The Secret Father (The Calvert Cousins 1)

by Anna Adams

  Her greeting chilled the line. They’d long ago stopped trusting each other, but two days with Olivia had him wondering if he should have been able to salvage a healthier relationship with his ex-wife.

  “Helene, I need your help,” he said.

  She didn’t answer right away, and when she did, surprise colored her “What kind of help?”

  “I have to tell you something that’s a little hard to understand.”

  “I’m no idiot, Zach.”

  The one accusation they’d avoided before now. “I mean hard to understand because it doesn’t happen often. After the bank robbery, someone in Chicago—a woman—saw my photo on the news.”

  “A woman?” Though she’d left him for Leland Nash, she could still sound upset at the thought of someone in his past.

  “A woman I knew when I was training before that last mission.”

  “She was in Chicago?”

  “I knew her well, Helene.”

  “So I assume. What are we really talking about?”

  “I have a son.”

  Silence. Filled with hostility. But then she released a shaky sigh. “I guess that explains a lot.”

  She’d always contended he must have loved someone else. She hadn’t necessarily believed it was someone in his past, but that was an old horse he didn’t intend to beat anymore.

  “My son’s mother is Olivia Kendall. One of the Kendall Press Kendalls, and her father is holding a press conference tonight.”

  “Good God.”

  “Exactly,” he said, relieved at her compassion. “So, Helene, could you keep Lily away from the television? And can you wait to let me tell her about Evan?”

  “Evan would be her brand-new brother?”

  “I’m hoping they’ll like each other. Lily will be better off if you don’t paint a bad picture of this situation before I can tell her.”

  “Maybe this works for me, too.”

  So much for compassion. “Forget it. Evan doesn’t take Lily’s place with me.”

  She sighed again, but he knew he was right. He’d tangled with Helene too many times to be naive about her tactics.

  “When do you want to talk to Lily?”

  “We’re flying back to Tennessee this afternoon. I’d like to see her tonight, just to be safe.”

  “All right. Call me when you land. If she’s awake, and she’s finished her dance and piano practice, you can drop by.”

  Why did she have to keep Lily so busy at four years old? Annoyance tightened his grip on the phone, but what was the point of yet another argument? “I’ll call you.”

  He’d barely set down the phone when it rang again. Instinctively, he picked up the receiver. The caller ID read out James Kendall’s name. Not bothering to un-list his number went along with the older man’s arrogance.

  The phone rang again. Olivia came into the hall, her black hair swathing one shoulder, her eyes anxious.

  “Your dad,” he said.

  “I guessed.”

  Without thinking, he clicked the phone’s on button and lifted the receiver to his ear. Olivia took a few impatient steps toward him, and he regretted acting, but too late.

  In his ear, James Kendall’s voice spoke his daughter’s name.

  “Maybe you and I should talk,” Zach said.

  “What the hell—”

  “Your problem is with me, not with Olivia. Maybe you and I should talk.”

  Olivia hesitated. Zach took her pause as permission to proceed.

  “I’d drop the press conference plan if I were you.”

  “Fortunately, you’re not, since I know how to run my business and my family and you don’t.”

  “I’m making this suggestion because I see how upset Olivia is.” Zach went for broke. “I already told you I don’t want to take your place with my son, but I’m afraid you have to make room for me. For Evan’s sake.”

  “You don’t understand who you’re talking to.”

  “I’m talking to my child’s grandfather. I’ve kept your relationship with Evan in mind from the first word you spoke to me, but understand I’m not going anywhere. You and I might as well get along.”

  “Put my daughter on the line.”

  Zach hadn’t expected miracles. He’d just wanted to state his position. He carried the phone to Olivia, who half smiled as he handed her the receiver.

  “Sorry,” Zach said, and he actually meant it. “I hope I haven’t made it worse, but Evan will be better off if Kendall and I can share the same breathing space.”

  Olivia shrugged. “I’ve been trying to explain since I found out about you. He always assumes I’m still his little girl and I need direction.”

  “I doubt I’ll ever see Lily any other way, but maybe your dad is teaching me to keep my mouth shut when the time comes.”

  OLIVIA WAS ASLEEP when Evan hitched himself into the leather chair next to Zach’s on the Kendall jet. Evan pointed to his mom, sprawled on a tan couch, her feet crossed at the ankles, one hand across her face as if to block out the light with her slender, splayed fingers.

  “Mommy’s snoring.”

  Evan’s long-suffering tone made Zach laugh. “I didn’t hear her.”

  “She scared me. I was falling asleep, too, but I thought she was choking on something.” Evan bounced against the cushion at his back. “You don’t have to wear your seat belt on this plane.”

  The plush surroundings Evan took for granted only slightly eased Zach’s compulsion to grip the nearest stable object. He tucked his hand around the seat belt he’d securely fastened before they took off. “I like wearing seat belts. You should put on yours, too.”

  “Mommy’s not wearing one.”

  Even in her sleep she swayed with perfect balance against the jet’s slight movements. “Your mommy’s used to flying.”

  “You are, too,” Evan said.

  “Oh, yeah.” What the hell had he been thinking? He hadn’t thought at all. He’d simply run down a shortcut into his son’s heart. “But I’m also used to wearing seat belts. Do you like to fly?”

  “Well, sure.” Evan stuck out both his arms and tilted back and forth, whining an engine sound. Suddenly, he leaned across the chair arm. After a quick glance at Olivia, he pressed his cheek to Zach’s shoulder. Clearly on the verge of confessing a secret he wanted to keep from his mom, he made Zach want to wrap him in a bear hug.

  “I really want a horse,” Evan said. “My mom said maybe I could get a pony, but they’re for babies. I want a real horse—as big as you. And I bet I could ride better than those cowboys my grampa watches on TV.”

  Zach tried to picture James Kendall watching John Wayne movies. He couldn’t. He weighed his answer to Evan’s revelation. Evan had obviously talked to his mom about his cowboy dreams, and she’d put the kibosh on them.

  “You know those guys on TV are a little older than you?”

  Evan flopped into his seat, disgust written large all over his face. “You’re just like my mom, but I’m big enough to have a horse. I’ll ask Grampa.”

  Did that manipulative bent come from his Calvert side or the Kendalls? “Better stick with your mom’s word on the horse, Evan.”

  “You’re my dad, right?” He studied Zach with disappointment that hurt. A responsible dad shouldn’t bribe a boy with horseflesh.

  “I am your father.”

  “Then you can say I get a horse.”

  It never worked that way with Lily. And maybe this was a good time to bring her up. “That’s not the way parents figure out what’s best for their children. A lot of times dads or moms who can’t live with their kids full-time want to give them more presents, but sometimes the children don’t need those gifts. I already know that because I have a little girl, too.”

  “A girl?” Evan flicked a quick look at his mother. “Why doesn’t she live with Mommy and me?”

  Zach cringed inwardly. Would he ever look himself in the face again? He’d made a lot of mistakes all at the same time. “Lily lives with her mom.�
�� Helene was harder to explain, so he directed Evan’s attention toward his new sister. “My little girl’s name is Lily.”

  “But she’s not my sister even though you’re my dad?”

  “She is your sister.” Zach abandoned the concept of halves or steps. No way did he want Evan or Lily thinking the other meant more to him, or that they shouldn’t love each other wholeheartedly.

  “I always wanted a sister,” Evan said. “Mom said she didn’t think I’d have any—or a brother either.” He grinned. “You don’t have any more boys anywhere?”

  God, he hoped not. “I only have you and Lily.”

  “How old is she?”

  “Four. Do you think you’ll like being an older brother?”

  Evan straightened. His earnestness brought an ache to Zach’s throat. “I’ll take care of her, like Grampa and Mom take care of me.”

  Zach rested his hand on his son’s nape for the first time without wondering if it was all right to touch him.

  “Lily’s going to be as glad as I am that I found out about you.” He pulled his boy toward him. “And I’m awfully glad, Evan.”

  His son pushed his elbow across the armrest to lean against Zach’s side. “Me, too.” He looked up, beaming with absolute, humbling trust. “Dad.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  THEY LANDED at Knoxville and picked up Zach’s car in the parking lot. Darkness had covered the mountain roads before they reached Bardill’s Ridge. Evan nodded off just as they reached the town, his head braced in a hollow in the back seat.

  Olivia glanced at him as Zach navigated the narrow streets to The Dogwood, his aunt’s bed-and-breakfast. “Evan?” She hoped he wouldn’t answer. He didn’t even twitch an eyelid.

  “He’s asleep?” Zach asked.

  “Seems to be.” Moonlight gleamed in Zach’s hair. His sharply drawn profile reminded her of nights long past, but she steeled herself against a need to touch the bright strands. After all this time, she couldn’t remember if his hair was the same soft texture as Evan’s.

  She shook her head. Overhearing his conversation with Evan on the jet, she’d bided her time for a private moment with him. “I don’t know how to start this.”

  He tightened his mouth. “You’ve changed your mind?”

  “About coming here? No, but the next time you have something as important as Lily to talk about with Evan,” she lowered her voice, “I hope you’ll let us tell him together or at least that we’ll talk about it beforehand.”

  He searched her face, his too-expressive eyes glinting with relief.

  “I can’t believe you don’t know I’m not going to change my mind,” she said.

  “Yeah, well, I’m trying. You were awake on the plane?”

  “Sort of, at first. I was wide-awake once you said Lily’s name.”

  “I thought he needed to know before we got here. I asked my mom to keep the family away tonight, but my aunt and uncle might slip up and tell him.”

  “I agree, but a sister’s news that should come from both of us.”

  His deep, patient breath annoyed her. “He seemed fine. You’re sure this isn’t you being afraid to let him go a little?”

  Suspecting he might be a little right, she stiffened. “Don’t condescend to me, Zach. I am afraid, but I’m capable of objectivity.”

  “Who can be objective about her own child?”

  “Don’t confuse me with—anyone else.” But now that he’d brought her up… “You don’t plan to talk to Lily without Helene?”

  His extended silence wasn’t quite an apology, but he avoided looking at her. “No.”

  “What makes it all right for you to talk to Evan without me?”

  “You’re not like Helene.” Lowering his voice, Zach checked Evan in the rearview mirror. “I had to tell Helene first so I could judge how she’d react in front of Lily. You’re more…”

  She waited, but he didn’t finish. Dancing in the minefield of his former marriage was tricky for both of them. “More what?”

  “You put your child first. Helene isn’t always capable of doing that.” He hit his indicator switch and turned toward the brightly lit courthouse on the square.

  “I’m not questioning you about Helene.” At least she hoped she wasn’t. She didn’t much care for the pictures in her head of him with someone else. “She’s none of my business, but you shouldn’t assume I don’t care just as much about Evan as she cares—as you care—about Lily.”

  “I wasn’t trying to take over. The moment seemed right, so I told him. I didn’t have an ulterior motive.”

  “But we’re in this together as much as possible, right?” She’d better find out now if they thought about shared child care differently.

  Zach nodded. “Sorry,” he said in a curt tone.

  No doubt thinking he hadn’t chosen the most amenable moms for either of his children. “Maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion, but I’d rather make sure we sort out our problems before they turn into brawls.”

  “We’re together on that, too.”

  The car didn’t feel as comfortable after that. She followed the gleam of the courthouse lights on the wrought-iron fence around the square. This town, picturesque but terribly quiet, was going to be her son’s part-time home from now on. With luck, he’d enjoy visiting here, but she couldn’t help hoping he’d love Chicago more.

  She gazed at Zach again, regretting her part in putting the remote expression on his handsome face. She had to get over the feeling he might disappear if they argued.

  His eyes glittered as they passed beneath a street-lamp. She remembered him, on a night in her bedroom, when her father’d been out of town. The memory was so intense she felt as if she was back in that room again with the night sky behind his head as she’d gazed at him from her pillow. His eyes had shone in the moonlight that crept through the window. Shone with love, she’d thought.

  She’d changed in the past six years, and so had he, but his green eyes could take her back to that time. She remembered too well when his broad lean shoulders had looked like the safest place to lay her head.

  If she indulged in too many of those memories, she could get herself in trouble, and the prospect of falling for him again frightened her. Evan was the one who’d really lose if things went wrong between Zach and her.

  As soon as he stopped his car in front of the bed-and-breakfast, Olivia shoved her door open and sprang to her feet. Gripping the cool door frame, she met Zach’s curious gaze as he rose more slowly.

  “What’s up?” he asked, their discord already forgotten.

  With plenty of valid reasons for being scared half to death, it wasn’t hard to choose one. “I’m a stranger to you, but you’re my son’s father. You’re going to want Evan to yourself, and I’m trying to imagine how I’ll manage.”

  With a wary gaze, Zach nodded. “Makes sense.”

  “Since I saw your picture,” she said, leaning into the car’s roof, “I’ve been thinking of Evan, of what and whom he needed. I’ve never been away for him for longer than five days. I’ve never had to listen to anyone else’s opinion before I decided what was best for him.” Well, except her father, but that wasn’t so much listening as fighting a pitched battle.

  Alarm filled Zach’s eyes, but to his credit, compassion quickly followed. “I’m not asking you to leave him or to hand him over to me. I do want my share of time with him.” He joined her at the front of the car. “But for now, I think you’re telling me we won’t have a formal custody agreement?”

  Her throat went dry. She tried to swallow. “Thanks for understanding.”

  “For now, you come with him when he comes to me. We’ll work it out.” He moved close with the impossible grace that had always made her want him. She looked away, but he curved his index finger beneath her chin. “You’ll learn to trust me, and I’ll figure out who you are,” he said. “Because no matter what you say to me, or how you try to keep me at a distance that makes you feel safe, I can’t believe I forgot you.”


  “I’m not trying to keep you at a distance.”

  “You are.” His assumption perturbed her, but he didn’t seem to think it was important. “But it makes sense. I hurt you—accidentally, but I did hurt you—and I’m sorry for that.”

  “That’s all over now.” She didn’t want to talk about the past he didn’t even remember. Slipping out of the pool of Zach’s body heat, she reached for the back door handle. “We’d better take Evan inside. He’s had a long day.”

  Zach caught her wrist. “Let me say one more thing. You don’t have to be afraid.” His gaze held her with the force of his promise. “We’re not competing for Evan. I don’t want him to love me more. I’ll never try to make him choose me over you.”

  He understood her fears too well. “You’ve been through this with Lily.”

  “Often.” A wry tone thinly disguised his regret.

  “But was she so desperate for this Nash character that she called him Dad the second she met him?” Why not just undress all her fears? “Has Lily spent so much time with you that you’re as familiar as a piece of her furniture? Do you wonder if Nash is new and more fun and a whole lot less strict? So that she won’t want to come home to you again?”

  Zach tugged her close, and she thought her skin might have caught on fire. Zach didn’t understand all her fears, not the ones that focused on him.

  But his large hand around her wrist spread comfort into her very bones. “A child needs his furniture around him. Stability rates much higher with children than they think.” Zach’s smile, though clearly meant to offer ease, lent his mouth a sensual curve. “I can’t imagine thinking Evan would be better off with me. He’s a great kid, and you’re a great mom. Obviously.”

  “Do you really feel as if you’re in competition with Helene?”

  She had no right to ask, but she hated the pain that had changed him.

  “Helene loves order.” He shrugged. “And she believes in a caste system. I’m an untidy mess she’d like to forget, and my family is an embarrassment in her current station.”

  “Why?” She flushed at the squeak she couldn’t control. A sheriff wouldn’t spring from felons and murderers.