Breathe Into Me

by Amanda Stone

  I violently shook my head back and forth. “No way, Kane. I am not getting out of this truck.” I crossed my arms over my chest and turned my nose up in the air. There was no way I was getting out and chancing him doing something crazy like throwing me in that water.

  He let out a rough sigh and before I knew it, he was making his way around to my side of the truck. He opened the door and lifted me out and began striding toward the water.

  “Put me down! I swear Kane if you throw me in there I will come at you with fists and finger nails flying! Do not push me!”

  He laughed, but set me on my feet. “I swear I wasn’t going to throw you in. I just wanted you to see it … up close.”

  I stood there and shook my head no. I knew what up close to water was in boy talk. It usually ended up with the girl drenched like a soaking rat while they howled with laughter.

  “Come on. Just put your feet in. I promise nothing is going to get you. Do it for me?” he asked and stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. The craziest thought crossed my mind to just pull that lip between my teeth and I felt a warmth grow in my belly thinking about it.

  “Kane that water is probably freezing,” I stated. After thinking about it though, a douse in some cold water might actually be what I needed at the moment.

  “No it’s been too warm these past few weeks. My guess would be that the water feels about like a lukewarm bath.”

  I glanced at the pond and I could see what looked like a very small amount of fog rolling off the surface. Maybe dipping our feet in wouldn’t be so bad.

  I nodded. “Okay, I will put my feet in. But I’m warning you now, if I feel something so much as brush past my foot I’m screaming like a little girl and locking myself in the truck.”

  He smiled. “Deal.”

  I slowly edged toward the water, still a little nervous that Kane would push me in. When I made it to the water’s edge I could see by the moonlight that the water was very clean and clear. I could see the tiny pebbles that led down the shallow surface disappearing as the water got deeper. Looking around, I could see toward the back of the pond that there was a small stream that connected into it, then flowed right back out the other side.

  “I think this used to just be a stream and that someone dug out the part over here creating the pond.” Kane said.

  I slipped off my shoes and Kane kicked off his boots and rolled the bottom of his jeans up. After he was done he held out his hand to me. “Sometimes the rocks can be a little slippery. I don’t want you to fall so hold on to me.”

  I placed my hand in his. “Yeah, but what happens if you go down and I don’t?

  He thought for a second. “I guess we will both be going for a swim then.”

  I playfully slapped his chest and he laughed as we slowly edged into the water. Kane was right, the water was warmer than what I thought it would be. It actually felt pretty good on my bare feet and legs.

  “See, not so bad is it?” he asked.

  “No, it’s not. You were right. This temperature is perfect. It’s too bad we didn’t bring swim suits. I can’t remember the last time I went night swimming,” I said and slowly kicked around in the water. When Kane never said anything back to me, I glanced up at him and could see him pondering an idea.

  “What is it?” I couldn’t take his silence anymore.

  “Well, we could go swimming. If you really wanted too.”

  I gave him a questioning look. “How? We would have to ride home in soaking wet clothes.”

  “Not if we lost the clothes.”

  My eyes went wide. Was he saying what I think he was saying? “Are you talking about skinny dipping?”

  He smiled. “Well, not actual skinny dipping. I was going to suggest keeping on our underwear but if you want to go naked … I’m game.” He gave me a playful wink.

  “You cannot be serious.”

  “You said it would be fun to go night swimming. I just thought if you really wanted to, we could. I swear I would be on my best behavior. I won’t touch you if it will make you more comfortable.”

  What he was suggesting really wasn’t that crazy. I had on a bra and my panties were boy shorts so they would have me covered. There really wasn’t much difference in a bathing suit and the undergarments I was currently wearing.

  “So what’s it going to be? You going to walk on the wild side with me?” He waggled his eye brows.

  I had never been swimming in my bra and panties before. I’m sure there were a lot of people my age that had done it numerous times. Sometimes I felt like I missed out a little on the fun, reckless, teenage years by secluding myself the way I did.

  I didn’t have any exciting stories or memories to look back on. Just the horrible ones I was trying to get away from. Maybe I needed this, to make some crazy new memories to cancel out some of the bad.

  “Okay.”

  Kane looked at me stunned. “Okay?”

  “Yes. Let’s do it.”

  He stood there for a minute in silence just starting at me. “All right. But a second ago I was sure you were completely against the idea. Can I ask what made you change your mind? Wait, I know what it was. You just wanted to get me naked didn’t you?”

  I laughed. I don’t remember a time I have ever laughed so much after my mom died until I met Kane. It was a nice change from crying. “God, could you get any more full of yourself?” I teased back. “It’s like you said. I need a good walk on the wild side every now and then. You know, to live a little. I am ready to make some new memories, and what better way to start then to strip down and get to it?”

  “Strip down, huh? I like the way you are thinking already.” He flashed me a smile then gave his lip ring a flip.

  Oh boy, when he messed with that lip ring it was like instant turn on for me. I’m glad he didn’t listen to what his grandpa Ralph had said and kept it. I was growing fonder about body piercing every day.

  We walked the few steps back out of the water and onto the bank. The tall grass rubbed my legs when we reached the bank.

  “Ready?” Kane asked as he crossed his arms at the bottom of his shirt, grabbed the hem, and lifted it effortless over his head.

  I watched all the muscles in his abdomen twitch and ripple as he tossed the discarded shirt to the side in the tall grass. I raked my eyes slowly up his toned chest and saw that in addition to his tattoo sleeves, he had one that twisted and scrolled across the top of his chest from shoulder to shoulder that read, ‘Honor thy Father and thy Mother.’ His gray eyes reflected in the moonlight, looking as if they were glowing, and I stood in awe of him.

  When I finally realized I was staring at him, I quickly glanced away. I guessed it was my turn to lose some clothing. I nervously unbuttoned the sweater I had been wearing and slid it off my arms, tossing it into the pile with his shirt. I then grasped one of the straps to my dress and slid it down my shoulder, doing the same with the other shortly after.

  When I looked back at Kane, he was just watching me. His eyes were on my straps, then he slowly brought them up to connect with mine. We stared at each other as I let my dress fall to the tall grass at my feet. I kind of expected Kane’s eyes to immediately drop and begin checking out my body, but they never wavered from the intimate hold they had on my eyes.

  I lifted one foot and stepped out of my dress and in the one small step I found myself almost chest to chest with Kane. I could see the quick rise and fall with each breath he took. I noticed then that my breathing was just as fast. We kept up the staring match until Kane had rid himself of his jeans. I kept my eyes locked with his like he had done for me. It was kind of surreal. Here I was standing in the middle of an open field in just my bra and panties, with a guy who was just in his underwear and we had made no attempt to sneak a peek at each other. Not that I didn’t want to, but this moment was too intimate to go there.

  I felt Kane’s hand connect with mine and he laced our fingers together. My eyes fluttered shut and my body lit up like a flame from just that tiny bit of cont
act. If I didn’t get in that water soon, I felt like I was going to combust and burn the whole world down with me. Kane pulled my hand and I opened my eyes as he walked backward to the edge of the pond. He slowly retreated into the water pulling me with him, never taking his eyes off mine.

  When we were waist deep into the water he took my other hand in his and interlaced our fingers before pulling our locked hands to his chest.

  “I know I said I wouldn’t touch you, Kelsey. That I would give you your space so you would be comfortable … but right now all I can think about is your lips, and your body, and how incredibly beautiful you are.” He let go of one my hands to tuck a small piece of hair behind my ear, then he slowly ran his fingers down the side my neck.

  I couldn’t stop the way my head fell back and the sigh that escaped my lips. As good as it felt for him to run his fingers down my neck, it did nothing to compare to the way it felt when he touched his lips there. He had taken me a little by surprise, I hadn’t been expecting him to begin kissing my neck but I didn’t want him to stop. I let my hands fall from his chest and into the water. He slid one had around my slick waist and cradled the back of my head with the other and tilted my body slightly back so he could have better access.

  Kane kissed and nibbled and sucked just about every surface of my neck before running his nose up the side to my ear. Once at my ear he gave my lobe a soft kiss. “If you want to stop, please, stop me now,” he breathed into my ear. I didn’t want him to stop, though. Why deny my body what it was screaming that it wanted?

  I ran my now-wet hands up his bare chest, slipping easily along his taut skin. I couldn’t help myself when I reached his nipples, lightly running my finger over them, playing with them. I watched him shudder and felt him grip my waist tighter, and it made me give them a little pinch.

  Kane responded by pulling me deeper into the cool water to where my feet could no longer touch the ground, so I wrapped my legs around his waist. His arousal was evident as it was pressed against my belly. I thought I would be scared since I had never been this far before, but I wasn’t. Need and desire had possessed my body and all I could think about was more. I wanted so much more.

  I found Kane’s lips and began kissing every inch of them before that too was not enough and I urged him to open his mouth to me. It was obvious Kane was letting me take the lead here. He didn’t want to be in control right now for fear of pushing me into something I wasn’t sure of. But what he didn’t know was I had never been surer. How could this be wrong when it felt so right?

  After I explored Kane’s mouth to my liking, I pulled back to look at him. How did I end up here? I would never understand it. Things with Kane may not be for forever, but if I was going to have him now, I wanted to make the most of it. I slowly reached behind my back to unlatch my bra.

  Kane’s eyes widened. “Kelsey, I promise, I didn’t bring you here for this. I just wanted you to be part of this place with me. Its special to me, you’re special to me. It just made sense. We don’t have to go any farther.”

  I placed one of my fingers on his lips, then kissed him. With my lips still pressed against his I whispered, “I want to, Kane. Please.” I pulled back to look into his eyes. I could still see indecision swirling in them but I quickly unlatched my bra anyway. The straps fell down my shoulders getting caught in the crooks of my arms. He looked at the straps and then looked up into my eyes. I nodded, assuring him that this was okay, that I did want this.

  He slowly pulled one hand from around my waist and placed it against my cheek. He didn’t say anything to me before he leaned in and softly kissed my lips. When he pulled back he began to run the hand that had been pressed against my cheek down my jaw, then my neck and on down to my chest.

  My breathing was shaky. Not from fear, but from anticipation. He hooked his index finger around the small part of my bra that connect the two cups and slowly began pulling it away from my body. I took one last deep breath and held it in. I had never been topless in front of a guy before.

  I watched Kane’s face closely. Not even really sure what I was looking for. Disappointment maybe? Disappointment that I would be lacking where I’m sure a few of the other girls he had been with had been in abundance. I didn’t want to feel that way, but I was a girl after all. But when I truly looked into Kane’s eyes, all I saw was desire. The same desire I myself was feeling.

  He ran his hand down between my breasts and I all but orgasmed right there. I had never had this part of my body touched by someone else before. Not even through clothes, so the closeness of his wet skin touching my skin was the most intimate thing I had ever experienced. Kane kept his eyes on mine as he lowered his head to my chest.

  When his mouth connected with my nipple my body bucked and then shuddered, and the water rippled around us. I had never experienced anything quite like this before. I could feel the tingling in my belly growing. Is this possible? Can this alone send me over the edge?

  My question was answered about two seconds later when Kane raked his teeth across my nipple and my body exploded into a million different pieces. My head fell back as I called out his name to the night sky.

  Kane kissed me deeply as I came down from my high. Little did he know but the slow strokes of his tongue against mine was only working me up again. I wasn’t sure I had any control over my own body anymore. It wanted Kane. It wanted what my head wasn’t sure it was ready for, but what my heart was screaming it needed.

  I reluctantly broke away from Kane’s lips. He first looked at me as though he wasn’t sure if he had done something wrong. I mustered all the courage I could and whispered. “I want it to be you, Kane.”

  He slowly closed his eyes before responding, “Kelsey, baby, please don’t say things like that. I’m not worthy of that. Believe me.” He reopened his eyes and I could see the turmoil swirling within them.

  How could he not see how perfect he was? How could he not realize that, to me, his past and his reputation didn’t matter? All those people could think what they wanted about Kane. I knew the truth. I knew he wasn’t that person anymore. That alone was all I needed to know that I was meant to be here, in this water with him right now. Our lives had been so riddled with sadness and ugliness that we were destined to find each other. I felt it in every fiber of my being that this was right.

  “Please, Kane, I need it to be you. Before I met you I was a shell of who I used to be. I wanted desperately to find her again, and you have helped me do that. I know that it’s not a mistake that we are here, in this moment right now, together.” I placed his hand over my heart so he could feel how strongly it was beating. “You feel that? You make it do that. When my mom died I never thought I would be able to breathe again, let alone have my heart beat again, but then I met you and you stole that last amount of breath I had and breathed a new life into me. You are a part of me now. This is right, please don’t question that.”

  Kane let out a low growl and attacked my mouth again. I felt his hands slide under my knees and began to pull my legs away from his waist. I was about to protest but he didn’t drop my legs and put me down like I thought he was going to. He swung my legs together and cradled me in his arms, carrying me like a husband carries his wife over a threshold after they have been married, out of the water.

  When he made it to the shore I thought he was going to set me on my feet again but he kneeled with me in the tall grass and he used his hand that was wrapped around my back to spread his shirt out before gently laying me back on it. His scent that clung to his shirt engulfed me and I knew I would remember this smell for the rest of my life, and it would always bring me right back here, in this moment with him.

  He lightly kissed my lips just once, then held himself above me with one hand using his other to caress my cheek. “I need to know you are one hundred percent sure about this. I will never be able to forgive myself if you are not sure.”

  I cupped both his cheeks in my hands. “I am.”

  He nodded and leaned in to kiss me, but
pulled away at the last second. “Kelsey, I don’t have anything. I wasn’t expecting this.”

  I couldn’t believe I had forgotten to even think about protection. In the moment of passion, all I could think about was him. I thought for a minute. I had been on the pill since I was sixteen to regulate my periods. So I knew we would be safe from pregnancies, but I knew that Kane had slept around. His reputation had said so, and he had told me himself.

  “I am on the pill so there are no worries there, but I have to ask, have you been checked before? You know, since you have, um, done this before?” I felt like a bitch for blurting it out there like that, but I had to be sure.

  He nodded. “I have never, ever, touched a girl without one before, but a few weeks after I had stopped sleeping around I had myself checked just to be sure and it came back clean. You’re the first person I have been with in a while.”

  It made me happy to know that after he decided he wasn’t going to be sleeping around anymore that he was willing to do this with me. I was so worried about what my body and I wanted that I never really thought about the fact that I could have been pushing Kane into something he wasn’t ready for. “Kane, I know I am sure about this, but are you? If you don’t want to, that’s completely fine.”

  He barked out a laugh. “Kelsey,”—he looked down to where his underwear was fully tented—“is that sure enough for you?” He gave me his full-dimple smile and I bit my lip and nodded. The smile slipped from his face as his eyes zeroed in on my mouth.

  “You really shouldn’t bite your lip like that.” he said huskily. “I can’t think straight when you do, and right now I need to calm down and take my time with you. I don’t want to hurt you, Kelsey, in any way, physically or mentally, but this will hurt.” He looked at me, a hint of sadness in his expression.

  I knew this was going to hurt. I had heard stories and read books about girl’s losing it for the first time, but I was going to be going through this with Kane. I could deal with the pain as long as I had him. My heart fluttered at those last words and I knew it was because those words held more meaning than just about tonight.