An Indecent Longing

by Stephanie Julian

  “I don’t give a shit about that. I just want—”

  Ian stopped, as if aware he was about to confess something he didn’t want to reveal. But Ben was sick of waiting until Ian was damn good and ready to talk. Hell, for the year since Ian had left the service, Ben had walked on eggshells around Ian, worried about what might set him off.

  His cousin had been so tightly wound for so long, Ben had begun to think it might be Ian’s new normal. And that didn’t sit well with Ben.

  “What do you want?” Ben prompted. “Jesus, Ian. Just say something, for chrissake. I’m sick of fucking trying to read your mind.”

  Ian’s brows rose. “What the hell are you—”

  “Don’t. Just don’t. Just say whatever the hell it is you’re thinking. Don’t make me try to read your mind. I’m not gonna judge you. You should know that. Don’t fucking cut me out because you think I can’t handle it. Just…give me a chance, for fuck’s sake.”

  When Ian just sat there staring at him, Ben shook his head and sighed. “Ian—”

  “How long have you been holding that in?”

  Was Ian actually smiling? Ben glared at him. “For about the past six months.”

  Ian nodded. “Guess I deserved it.”

  Ben wanted to breathe a huge sigh of relief. “Yeah, you did. So what are we going to do about Dorrie?”

  Good question.

  And one Ian didn’t have an answer to. At least, not one that would satisfy everyone.

  If Ian had his way, he’d lock her in their home until he and Ben figured out what the hell was going on. But even he knew that wouldn’t work.

  He’d admired the woman he’d met at that fund-raiser six months ago because he’d seen her strength. She had a backbone, wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, and had a tender heart she wasn’t afraid to show occasionally. But he’d bet only a very few people saw that tenderness.

  She’d shown him. And then he’d treated her like a leper. He had a lot to make up for. But this wasn’t only about penance.

  “Let me send out some feelers to some people I know, find out if there’s a contract on Dorrie. I’ll talk to Max. You talk to Adam.” Ian sighed. “Shit. I’m too keyed up to sleep. You get a few hours. Sleep in my bed. I’ll wake you in three. Okay?”

  Ben wanted to argue; Ian could see it on his face. But he kept his mouth shut and Ian would take that as a win for now.

  “All right.” Ben pushed himself out of the chair and headed for the door. But he turned before he left. “You gonna be okay?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “No, you’re not. But I’ll make sure you are.”

  Ben turned and walked away.

  In some ways, they were closer than brothers. Their upbringing had forced them to be not just brothers but survivors, fighters back to back. Hell, Ian had deliberately flunked his senior year of high school so he could stay behind to watch after Ben for another year. Of course, his grandmother had kicked his ass over that, although he was pretty sure she’d known why he’d done it. The next year, though, he’d graduated and joined the Army, knowing Ben would join him soon.

  But where Ben had been a decorated soldier whose record spoke for itself, Ian’s record was camouflaged in redacted documents and classified stamps.

  Ben was right. He needed to deal with that part of his life. But it wasn’t going to happen tonight. Not while Dorrie was in danger.

  Since he couldn’t do anything constructive for another few hours, he decided to watch TV, taking the laptop with him so he could monitor the outside security cameras for anything suspicious.

  He’d just finished his second episode of Law & Order when he heard footsteps on the third floor. Probably Dorrie headed for the bathroom.

  But then he heard them on the stairs. They stopped on the second floor for at least a minute and he held his breath so he could hear better.

  Would she join Ben in bed? Could he stand to listen to them in his bed? And would they welcome him if he joined them?

  But then he heard her footsteps again, heading down the stairs. He turned and nearly swallowed his tongue.

  Sleep-rumpled, her legs bare from her upper thighs down. She wore only a pair of plaid men’s boxers and a black tank that clung to every slight curve.

  Christ, he thought he might hyperventilate.

  The only light came from the TV but it was enough to see her swallow hard and her chest rise as she took a deep breath.

  “Do you mind if I sit with you for a while? I can’t sleep.”

  He wanted to send her back upstairs but he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

  He didn’t speak, just held out his hand and waited for her to walk around the couch and take it. Without a word, she sat next to him, close enough that he could feel the heat of her body despite the few inches between them.

  He could live with that. For now. But he knew those few inches didn’t stand a chance for long.

  The silence held for longer than he would’ve expected. He didn’t sit and stare at her, didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

  Then, about halfway through the next episode, she shifted and laid her head on his shoulder.

  “How did you—”

  He turned and kissed her, the angle all wrong but he couldn’t not listen to his instinct practically screaming at him to do it.

  And when she gave a little sigh and moaned into his mouth, he allowed himself to let go of all the things he couldn’t fix and deal with the things he could. Like his lust for her. It surged up, making him want to devour her in one quick gulp. He forced himself not to do it. But she made it difficult because she seemed to have the same instinct.

  Her hands came up to frame his face, and she shifted until she’d set her knees on either side of his and straightened until she had to bend her neck to kiss him. Now in the dominant position, she let her mouth move against his with a burning hunger.

  When he let his head fall back against the cushion, she followed him, pressing even more tightly against him, desperation in her kiss. His hands came up to flatten against her back, hold her steady because she seemed to be losing control.

  And that was okay, too, because he was having control issues as well.

  The constant hum in his head sounded like encouragement, urging him to take more, take everything she was offering. And from this position, it seemed like she was offering him everything.

  Her mouth demanded his full participation; the heat of her body seeped into his hands and enticed him to play with her. Running his hands up her back, he threaded one through her hair, the strands like silk, then let the other stroke back down until he could slip it under her tank.

  He groaned into her mouth, allowing her to slip her tongue between his lips and tease him with light flicks. His lungs stuttered and he sucked in air. Her skin soft under his hand, he spread his fingers around her ribs then wasted no time cupping a breast.

  Molding her flesh in his palm, he felt her push herself even harder against his hand. Squeezing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, he sucked in her moan and wrapped his other arm around her waist to pull her even closer.

  She moved without hesitation, lowering her body until her mound pressed against his cock, hard and ready to go.

  If he ripped the shorts off her body, he figured he’d find her naked beneath. Just the thought was enough to make him reach for the waistband and drag her shorts out of his way.

  With their mouths still fused, he couldn’t see her but he felt her desire on his fingers when he drew them between her thighs.

  She shuddered, pulling away from his mouth to stare down at him.

  He thought she was going to say something. Instead, she reached between their bodies to stroke his erection through his jeans. His body responded with a surge of blood to his cock, which throbbed against his zipper.

  “Put your hands on me.”

  She swallowed hard and nodded. “Get my shorts off.”

  Putting his hands on her hips, he lifted her an
d set her on her feet. She looked surprised for a second then got with the program, shimmying the shorts off her hips and letting them drop to the ground. Before he could say anything, she grabbed the hem of her tank and yanked it over her head then dropped it to the ground.

  When she dropped to her knees in front of him, he immediately reached for her, sliding his fingers into her hair and gripping the strands tight enough to restrict her movement.

  She met his gaze as her hands worked the button on his jeans and then released the zipper. While it released the pressure, it made him ache even worse. Because she looked so fucking hot kneeling on the floor in front of him naked.

  He practically bit through his tongue so he wouldn’t say anything to destroy this tiny bubble of reality. Instead, he watched her spread his jeans open then tilt her head to the side. He knew what she wanted.

  Leaning back, he lifted his ass off the couch then helped her shove his jeans and boxers down until his cock sprang free. He’d barely resettled when she leaned forward and took him in her mouth.

  His head hit the back of the couch as the warm, wet suction of her mouth engulfed him and fiery lust flooded his entire body. Christ. He’d never been as turned on by another woman as he was by this one.

  Wrapping her lips around the head, she ran her tongue across the slit. Then she took him deep, her tongue and her lips working together to entice his hips to pump. He didn’t want to force himself into her mouth but he could barely keep still. He released her hair before he tugged too hard and hurt her.

  She looked so damn sexy but her eyes held shadows. He’d make damn sure those shadows got erased. He’d give her whatever she needed, do whatever—

  Groaning as she pulled away, the pop of suction releasing as loud as an explosion in the silent room, he found his gaze locked to hers. She waited, watching him. She seemed almost unsure what to do next. Unsure of what he wanted.

  Leaning forward, he grabbed her under her arms and lifted her back onto the couch, straddling his thighs. He felt her shiver, though he didn’t think she was cold. Hell, the look in her eyes nearly made him spontaneously combust.

  Reaching behind him with one hand, he pulled the shirt over his head, the movement making his rigid shaft brush against her thighs. She sucked in a sharp breath, whether from that contact or from his hands when he cupped her breasts, he wasn’t sure.

  He’d begun to lose all higher brain functions and was operating on sensation alone.

  Her breasts filled his palms and he leaned down to suck one pretty pink nipple into his mouth, teasing the tip with his teeth before moving on to the other. Her hands gripped his shoulders, sharp fingernails digging into his skin and earning a groan from him. She immediately loosened her grip.

  “No. Harder.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath then did what he wanted. He rewarded her with a nip at her breast before he moved back to her mouth. He needed her mouth. Needed to kiss her, to taste her while he—

  Fuck.

  He pulled back, looked her in the eyes.

  “We need a condom.”

  She swallowed hard and glanced to her side. “I had one tucked in my shorts.”

  He couldn’t help it. He smiled. And leaned back in to kiss her.

  “Get it.”

  Twisting at the waist, she leaned over to reach the floor and he watched each supple movement of her body with awe. Lean muscle with just enough curve to make him salivate.

  He kept thinking he wanted to spend hours simply running his hands over her perfect body, but he didn’t know if he’d ever have that much patience. She incited him to rush, to gorge. For a man who hadn’t spent much time indulging in anything as pleasurable as her body in years, Ian thought his heart might explode if he ever allowed himself to spend that kind of time simply petting her.

  Holding her tight so she didn’t fall, he pulled her in close enough to kiss. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she returned his kiss with an urgency that made him groan. His tongue sank into her mouth and twined around hers, his lungs working hard and his heart pumping. And his cock throbbed.

  As if she’d read his mind, she broke the kiss to lean back, tearing open the foil wrapper and rolling the condom onto his shaft with shaky fingers.

  Her hips shifted and she would’ve sank onto him right away if he hadn’t slid one hand between her thighs and ran his fingers through the slick lips of her sex. She froze, her head bent as she watched him play with her.

  The moisture coating her labia and now his fingers made him want to lick her but he didn’t want to wait any longer to have her. Instead, he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them while she watched, her eyes growing wider by the second.

  When she drew in a breath, it sounded like a gasp and he moved in again to kiss her because he couldn’t not. She moved willingly, eagerly, lifting her body so she could rub her mound against his cock, making him just as slick as she was.

  Goddamn, he didn’t want that condom between them. He’d do whatever testing she wanted but soon—

  Wrapping one hand around him, she pulled his cock back, fitted the head to her entrance, and slid down on him.

  They broke apart to breathe, otherwise they might’ve suffocated. Her head tipped back far enough that he could see her close her eyes as her tongue slipped out to lick her parted lips.

  She looked like sensuality personified and he had to fight back the urge to fuck her hard and fast and make her come so damn hard, she passed out.

  Instead, he let her sink slowly onto his cock until she completely engulfed him. When she moaned and rolled her hips, making his cock throb, he grabbed her hips and held her still.

  Then he held her gaze as he lifted her. Her tight pussy gripped him like a fist, her heat nearly blistering. But he forced himself to set a slow, torturous pace, even though he wanted to rush.

  Swallowing hard, she let him lift her almost off his cock then sink back down, every inch of his cock surrounded. She was so wet, she slid easily, the soft sounds of his penetration inflaming his desire even more.

  Her fingers sank into the hair at his nape, tugging hard. Which made him smile. She didn’t want to give up too much control, needed to assert herself in some way. That was just fine by him.

  They could wrestle for control any day as long as they both won in the end. And he’d make sure they did.

  If the look on her face was any indication, she was trying hard not to fall too quickly, which just made him determined for her to come multiple times.

  Sliding one hand from her hip, he brushed his thumb over her clit. Once. Twice. Light enough to tease, not hard enough to pleasure. Her eyelids fluttered and her hips jerked, but he held her steady and pulled her down until her labia brushed against his balls.

  “Not fair.” She practically panted.

  Oh yes, it was. He was going to make her come and he got to feel her grip his cock while she did. Totally fair.

  But he didn’t speak, wasn’t sure he could do anything but breathe. And make love to her.

  He tweaked her clit harder now, making her grind on him. He responded by grabbing both hips and pulling her up. Her hands tightened in his hair and her mouth pursed in frustration as he kept to this slow thrust and retreat.

  A little faster now, his hips began to pump as she slid down, deepening the contact. Every time he sank deep, she moaned. Every time he retreated, she tugged on his hair, demanding more.

  After a few more minutes, he couldn’t deny her.

  His hands tightened their grip, but she’d begun to move until their bodies crashed together. He didn’t want to hurt her, but she seemed to want him to thrust harder and he didn’t want to deny her anything.

  When she finally came, she did so with a cry, wrapping her arms around his neck and smashing their lips together as she rode out her orgasm.

  He tried to hold on, hold out, but her tight contractions around his cock sucked him in and triggered his orgasm.

  His back bowed and he erupted, holding h
imself deep inside her, his head in the curve of her neck and his mouth on her collarbone.

  And his heart in his throat.

  *

  Ben hadn’t been able to sleep so, of course, he heard Dorrie get out of bed and walk down the stairs.

  He wondered if she’d stop at Ian’s door. If she’d open it looking for his cousin. Wondered what he’d do if she saw Ben instead…and kept going.

  Turns out, he’d continue to lie in bed and listen to her head down the stairs.

  Then he’d lie here and try not to listen for any sound coming from downstairs.

  That didn’t work out so well because the silence was almost as bad as the eventual sounds of Dorrie’s cries and Ian’s groans.

  He felt like a perv for listening and getting turned on but that felt kind of hypocritical considering what they’d done earlier. Instead, he tried not to feel left out.

  Yeah, that didn’t work so well, either.

  Christ, he couldn’t even leave the house without them seeing him. Or him seeing them. So he lay there and listened until they finally went silent. By that time, he had a hard-on so painful, he thought he might have to go jerk off in Ian’s bathroom.

  And that would definitely be pushing his comfort zone.

  So he lay there trying not to feel like the odd man out.

  Brought it on yourself.

  He’d known Dorrie had feelings for Ian. Had known she’d probably gone out with him only to get closer to Ian and yet he’d taken her out anyway.

  Fuck.

  With a sigh, he got out of bed and headed for his own room. Ian would hear him moving around and figure out where he’d gone when he brought Dorrie back to bed. If he brought Dorrie back to bed. Maybe he’d just keep her down there with him.

  Either way, it didn’t matter. Ben needed to get the fuck out of Ian’s bed.

  Shaking off the vague sense of anger that nagged at him, he stood and started walking, not stopping until he was in his own space.

  Since he wasn’t going to be able to sleep right away, he headed for the shower. Let the cold water pound against his back while he took care of that inconvenient erection then headed back to his room.