An Indecent Longing

by Stephanie Julian

  “Uh-huh. Date last night?”

  She could actually answer that honestly. “No.”

  Trish looked unconvinced. “Well, I’ll just set these here.”

  Those flowers mocked her from the corner of her desk all day. Especially since neither Ben nor Ian contacted her. Which was just as well. She would’ve told them to back off anyway.

  She’d spoken to her dad that morning for a few minutes. He’d told her she didn’t need to worry about the threat against her. It’d been taken care of.

  The double-edged sword of that statement had made her pause before hanging up.

  “Is it true?” she’d asked. “What he said.”

  She knew her dad would understand what she was asking.

  “To some degree, yes.” He had sighed and she’d been sure he would stop. Then he added, “But there are always several sides to every story.”

  Of course there were. She just wasn’t sure which side she should be supporting.

  Which made not being involved a viable option. Then she could get back to her life.

  Her safe, boring life.

  Luckily, she had a game the next morning, against one of the better, more physical teams in their league.

  She knew the game would be a tough one and by the end of the first half, she had bloody shins when an opposing player had taken her down with a slide tackle on a breakaway. And she practically dislocated her shoulder trying to block a woman who looked like she benched at least five hundred pounds.

  She’d had to be focused but as she was running off the field at halftime, she saw them.

  They watched from the parking lot, sitting on the hood of Ben’s car.

  She immediately dragged her gaze away but not before she caught Ben’s grin and Ian’s steady gaze.

  What the hell?

  She wanted to demand they leave, wanted to know why they were there. Just to torment her? She’d thought she’d made it clear she didn’t want to see them but maybe she hadn’t.

  And you really do want to see them.

  She wanted to tell herself to shut up.

  Well, she’d just have to ignore them. Maybe then they’d get the hint and leave.

  For the rest of the game, she tried to keep her eyes off them. She managed. Mostly. And only because that beast she’d put on her ass in the first half had wanted revenge. If she hadn’t, well, she might’ve ended up with at least one broken bone.

  But they didn’t leave and, by the time the clock ran out, her nerves were shot.

  She gathered her stuff, ready to go over and give them a piece of her mind.

  They were gone.

  By the time she got home, she’d almost convinced herself they hadn’t been there, that she hadn’t really seen them.

  Then she went to unpack her bag and found the bag of lollipops. They were the exact brand she kept in her office for the children. She’d been known to have one every now and then.

  How the hell they’d managed to slip the pops into her bag was a mystery. One that made her smile.

  Monday morning, Trish had an even bigger smile when she walked in with a plain brown paper package only slightly bigger than a box of cards.

  “Still no date last night, huh?”

  Dorrie shook her head, biting her lip to hide her own smile as Trish set the box in the center of her desk.

  “Well, open it. Let’s see what he sent today.”

  She didn’t need any more encouragement. Tearing the paper away revealed a box of bandages, obviously for children, bright yellow and covered with smiley faces.

  She actually had to blink away tears.

  “Well, I’ll be damned. Whoever he is, he’s got game.”

  Dorrie had the almost uncontrollable urge to give credit to both men while hoping it wasn’t just Ben. Then she shook her head and shooed Trish out of her office on the pretense of having work to do.

  Instead, she picked up her phone.

  They sent me flowers. And gave me lollipops. And smiley face bandages.

  Seconds later, she got a reply.

  Aw. That’s sweet. But I’d make them suffer a little longer.

  I’m not going to make them suffer. I’m moving on.

  Uh-huh. Right. You do that.

  Now you’re just being mean.

  Sweetie, you know I love you. But you have it bad for those guys. So make sure they feel your wrath then forgive them.

  I don’t know if I can.

  And that was the real problem. As much as Ian deserved to hate her father for what he’d done, Dorrie loved her dad. And so did her sister and the smartest woman she knew.

  Talk to you later. Need to call my mom.

  Okay. Send my love.

  Dorrie sat there for a minute with her phone in her hand, staring at Risa’s last text.

  Risa’s mom had been a nightmare. Mentally unstable and verbally abusive on her worst days. On her best…the kind of mom every girl dreamed about. The kind who baked cookies and made doll clothing. Until the day she’d committed suicide when Risa had been eight. She’d downed twenty bennies with a bottle of gin. The only good thing was she hadn’t been able to make Risa drink the soda she’d dissolved the other ten bennies into.

  Somehow Risa’s mom had discovered that her husband had been having an affair for the past six years and had another daughter. Luckily Risa’s grandfather had known about his daughter’s mental issues and hadn’t killed his son-in-law in retaliation.

  Jesus, no wonder they were all fucked up.

  Her mom picked up on the second ring. “Hello, sweetheart. How are you? Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine.”

  “Hmm, since you’re calling in the middle of the day, I know that’s not true. So what’s up?”

  In her mind, she saw her mom as she always did, her chin-length, sable brown hair perfectly cut, no strand out of place, her gray eyes a perfect match for Dorrie’s. They resembled each other to such a degree that when Dorrie had been a teenager, people had mistaken them for sisters. It helped that her mom had been only twenty when Dorrie had been born.

  It would’ve been a horrific scandal in Philadelphia society if Elisabeth Haverstick, daughter of Dr. Anders Haverstick, chair of internal medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, had been known to be carrying the baby of a Russian crime family member.

  “Does Granddad still hate him?”

  Her mom fell silent for several long seconds. Dorrie knew the pause wasn’t because her mom hadn’t understood her question but because she was thinking about her answer. Her mom had learned at an early age to never answer in haste. You’d always reveal something you didn’t want to.

  Then her mom sighed, almost too quietly for Dorrie to hear. “Yes. And that will never change.”

  “How do you deal with that? How do you love him knowing your dad hates him? And how does Granddad still love me?”

  “Honey, what’s going on? Did something happen? Do you want me to come over? Let me call a taxi—”

  “No, Mom. I’m sorry. I’m fine. Honestly. I just… Well, I met these men and I thought, maybe, we might have something more than just an affair.”

  Another pause, longer this time. “Did you say men? As in two?”

  “Yes.” No sense in beating around the bush. Even though a relationship wasn’t going to happen, she had the undeniable urge to tell her mom everything.

  For the first eight years of her life, she’d only had her mom. They’d been inseparable and their bond had never weakened, not even when Dorrie had found out about her dad.

  Her mom let out a little huff of a laugh. “Well, damn. And I thought falling for a Russian mobster was living on the edge. Are you seriously telling me you’re having a…relationship with two men? At the same time?”

  “No. Well, I was but…it’s complicated.”

  “Are they bisexual?”

  Trust her mom to ask the one question Dorrie hadn’t considered. “No. They’re cousins.”

  A pause. “And y
ou have sex with both of them?”

  Dorrie sucked in a deep breath. “Yes.”

  A longer pause then her mom laughed, which made Dorrie smile. “Well, your granddad might need to take more heart medication when he finds out about this.”

  “I don’t think that’ll be a problem now. I don’t think I’ll be seeing them again.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Ian thinks my dad is the devil.”

  “Ah. Okay, now it’s making sense. So you think since your grandfather never got over his hatred of your dad, there’s no way this man is going to get over his hatred of your dad. What’d your dad do to him?”

  “Ian thinks he’s responsible for his dad’s murder.”

  “Oh.” Her mom’s muted response made Dorrie wince. “Okay. Wasn’t expecting that.”

  Sighing, Dorrie felt hopelessness rise again. Maybe this had been a bad idea. Her mom didn’t need this shit dumped on her. Her mom loved her dad. She didn’t—

  “Honey, you don’t need me to tell you who your dad is. You know him. You and your sister probably know him better than anyone in the world, and that might include me.”

  “But what if he had Ian’s dad killed?”

  “Have you asked your dad about this?”

  “No.”

  “What about the other man? What’s his name?”

  “Ben.” She smiled. “He’s pretty much the normal one between the three of us.”

  “And do you care as much about him as you do for Ian?”

  Dorrie opened and closed her mouth several times.

  “Honey? You still there?”

  “Yeah, I’m still here. I think I do, yes. Everything happened so fast. There was no time to process everything.”

  “And you love to process, don’t you?”

  Dorrie stuck out her tongue at the humor in her mom’s voice, even though she knew her mom couldn’t see her. “That’s who I am.”

  “I know, honey. But…do these guys know that about you? Sweetheart, one man is all sorts of trouble just on his own. Two men… You really need to ask yourself if a three-way relationship—and I can’t believe I just said that to my daughter—is worth the hassle.”

  “Is that why you and Dad don’t date publicly? Because it’s not worth the hassle?”

  “No. We don’t date publicly because your father is a stubborn sonuvabitch who thinks he knows what’s right for everyone.”

  “Wouldn’t you care what people said about you?”

  “Honestly, I think I’m past caring what people think. I would rather spend my days being with him and shunned by everyone else than spend every day without him spending time with people I don’t love as much as I love him. But…”

  “But what?”

  “But,” she sighed, “we have to think about what’s best for you. And our relationship could adversely affect your career.”

  “And if I date two men, that could adversely affect your career, too.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy— Well, damn. I should’ve realized when you went to medical school you would graduate smarter than me.”

  “I don’t feel smart now. I feel stupid because I don’t know what to do.”

  Her mom’s short huff of laughter made Dorrie smile. “Oh honey, if I knew the perfect answer here, I’d be making millions telling parents how to raise their kids right. I guess…what you really need to ask yourself is, if you never see them again, is the regret more painful than the possible heartache?”

  Good question. “I love you, Mom.”

  “Oh honey, I love you too. But the next time we need to have a conversation like this, could you please come to the house and bring a bottle of wine? I think this would’ve gone much better with a nice white Zin.”

  They were both still laughing when Dorrie hung up a few minutes later.

  *

  Tuesday, Mary Alice walked into Ben’s office, an open box in her hand.

  “Since it’s addressed to the office, I opened it but there’s a note inside addressed to you and Ian so I wasn’t sure where I should put it. Since you’re here…”

  Frustration almost made him snap at Mary Alice but he reined it in, his attention still on the screen in front of him.

  He’d been attempting to download surveillance footage from a recent robbery. The shop owners had hired them to find the thieves and there was a bonus if they found them before the cops solved the case and returned the merchandise. Apparently the thieves had gotten away with a few pieces they hadn’t wanted to declare.

  “What is it?”

  “A soccer ball. A beat-up soccer ball.”

  His head snapped up, his full attention on their office manager. “What?”

  Mary Alice’s grin was slightly bemused. “See for yourself.”

  She held out the box, which he grabbed out of her hands.

  “Guess I won’t ask if I should send it out to the bomb squad.” Mary Alice laughed. “Can I assume that’s from a certain doctor?”

  Ben frowned. “How— Never mind. Stupid question. Adam has a big mouth.”

  “Actually, I didn’t hear it from Adam. I heard it from Kat.”

  “Same difference.”

  “Hey, we’re kind of a small community.”

  Pulling the ball out of the box, he held it in one hand and gave it a little toss into the air. “What community?”

  “You know. The trio brigade.”

  A laugh surprised him. “What the fuck is that?”

  Mary Alice rolled her eyes at him. “You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I guess I do.” He paused. “I just don’t know if we’re joining the club. There are…complications.”

  Like the fact that he didn’t know why the hell she’d sent him—them—the damn ball. But he hoped like hell he knew what it meant.

  “Oh please.” There went her eyes again. “There’re always complications. So what? She works for a drug lord? So did my guys. You either learn to live with it or you don’t.”

  “Actually, I’m not the one with the problem with her, ah, employer.” Damn, he’d almost said her dad.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  Mary Alice sat on the edge of his desk, bright red hair hanging over her shoulders, green eyes inquisitive.

  Pushing his chair away from his desk, he leaned and thought about his response. “I’m not sure I’m anything more than a bonus.”

  Mary Alice’s gaze narrowed. “Has she made you feel like that?”

  He took a few seconds to think about his answer. “No. But I can’t shake the feeling. And I’m not sure she’d care if I was there as long as she had Ian.”

  Her brows rose. “Sounds like someone has a low-self-esteem problem. Never expected that from you.”

  Ben grimaced and gave the ball another toss. “Yeah. Amazing how women are able to do that to a guy.”

  Mary Alice laughed and he had to smile. No one could be depressed when she laughed.

  “We’re awesome like that.” Then she shook her head. “Ben, do you want her?”

  He didn’t have to think about his answer. “Yeah, I do.”

  “Then the three of you need to talk this out. If she’s smart, she’ll keep you both. Best damn thing I ever did.”

  Ben only hoped Dorrie felt the same. And that the ball literally meant she wanted to play.

  *

  Ian had spent most of the day in the field, doing a blind security check on a recently installed system.

  It’d passed his inspection, but he had to admit he’d been distracted and would need to go back another day to do it again, just to be sure he hadn’t missed anything.

  He’d tried to keep focused but his mind had been on Dorrie.

  When Ben had suggested wooing her, Ian had had his doubts. But when the flowers hadn’t elicited a response, he’d suggested the lollipops and the bandages. Ben had shaken his head and said they were perfect.

  Guess they weren’t perfect enough to get a response.

>   By the time he walked back into their offices, he’d thought of a few other things they could send her and headed straight for Ben’s office to talk about it.

  He found Ben sitting at his desk tossing a soccer ball in the air. It immediately made him think of Dorrie.

  “Where’d you get that?”

  “Take a guess.” Ben threw the ball at him. “Guess the bandages pushed her over the edge. Good call.”

  Holy shit. “Lucky guess. We make a good team.”

  Ben nodded but he didn’t look happy and he didn’t respond.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I think you should go see her.”

  Ian thought about his response for a few seconds. “You want me to go without you.”

  It took a second but Ben finally nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  Ben’s sigh made Ian shake his head.

  “No.” Ian tossed the ball back to Ben, a little harder than Ben was expecting. “That’s not how this is going to work.”

  “Ian—”

  “Fuck that, Ben. Just don’t even bother. After all this pushing, the one thing I absolutely know is this… She needs both of us.”

  “Goddammit—”

  “You made me realize that. And you know why? Because she’s Antonoff’s daughter. She’ll be safer with both of us watching her back. She needs both of us to watch her back. Between the two of us, we’ll be able to handle her. Hell, we’re gonna need to have each other’s backs because she’s more than capable of kicking both of our asses. You do realize that, don’t you?”

  “And what if that’s not what she wants?”

  “Then we’ll just have to show her the error of her ways.” Ian put both hands on Ben’s desk and leaned over. “All those fucking medals on your uniform. You didn’t get those for giving up.”

  “Fuck you.” Ben’s gaze narrowed and his hands clenched around the ball. “I’m not giving up. I’m stepping aside. There’s a difference.”

  “Did she send the ball only to me? Is that what set you off?”

  His jaw clenched. “No. It’s addressed to both of us.”

  “Then you get your ass out of that chair and come with me because she’s expecting both of us and I don’t want to disappoint her. I think I’ve done enough of that already. Don’t you start.”

  “And if I’m the one disappointed?”