by Blue Saffire
“Nene… the man is right. You don’t need any parts of that world, but you’ve gone and fallen in love with a part of it. The Blacks and their people… they’re as ruthless as your father. I don’t know if we ever had a chance to keep you in the dark. You’ve been a magnet to it all since you were a baby.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“You followed your uncle Kin around like a shadow whenever he came to America. Girl, anyone with half a brain would steer clear of that man. Not you. First time I ever saw him smile was when you placed your hand in his as he walked through the halls of the house.”
I remember that. To me, Uncle Kin was always lonely. I needed to be his friend because no one else would be. I didn’t see a dangerous man.
She continues, pulling me from my thoughts. “When men would come to the house to see your father, you would sneak to sit outside his office until I’d find you and drag you away. Never the businessmen that had no ties to his other life. No, you would go to the door when there were killers behind it.”
“Then there were the swords. You took up Ne’s wooden swords at the age of three. You’re a better sword fighter than me or your father. You go to a place that looks so much like where your father goes. It’s something in the eyes. You are his daughter.”
She shrugs. I let her words sink in. It’s a lot to absorb and I’m tired.
“You can’t keep this baby away from its father,” she says and lifts a brow.
“I don’t know what I want to do about Ryan. I feel so betrayed. He hurt me.”
“You’re so hard headed. He has done this because he was asked to. The boy loves you. Why make him suffer?”
I pout. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. The same man I was falling in love with was lying to me. As he made me feel empowered to tell the truth, he also withheld the truth. That’s where I have a problem forgiving him.
“I just need some time.”
“You’re going to do what you want to do. Just know it’s going to come back to bite you. Eh.”
Chapter 32
Not That Man
Ryan
I’m not that dude. I’m not letting my girl and baby be away from me. Especially when their safety is in question. We never went to visit her grandparents while here before because the area isn’t as secure as I would like.
I don’t care if Kiyoshi and his whole fucking army are here. Carmen and our baby belong with me. So I’m on my way to get my family. We’ll just be mad together. It is what it is.
Paloma opens the door with a smile on her lips. “I knew it wouldn’t be long before you appeared. You’re just what my stubborn daughter needs,” she says as she steps back and allows me to enter the house.
“How so?” I ask as I turn to face her once inside.
“Carmen will get in her own way because she’s stubborn to a fault. She has her own rules in her head that make sense to her.” She rolls her eyes and sucks her teeth. “She’s also a people pleaser. In this case, I don’t think she knows who to please. Which will keep that girl ignoring you for as long as you allow it.”
She gives me a smile before she continues. “You’re so much like her father in a lot of ways and she’s exactly like the both of us. I too can hold onto something until its dead, man.” She pats my cheek. “She’s asleep in the back room on the left. I’ll lock up once you leave.”
With that, she turns to what looks to be the kitchen of the home. I start back for the room she pointed out. When I get to the door, Carmen is inside curled into a small ball on the bed with her arms locked around her center.
I lean on the doorjamb and take her in. She’s in one of her deep sleeps. I’ll have no problem picking her up and taking her back to the beach house. However, I want to look at her for a moment and absorb her.
There are certain things in life you can accept losing. For me, Carmen isn’t one of them. We’ll work through this.
Moving inside the room, I lift her from the bed and hold her to my chest. She stirs a little and snuggles into me, tossing an arm around my neck. Inhaling deeply in her sleep, she murmurs my name.
“Ryan.” She sighs and settles.
See. We can work this out. I love her and I know she loves me.
Carmen
I wake and immediately know something is off. For one, the tanned arm across my middle doesn’t belong to my mother. Second, the body heat and scent at my back are too familiar to be mistaken. Third, my mother would not have morning wood stabbing me in my butt cheeks.
My eyes adjust and I look around my surroundings. I’m back at the beach house in the bedroom we shared. I go to toss his arm off me so I can get up and figure out why I’m back here.
“Don’t move. I just started to fall asleep,” he murmurs into the back of my neck, tightening his hold.
“Get off me. Why am I even here?”
“Because it’s where you belong.”
“No, I don’t,” I snap.
“Baby, I love you. Now, shut up and go back to sleep.”
In a move so quick, his eyes open in surprise, I turn and flip him on his back to straddle him and wrap a hand around his throat. I glare down at him as my nostrils flare. With narrowed eyes, he glares back at me.
“Don’t you ever tell me to shut up. I have feelings, Ry and you hurt them.”
He begins to lift from the bed, ignoring the pressure I’m placing against his throat. He narrows those golden eyes back at me. Placing his hands on my butt, he comes nose to nose with me and squeezes.
“Hurting you was not my intention.”
“Get your hands off me, Ryan,” I say coldly.
“Is that really what you want. Your pulse is saying something else, but if it’s what my baby wants… you tell me.”
“So you’re suddenly ready to listen to what I want?” I snarl, in fact not wanting him to take his hands off of me.
Truthfully, I want to bury my face in his neck and sob. My feelings were hurt by more than Ryan. My father said a few things that cut deeply. Like, the fact that he doesn’t know me. However, I’m not about to fall into Ry’s arms so easily. He caused this.
“I always want to listen to your wants. The ones you say with your mouth and the ones that your body tells me,” he says, dipping his head to capture my nipple.
“Ryan,” I gasp-growl. “Stop it.”
“I’m tired of being without you,” he groans. “A day was too long.”
I snort. “You were never with me.”
He makes a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “You don’t even believe that BS. I can hear it in your voice.”
He drags his hand up my back to cup my neck, with his other hand he reaches under my shirt and palms my breast. Before I can protest he nips my lip and tugs. When he backs away he has a grin on his lips.
“See, I love you. I’m willing to kiss you with that morning breath and all.”
“Hrrr.” I blow my breath in his face.
“Still not letting you go,” he says and this time he takes my lips in a passionate kiss.
I try not to melt into him. I really do try, but my resolve is crushed when he flips me onto my back and pulls my legs around his waist. I whimper into his mouth and cling to his strong back.
He breaks the kiss and rubs his nose back and forth against mine. He stares into my eyes. “Talk to me. I’m listening.”
“You should’ve talked to me. I would have told you that I planned to tell my dad,” I murmur.
“Still wouldn’t have forced the truth from him. You both needed to come clean. I hate lying, baby. I told you I don’t have anything to hide. That’s because I’m honest from go. You two put me in a fucked up place.”
“Lying to my girl. Hiding shit from the woman I love and compromising how I moved to keep her safe. I hated every minute of it.”
“When I came to your apartment that first night, I was there to do a job, but I would have found out where you lived and popped up on your door regardless. We had agreed in Irel
and I was taking you out for your birthday.” He cups my face and tips my head back, bringing his lips within a breath of mine. “I protect what’s mine. You needed my protection.”
“Falling in love with you was already in motion. The favor I did for your dad had nothing to do with us or my feelings for you, other than me taking advantage of spending more time with you.”
“Ry,” I whisper.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I’m overwhelmed. His words hurt and I don’t know if I should trust you, but I want to.”
He kisses my forehead. “You can trust me, but first shut up until we get some toothpaste in that mouth.”
I throat punch him, but with no real force behind it. He falls over to his side laughing with one hand over his throat and the other arm reaching to tug me into his side. I melt into his warmth.
“I’m going to warn you now. You keep putting your hands on me and my mother is going to kick your ass,” he taunts.
“I’m sure she knows I could never do anything to hurt you. My love taps are just that. Nothing malicious behind them and not enough to make you flinch.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, she knows and so do I.” He kisses my forehead. “I’d never do anything to hurt you either, babe. I mean that. I didn’t bring your dad here to hurt you. I did it because it was the right thing to do. You guys need to be honest with each other.”
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Always.”
“I don’t like being away from you. I needed you and I couldn’t run to you because you were a part of the pain.”
“I’m so sorry.” He sighs. “I’m twenty-five and I do asshole shit a lot, but I see us both growing. Stick with me. Grow with me and I promise we’ll take the world by storm. You, me, and the kid. We’re going to be fine.”
“The kid,” I say and giggle. “Maybe we should start thinking of names.”
“Eric.”
I burst into laughter. “I think you should be thinking more along the lines of Erica.”
“Sean, Liam.”
“Whatever,” I mumble and go to move out of his arms.
“Where you going? You hate the names that much?”
I shake my head as I look down at him. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
He gives me a smile and winks at me. “Brush them teeth while you’re at it.”
“Grr.”
Chapter 33
Not Funny
Carmen
Oh my God, I’m so hungry and we have so much to do today. First we have to go to a doctor’s appointment for the baby. Then we’ll be heading out to Italy for an engagement party and wedding.
Italy was kind of a surprise and last minute for me. I’m a wreck because I needed to find something that would fit my six month—looking more like nine month belly. I think my butt is pregnant too.
I growl as my phone rings. I’ve been trying to make this pastrami and cheese sandwich for the last hour. Ryan went for a run and I’ve been going in circles to get everything done.
I answer the phone and put it between my ear and my shoulder. “Hey, Mommy,” I say into the device as I pull my sandwich from the oven.
It smells so good. I do a little dance as I slide it on a plate and sit it next to my juice on the countertop where I was sitting waiting. My mouth is watering as I look at it.
“Hey, Nene. What you up to? You get yourself packed?”
“Yes, I finally finished. It took getting Ryan out of the house. The man worries over everything. I couldn’t lift a thing to get it done without him getting in the way or taking over. Men don’t pack right.” I frown as I think of the way Ryan had my suitcases looking.
My mother laughs at me. “Child, I could tell you some stories of when I was pregnant. Your father wouldn’t let me out of his sight. Forget lifting a thing.”
“I don’t mind. Don’t get me wrong, but I got twice as much in one bag. I don’t know what he was doing when he packed it.” I laugh.
I go to sit down and start on my sandwich, but my bladder tells me otherwise. I look at the sandwich longingly and mumble to myself. Reluctantly, I turn for the powder room. It’s the closest and I’ll be quick.
“What time is the appointment for the baby?” I grin to myself as her accent comes out on the word baby. It’s more like a bae-bee in a singy kind of way. “Make sure to get the sonogram pictures for the album I’m making. I’m so excited. That baby will be here sooner than you know it.”
“I can’t wait. My feet have gone missing and my butt looks like a bus,” I say as I try to tinkle quietly.
“You haven’t seen nothing yet. You carry nicely though. You look beautiful.”
I get all teary-eyed. I’ve been such a sucker these days. I’m ready to burst into tears at the drop of a hat.
“Thank you, Mommy. That means a lot today. I’m not feeling all that pretty. It took me forever to find a dress let alone two. I’ve been so frustrated.”
She laughs on the other end. “Girl, you’re gorgeous. I’m sure you’re going to look stunning in whatever you found. Enjoy these days. When stained T-shirts and wild hair with lollipops hanging from it becomes your life you’ll be longing for today’s troubles.”
I flush and wash my hands as I finish up. My stomach growls. I look at the phone and see I need to hurry. Ryan should be back soon and we’ll need to head out as soon as he has a quick shower.
“Mommy, let me get off of here to eat before— No! That’s not yours,” I cry out as Ryan sits his sweaty butt at the counter eating my sandwich.
I burst into real tears. That was the last of the pastrami because his greedy-self devoured the pound and a half we just bought. I stomp my foot and ball my fists.
“I’ll call you back, Mommy.” I sob into the phone before I hang up.
Ryan looks at me with a mix of confusion and the look of a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I storm over and snatch the plate away. More tears fall as I look down at the demolished sandwich. There’s nothing but a bite left. Barely that.
“Why? Do you know how hungry I am? What made you sit there and eat my sandwich?”
Ryan
Oh my God. I’m trying my damn best not to laugh. I feel so fucking bad, but she’s crying and pouting and she looks so cute. I’m going to make her another sandwich. I’ll fix this, but she’s so adorable as her nostrils flare at me.
I get up and round the counter. She gives me the evil eye as I get closer. Her lips are trembling as tears soak her cheeks.
“It was sitting there. I thought you were trying to feed me before we leave. I’m sorry,” I say and reach out to tug her into me.
She knocks my hand away and stomps her foot. “This isn’t funny, Ryan. I can see the laughter in your eyes. I was craving that sandwich all night and all day. I was finally going to get to eat it.”
I reach to thumb at her tears. “I’ll make you another one—”
“With what? Pastrami dust?” she snaps.
I snort out a laugh before I can hold it in. “What?”
“That was the last of the meat, you jerk. You can’t make another one.”
My heart actually sinks and I feel like a big ass. “Aw, baby, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know. I thought you left it for me.”
“I’m not that good a girlfriend,” she mumbles.
“Yes, you are. That’s why I thought you made it for me. I’m so sorry. Come here,” I coo.
“No. You stay away from me. I’m going to sit in the car. Take your shower and let’s go.”
“Babe—”
“No, Ryan. I wanted that sandwich. I knew I should’ve eaten it before I went to pee.”
“You can have the last bite.”
The glare she gives me causes me to take a step back. I place my hand on her belly and smile when the baby moves. I drop the hand away as Carmen narrows her eyes more.
“You don’t get to smile at us. You just ate our baby’s sandwich.”
I wince. Damn. I feel really bad
. She’s totally pissed. That was a low blow. “I’ll shower,” I mumble and head for the bedroom.
Carmen
“What’s going on? Where’s Ryan?” My father jumps from his seat as I board his plane.
I refuse to fly with Ryan and his family to Italy. I’m still pissed about my sandwich. Not only did he eat it, but he burped the darn thing up all the way to the doctor’s appointment, making me even more hungry.
I sat eating a bag of fruit that tasted like cardboard to my senses that were ready for my sandwich. That car ride seemed to take forever. I was ready to choke my sandwich back up out of him by the time we arrived. I could taste it in the air.
“I wanted to ride with you guys.” I shrug.
“Right,” my mother says as she gives me a knowing smile.
I called her and asked if I could fly with them. I need a break from my boyfriend before we get into a huge fight. My hormones are not making me a nice person and Ryan takes nothing serious.
“Hmm. I don’t want to know,” my father grumbles and takes his seat once again.
I take the seat next to my brother and he wraps an arm around me and tucks me into his side. Kissing the top of my head he holds me tight. There’s nothing like having an older brother.
“I will get you that sandwich when we land. I know a place.”
I turn my face up to look at him. He winks at me as he tries to suppress a laugh. I change my mind. I tug out of his hold and text Ryan right away.
Me: You jerk. You told my brother.
Ryan: I’m trying here, babe.
Me: You should’ve tried not to eat my sandwich doofus.
Ryan: Hahahaha. I’m sorry. Stop being mad at me. I love you.