A Child Changes Everything

by Stella MacLean

  “Katie’s in charge,” he said, moving the conversation to a safe topic. “Why don’t I get the children ready for the pool? I see your mom’s enjoying the fresh air.” He nodded toward the pool where Carolyn sat in a lounge chair.

  “She’s enjoying everything. She’s easy to please. I love doing things for her because she’s so upbeat, so willing to try. Only this morning, she was telling me she hopes her rehab plan will include pool exercises because she wants to get back into swimming. Can you believe it?” she asked with enthusiasm.

  He saw the light in her eyes, the hopeful tone in her voice, and realized what a powerful force Carolyn Lewis had become in Lisa’s life. Lisa was changing before his eyes, from someone who saw only the problem, to someone who delighted in the solution. “You’ve come a long way,” he said before he could stop himself.

  “What do you mean?” she asked with a tiny frown.

  “I mean the old Lisa would never have been willing to take on a new family, learn to cope with a child and find so much happiness in all of it.”

  She bit her lip and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a nervous reaction he was intimately familiar with.

  She was about to say something when the children interrupted with their demand to go to the pool.

  “Okay, you two, this is it,” he said, looking at Lisa before he took their outstretched hands and led them onto the deck, grabbing the bag of pool gear on his way out through the sliding glass doors.

  The sun beat down as he shrugged out of his golf shirt and shorts, and adjusted the waist of his swim trunks. Putting water wings on each of the children while they giggled and laughed, he brought them to the shallow end of the pool.

  “How good of you to take time out of your busy schedule to entertain my granddaughter,” Carolyn Lewis said from her lounge chair.

  “No problem. This is my day with Peter, and I want to make the most of it. Swimming’s the perfect activity for this weather.” He smiled at her and then at the bright blue sky, immediately aware of how happy he was feeling.

  He’d just gotten both children into their water wings and onto the steps at the shallow end when Lisa appeared, wearing a white bathing suit that fit every curve of her body perfectly. He sucked in a breath at the sight of her.

  “Want to join us?” he asked over the familiar rush of heat. Lisa had to be the single most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen in a bathing suit, and what made her even sexier was that she seemed completely unconscious of her impact.

  “I can’t wait,” she said, clutching the rail as she moved down into the water. They crouched together at the bottom of the steps, each holding a child splashing in the water. And all the while, Mason was urgently aware of Lisa’s body touching his.

  “Do you like being with Katie?” he asked, paying close attention to where his hands were.

  Lisa gave him a quick glance. “She’s the sweetest child. Aren’t you, Katie?” she asked, taking the little girl into her arms as naturally as any mother would.

  Watching her, Mason tried not to think about how different their lives might have been if Lisa had found her mother and sister before he’d asked her to marry him.

  “The best day of my life was the day Peter was born,” he said as he sank into the water with his son in his arms. “Peter taught me that loving someone unselfishly is the very best kind of happiness.”

  Had he really said that? He was accustomed to keeping his personal feelings about love and life to himself, but being here with Lisa made him want to share his deepest thoughts.

  But she didn’t respond to his openness, leaving him feeling exposed, vulnerable…uncomfortable.

  When he was about to give up waiting for her response, she said, “I understand what you’re saying about happiness. My life has changed in ways I would never have believed a few weeks ago. I have this overwhelming urge to make sure Katie has every possible advantage until she’s back with her mother. And I hope to convince Anne Marie to move here to Durham.”

  “That way, you’ll have Katie in your life every day, is that it?” he asked, seeing the sincerity in her eyes as she spoke of her plans for the little girl who, in Mason’s estimation, had created a miracle.

  “When Anne Marie asked me to take Katie, I was terrified I’d make a mistake, or I’d do something wrong that would hurt Katie. I wanted everything to be perfect.”

  “You haven’t heard?”

  “Heard what?”

  “Perfection and children don’t go together.”

  “Stop teasing,” she said, tilting an eyebrow at him. “But you’re right about the perfection thing. Nothing’s ever quite the way you expect it to be.”

  “Isn’t that what’s so great about it?” he asked, appreciating how easily they had slipped back into sharing their thoughts, that feeling of closeness.

  She cocked her head to one side as she smiled at him. “Don’t I know it! It’s the unexpected stuff that makes it all so special.”

  Like a kick in the chest, he was forced to admit how much he’d missed the intimacy he’d had with Lisa.

  Until the issue of children had wiped it all away.

  Had they both avoided the subject out of their separate fears? But he’d never feared having children. So why hadn’t he asked her long before any discussion of marriage?

  As the children shrieked and played, he shoved the past away and decided to enjoy this moment. Ducking down in the water, he blew bubbles at Katie, who promptly splashed him.

  “You’re a monkey,” he said, pulling her into his arms and spinning her around to even more shrieks of laughter.

  “Am not!” she said, accompanied by a shrill scream.

  He sat her on the edge of the pool then grabbed Peter, whirling him around and producing more screams and laughter.

  “Wow! That’s enough. My ears are hurting.” He put Peter back on the pool step, his pleas for more ringing in his ears.

  “Why don’t you have a swim? I’ll watch the children for a few minutes,” she offered.

  “Hey, you first. It’s your pool.”

  “I’m not much of a swimmer.”

  “You’ll have to learn if you’re going to keep up with Katie.” He nodded toward the little girl, sitting on a step, her hands smacking the water, her squeals of laughter melding with Peter’s.

  “It’s really getting warm,” she said, lifting her blond hair up off her neck. She leaned her head back, her eyes closed as she fanned her hair over her hands.

  Driven by compulsion beyond his control, Mason’s eyes followed the movement of her fingers, remembering how it felt to run his hands through her hair.

  Her gaze caught his, drawing him like a magnet.

  “I’m going to do a few lengths. I’ll get out and join you in a few minutes,” he said, lowering his overheated body into the water and doing the crawl stroke all the way to the other end of the pool. When he surfaced, he glanced back to see her looking at him.

  He wanted to be alone with Lisa. He’d make that dinner reservation the minute he got back to the office.

  CHAPTER TEN

  LISA WATCHED HIM, his powerful arms slashing through the water, his dark hair shining in the midday light. She remembered how those arms had once held her.

  “I hungry,” Katie said, pulling at Lisa’s hand.

  “You are?” Lisa took her hand. “Are you and Peter ready to come in for lunch?”

  They both nodded. “Mom, I’m going to take the kids in and give them lunch. Will you be okay out here?”

  “I’m great, and the sun on my legs is heaven. If I change my mind, I’m sure Mason will help me. You go ahead.”

  Once inside, Katie insisted on macaroni and cheese. Lisa made some for her and Peter and put juice boxes out for each of them. She’d been surprised to discover that Katie’s favorite meal was so simple. But she’d been surprised at a lot of things about Katie, most of all the way Katie never missed a chance to climb into her lap or sit beside her while she and Carolyn chatted.

>   Lisa had never expected to feel as close to Katie as she did. Of course, her decision to take Katie had been so sudden, she hadn’t had time to think about it.

  The sliding doors opened and Mason came toward her, smelling of sweat and pool, his wet hair plastered to his head. “What’s for lunch?”

  “I put together sandwiches for us and I can’t wait to dig into the pie your mother sent, but you’re too late for the specialty of the day.”

  “Look, Daddy,” Peter said, pointing to his plate.

  “Ah, the way to a man’s heart probably started with the invention of macaroni and cheese,” he said, opening the fridge and taking out a beer. The action was so familiar, so easy, that Lisa stopped, shaken by a swift flood of yearning.

  “What is it?” Mason asked.

  All the regret over what might have been—and the hope of what still could be—rendered her speechless. She wouldn’t look at him, feeling the way she did right now. How could something so simple make her want to cry? It was over. They had their friendship—a good one. But no matter what label she put on it, she’d still be devastated if he moved to L.A.

  What was wrong with her? She drew in a deep breath and managed to utter the words, “Just thinking I should bring Mom in for lunch.” She darted past the kids out to the deck.

  Needing to escape the confined space of the kitchen and Mason’s questioning glance, she strode around the pool toward her mother, who was still sitting in the sun. “Do you want something to eat now, Mom?”

  “That would be wonderful,” her mother said, turning to look at Lisa. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” Lisa said, bringing the wheelchair closer to the lounger so she could transfer her mother.

  “‘Nothing’ wouldn’t make your eyes red.”

  “Chlorine would, though,” Lisa said, determined not to admit how upset she was. Her mother had enough on her mind.

  “Weesa!” Katie squealed gleefully.

  Distracted, Lisa glanced behind her. Katie was running dangerously near the edge of the pool. “Katie! Stop!”

  Fear knotting her stomach, Lisa raced toward her.

  “Weesa!” Katie screamed as she tripped and fell face-first into the water.

  “Mason!” Lisa yelled as she jumped in after her. Lisa sank below the surface for a moment, but by the time she cleared the water from her eyes, she could see Katie a few feet from her, flailing in the water and screaming. She swam as fast as she could, grabbing Katie by the straps of her tiny swimsuit.

  Doing her best to tread water, tears flooding her eyes and her heart pounding in her chest, Lisa struggled to reach the edge of the pool with Katie writhing frantically in her arms.

  Suddenly Mason was beside her, taking Katie from her trembling arms. Without a word, he held Katie while his powerful kicks propelled him to the shallow end where he climbed out of the pool.

  “She’s okay, Lisa,” he said, calmly and with complete certainty. She clung to his words, drawing on his strength.

  He wrapped Katie in a towel while he murmured soothing words to her. Relief ran through Lisa as she forced her arms and legs to move toward the end of the pool.

  When she got there, Katie refused her outstretched arms and instead snuggled into Mason’s shoulder, her little body shuddering as she clung to him.

  Lisa fought back tears of remorse. Because of her, Katie had nearly drowned. “If only I hadn’t left the sliding glass doors open,” she said, her voice shaking. “How stupid could I be?”

  “Stupid is a bad word,” Katie said over her sobs.

  “Where did you learn that?” Mason said, looking into Katie’s face and chucking her under the chin, his behavior reassuring.

  “Cindy says it’s bad.”

  “That’s the lady who was looking after Katie when I picked her up,” Lisa explained.

  Lisa’s self-loathing deepened and she swallowed another lump threatening to close over her throat. “Oh, Mason, how could I have let this happen? What was I thinking?”

  But she knew exactly what she’d been thinking. She’d been thinking about herself, her own selfish concerns. She hadn’t given Katie a moment’s thought until she’d heard her call out.

  “Why don’t you go to Aunt Lisa, and I’ll bring your grandma into the house for lunch,” Mason said to Katie, giving Lisa a comforting smile.

  Lisa was grateful to see him acting as if everything was normal. Yet nothing was normal when it came to her and children…and it never would be. After two years as a pediatric nurse, she still couldn’t be trusted with a child. Her carelessness could have caused a tragic accident, and all because she was preoccupied with her own life.

  Just like the time she’d been left to care for Linda Jean Bemrose, and a phone call from a friend had distracted her. And to think she’d seriously considered the promotion to head nurse. How could she be responsible for a nursing unit full of sick children if she couldn’t care for one healthy little girl?

  With a sinking heart, she wrapped Katie in a towel and carried her into the house. Peter was at the table and the minute Katie saw him she smiled and wriggled out of Lisa’s arms.

  Drying herself with the abandoned towel, legs shaking, Lisa sat down hard in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Katie climbed into the one chair opposite her and began to eat her lunch as if nothing had happened.

  A few minutes later, Mason wheeled her mother in, the two of them chatting in a relaxed, natural way.

  “I see they’re playing together happily,” he said, nodding toward Katie and Peter.

  “Yeah, it’s as if nothing happened.”

  “Kids recover quickly,” he explained, his expression understanding.

  She felt Mason’s eyes on her as he moved around the table to the counter. “Anyone for a chicken salad sandwich?” he asked.

  She shook her head. Food was out of the question.

  As though in slow motion, Lisa got up from the chair and headed toward the living room, guilt weighing down every step. As she passed Mason, he reached out, pulling her into his arms and hugging her against his chest. “Go easy on yourself,” he whispered into her hair.

  She clung to him, sobs shaking her body. “I feel… so bad,” she said.

  “Don’t. It’s over and no harm was done.”

  MASON FINISHED LUNCH and cleared the table. The children were playing with blocks on the floor next to Carolyn, and she smiled up at him when he came back to stand beside her.

  “Are you okay here?” he asked.

  “Absolutely.” She nodded to the door that Lisa had passed through. “But she’s not. Find her. She needs you.”

  Before leaving the kitchen, he checked to be sure the sliding doors to the patio were locked.

  “Daddy, what are you doing?” Peter asked, his tiny face alight with interest.

  “I’m going to see Lisa for a moment. You and Katie play and I’ll be back,” he said, wishing that life was as simple for adults as it was for children.

  He found Lisa on the sofa in the living room, her head back, eyes closed. The gray sweat pants and T-shirt she’d changed into emphasized the paleness of her skin. Tears glistened on her cheeks. “How are you doing?”

  She sat up and gave him a wan smile. “Not good. Mason, how could I have done that? Leaving the sliding glass doors open that way?”

  He eased onto the sofa beside her and pulled her into his arms. “Lisa, children Katie’s age need constant supervision, something that every parent learns, but it’s new for you. We should all have been more aware of where Katie was, so this isn’t just your mistake—it’s ours. But regardless, we all make mistakes, and you acted quickly,” he said, rubbing her shoulders, feeling the tension in her muscles.

  Sitting this close and soothing Lisa’s anxiety filled him with longing. A longing based on his need to protect her from harm, to erase all the fear and negative emotions her mother had instilled in her.

  “How could I have made the same mistake?” she asked, raising her face to
his, her tears cutting straight to his heart.

  “What same mistake? Caring for a child is different from any other responsibility. Besides, you’ve always done your very best by everyone in your life.”

  She moved out of his arms and sat with her hands listlessly in her lap. “Don’t you remember? One time when I was babysitting—the only time actually—the child I was watching had a seizure. I was talking on the phone with a girlfriend, and Linda Jean was playing on the floor next to my chair. The next thing I knew she was flailing around… I called the ambulance and got her to the hospital. But her parents never really forgave me. I couldn’t forgive myself, either. For a long time I believed that if I’d been paying more attention to her instead of talking on the phone, I might have…”

  He did remember her telling him about that incident, but she hadn’t seemed so concerned… Or maybe he hadn’t been paying enough attention. “Might have done what?”

  She bit her lip in concentration. “I’ll never know for sure what I might have done if I’d noticed what was going on before the seizure started. And that’s what hurts most—not knowing.”

  “Lisa, every kid who babysits talks on the phone.”

  “But I should’ve been focusing on Linda Jean. She was my responsibility.”

  “Do you think you could have prevented the seizure?”

  “At the time, I was convinced that I could have, but when I was training to be a nurse, I learned that I probably couldn’t have,” she said tentatively, her anxious gaze meeting his.

  “Did she have a medical condition?”

  “Not that I knew about, but that’s been part of the problem for me. Her parents never spoke to me again, and I didn’t dare ask. I wanted to put it behind me. Dad told me not to worry about it. Mom got upset every time the subject came up.”

  “Did they ask Linda Jean’s parents about the seizures?”

  “Not that I know of…” Her voice trailed off.

  “And all these years you’ve lived with the belief that somehow you might have caused a little girl to have a seizure.”