softly, “You’re sure, Rosie – you’re definitely coming home?”

  “I’m sure,” I said.

  When we got home, Adam, Max and Jenny were waiting on the doorstep. Tom carried me over the threshold, and kissed me as he put me down in the hall. Max clapped, while Toby yelped ecstatically and ran in circles round me. Jenny and Adam rolled their eyes and muttered something along the lines of ‘gross’ and ‘embarrassing parents.’

  Feeling quite overwhelmed, I walked from room to room, reclaiming my territory. I left our bedroom till last. I went in and sat on the bed and looked out to sea. I thought about Heather, about our childhood bed, about her death bed, about labour ward beds, hospital beds, a bed in St Andrews - and this bed, Tom’s and mine.

  I lay back and fell asleep. I must have slept for a couple of hours. It was nearly six and dark outside when I woke up. Someone had put a blanket over me. It took a minute to remember where I was. I lay there, taking it all in again. I could hear movement downstairs, bits of voices and music in the background. I got up. The sounds were coming from the kitchen. I approached the doorway quietly and stood taking in the scene.

  The radio was playing and Tom sang along while he prepared dinner. Jenny was helping him. Max sat at the end of the table, speaking on the phone about football.

  Adam came up behind me, as I stood there watching. He hugged me, leaning against my back, and bent down to rest his head on the top of mine. “God, Mum – you’re really quite little aren’t you?” he said.

  “No, it’s you, you’ve got tall!” I laughed.

  Tom turned round when he heard us. “So, you’re awake. You looked so peaceful, I just covered you and left you to sleep.” He came over and put his arm round me. “Come and sit down. Dinner’s nearly ready.”

  “Hi, Mum, that was Uncle Dan on the phone. He said to say hello,” said Max, getting up from where he was sitting. “Here, you can have your place.”

  “No, no stay where you are Maxy, you have it. I’ll sit in your old seat – to be closer to your dad,” I replied. Tom glanced at me and smiled.

  “Okay, cool,” said Max. “Does that mean I get to be one of the important people round here – sitting at the top of the table?”

  “In your dreams, munchkin,” laughed Adam. “It just means it’ll be easier to ignore you – stuck out on the end there.”

  Max frowned. “I hate being the youngest!”

  “Aw, Maxy, I love you,” said Jenny. She giggled and went up behind him. She put her arms round him, gave him a kiss and ruffled his hair.

  “Get off!” Max waved his arms at his sister. “Yuck, Mum, help me!

  I shook my head and laughed. Tom and I exchanged another look. It was good to be home.

  Epilogue

  Tom

  A Change of Life

  It’s a whole year since that day, last May, when Robbie and Rosie met for the first time. I’ve spent most of today working in the garden, not doing anything creative, that’s still Rosie’s territory. I just clear the way for her. I’ve cut the grass and done some tree and hedge pruning.

  Even now, I sometimes can’t quite believe that Rosie’s back. I hate to come home and find she’s not in. My heart still lifts when I see her again, after any time apart. It’s like I fell in love with her all over again and Rosie says she feels the same. But it’s different from before. We both know we can’t take anything, and especially each other, for granted.

  The year has passed quickly. It seemed like no time from Michael going home until it was Christmas. It was a very special time for us all. I had Christmas Day off work and I cooked my first Christmas dinner. Ma and Dan joined us and stayed over. It was a happy day, all of us together, and everyone seemed to enjoy my efforts in the kitchen. On Boxing Day morning Ma and Rosie were sitting at the kitchen table, having breakfast and chatting to one another, as I emptied the dishwasher. Toby was snoozing in his basket and none of the children had surfaced yet. I remember watching those two women that I love so much, those two very brave, special women and feeling so grateful to have them both.

  In January I started my six month sabbatical. I’ve enjoyed the chance it’s given me to study, to research and to prepare and publish papers. But mostly I’ve enjoyed the time it’s given me to spend with Rosie and the family. When the time comes though, I’ll be happy to get back to my work at the hospital. It’s still very important to me and I do miss it. I’ve negotiated a new work pattern, with more time off, and I’m determined to stick to it.

  Rosie also began a twelve month career break last January and is using the time to think what she wants to do next, which may, or may not, be continuing to teach. We started our, temporarily, job free lives by going to Australia for six weeks, just after New Year.

  Robbie is a frequent visitor to our home. He now knows the full story of Heather’s death, and he continues to have long talks with Rosie about his birth mother. He’s also been spending some time with Rick.

  Then at the end of March, Rosie had a double celebration. She had her fiftieth birthday and she was told that she was in the clear. The cancer is completely gone – and other than regular check-ups she’s free to get on with living.

  To mark both these wonderful events we had a ceilidh. All the people who are precious to us were there, including the Sutherlands. Ruby and her husband were also among Rosie’s guests. Ruby has now retired from cleaning for us but is still very much part of our lives. Dan brought his new partner, Simon, to the party and Sam’s boyfriend, Calum, and Jenny’s Stewart were also there. It was a magical evening. There was a ceilidh band and lots of reels were danced. The highlight was something I’d arranged as a surprise for Rosie. It was Eilidh singing ‘My Love is like a Red, Red Rose,’ accompanied by Jenny on her fiddle and Adam on his guitar. Jenny’d taught Adam to play it and, according to Kirsty, in whose house they’d practiced, he’d slogged at it to get it just right.

  Robbie’s fiftieth birthday present to Rosie was something unique and very special. He’d come to me with the idea not long after Christmas. He wanted to do a charcoal sketch of me to give to her. He was keen for it to be a surprise and asked me to sit for him in secret. I agreed in principle – after all it was a lovely idea - but something about it niggled me. It took me a couple of days to pin down exactly why I had reservations. I was visiting Ma when it dawned on me. I happened to glance at the photos on the mantelpiece in Ma’s living room and there was one
of her and my stepfather. They were sitting on the garden bench, looking at each other and laughing. They just looked so - together.

  I wanted this picture of Robbie’s to capture that same spirit. I wanted it to be of us – Rosie and me – together. After everything that had happened I didn’t want to be alone – not even in a portrait.

  Robbie rose to the challenge. He captured Rosie’s likeness perfectly from a photo I’d taken of her at Christmas time. The resulting sketch showed Rosie and me – head and shoulders in profile – smiling at each other. Robbie had it mounted in a plain silver frame. It was simple and utterly beautiful.

  Robbie asked me to give the picture to Rosie. He said he felt that was the right way to do it.

  So on the morning of her birthday, after I’d brought us breakfast in bed – eggs Florentine and smoked salmon – and after we’d finished eating, I gave her the drawing.

  I was aware of holding my breath as Rosie unwrapped it. When she saw the picture, she gave a little gasp and put her fingertips to her lips.

  “Oh, Tom,” she said, passing the portrait to me. “Look at what Robbie’s done. How on earth did he manage it – not from memory surely?” There were tears in her eyes as she took it back and gazed at it.

  I explained how it had come about. When I finished she couldn’t speak at first. Then she whispered, “I love it.” In the end I had to prise it from her grasp so that I could show her just how much I loved her.

  And now, as I tidy up the clippings and put away the gardening tools, I allow myself to look forward, and not only to getting back to work at the hospital. In July, we’re going on holiday to Skye with Lucy, Graham, Kirsty and Rick. Yes, me and Rick in the same cottage for a week. Who’d have thought it? Kirsty has sold the family croft and she and Rick are having a house built close to where she grew up. They plan to move to Skye in October after Eilidh goes to university.

  Walking back up the garden, towards the house, I admire the results of my labour. The garden looks good. It won’t stay tidy of course. It’ll keep growing and needing attention.

  As I approach the house, I see Rosie sitting on the bench by the back door. Sam, home from uni now that first year is over, is lying back on my reclining, garden chair. She’s reading and is plugged into her i-pod. She’s working for most of the summer in a bookshop in Edinburgh and then, in September, she and Calum are going off round Europe by train. I’m trying to be cool about this plan, but it’s not coming naturally.

  Rosie bought me the recliner for my birthday earlier this year. It’s to help me chill out, apparently, and I must admit I love it. I consider asking Sam to move so I can sit in it, but decide I can’t be bothered with the negotiations this will inevitably involve.

  Instead I sit down beside Rosie. Her face is turned up to the late afternoon sun and her eyes are closed. I kiss her on the cheek. I put my arm round her and she puts her head on my shoulder. We sit like this for a while, neither of us needing to speak.

  It’s me and Max on dinner duty this evening and Ma’s coming to eat with us. I’m just thinking about moving, when Max and Jenny come out of the house.

  “Here you are. We’ve been calling you,” Jenny says.

  “Hi you two, how was school today?” Rosie asks, as Max sits down at the end of the bench beside his mother.

  “Okay,” is all Max is prepared to say.

  “It was just revision and practice classes for the music exam,” says Jenny. “It was fine. I can’t wait for next week – no more school ever! Yes! Budge up, Dad.” She squeezes in beside me at the opposite end of the bench from her brother. Rosie and I push closer together. Rosie leans her head on my shoulder again. Jenny does the same on my other shoulder.

  Then Adam arrives. “So this is where you all are,” he says. He’s now several months into his mechanic’s apprenticeship and though he’s still a man of few words, he seems to be enjoying it. He and Julie are still together. Rosie and I both hope their relationship will survive when Julie goes off to university, in the autumn, to begin her engineering course. But, whatever the future holds for my son I know he has the strength of character to cope. I’m still ashamed that I ever doubted him and I’m still so proud of him. However, he did tell me recently that I was to stop telling him so. He said it was cool that I was proud, but not cool to keep saying it over and over again.

  He plucks his brother from the bench and plonks him down on the grass. He then sits down beside his mother. “Hey, Ma,” he says and puts his head on her shoulder. He stretches out his legs, grinning at his brother and gives an exaggeratedly happy sigh for Max’s benefit.

  “Adam – that’s my place! That’s not fair!” Max’s protests are drowned out by the rest of us laughing. I wonder why I didn’t think of doing that with Sam, but realise my back wouldn’t be up to it.

  “It’s not funny,” Max complains. “Why’s it always me that’s picked on? Some things never change round here!”

  Rosie and I glance at each other and smile, each knowing what the other is thinking.

  The End