The Secrets of Primrose Square

by Claudia Carroll

  It was the uniform she saw first, as he stood tall and erect by the window overlooking the grounds, like he was surveying them, looking lean and tanned and vigorous. He heard the door and immediately turned around.

  ‘Frank!’ Susan said, stunned.

  ‘Hey,’ he said simply, striding across the room to where she stood rooted to the spot.

  ‘You’re here,’ Susan kept saying, over and over, as he hugged her so tightly her ribs hurt. ‘You’re really here. You came home. You came back!’

  ‘I couldn’t stay away,’ he said. ‘Today of all days? On Ella’s anniversary?’

  ‘Frank, oh God, Frank,’ was all she could answer, nestling into his chest, her safe place, feeling warm and comforted for the first time in an age. ‘I’ve dreaded today so much. And now it’s here and you’re here and . . . ’

  ‘Shhhh, love,’ he said, placing a finger over her lips. ‘Just know that I love you, and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Susan. But I’m here for you. So let’s just remember our girl. Our little Ella. And let’s somehow get through today together.’

  *

  Unknown to Susan, she had a silent audience. At that exact moment, Dr Ciara happened to be walking past the visitor’s room. She stopped, then quietly and tactfully closed the door as two heartbroken parents held each other, cried softly and remembered.

  Jason

  SANDYMOUNT STRAND

  Jason had parked his ice cream van on Sandymount Strand, which normally was a great aul’ spot for business. It was a grim, overcast afternoon, though, one of those days in spring when it feels more like November, and there was nothing doing, no matter how loudly he played the tinkling Mr Softee jingle. There wasn’t a customer in sight and the music was slowly starting to do his head in.

  All in all, it was a pretty shit time in the life of Jason Hayes. Financial stresses were keeping him up at night and every time the postman came, he just wanted to pull the duvet over his head and blank out the sound of the letterbox snapping shut. There was never anything in the post but bills and more bills, all with ‘outstanding’ writ large across them in bold red lettering.

  ‘I haven’t got the dosh to pay any of you!’ Jason wanted to scream at the TV cable company, the gas board and the Inland Revenue, who were sending him demands on a weekly basis by then. ‘You shower of tossers have already robbed me of my peace of mind; what the feck more do you want from me? Blood?’

  Not only that, but Holly and Molly had started at him now because their class were all going off on some fancy skiing trip to Verbier, but at almost two thousand euro for the pair of them, there wasn’t a snot’s chance of them going. There was just about enough dosh for their school fees, but as he firmly told them, ‘Youse can’t go and that’s the bleeding end of it. Right? Put it out of your heads and, as the song says, let it go.’

  Which, of course, led to nothing but a load of door-slamming and sulking for days afterwards. From Irene, as well as the girls.

  ‘I just don’t understand it,’ she kept saying over and over, wrecking Jason’s head, which was already pounding with worry over interest payments on loans he’d taken out behind her back and didn’t have a hope of paying back. ‘Holly and Molly are the only two girls in their whole class not going on the ski trip,’ Irene went on, sounding more and more suspicious. ‘Which makes us look like a right pair of cheapskates in front of the other parents. So what are we going to do?’

  Irene herself came from a family of ten, and they’d never had a bean to spare for any kind of luxuries when she was growing up. The result was that, come hell or high water, she was determined that her own two daughters would want for nothing. Only the best was good enough for Holly and Molly – whatever the cost and with absolutely no expense spared.

  Women, Jason thought glumly. I’m surrounded by nothing but women making my life a misery. With his own mother causing him more problems than the rest of them put together.

  Eric. Fecking Eric Butler, the root of all his woes. If it weren’t for that new-age hippie, who had to be seventy if he was a day, weaselling in on his ma, sure he and Irene would have been grand, thanks very much. Jason knew that, given time, he could easily have persuaded his ma to sign the Primrose Square house over to him, and move in with himself and Irene. Then it was happy fecking days, as far as he was concerned. He could pay off everyone he knew, nice and quietly under the radar, and sure no one would be any the wiser.

  But his ma had changed, there were no two ways about it. Even Jason grudgingly had to admit, she was looking an awful lot younger these days. Gone were all her old housecoats and sensible slacks from M&S, and now she went around in gym gear the whole time. Hoodies, leggings, trainers, the works. What Irene called ‘athleisure’, whatever the feck that was, Jason wasn’t quite sure. Her hair used to be a kind of gunmetal grey, but now, his ma was a full-on bottle blonde. Trying to have a phone conversation with her these days was a total waste of time, too; it was all ‘Eric this’ and ‘Eric that’. That was all you ever heard.

  During one phone call the previous week, Jason had the temerity to say, ‘For the love of God, can we please stop talking about that git Eric – isn’t it bad enough he’s living in our house?’

  And his ma’s response?

  ‘Jason, love,’ she’d told him firmly, ‘you need to stop being such a ball of negativity. Aside from everything else, it’s bad for your health, you know. Eric is here beside me and he’s suggesting that you should start up a gratitude journal. Now isn’t that a great idea?’

  ‘A what?’ Jason had asked.

  ‘It’s sort of like a diary,’ his ma explained, ‘where you write down all the things in your life you’re thankful for. Eric and I do it every single day now and I really do find it wonderful. It makes you appreciate all the little things that we’re inclined to take for granted.’

  ‘There’ll be no one more grateful than me,’ Jason told her huffily, ‘on the happy day when Eric gets a taxi to Dublin airport and flies back to the arse end of Florida. When he finds some other old lady to scab off, I’ll certainly start a gratitude diary then!’

  His one and only consolation, he thought miserably, gazing out over the deserted beach road, was that little Melissa Hayes was staying in the house too. Just till the mother got out of whatever nuthouse they’d carted her off to. Melissa was a grand kid, quiet as a mouse, and at least when she was around, there was a sort of chaperone in the house. Although the thought that his ma and Eric had anything physical going nearly made his stomach want to heave.

  The Hayes were a nice family, Jason had to admit. He’d always been fond of them and he knew they were very good to his ma when he wasn’t around. Jesus, Jason thought, momentarily forgetting his own woes, that was a rough hand that family had been dealt.

  Ella Hayes had always been a bit wild, all right – outspoken, never caring what she said or did, striding up and down the square, usually dressed in black with a big pair of Doc Martins on her. When she was a kid, she was always pestering Jason for free ice cream, then when she got older, she started shoving pamphlets under his nose and giving him lectures about the evils of dairy.

  ‘Just make sure to keep the twins as far from that Ella Hayes as possible,’ Irene often used to caution. ‘She’s a terrible influence, mark my words.’

  But no one could have predicted what would happen next and it was no wonder poor aul’ Susan had gone off the rails a bit. According to his ma, ‘Susan’s just taking a little time out, to regroup. So all we can do is love and support her at every turn.’

  Jesus, Jason thought, as his hands involuntarily clenched into two tight fists. If that gobshite Josh Andrews, or whatever his name was, as much as looked twice at either of his own girls, he’d have to be physically tied back from whacking him one. That would put a good, quick end to his rugby playing days, wouldn’t it? If the fecker couldn’t walk straight for the rest of his life?

  Next thing, Jason’s phone rang – Irene.

  ‘I can’t really t
alk, love,’ he said, surveying the empty beach in front of him. ‘I’m up to me knackers here in work.’

  ‘Just a quick call,’ she said briskly, ‘as I’m in the middle of a viewing right now. The thing is, I’ve had a good think about the whole . . . situation with your mother. And I think I may have hit on a way out of it.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ said Jason, perking up a bit.

  ‘As we know, Holly and Molly are wonderful,’ Irene went on, ‘but you know how . . . let’s just say challenging . . . it can be, when you’re dealing with the two of them at the same time. You know how stressful your mum can find it.’

  Irene was picking her words carefully, but Jason knew exactly what she meant. There were times in his own house when it was like living in a warzone. Frequently, he’d take the paper and go and sit in the ice cream van parked in the front driveway, till whatever strop that was going on blew over.

  ‘So starting from today,’ Irene said, ‘I’m going to tell Jayne I’m working late for the next few weeks and that the twins will be going around to her house every single evening after school. And you know something else?’

  ‘What’s that, love?’

  ‘The later we are to collect the pair of them, the better. So let’s see how Mr Eric Butler likes that! What harm in giving Mr Butler a good, firm, unsubtle nudge towards the front door?’ Irene added, before clicking off the call.

  What harm indeed?

  Melissa

  KINGSBAY SECONDARY SCHOOL

  Melissa and Hayley were just coming out of the school gates together, when suddenly Hayley let out a shriek.

  ‘Oh my actual Gawd!’ she squealed. ‘I think you’ve got a visitor, Melissa . . . Look who’s here for you!’

  Melissa had been engrossed in her phone, but immediately glanced up to see what her friend was getting so excited about.

  ‘Dad!   ’ she squealed, the minute she saw his long, lean, familiar figure waiting at the car park for her. ‘I don’t believe it . . . it’s my dad!’

  She dumped her schoolbag and ran straight into his arms, as he scooped her up into a huge, tight hug.

  ‘I told you I had a little surprise for you, didn’t I, princess?’ he laughed as she clung to his arm and looked adoringly up at him.

  ‘Dad . . . ’ was all she could say over and over again. ‘You’re home, you’re really here! I’m in total shock!’

  Her dad looked so well too, so fit and strong. He was out of his army uniform and dressed in his ‘civvies’, as he called them – jeans and a warm jumper – but still, you’d know a mile off this was an army officer. There was something about her dad that just made people respect him, from his straight posture, like a ramrod, as her mum always said, to the air of calm authority that radiated from him.

  ‘I’m not home for too long, I’m afraid,’ he said, keeping his arm tightly locked around Melissa, ‘but you know me. I’d cross oceans to see my princess, for no matter how short a time.’

  ‘Does Mum know you’re here?’ Melissa asked excitedly.

  ‘Of course, pet.’ Her dad smiled back. ‘I’ve just been to visit her and I thought we could both go back together and see her later, if you like?’

  She didn’t get a chance to answer, though, as just then Hayley bounced over to say hello. ‘Mr Hayes, welcome home!’ She beamed, before clamping her hand down over her mouth. ‘Oops! Sorry, I meant to say Captain Hayes.’

  ‘Frank is good enough for me, Hayley.’ He grinned back. ‘And I believe I owe you a big thank you. I know from my lovely daughter here how good a friend you’ve been to her while I was away.’

  ‘Hayley’s not just a good friend,’ Melissa giggled, ‘she’s like . . . my best friend, for life. For always.’

  ‘Just as well I brought little gifts for you both then, isn’t it?’ said Frank, dipping into his jacket pocket and producing two beautifully wrapped tiny jewellery boxes, which both girls gasped at, then ripped open, approximately two seconds later. Inside were two identical friendship rings, plain, simple silver bands with little raised knots sitting prettily in the dead centre.

  ‘Wow!’ squealed Hayley, ‘that’s like the coolest thing ever! Thanks so much, Captain . . . sorry, I mean Frank . . . I’ll never take mine off . . . like, ever!’

  ‘Thank you, Dad,’ Melissa said a bit more quietly, but with a beam on her face that spread from ear to ear. ‘They’re . . . they’re just perfect.’

  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this good, even though she knew her dad was really only home because her mum was in that hospital, where Abby Graham said they only sent you if you were mental. But, of course, the main reason her dad was home was because of that day’s anniversary. Melissa had been dreading it for weeks and now it was here, all she wanted was to just get through it, like any other ordinary day. She didn’t breathe a single word about it in school and she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t cry, not even in front of Jayne, who’d been so lovely to her all that morning.

  ‘Now you can stay home today if you like, pet?’ Jayne had said to her earlier. ‘Whatever you want is fine by me.’ But all Melissa really wanted was for the day to be over so they could put it behind them for another year.

  I won’t cry, she told herself. I. Will. Not. Cry. I’ll just act like everything is normal and it’ll be tomorrow in no time.

  It was weird, but the only time she’d got a bit wobbly wasn’t over Ella at all. At breaktime when she’d opened up her bag, there was a gorgeous homemade triple decker club sandwich waiting for her, with healthy nuts and fruit juice on the side. Jayne had been making yummy lunches for Melissa every single day since she’d moved in, but today was special as there was a tiny little note stuck to her lunchbox.

  Always remember that a very special angel is watching over you from above, the note read, in Jayne’s scribbly handwriting.

  I’m a lucky girl, Melissa thought, tearing up as she read it in the packed, noisy school canteen. I have Ella watching me from above and Jayne minding me down here. And now that her dad was home, somehow the thought of this horrible day became a bit more bearable. Even though there’s only three of us left, Melissa thought hopefully, we’re still a family. We still have each other.

  As soon as they got home from school, she and her dad moved straight back into their own house on Primrose Square. Before they did, though, they called around to see Jayne, and Melissa gave her a huge, grateful hug, locking onto her waist and thinking she might never let go.

  ‘There really are no words for me to thank you properly,’ Frank said, handing Jayne a bouquet so magnificent, she almost gasped when she saw it. ‘I’ll never forget what you’ve done. Never.’

  ‘Go on out of that.’ Jayne had blushed. ‘Sure it was an absolute joy to have you here, Melissa. You’re like family to me, you know that, love. And I hope you’ll come back to stay with me in a few days, when your dad’s gone back to army duty, pet? Eric and I would so love to have you again.’

  ‘I’d love that, thanks.’ Melissa smiled shyly at her pretend-granny.

  ‘Who’s Eric?’ her dad asked, as they drove off, on their way to St Michael’s. It was her third visit, ever since her mum had been allowed to have visitors, but for the other visits, her mother had been quiet and sat playing with her hair and staring out the window, and didn’t say much apart from telling Melissa to be a good girl for Jayne. Melissa had left feeling hurt and confused – her mum was supposed to be in that place to get better, so why was she still acting the exact same?

  Her second visit was even worse; her mum had burst into tears and a nice doctor called Ciara had to take her away. Melissa had tried her best not to cry, but as soon as she got back to Jayne’s, she’d had to spend ages in her bedroom, sobbing quietly, so no one could overhear. But today would be different, she hoped. Easier, because her dad was here.

  ‘Eric is Jayne’s new friend,’ Melissa told him. ‘Look – he gave me this,’ she said, producing a rose quartz
stone Eric had given her from her pocket, ‘and he told me it would help me heal. And it is helping, Dad, it really is. And you know what else? Eric told me to look for signs from Ella too. Things like white feathers just floating down in front of me, that kind of thing. I thought it sounded a bit mad at first, but now I’m seeing literally dozens of white feathers everywhere I go, so it doesn’t seem so mad to me after all. I still miss Ella so much but . . . somehow it’s not as bad as it used to be.’

  ‘We’ll get there, princess,’ her dad said quietly, his jaw tightening a bit. ‘Together, we’ll get there. There’s not a single moment of the day when Ella isn’t on my mind, but then I think of you, and I know that I’m a very lucky man.’

  Melissa squeezed her dad’s hand and looked out the car window, so he wouldn’t see her tearing up. Normally they were super strict about visiting times in St Michael’s, but because of the anniversary, Dr Ciara said that they could stay as long as they liked. So together, Susan, Frank and Melissa went to a private little memorial service in the tiny hospital meditation room.

  Melissa couldn’t remember the last time the three of them had been in the same room at the same time. She had to go right back to not long after Ella died, back to the really bad days, the days when her mum and dad didn’t even talk to each other except to row when they thought she was asleep in her room. The horrible days when she used to fret herself sick that on top of everything else she had to worry about, now there was the very real worry that her parents might break up.

  And yet, as the sun tried its best to shine through the huge windows in the meditation room, somehow things seemed . . . okay. Her mum and dad were being nice to each other, not pretend-y, over-polite nice, but genuinely caring and comforting. Her dad kept asking her mum how she was feeling, was she warm enough, was she tired, would she like something to eat afterwards? And her mum was being kind to him too, for the first time in ages. She kept saying she couldn’t believe he was really there and holding his hand. They were only little things, but still. It did Melissa good to see them both at peace with each other.