Breathe Into Me

by Amanda Stone

Jessi let out a deep sigh, “I’m so happy for you, Kelsey. I bet it was romantic and I’m glad it was special for you. You deserve good memories like that.” This is why she was my best friend. Even though we had never spoken about making new memories to cancel out the old ones, she understood exactly what I was doing.

  “I love you, Jess. I will see you tomorrow.”

  “Love you too, Kels. And just think, if it was good the first time when it’s supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable, just imagine how it’s going to be … the next time,” she laughed.

  “Bye, Jessi.” I shook my head at my friend.

  “Later, babe.” She replied and I hit end.

  Could she be right? Could it get better than what it had been? This time was pretty great, when it had not been painful. Maybe she was right, maybe the next time would be even better. I felt a heat rise up from my chest and I knew I needed to get in the shower—a cold one at that—and stop thinking about a next time. Who even knew if there would be a next time?

  When I finally emerged from the bathroom, Kane was sitting on his couch watching his huge TV. I quietly walked to the end of the couch and stood. He must have heard me anyway because he picked up the remote, pointed it at the TV and turned it off. He leaned forward placing the remote on the table, then stood and made his way to me. I swear it had probably been twenty minutes since I had seen him last, but it felt like it had been an eternity because all I wanted to do was throw myself at him and kiss him … hard.

  “Hi,” he said as he stood in front of me.

  I looked up at him through my lashes and bit the corner of my lip out of nervous habit. He smiled and used his thumb to pull my lip free from my teeth. “You really have to stop doing that.” He smiled, then leaned in to kiss me.

  The kiss started out soft and sweet, but quickly grew as I wrapped both arms around his neck and ran my hands over his short hair. I broke from the kiss, needing some air, or so I thought. But the light-headedness I was feeling had nothing to do with lack of oxygen, it was all simply due to Kane and what he did to me. With his mouth now free from mine, he began kissing along my jawbone up to my ear.

  “You should really just wear my clothes all the time.” He seductively breathed in my ear and my body automatically responded. I tightened my arms around his neck and he let out a throaty laugh. “You call Jessi and tell her you weren’t coming back tonight?” he asked.

  I nodded because honestly I didn’t think I could form any words at the moment, but bringing up my phone call with Jessi also reminded me that I needed to tell him I had to be at the library at nine. But when he began kissing my neck, I lost that thought and could only focus on his lips and what they were doing to me.

  Kane slid his hands around my waist, pausing to grip my backside before sliding down to hook his hands under my knees. He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I didn’t realize we were moving until I heard the click of a door being opened. At first I thought someone had come in his front door, but when I opened my eyes I found myself in a different room. I quickly took in my surroundings. I couldn’t see much because the light was off, but Kane had left the door open so the light from the hall filtered in enough for me to get a feel for the space.

  All the furniture looked dark. Either it was dark wood or it was black, I couldn’t tell for sure with the little light I had. Beside the bed was a small night stand and there were two picture frames sitting atop it. There was a large bed in the middle of the wall and a chest at the foot of the bed. Just your standard room. I guess he didn’t let Emma get ahold of this space.

  Kane walked over to the bed and gently laid me down and all thoughts of the room went out the window. He laid me on his pillows and his scent engulfed me. I could get used to this. Being able to fall asleep smelling Kane.

  He laid down beside me and his mouth found mine again. He was playfully kissing me, giving my lips tiny little teasing licks or bites, never fully kissing me the way I wanted. Finally fed up with his teasing, I grabbed the back of his neck and held him still while I took control. I could feel him laughing around my kiss but he finally gave in and kissed me how I wanted to be kissed.

  We laid there kissing for what seemed like hours. I’m surprised the kissing didn’t lead to more considering what we had just done a few hours ago, but to be honest, I didn’t know if I would be able to handle more so soon. I was still a little sore. Kane pulled away from me and stopped me when I leaned back in for more.

  “As much as I hate to stop doing what we are doing, I still have to take a shower.” He smiled.

  I couldn’t help the pout face I gave him. Kissing Kane was just too enjoyable for me to be okay with stopping. He tucked a strand of my now-damp hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead.

  “I will back in a few minutes.” I gave him a look letting him know I would rather him just stay in bed with me, but he started to get up anyway. “I will hurry. I promise.” He smiled as he excited the room.

  I sighed and rolled to my side, facing the only window in the room. They must have been slightly cracked because a soft white glow was just barely showing through. I touched my lips and smiled. Yep, they would definitely be swollen the rest of the night and maybe even tomorrow. Just another reminder I would have of Kane.

  I let out a long yawn. I guess now that all the excitement had died down and all the endorphins I had being running high on had ceased, my body was finally starting to feel how tired I was. I could still hear the shower running but I thought I would just close my eyes for a little while. Just rest them for a minute. I would hear when he came back in the room and it would wake me up anyway. Only that didn’t happen. Once I closed my eyes exhaustion took over and it felt like I had fifty pound weights holding them closed.

  I barely recall being lifted and then slid under the covers. I also faintly remembered Kane sliding in behind me and wrapping me up in his arms, but the last part I couldn’t be certain if it had really happened or if it was a dream. But if it was a dream, it was one I hoped I remembered tomorrow because I didn’t want to forget the feel of Kane’s lips on the back of my head as he kissed me, and the way his breath felt on my ear as he whispered goodnight.

  But out of all of that I didn’t want to forget what he said after that. “I never thought I would have someone like you in my life, Kelsey. Maybe there was a reason for me waking up and becoming a better person. Maybe it was because all along I was meant to find you and the person I was before wasn’t worthy of having you. But I swear, now that I have you, I’m never going to let you go.”

  His words echoed through my head before the blackness of sleep engulfed me and I drifted off.

  I went to stretch my body and was immediately aware that I was not alone in my bed. Better yet, I was not alone in someone else’s bed.

  The memories of yesterday and last night came rushing back to me and I smiled. I turned onto my back, I could feel Kane’s heavy arm draped across my torso. I slowly ran my fingers along some of the tattoos on his forearm. Beautiful. Each and every one of them … just beautiful.

  When I had traced and fully memorized most of Kane’s tattoos, I took a good look at his face. He was soundly sleeping and had a peaceful look on his face. His long lashes rested on his cheeks. The sun was shining through the tiny cracks in the window blinds and reflecting off his lip ring.

  “You know, I could say that it’s really creepy for you to be watching me sleep.” His eyes slowly opened to look at me. I was a little embarrassed I was caught. “But you’re so damn cute I don’t think you could make anything really creepy.” He smiled and I could see the dimple in his right cheek sink in.

  “How long have you been lying there awake?” I asked.

  “Since you started tracing patterns on my forearm, which I might add is an excellent way to be woken up. Way better than my annoying-ass alarm clock. I may just have to keep you around,” he said as he leaned in to nuzzle my neck.

  “I’m sorry I crashed on you last night. I guess
I was more tired than I thought.” I sighed as he ran his nose up the side of my neck. If he thought me tracing his tattoos was a great way to wake up, he had no idea how much better this was.

  When he finally reached my ear he lightly kissed my lobe. “Why don’t we stay here, just like this, all day?”

  “Mmm, that sounds like an amazing plan.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed along my jaw ‘til his lips finally connected with mine. It was only a brief kiss before I realized I had not brushed my teeth yet this morning and jerked away, immediately covering my mouth with my hand.

  Kane chuckled. “What are you doing?” he asked as he held himself above me on his elbows.

  “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I have morning breath,” I said with my hand still shielding him from any type of odor that may or may not come from my mouth.

  “You tasted fine to me,” he said, leaning back in and I automatically sank my head further into the pillow to get away from his attempt to kiss me.

  “Kane, really. Do you have an extra toothbrush I can borrow?” I asked as I slinked my way out from under him to the edge of the mattress.

  He huffed and rolled to his side to give me the room I needed to stand. “In the bathroom. Top drawer. There should be a couple in there. Maw stocked it in case I ever had guests, but I have never had anyone stay the whole night so they never got used.”

  “No one has stayed the whole night before? But I thought…” I stopped. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. I could see the expression on Kane’s face darken before he scooted to sit on the edge of the bed.

  He took my hands and pulled me between his knees. “Yes, as you know I have had girls over before, and as you also know I am not proud of my past. What I did with those girls was satisfy my needs and then send them on their way. Letting them stay the night would have complicated things and I didn’t want complicated. I wanted what I wanted and nothing more. You are the only person I have ever let spend the night. The only person I have held in my arms all night. You, Kelsey … only you.”

  While the thought of him being with another girl tore me apart, and knowing that he was so cruel as to kick them out after getting what he wanted, horrified me. The fact that I could be his first in anything sent a tiny thrill through me. He would be my first of many things. I wanted him to at least have that with me too.

  I leaned down and kissed his cheek—still aware of my morning breath, I wasn’t going for his lips right now.

  “I know you’re not like that anymore, Kane. While I don’t approve of the person you used to be, I can’t change the past. Lord knows I would if I could. The only thing to do is move forward, and if you want, I would love for you to do so with me.”

  He gave me a slight smile. “I really don’t deserve you, Kelsey Rien.”

  “Yes, you do.” I smiled as I turned to leave the room to finally take care of this morning breath problem.

  When I came back from the bathroom I was more than ready to pick right back up where we left off, but Kane was still sitting in the same position I had left him in. His head was slightly bent and he was looking at something in his hand. When I rounded the corner, I could see that it was my cell phone he was holding.

  He looked at me with a blank expression, at first I felt my heart drop to my stomach. Did Jessi texted me? Is something wrong with her? “What’s wrong?” I blurted out.

  “Your phone lit up with a text. Nate wants to know if you are still on for this morning.” His tone was so flat. I couldn’t understand what had made his mood change so quickly.

  “I can’t believe I forgot about that! What time is it? I bet I am late,” I rambled. I hoped it wasn’t really late and that he hadn’t been waiting on me for long. I can’t believe I had totally forgotten like that. Okay maybe I could believe it. When I was around Kane he did have a tendency to consume my every thought.

  Kane sat there still as a statue as I ran around the room looking for my clothes. Then I remembered he washed them for me. “Do you think my clothes are dry?”

  His eyes finally met mine and I could see a storm swirling in that beautiful gray. It made me stop dead in my tracks.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

  I thought for a second. “No? I was supposed to meet Nate to go over this project we are working on in class at nine this morning, and I completely blanked.”

  I could see his shoulders slump, then he stood from the bed and made his way toward me. He held out my phone and I took it. He was acting so strange.

  “I’m an ass.”

  I gave him a puzzled look, “Okay?”

  “First of all, I shouldn’t have looked at your phone. Second, I should not have jumped to the conclusion I did when I read that text.”

  “Which was?”

  “That you were leaving here to go spend time with Nate.” He hung his head for a second then brought his beautiful gray eyes back up to mine.

  I smiled at him and rested my hand against his cheek. “Kane, believe me when I say this. From the second I met you, you were the only guy I have ever thought about as more than a friend. And after last night I hope that you might feel that way too?” I didn’t want to jump the gun and say I was his girlfriend. I wanted to be though. I wanted that so badly but I wouldn’t push him into it.

  He lightly grabbed my cheeks and kissed me. He pulled away but still cradled my face in his hands. “Kelsey, after last night I would consider you nothing else but mine.”

  I looked at him. “Do you mean...”

  “I mean you are mine now. You are my girlfriend, Kelsey. I don’t want anyone but you and I hope you don’t want anyone other than me.”

  Girlfriend. He had finally said it. I was Kane Riley’s girlfriend. I smiled so big I thought my jaw was going to lock in place and wrapped my arms around Kane’s neck. He lifted me off the ground where my legs were just dangling in the air and kissed me so hard the rest of the world faded away.

  After some coaxing, I finally talked Kane into taking me to the library. He was more than willing to call off work and just keep me locked away in his apartment all day, but I needed to be finishing up this project and he couldn’t just be flaking on work like that because of me.

  I texted Nate the minute I got in the truck to let him know I was coming and apologized to him for being as late as I was. In the beginning I thought working with a boy would be hard, that he would be the flake, but nope that would be me. I was so embarrassed.

  Kane pulled his truck up in front of the library and I could see Nate leaning against one of the low walls outside. He glanced up when he noticed the truck and I gave him a quick wave through the windshield that he returned with a stiff nod.

  “Well”—I turned to Kane—“I guess I will talk to you later?” I wasn’t sure what time he would be off work tonight and I needed to study for a test I would have the next day. So my plans after working with Nate included me in my dorm, in sweats with a text book in my lap, and I wasn’t going to look up until I memorized and knew that book by heart.

  “I will text you when I get off tonight. It will probably be pretty late though. I’m going to help them get things stocked back up and cleaned after the rush they had last night.”

  I smiled and kissed his lips. “I will wait up for you. I want to be able to tell you good night.”

  I started to slide across the seat to get out, but Kane grabbed my hand and pulled me back for a long deep kiss. He took his time thoroughly kissing the outside of my mouth before sliding his tongue across my lips in a teasing manor, as if to see what I would do.

  Like always when with Kane, my body took over and I had no control anymore. I took over the kiss, teasing him the way he had been teasing me, only I couldn’t help but press my body as close to him as I could get without actually climbing on his lap right there in the cab of the truck in front of the library. Library! Oh shit! We are in public!

  I quickly pulled away from Kane before thing
s got any more out of hand. The low growl that came from his chest when I put a little distance between us did nothing to help with my internal battle of staying in the truck and begging him to just take me back to his apartment and never let me leave. The look in his eyes at that moment told me he would be more than willing to take me up on that plan. All I had to do was say the words, but I had things to do and he needed to get to work. So I used what willpower I had left to scurry all the way to the other side of the cab and press myself against the door.

  “I really need to go,” I said, but even I could hear the question in my tone. He caught it too because he raked his teeth along his bottom lip, and I think I might have let out a moan when he did so.

  “I can promise you, Kelsey, that if you left with me right now, you wouldn’t regret it.” His eyes were roaming my body and I knew he was imaging just what he could do to make me change my mind.

  I quickly felt behind me for the door handle and popped it open just as he was leaning in for another kiss that I was sure would seal the deal in me ditching Nate and leaving with Kane. I slammed the door shut and giggled at him through the open window.

  “Not fair,” he growled.

  “What’s not fair is you trying to lead me astray with temptation.” I winked at him. “Now get out of here and go to work. I have to get some serious work done on this project if we are going to finish on time. Maybe if I work really hard we might finish early and then I will have all kinds of free time for … other things.” I lowered my voice for the last part. Hopefully it came out as seductively as I meant for it too.

  The fact the he stared at me for a second, gave that lip ring a flip, then threw himself back against the seat was my confirmation that it did and I laughed.

  “Look I really, really need to go now. Be safe on your drive back, and remember, I will be waiting up on that text from you.”

  He nodded and then smiled. “Go learn things. I will text you later, beautiful.”

  My heart did a little flutter when he said beautiful but I managed to drag my eyes away from his and turn to head up the steps to where Nate was still waiting. I could hear the truck pull away, but I didn’t turn to watch. I was already feeling sad enough about not being near him. Seeing him pull away would not help with that.