A Beautiful Fate

by Cat Mann

  ****

  My nightmare returned. Images and shadows, doors and voices, sirens and heart monitors combined together to terrify me and judge me. I woke suddenly and grabbed my foot. There was an incredible pain in my toe … evidently, in the throes of an especially dreadful dream I had kicked the wall that my bed was pushed against, kicked it hard. Before I could even check the time, I heard a knock at my door. I clambered out of bed and pulled my door open. Ari stood there in my doorway. He had a worried expression on his face.

  “You alright?”

  “Uh … ” I think I blinked three times before I could respond somewhat properly.

  “I’m fine … I hit my toe.” I pointed to my foot and immediately realized that in the dark the chances that he could see my toe were minimal. He must think I’m a complete moron flashed through my mind. I waited for him to acknowledge the toe story and leave, but he didn’t. He just leaned in the doorway and smiled at me. He cocked his head to the side and my heart fluttered. Ari narrowed his eyes at me.

  “Are you sure you’re okay in here?”

  “Umm hmm.”

  “Alright, well, if you’re sure… I’m going back to sleep then.”

  “Oh, right, I’m sorry I woke you.”

  “I’m not,” Ari gave a cute grin and I blushed; thank goodness for the dark. “If you need anything I’m next door, but I usually like to sleep in a little later than this.” He was trying to tease me and be friendly, but my dream had brought my mom’s death to the front of my mind for what felt like the hundredth time. I was in no mood for extending his time in my doorway.

  “Right, I get it; sorry.”

  Closing the door tight behind me, I grabbed my phone off my desk and saw it was only five in the morning. My first class was not until eight, but there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep. I gave up on any thought of going back to bed; instead, I took a long, hot shower and then got ready for class. I turned Vampire Weekend on in the background and sang softly along with Ezra about being a contra. I took a quick glance at my MacBook, reading the few emails posted there. One, a long one, was from Mia letting me know that I absolutely could join her for Christmas but that she and her mom would be out of state for Thanksgiving. I quickly deleted all the emails Michael had sent me, just as I had been doing with all of his texts. He had not consoled me about my mother, he had never once offered to listen to my fear and sorrow, and he had not wanted “to do” long distance. I wasn’t about to spend time on him.

  The dorm walls were paper-thin and at 7:30 on the dot, I could hear the buzzing of Ari’s alarm. He hit the snooze two more times before I finally heard his footsteps cross his dorm room floor. I added a tally on my mom’s paper and I glanced over my schedule one last time. Since Dana Point is an independent study school, classes are held only Monday through Thursday. My school days started with a private piano class. I hadn’t known when I signed up for it if it would be of benefit to me, but I was willing to take an hour out of my day to sit and play, even if the tutoring had little to offer.

  After piano, I had history, calculus, economics, literature and chemistry. I closed each academic day with independent gym, a wonderful way to unwind … couldn’t have chosen a better way to end my afternoons if I had tried.

  I found the music hall with ease and was pleasantly surprised by my music mentor, Mrs. Bea. I could see right away that she was a talented musician and tutor, and she offered me some workable ideas during that first session about how I could improve my playing. She sat by me on the bench and we played a few songs she had composed herself.

  My history class was fine. Viola, Sophie and Emily from my floor were in the class and we talked about the French Revolution, a subject, that, by virtue of my early schooling in Quebec, I have always been well versed in.

  Calculus and economics were as to be expected, hard and boring, and when they were over I left class, meandered through the campus and found the cafeteria. Well, the DPI brochure and my class schedule both called it a “cafeteria,” but that word evokes one of those lunchrooms with a long, single line of kids pointing variously at slices of pizza, hot dogs or soggy tacos. This room was a super-sized hall full of staff in white aprons, white shoes and little white hats. There was a coffee bar, an omelet station, made-to-order sandwiches and salads, and almost any kind of soup a person could think of.

  Here in the cafeteria, I saw what Emily had been talking about during our first conversation, when she had asked me about being Greek. The room was filled with tables, the tables filled with students. Most of the tables were round and seated eight to ten people. One rectangular table stretched the whole length of the room by a bay of windows. It was full of students, all laughing and talking animatedly. This table must hold the Greeks she had mentioned. I spied Rory at one end of the long table talking with Sarah, and noticed a few other students who had been in some of my morning classes. Then I spied Ari – he was sitting near the end of the table and was deep in conversation with another student.

  The whole room was loud and the noise made my nerves stand on end. My anxiety was growing by the moment, so I grabbed a cup of coffee and a bagel and left without anyone taking notice. I ate as I walked slowly to my literature class. I was the first to arrive so I took a seat, hoping I hadn’t taken anyone’s favorite spot, and flipped open my MacBook.

  Class began to fill up after a while and I was startled to see Ari entering the room. My breath hitched in my throat at the sight of him. He smiled at me as he passed by and his brown eyes twinkled with amusement. He slid into the seat right behind me. I could smell him; he had an aura of clean sea air and freshly cut grass that was intoxicating and made my head feel fuzzy. Concentrating was going to be difficult.

  Our class was starting the study of Greek mythology and first on the list was The Odyssey. I had already read the epic Homer poem, so I allowed myself to zone out during the preparatory lecture. I did manage to listen some and take notes, in spite of the beautiful distraction behind me.

  When the class ended, I tried my best to bolt without having to look at Ari, but it was no use. He was already in front of me, holding the door open with that lopsided smile on his face. I tried to pretend not to notice him as I walked out the door to my next class. Alas, Ari was in my chemistry class too and I as I headed down the hall toward the lab, I could sense him behind me every step of the way. I jumped when he actually spoke.

  “So Ava, other than the incident with your toe this morning, how is your first day treating you?”

  Oh, holy hell; he said my name.

  “Um, fine I guess. I’m sorry again about waking you.”

  “It’s fine … don’t worry about it.”

  He ran his hand through his hair and gave me another crooked smile. Then he walked away but not before I heard him humming the tune of the song I had been singing this morning in my room while I got ready for class. My cheeks burned white hot with embarrassment.

  In the lab I found that everyone else had already been paired up and so I was not given a lab partner, but I was okay with that. I had scanned the text the day before and knew that I had already covered most of the material the previous year. A partner would only slow me down.

  The rest of the day went smoothly. DPI is a paperless school, and is intent upon reducing the world’s carbon footprint, so all notes have to be taken on a laptop and all quizzes and tests are done online. I found myself liking the system and was thankful that I had saved money the year before to buy a MacBook. Without it I would have been screwed.

  I had been looking forward to independent gym– a whole hour to work on my own at what I loved best – running. I got a little turned around by the campus and arrived late, but no matter. I was free to move at my own speed in the class and do whatever I liked. I checked in with a gym coach, Coach Zellie, pushed my ear buds in and walked towards the track. I saw Ari leaning against the rail talking to Rory. They were laughing about something and then they hugged and Ari gave Rory a pat on t
he back.

  I did my best to ignore them as I walked passed. Rory, of course, would not allow that to happen. I heard him shout my name with his booming voice and I pulled my buds back out, turned around and shot them both a quick smile.

  “Hey Ava, how’s it going?” Rory asked, seeming genuinely interested.

  “It’s good,” I tried to answer briefly and move on quickly, but he wasn’t letting me off the hook that easily.

  “I looked for you at lunch,” he gave a small frown.

  “Oh, yeah, lunch. Um, I had some things to get caught up on,” I offered the lamest of excuses and took another step toward the track.

  “Ari, this is the girl I was just telling you about. Have you met Ava?”

  “Uh,” he stammered a bit, “yeah, I have. Nice to see you again, Ava.”

  I nodded and tried to walk on to the track, but Rory spoke up again.

  “Ari, you have got to see Ava run man; I’m telling you, I have never seen anything like it.”

  “Oh yeah?” Ari gave a megawatt smile and the tummy thing happened again. “I’ll have to take your word for it, Roar; gotta get going.” He looked down at his watch and left without saying another word.

  Rory must have noticed my disappointment even though I tried like hell to hide it. Having Ari watch me run would only have made me feel stupid anyway. My worry was about the way I felt around him, about how the sight of him filled my insides with butterflies and then made them do little flips … and how my palms got sticky and my heart picked up the pace. I didn’t even really know him and yet, more than anything, I wanted to go to him and find comfort in his arms. No one had ever affected me in that way before, and I had no clue how to handle my confusion. My first thought was call mom – then I could dish on all the details and get her advice. The impossibility of doing so stabbed me suddenly and I bit back tears as I said a quick goodbye to Rory and set off down the track. I played my music as loud as my eardrums would allow.

  The rest of my first week at DPI passed by in a blur – I had arrived just a week late into the first semester so I wasn't too terribly behind the rest of the students. I got used to my classes in no time and quickly caught up on most of my classwork. I had decided not to show my face in the horrible lunchroom; instead, I packed my book bag with granola bars and kept a bottle of water handy.

  Dinner in the cafeteria, however, is mandatory at DPI, as it is at most boarding schools. Because board is paid as part of tuition, the school monitors students who consistently don’t show up for meals so that parents can know their money is being used appropriately. But I made sure to arrange to go with Rory or Emily whenever I could. Both of them knew just about everybody and I felt more at ease having them near me.

  Evenings were hard. I hated sitting alone in my dorm. My mind invariably drifted to thoughts of my mother, and before long, I started using the commons area for reading and the library for studying as much as possible.

  Mia and I still hadn't found a good time to reach each other by phone. She tried calling me as soon as she got out of school but I was still in class at that hour. Then I tried calling her as soon as I was done with classes, but she was already at work by then. Next, she started calling me from the “L” on her way home at night – at that hour I am actually in the dorm. Finally, a time match!

  “So! Ava! How’s it going? Are you hanging in there?”

  “It’s fine, I guess. I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too; nothing is the same here without you.”

  Mia was careful not to bring up my mother. I think she felt uncomfortable talking about a subject that made me so sad, and really I wasn’t eager to talk about Mom either. I had no way to stop the tears that flooded my eyes and my voice …

  “Have you met anybody yet? Tell me about some of the people there.”

  “They are all actually really nice, aside from a couple of snotty rich girls. You would love my suitemate, Emily; you two are exactly alike. I hang out with her and her friends sometimes. I met this guy Rory. He’s great. He showed me around the campus and the town.”

  “And?” she said, drawing the word out a little longer than necessary.

  “And nothing, that’s it.”

  “Oh, Ava please; it sounds like he likes you. Is he hot?”

  “He is hot, actually, but I don’t like him like that.”

  “Bummer, are there any other guys?”

  “Of course, Mia; I live in a co-ed dorm.”

  “Whatever, Ava; you know what I mean.”

  “I dunno … there is one guy, he lives right next door. He is absolutely gorgeous … and nice, too,” I whispered into the phone, remembering the thin wall Ari and I shared.

  Mia squealed, which is rare for her.

  “Details! Now!”

  “I just gave you details. That’s it. He could have any girl he wanted. I’m me, so there’s no chance in hell he’ll give me a second thought.”

  “Ava,” Mia sighed, “you have never been able to see yourself clearly. You are drop-dead gorgeous and the most intelligent person I have ever met. Honestly, you are probably too good for him.”

  “So what about you?” I said, changing the subject. “Any new guys in your life?” This question could keep Mia busy for hours.

  “Well, yes, actually there is. Oh, my gosh, Ava, he is so perfect. His name is Jack; and he's super cute and funny. We’re only texting so far, but I think it may go somewhere. He’s friends with a guy I work with, but he came in one night just to see me!”

  “Aw, Mia that’s great. I am happy to hear it.”

  “Thanks! I haven’t told you my good news yet.”

  “You mean Jack isn’t your good news?”

  “Not this time! My mom got me a plane ticket for my birthday to come see you!”

  I actually screamed into the phone.

  “No way!”

  “Way! Figure out a good weekend and let me know … Mom says I can miss only one day of school, so make it count.”

  I was smiling into the phone. This was the best news I had had in weeks. Mia hung up to attend to a new flirty text from Jack that needed her full concentration and I had studying to do. But the good news stayed with me, front and center in my brain.

  On Thursday night, I headed back to the dorm later than usual from the library. When I got off the elevator, I found the commons was packed full of people and music was blaring from the speakers. Emily bounced up to me and linked her arm through mine.

  “Where have you been? It’s Thursday! Remember our party?” I unhooked my arm from hers and took a step back.

  I had completely forgotten that our floor partied on Thursday nights. I didn’t really care about the parties, but they would help keep me preoccupied. I apologized to Emily and promised that I would be out as soon as I took a shower and changed. One quick glance at the people already in the commons had told me my jeans and shirt wouldn’t cut it. I took a fast shower and opted for one of Margaux’s more casual, shorter dresses – navy with a little white bird print. The dress was perfect with my favorite pair of flats. I spent a little more time than usual putting on makeup and then finally came back out of my room.

  Emily was talking with some of the girls from the floor; I walked over to join them. They were planning a group shopping trip to Los Angeles for Friday and since I had no homework and no home to go to, I agreed to tag along. One of Margaux’s largest stores is in L.A. and she had told me I was welcome to go there any time to shop with her. I sent her a quick text letting her know I would be in on Friday with friends. She actually texted me back saying that would be great.

  Every time Margaux had come to Chicago, she had insisted on taking Mia and me to baio for a girls’ day out; I always suspected she planned the girls’ day because she really likes Mia. Mia worships Margaux’s every move, and if there is one thing Margaux loves, it is flattery.

  The party was picking up. I tried as hard as I could not to care about Ari. I refrained as long as humanly possible from looking
around the room for him. As soon as the shopping plans had been made and our conversation died down, I allowed myself one quick glance around the room. I saw him right away leaning against the back wall, looking as good as ever, but this time he had a girl hanging from his arm saying something in his ear.

  The girl was tall and skinny and she had jet-black hair that came to a sharp angle right at her jaw line. It was perfectly straight without a single wisp out of place. She had dark eyes but pale, crystal-clear skin and big, full, naturally red lips. She was perfect for him and my heart came crashing down to earth in a million little pieces.

  Ari noticed me looking and I was extremely thankful that at that very moment Rory came up to steal my attention away.

  “Having fun?” he asked, holding a beer in his hand.

  “Yeah, sure, I guess,” I answered somewhat honestly. This party wasn’t the most fun I had ever had but it beat wallowing in a pool of my own tears.

  “Oh, come on, this is great; here let me get you a drink.”

  “No, no thank you, I don’t drink.” I said, looking around and noticing that I was one of the very few people not drinking at the party.

  Rory continued talking to me and I listened for a bit and then zoned out, allowing my thoughts to drift. I felt like a jerk for not listening, for not being as good a friend to him as he had been to me, but I couldn’t help being seriously bummed out. After a bit, I excused myself from the group and started walking back to my room. I allowed myself one more glance at Ari, but he was nowhere in sight and neither was his pretty friend.

  I went back to my room, put on a tank top and a pair of boxers to sleep in, and crashed hard. I quickly found myself back in a nightmare. Again I was in the dimly lit hospital, a dream I actually preferred to reliving my mother’s death. I walked the halls and listened to the cries of all the people behind the doors. I did my best to drown out the insults some of the people were throwing at me and through the din, I heard someone calling my name, not in a begging way, but just saying it to get my attention. I stopped at the door and read a name that I did not recognize, Maya Xenos. I could hear her in there calling to me. I could hear monitors beeping in the background.

  I hesitated for a long moment. I nearly turned to walk away until I heard a quiet “please” call out to me from the other side of the door. I turned back and opened the door out of curiosity. In the room, I found a tired, lovely older woman sitting up in bed. She looked incredibly ill. She was defying an obvious need to be lying down, her eyes were shrouded in dark circles and her skin seemed too loose for her frame. Her face lit up when I walked in and that surprised me a bit. This woman was not recognizable to me, but she clearly knew exactly who I was. She beckoned me forward; I took a few steps, and then stopped, standing at the side of her bed.

  She held me in a long hug. When she finally spoke, her words were quiet and breathless. She asked me to help her, to save her and allow her more time. She motioned to a little boy, who could not have been more than two years old, curled up on the bed next to her, asleep. I looked around the room and it was far different from the room Perry had been in when he visited my hospital nightmare. The room was old, but still beautiful. The walls were made of large stones and the furnishings were charming and handcrafted. There was a window that peered out into a garden, but my mind would not allow me to focus on anything beyond the garden.

  The little boy was darling, his cheeks chubby and round, his little fingers delicate. The backs of his hands showed small, round dimples for knuckles. I had an unbelievable urge to scoop him up, hold him to me tight and kiss his little, creased forehead.

  I looked back at Maya, not understanding what she was saying or what she meant. I could tell that she was dying, and I gathered that she was the only person the little boy had left. Maya gestured to a clock. It showed the year, month, day, hour, minute and second. It was off by an hour. I looked back at her puzzled.

  “I’m sorry,” my brow furrowed, “I don’t understand.”

  She took my hand and put a red thread in it, the same type of red thread my grandfather had showed me right before he died. The thread was pretty and delicate but oddly strange. Hues of red colors swirled throughout the fibers. I looked up at Maya confused. Certainly, she did not want me to cut it.

  “Pull,” she whispered, nodding her head to encourage me. I held the thread in my hand and after a moment’s hesitation, I pulled and my eyes widened as the thread began to stretch. I continued to extend the thin thread and as I did, Maya's face became less tired and she no longer struggled for breath. The dials on the clock turned backwards rapidly as I pulled and she smiled at me and touched my face softly.

  “You are not like the rest, Ava Moirai; you are capable of good.”

  She kissed both of my cheeks and I awoke with the blink of an eye.

  Getting out of bed, I was confused and decided to head towards the kitchen for some coffee. Just as I closed my door, Ari’s opened … but it was not Ari coming out from his room. It was the girl that I had seen him with the night before.

  “Oh, hi, you startled me,” she said politely, in a British accent.

  I gave her a smile as, unable to help myself, I peeked quickly into Ari’s room. I saw that his room was a mirror image of mine. His bed and mine shared the same paper-thin wall. His bed was messy and full of big, puffy white blankets and pillows. I felt a pang of jealously when I imagined this gorgeous girl tangled up in the blankets with him all night long. Then I spied Ari, sound asleep in his chair, his feet propped up on the ottoman and his long legs stretched out in front of him. He was wearing the same clothes he had had on the night before. I let out a sigh of relief, then immediately felt stupid and presumptuous for even caring.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” I said to the girl. “I was just on my way to get some coffee.”

  “Coffee sounds great,” she replied as if I were inviting her to come with me.

  We padded down the hall to the kitchen and she took a seat at one of the little tables while I made a pot of coffee. I placed a steaming mug in front of her, put another down across from the first for myself and then sat.

  “I’m Julia,” she said sweetly.

  “Ava,” I said introducing myself.

  “Yeah, I know, Rory has told me about you.”

  “All good, I hope,” I said in a lame attempt of keeping up small talk.

  “Yes, of course, all good,” Julia laughed, even though my comment truly had not been at all funny. I felt grouchy, but then realized Julia had had nothing to do with my present mood. I tried harder to join her in conversation.

  “Do you live here in the dorms?”

  She shook her head, “I used to. I actually used to live in your room. I moved out last spring.”

  Oh, that Julia, I thought. I remembered that Emily had mentioned her.

  “I just came up here last night for the party.”

  “Oh, I didn’t see you,” I lied. I shouldn’t have lied. Why did I lie? What difference did it make if I had seen her or not?

  “Well, that’s because I was holed up in Ari’s room.”

  Ugh, please don’t give me any details.

  “He’s my ex-boyfriend. I was trying to win him back last night I guess.”

  “Did it work?” I asked in a friendly tone, but deep down inside I was really hoping she had not succeeded.

  “No,” she answered sadly. “He kept trying to drive me home last night and I kept talking about us. Finally he told me point blank that there is no “us” anymore. He said there’s nothing I can do bring us back together.” Julia’s voice broke a little as she repeated Ari’s words. I felt sorry for her. I’m sure the conversation must have hurt.

  “I’m sorry. If it makes you feel better, my boyfriend broke up with me the day before I moved here.”

  Julia smiled up at me, “guys are such bastards.”

  “Yes, they can be,” I agreed, thinking back to Michael. The day before I moved to California he had called me ou
tside of my apartment and told me that he didn’t have the energy to “do a long distance thing with me.” Michael and I had dated for three years. He broke up with me three days after my mom died. He had no regard for my feelings or my emotions. Michael was indeed a complete bastard.

  Julia and I finished our coffee and I got up to go back to my room.

  “It was nice meeting you, Julia.”

  I meant it. But I hated the fact that she was so nice.

  “It was nice meeting you, too, Ava. I am sure I’ll see you around campus.”

  I walked back to my room just as Ari’s door opened again. He stepped out and looked groggy. He was wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses that somehow only made him look even hotter. His hair was sticking out in tufts in an adorable sort of way that made me want to run my fingers through it. He gave me a smile as if he were happy to see me. I smiled back and then quickly walked into my room and shut the door before he could speak.