Ice Cream and Incidents

by Agatha Frost

  “How did they even fit this in here?” Barker asked, as he looked up at the distant murals on the decorative ceiling. “It’s as big as an arena.”

  A mammoth dance floor filled with well-dressed waltzing couples dominated the room. Dozens of tables surrounded the dancers, but there were also two levels of balconies that seemed just as busy. Alfie directed them over to a table at the same moment a family vacated, leaving behind the remnants of afternoon tea. Once sat down, Julia took her time to scan the space, the vast amount of intricately carved gold demanding her attention. She attempted to count the number of crystal chandeliers and light fittings, but there were simply too many.

  When a waiter cleared their table, they decided to order four lots of afternoon tea, which did not disappoint. Metal towers filled with sandwiches, scones, and cream cakes filled Julia up, the familiar sugary taste more familiar to her than the morning’s fry-up. Just eating a cream cake made her want to immediately bake something, not that she had access to any kitchens.

  In the middle of a spirited conversation about whether the ballroom resembled the one from Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast more, one of the dancing couples caught Julia’s eye. The male looked instantly familiar to Julia, so much so that she almost dismissed it as a case of mistaken identity. When the couple waltzed by, the man’s face in full view, Julia realised where she had seen him before.

  “That’s Tuna Turner,” Julia said, pointing into the dancing crowd as he danced around the other side of the ballroom with his female partner. “I’m sure of it.”

  “The one who forced Barker into drag?” Jessie asked as she checked her phone. “The video is up to two thousand views. Oh, Barker. You’re never living this down!”

  Tuna, or rather the man underneath the character, whizzed by again, this time his eyes meeting Julia’s. The drop of acknowledgement in his eyes let her know he was the Naomi Campbell beauty she had been captivated by during last night’s show. She watched as he danced with his partner as the organist played a familiar sounding tune on the Wurlitzer organ on the grand stage. When the song came to an end, the couples stopped dancing while the people around the edges clapped. A handful of couples bowed and retired from the dance floor, but most stayed on. Julia was surprised when the dancer that had captivated her bid his partner goodbye and cut across the dance floor towards them.

  “You were at the show last night,” he said in a surprisingly deep voice as he wiped a glistening film of sweat from his forehead. “Sorry about dragging you up on stage. You were a good sport.”

  “It’s all part of the experience,” Barker said, his cheeks blushing slightly. “Just maybe pick on Alfie here next time. He was saying how he was dying to try on your lippie.”

  The man smiled, but his sadness was written all over his face. Julia shot Barker a ‘be quiet’ look as he seemed to have forgotten all about the performer currently strapped to machines to keep him alive.

  “Tuna, isn’t it?” Julia asked.

  “Oh, yeah,” he replied, almost embarrassed. “It’s Marvin during the day. I like to keep the two personas separate. That’s my job, although, after last night, I’m not sure what kind of job I’ll have left at Sparkles. Russell gave us the evening off to figure out what to do after Simon’s brains were half-mashed in. I haven’t been able to dance here for months, so I called up one of my old partners. No use wasting the afternoon.”

  Julia noticed the sadness had vanished, and she swiftly realised his melancholy expression had been for the potential loss of his job and not for his colleague’s health status. Suddenly, her interest was well and truly piqued.

  “Have you heard how Simon is doing?” Julia coaxed, keeping her tone sweet. “We’re all very worried about him.”

  “He’s alive,” Marvin stated, his hands planted on his narrow hips. “But he’s hardly hanging on by the sounds of it.”

  “Must be awful to think of your friend like that,” Julia said, feeling like she was about to push a button. “Such a tragic accident.”

  From the widening of Marvin’s dazzling eyes as the next song began on the organ, Julia knew the button had well and truly been pressed.

  “Friends?” he replied with a choked laugh. “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick there, sweetheart. Me and that creature are nothing of the sort.”

  Julia felt as though she had poked a needle in the surface and struck oil on her first attempt. She tried to stop her intrigue from showing on her face, but she knew the corners of her lips were desperately trying to break free.

  “Simon must have rubbed you the wrong way in the short time he’s been working at the bar,” Julia said, feeling Barker, Jessie, and Alfie’s eyes trained on her as she attempted to pry more information from Marvin. “Wasn’t Simone Phoenix new for the summer season?”

  “I’ve known Simon for years,” Marvin said before checking his watch. “Usually with drag queens, if they’re bitter and nasty in drag, they’re usually a little nicer out of it, but Simon and Simone are both dark to the core. I need to go. I promised Mum I’d drop by for lunch. She does her fried plantains on Saturdays, and I haven’t had a weekend off in months. Simone has finally proven her use. If Russell figures out what he’s doing, I might see you at the B&B again before you leave.”

  “I hope so,” Julia said, more to herself than Marvin as he walked away. “I really hope so.”

  She turned back to her group, all three of them sharing the same ‘I told you so’ expression. Jessie had gone the extra mile and had leaned back in her chair, arms tight and lips pursed.

  “I was merely making conversation,” Julia said airily with a wave of her hands. “That’s all.”

  “And finding your first motive for attempted murder in the process!” Jessie cried, her smirk breaking free. “I knew you couldn’t resist.”

  Deciding not to take Jessie’s bait, Julia rose and checked her watch, announcing they were going to be late for the circus.

  “Just admit I was right, cake lady,” Jessie whispered as they made their way out of the ballroom and towards the circus entrance. “Go on. Admit I was right about you not being able to keep your nose out.”

  “My nose is well and truly kept out,” she whispered back, forcing a relaxed smile as she pulled the circus tickets from her handbag. “Now, let’s enjoy the show.”

  Jessie snatched her ticket from Julia and headed to the drinks kiosk with Alfie, leaving Julia and Barker to search for their seats in the grand circus venue as it rapidly filled up.

  “She was right,” Barker said, his hand on the small of her back as they made their way down the steep steps to their row near the front. “Solving puzzles comes as naturally to you as baking.”

  “I know,” Julia replied. “Just don’t tell her that. I want to maintain the illusion that we’re here for a nice holiday and nothing more.”

  Barker said no more. He took his seat and stared at her in an amused way. As Julia waited for Jessie and Alfie to return with the drinks, she pulled her small notepad and pen from her bag and scribbled down:

  Marvin AKA Tuna Turner – Previous hostile relationship with Simon Blair AKA Simone Phoenix.

  She quickly put it away, glad she had brought it on the off chance. For now, she intended to enjoy the circus.

  6

  After a two-hour show of comedy, acrobatics, and a spectacular grand finale that saw the entire circus floor descend and fill with water, they left the tower in high spirits. Much to Jessie’s delight, they agreed to save visiting the top of the tower for another day.

  “Let’s go in one of these amusement arcades,” Jessie mumbled through a mouthful of pink candy floss as they walked along the promenade. “That one’s themed like pirates. I have a bunch of coins burning a hole in my wallet.”

  “Are you sure they’re not doubloons?” Alfie asked, elbowing Jessie in the ribs.

  “What?”

  “Pirate coins,” he replied with a shake of his head. “Never mind, sis.”

  “I migh
t head back to the room for a lie down.” Julia rested her hand against her forehead. “I think I’ve had too much excitement for one day.”

  “You want to snoop without me,” Jessie said, her eyes narrowing as she pushed a large piece of candy floss into her mouth. “You’re transparent, cake lady.”

  “I’m just incredibly old and in need of a nap, as you like to keep reminding me.”

  “That too.”

  “Go without me,” Julia said, stopping when they reached the amusement arcade that was indeed themed like a pirate castle complete with a large pirate skull. “I’ll rest my eyes, and then we’ll meet for dinner. I’ll take us somewhere nice. My treat.”

  Alfie pushed his sister towards the amusement arcade and forced her through the door, not that Jessie took her suspicious eyes away from Julia until the arcade swallowed her up.

  “A nap?” Barker asked doubtfully as they set off to the B&B arm in arm. “Since when do you take afternoon naps?”

  “Since I’m on holiday,” Julia replied. “Enjoying myself is exhausting, and I barely got a wink last night.”

  The suggestion of sleep was powerful enough to make Julia yawn. Barker caught the yawn and fired it back, his jaw almost unhinging in the process.

  “Maybe you’re onto something,” Barker said.

  And as it turned out, Julia had been onto something. Barker fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. As tempted as she was to follow through with her cover-story, she knew it was the perfect time of day to hopefully catch Russell. Leaving Barker fully clothed on the bed, Julia closed the curtains, draped a pink blanket across him, and crept out of the room.

  As she suspected, the B&B was perfectly quiet. It was too late for lunch and too early for dinner, leaving the restaurant empty. She hovered around the reception desk, but Russell was nowhere to be seen. She considered ringing the doorbell but opted for knocking on the door to his drag den. She listened for signs of movement from within the room, but nothing came. She considered trying the handle but opted against it; they were not at that point of friendship just yet.

  Leaving the drag den behind, she popped her head back into the restaurant. It was still empty. She knew it was very likely that Russell would be relaxing in his quarters and she wondered if the doorbell would summon him. Turning back to give it a try, the door to the cabaret bar caught her attention. Unlike on her arrival, there was no bingo calling or laughter drifting through. It was dark and empty, but that was not what had caught her attention. Even though there was a ‘CLOSED’ sign tacked to the glass, the door was ajar.

  “It wouldn’t hurt to have a look,” Julia muttered to herself as she crept across the hallway.

  The door creaked as she pushed on the wood. The hairs on her arms stood up, the air surprisingly cold despite the warm weather outside. When her eyes adjusted, she looked around the lifeless room, last night’s music and merriment echoing around her mind like a ghost.

  As though someone was shining a lamp from above, a single slither of light broke through the curtains, casting a dusty glow on the stage. To Julia’s surprise, the fallen triangular rig still hung down, its motionlessness a contrast to what she had seen it do.

  Each floorboard squeaked as she approached the stage. Anyone else might have taken the creaks as a sign to turn back, but Julia pressed on. She justified her snooping by remembering that the police had not considered it an active crime scene.

  Unsure of what she was looking for, Julia leaned against the stage and looked up at the ceiling. The rig had been attached to the ceiling by three steel wires, but only two of the wires were still connected to the steel structure. The third wire hung down, the frayed edge of metal jutting out in every direction. The half of the wire attached to the rig snaked across the stage with a similarly distressed edge.

  Julia climbed the steps, eager for a closer look. She stepped past the abandoned Cyndi Lauper wig and walked to the other side of the stage. Standing under the hanging wire, she looked out at the empty bar, wondering what Simon must have felt like when he realised the rig was falling down on him. It had seemed to happen in slow motion, and yet too fast to act. Julia took pictures of the two ends of frayed wire on her phone. She had not expected to find a signed confession from someone who had somehow caused the rig to purposefully fall, but seeing the aftermath proved less eye-opening than she had hoped.

  Resigned to the fact that it was probably an accident, she decided to join Barker while she still had time to take a short nap. She only managed one step before a distant shattering of glass made her spin around. It sounded as though it had come from somewhere behind the red velvet curtain.

  “Ow!” a voice cried out.

  Julia pulled back the weighted curtain, careful not to disrupt the rest of the lighting rig. She was surprised by how big the backstage area was. It was a similar size to the bar, but it was less elaborately decorated. A collection of tattered sofas angled towards a table filled the middle of the room, with dressing tables like the one in Russell’s drag den lining the walls. It seemed to be where the queens got ready and waited for their turn to take the stage.

  “Not the Barbra Streisand!” she heard the voice say from somewhere deep within the scattered racks of costumes cluttering the back of the room.

  Julia walked around the sofas and towards the voice. As she had suspected, it belonged to Russell. He was sucking blood from one hand while he tried to pick up chunks of glass with the other. Russell looked up at her with a puzzled look.

  “I was looking for you,” Julia said quickly as she crouched to help him clear up the glass, which seemed to be from a figurine. “Butterfingers?”

  “One of the girls dumped my glass Barbra Streisand in one of the boxes.” Russell cradled Barbra’s glass head in his palm. “They should have more respect for the icons.”

  “Was she worth a lot?”

  “Not a penny,” Russell said as he tossed the head into a nearby bin. “Found her in a fifty pence bin at a car boot in 2002, but she had sentimental value. I’ve had her almost as long as I’ve done drag.”

  “At least the real Barbra is still with us.”

  “Thank God for that,” Russell replied with a chuckle. “I like you, dear. You’re funny.”

  Russell found a dustpan and brush and swept up the remainder of the glass before tossing it all into the bin. The area behind the racks looked like it doubled as a changing room and a place for storage. Cardboard boxes with labels such as ‘Summer 2012 Show’, ‘Royal Wedding Skit’, and ‘Wizard of Oz Number’ were stacked on top of each other. After putting the dustpan back, Russell continued digging through swathes of fabric in a large box before pulling out a giant puppet.

  “Here she is!” He proudly held up the fabric puppet, which bore a striking resemblance to Marilyn Monroe. “Reunited at last. I haven’t seen her since the 2008 winter show. I bought this place in the spring of that year, but I quickly realised I wanted to host rather than perform. I cut my teeth with comedy in the clubs, so that’s where I’m most comfortable. But, I suppose I need something to fill the extra slot or tonight’s show will be too short.”

  “Tonight’s show?” Julia asked as she followed Russell around the racks. “I didn’t expect there to be one so soon.”

  “The show must go on, or so they say,” Russell said with a sigh as he collapsed into one of the couches. “I’ve got a B&B full of guests. Nightly entertainment was promised. I can’t afford to be dishing out refunds. We won’t be able to do it in the bar, but there’s always the restaurant. Some candles and free cocktails, and people won’t notice the difference.”

  Sitting across from Russell, Julia decided it was not her place to talk him out of putting on a show. She turned her thoughts to what she had wanted to ask, not wanting their meeting to go to waste.

  “I saw Marvin at the ballroom this afternoon,” she started. “He’s a great dancer.”

  “National champion,” Russell said proudly. “Nobody can move like that boy.”


  Julia wondered how she could bring up Marvin’s stern words about Simon without sounding like a gossip. She looked around the room while Russell brushed through Marilyn’s blonde curls. Her eyes landed on a large framed picture of two drag queens on the wall above the row of vanity mirrors. Julia recognised the queens as being Lulu Suede and Tuna Turner. Russell noticed Julia staring and turned around.

  “That was our first night in drag together,” Russell said with a fond smile. “New Year’s Eve 1999. We went to a huge Millennium party. I was convinced the world was going to end because of those Y2K conspiracy theories. We’d always wanted to try drag, so we thought we’d give it a go on our last night on Earth. We looked awful, and we would have looked even worse if Simon hadn’t helped.”

  “You knew Simon back then?”

  “We all met in a bar a couple of years earlier,” Russell explained. “I was coming out of a dark place, and I was partying too much. I always ended up in this little basement bar down some backstreet. Simone Phoenix was the star attraction, even back then. One night, I was waiting for a taxi on the street corner when a group of guys mugged me. They beat me black and blue. I won’t say what they called me, but they’re words I wouldn’t repeat in front of The Queen. I’ll never forget looking up and seeing Cher’s face. I thought I’d died and I was seeing the face of God, but it was just Simone. We went back to his flat, and he cleaned me up and let me sleep it off on his sofa. He tried to take me to A&E but I was having none of it. We were friends from that night on. We met Marvin not long after. He was in Blackpool for a dance competition and had snuck out to experience his first gay bar. I remember seeing this terrified kid sitting in a corner. I’ve always been the type to talk to anyone, so I walked right up to him, and he’s never been able to shake me since.”

  “Marvin mentioned Simon earlier,” Julia said, feeling her opportunity to dig. “He didn’t seem too enthused about his old friend.”

  Russell laughed and shook his head as he sat the puppet on his lap. He glanced back at the photograph on the wall.