Lisa hardly dared breathe at the implication of Anne Marie’s words. “Does that mean you’ll leave Katie with us while you go back to school?” she asked hopefully.
“No, I need Katie and she needs me. I’m coming up to Durham on Monday to get her—and to visit with you and Mom. I can’t wait to tell you all about my plans.”
It was as if the bottom had fallen out of Lisa’s life. “Mom and I are more than willing to help you in any way we can, and that includes keeping Katie at least until you’re settled in your school program.”
“Lisa, I love you for saying that, and believe me, I would cherish the idea of having my family near me. I’ll talk to you about the possibilities when I get there. In the meantime, kiss my daughter for me, will you?”
“A roomful of kisses coming right up,” Lisa said, hugging Katie even tighter while she did her best to hide the leaden feeling crushing her heart.
MASON PLUNKED THE PHONE down again, half relieved and half frustrated that Lisa’s line was still busy. He’d decided last night to talk to her about his plans for the future, maybe get her input, work on finding out how she felt about him now. The situation between them had gone on long enough.
Holding Lisa for those few moments last night made him happier than he’d been in a long while, but was that enough?
It hadn’t been when they were together, or they wouldn’t have broken up. Maybe the busy phone offered a good excuse for him to reconsider his idea of talking to her today.
Still, maybe now, before he chickened out, was the best time to call. He reached for the phone, then changed his mind.
Hell, he hadn’t felt this indecisive in years. All his life, he’d taken charge, made decisions—usually because someone had to do it. But deep down he knew it was because he liked making decisions, a trait that served him well as a police officer, where the ability to take charge could mean the difference between life and death.
Resigned that he wouldn’t be able to get any work done as long as he continued to debate with himself, he dialed her number one more time.
When she answered, her voice was thick, as if she’d been crying. “Is everything all right?” he asked, expecting her to cover, to say that things were fine. Lisa was an expert at avoiding her feelings.
“Mason, Anne Marie called and she’s been cleared of all charges.”
“That’s great news!”
“It is,” she said, and this time he could hear a distinct sob in her voice.
He glanced around his office, looking for his car keys, ready to race over to her house. “Lisa, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sure you’re busy, but can you come over? I don’t mean to impose, but I’d really appreciate you being here.”
How long had he waited to hear those words? And how pleased he was to hear them. “I’ll be right there.”
Clipping his cell phone to his belt, he got in the car and drove across town to Lisa’s house.
He could see her at the back door when he pulled into the driveway, her face drawn and anxious. “Thanks for coming so quickly,” she said, relief evident in her voice.
Despite her emotional state and red-rimmed eyes, she had never looked better to him.
“What can I do?” he asked, putting his arm protectively around her shoulders.
“I need…to talk to you,” she said, glancing behind her. “Mom has Katie with her, so let’s go into the living room.”
They settled on the sofa, his arm moving immediately to the cushion behind her shoulders. He was acutely aware of how much he’d like to hold her while she cried, and offer her every bit of advice he could think of.
But he held back, keeping in mind his promise to let her work her problems through and wait until she asked for his help.
“Mason, Anne Marie will be here on Monday to get Katie and take her back to Florida,” she said, her words rushing past her lips.
He whistled in surprise. “Take Katie?”
“Now that she’s been released, she has a whole new life plan,” Lisa said as she explained what had gone on, her words hurried.
“I thought Anne Marie was going to come here to live.”
“I did, too, but she’s not. She’s going to school in Florida, and she wants Katie with her.” Lisa clutched the edge of the sofa.
“I’m not ready to let her go. I tried to talk Anne Marie into staying with us while she goes back to school, but she’s made plans to go to college in Florida to become a social worker. She wants to help other women in trouble.”
“Lisa, unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about this other than to be happy that you gave Katie a good home and lots of love. For a few weeks you were Katie’s mom. I’m proud of you.”
Her fingers squeezed his arm. “But I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t she want to live with us?”
“Anne Marie probably wants to do this on her own, and she’s to be commended for it. Given where she was in her life when you met her, she’s made a lot of progress in putting things back together.” He turned to her. “That doesn’t help you very much, I realize.”
“Not really… I guess that’s a bright spot, when you look at it that way,” she said, a small smile lifting the corner of her lips. “Can I assume she’s done something to impress you?”
“You may. Not many people survive what she has and come out with a commitment to help others—usually it’s the other way around. But right now, I wish there was something I could do to ease your concerns about Katie,” he said, letting his arm slip around her shoulders.
She leaned into his embrace, nestling her head into his shoulder, and Mason’s heart picked up speed.
“What am I going to do? I love Katie. She means the world to me. I never thought I’d feel like this about a child. Now that I do, I’m going to lose her.”
Mason scrambled to think of all the things he could say. He could tell her that this was a risk she’d taken from the beginning, that Katie belonged with her mother, that life often isn’t fair.
But none of that mattered.
Slowly and gently he pulled her against him, and as he did, he felt her sudden intake of breath followed by racking sobs.
He’d never seen Lisa cry like this in all the years he’d known her. As he held her close, the truth stared him in the face.
She’d never trusted him enough to let him see her fall apart. Yet she did now. She was part of his life once more, and he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted to be with her when Anne Marie arrived to get Katie.
In the past, she’d accused him of being too controlling, too quick to take charge of any situation. But one fact was crystal clear. If he was ever going to have a second chance with Lisa, he had to respect her need to work things out for herself.
If Lisa wanted him here when Anne Marie came, she’d say so. Until then, all he could do was hold her and comfort her. She needed a friend right now, and she’d chosen to confide in him. He’d be content with that.
They sat together for a while longer, neither making a move. Gradually he could feel Lisa relax in his arms….
He relished this moment of complete quiet with her as she rested against him.
After a few minutes, she sat up, smoothed her hair and faced him. “I must look awful. I’m going upstairs to wash my face.”
He met her tearful gaze, searching for the right words. “You’re beautiful. You’re always beautiful,” he said, his heart in every syllable.
“Thank you. It’s nice of you to say that, but I’ve seen what I look like when I cry.” She touched his cheek, a lingering touch that made him want to make love to her, right there on her couch in broad day light with her mother only a few feet away in another room.
To get his thoughts off Lisa’s body, he decided to go to the sunroom with Carolyn while Lisa went upstairs. He discovered Katie in the midst of piling all her stuffed animals into her grandmother’s lap.
“How’s Lisa?” she asked, the expression on her face one of concern.
“She’
s having a rough time.”
“I’m so glad you could be here for her. She relies on you for so much. If I may be so nosy, what went wrong between the two of you?”
“Did Lisa tell you anything?” he asked, surprised at the blunt question, so unlike anything Alice would have done.
“No, but I can see how you behave around each other. You both have feelings for each other. Lisa is a wonderful woman who’s taken life entirely too seriously. I’d like her to relax and have more fun. I just don’t know how to get her to do it, but I thought maybe you might.”
He was tempted to say what was on his mind, but his feelings for Lisa were too raw.
Weeks ago, he’d believed that he was over her. But the past few days had proven just how big a fool he’d been on that front. But loving Lisa would require patience and caring and, most of all, his respect for her ability to make a life for herself.
If Lisa wanted her mother to learn about her past, she had to be the one to tell her. “Lisa is a very complex, very special woman.”
“There you are,” Lisa said as she came into the sunroom, a smile planted on her face and all traces of tears wiped clean.
The determination in her movements and the set of her shoulders told him Lisa was back in control. “I have to get going,” he murmured.
“I understand,” she said, walking with him to the door. “We’ll be in touch,” she said, the old Lisa firmly in place.
The urgent way she’d needed him only an hour ago was completely removed from her face and her behavior. Would Lisa ever be free to feel things without the pressure to contain those feelings? He didn’t have a clue, but he hoped that, with Carolyn Lewis’s support, Lisa might learn to handle her emotions differently.
Or was he simply waiting for the moment when she would trust him again?
“Sure. You know where to reach me.”
AS MASON WALKED to his car, Lisa blocked the urge to call him back—a desire so powerful it frightened her. She needed him in her life; without him she felt adrift in an uncertain world.
He’d been waiting for her to confide in him, but she couldn’t. That would make her open to the pain of losing him when he moved away.
And he surely would, if his life with Peter was at stake.
She couldn’t face losing anyone else.
Confused and tired, she returned to the sunroom to talk to her mother.
Carolyn stopped her knitting, glancing up at Lisa. “Honey, Mason is a wonderful man. Do you want to tell me what went wrong between you?”
At first, she was taken aback by her mother’s open approach. Then she saw the love in Carolyn’s expression, and felt an urgent need to share what had happened.
“Mason and I loved each other, but when he asked me to marry him, he made it conditional on having children. I wasn’t prepared to make that kind of commitment. I was…afraid.”
“Oh, Lisa. Is that why you went into pediatrics?” she asked astutely.
“Well…yes.”
“Every parent has anxieties around raising a child. Heavens, I’m hardly a stellar example of being a mother,” she said to the click and clack of her needles. “I was never at ease with Anne Marie, and I think she sensed it. I often wonder…if I’d been a better mother, maybe Anne Marie would never have taken up with that useless bum.”
“Does Anne Marie know how you feel?”
“No, I haven’t got the courage to tell her, and what good would it do? But thanks to you, Anne Marie’s turning her life around.”
“Mom, that’s something I want to talk to you about. I have the money, and I’d like to pay for Anne Marie’s education and help with day care for Katie. We could also have them come up here on school breaks and summer holidays,” Lisa said, her spirits lifting as she thought of opportunities to see Katie again.
“I’m glad to hear you say that. We can work on this. After all, keeping our family together as much as possible is important. And it is our family, isn’t it, dear?”
Her mother’s words lingered, echoing in her heart, making her feel valued. She could still play a big part in her sister’s and Katie’s life, and have a special relationship with her mother.
Hearing her mother’s words, she suddenly felt as if she were really home…really and truly part of a family. Mason had wanted a family with her. She’d refused to consider it, but now she realized what a family with children meant to her. Katie had made her happy, had shown her what love for a child could do…what she had given up.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BUT BY MONDAY WHEN Anne Marie arrived at the door, Lisa was again fighting her old insecurities about being left out as she watched Katie race into her mother’s arms.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m so glad to see you,” Anne Marie said, kissing her daughter and hugging her close.
Trying to ease her sense of loss, Lisa concentrated on what it meant for Katie to have her mother back. “Katie really missed you.”
“Not nearly as much as I missed her,” Anne Marie said between kisses, accompanied by Katie’s squeals of laughter.
The love between Anne Marie and Katie was so clear, so filled with joy, Lisa found herself wishing for a moment like this in her life. “Yeah, Mom and I had a wonderful time playing with her. She’s so easy to care for, and we enjoyed every minute.”
Resting Katie on her hip, Anne Marie hugged Lisa. “I’m sure I sound like a broken record, but I truly appreciate your support. I have no idea what I would’ve done without it.”
“That’s what families do for one another.”
As she hugged her sister back, Lisa felt the stirring of need for a child of her own. The thought made her heart pound, and she tightened her arms around her sister. What if she did want a child of her own? Was it real, this sudden need, or was she looking for a child to replace Katie? She stepped out of her sister’s embrace, tucking her arms close to her sides.
Anne Marie turned to her mother as they entered the kitchen. “Mom, it’s great to see you, and you look so much better. Living here obviously agrees with you.”
Anne Marie hugged her mother next and sat in the chair beside her at the table. Lisa poured coffee all around while Anne Marie held Katie on her lap and told them about her plans.
“This may seem like a fantasy idea, especially for someone with no postsecondary education and no money, but I’ve never felt more determined in my life. It’s as if I’ve been given another chance to make good—not just for me but for other women who have lived as I have. The difference is that I was saved from my fate by my sister, and I want to be a sister to some of these women.”
“That’s wonderful, Anne Marie,” her mother said, her face animated.
Feeling the loss of Katie, yet pleased for her sister, Lisa sat down across from Anne Marie. “Yeah, Mom and I talked it over. You can come here anytime, leave Katie with us whenever you need to, and I’ll help you with your college expenses.”
Anne Marie shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t want charity. You’ve already paid big bucks for a lawyer, and I won’t be able to repay you for a long time. I’ve made a lot of stupid financial decisions.”
“My adoptive parents left me with enough money to do pretty much as I please. That doesn’t mean I’m going to leave nursing, but it does mean I can afford to offer you any financial assistance you need. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.” She touched Katie’s hands where they rested on Anne Marie’s. “And I’m grateful for getting a chance to look after Katie.”
A whirlwind of thoughts spun through her head, but the one that wouldn’t go away was the idea of having a baby. She knew only too well how over whelmed she felt when it came to children, but caring for Katie had added a whole new dimension to her life. And had given her the courage to consider having a child of her own.
Suddenly close to tears, Lisa got up from the table. “What about lunch? I’ve got sandwiches and salad ready.”
“That would be great, but then I have to get on the road. I wish I could stay longer but
I have to be back in Florida to get all my courses set up. I promise Katie and I’ll be back for a visit as soon as humanly possible,” Anne Marie said, easing Katie off her lap and standing. “Let me pour Katie’s juice,” she said, giving Lisa another hug.
Lisa listened to more of Anne Marie’s excited talk about her plans, but she couldn’t eat a bite. All she could think about was that, in a few minutes, Katie would be off to Florida. Sure, she’d see her again, but it wouldn’t be the same.
After lunch, she helped Anne Marie load Katie’s things into her car, her anxiety building as their good byes drew nearer.
Lisa had just closed Anne Marie’s trunk and was about to follow her into the house when the sound of a car pulling up at the curb caught her attention.
Climbing out of his car, Mason closed the door and started toward her. She had never been so glad to see anyone in her life.
“How’s it going?” he asked her, his long strides bringing him quickly to her side.
She tried to mask her relief at seeing him standing there, his look of concern telling her he was aware of how emotionally drained she was feeling. “Katie leaves in a few minutes.”
“I figured as much. I’m here for you.” He touched her hand, his fingers encircling hers in his powerful grip.
She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck, tell him how much she needed to keep Katie with her and to be part of the little girl’s life on a daily basis, but no words came.
Instead, she squeezed his hand.
THE ACHE HE SAW in Lisa’s eyes made him want to take her in his arms and hold her while she cried, but the stiffness of her shoulders showed her determination not to let anyone know how upset she was.
“When she goes, I want you to take me up on my offer of dinner tonight,” he murmured close to her ear.
“I didn’t know you’d made one,” she responded, the tension easing from her face as a smile quivered at the corners of her mouth.
“Will you go out to dinner with me? I do have to go to a party at my parents later, but you could come as my date. We’ll dress up, and I’ll even wash my car.” He nodded in the general direction of his coveted Corvette.
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