Past Lives

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  She replied: 'Maybe you should return then, I'd like to drink this every day. Though I wonder if the kind of girl you used to like would appreciate

  living in a vineyard, pruning and harvesting.'

  'Don't underestimate Hailee,' Lukas said, 'she really liked John before, and he is much easier to live with now. I think she would love to have him to herself and raise their children together. She was really concerned about him, she must be sad for him.'

  'Is that the girl we offered guardianship of his property, but who refused?'

  Hermes asked his son, and when Lukas affirmed, he said: 'She does miss him, every time I was over there to see how things were going, she asked for him, whether he was still alive and doing well. And recently she has been all over the country, asking questions. If you decide to stay here you can give me a message for her, so she can get on with her life.'

  That thought saddened John, he longed for her, and he longed for the heat of his homeland, but he had tasted safety and he was not willing to be prey ever again.

  Suddenly he found Aphrodite really close to him, she touched his shoulder and said: 'Maybe she is willing to live here with you. We can always ask her.

  Hermes is staying with George, of course, and Lukas needs to be with his lady, would it be possible for me to stay with you? I've shared love with the master, but never with his master, yet.'

  'Why would you want to do that? I never got my good looks back, nor my spirit,' John asked, 'I'm a shade of who I used to be, and I cannot compare to Lukas' skills.'

  'I find you strangely appealing as you are now, you used to be very handsome, but rather arrogant and badly groomed. Drunk, too. Now you look neat and clean, and very sweet and shy. I would like to put you through your paces, maybe tell Hailee you've still got it?'

  Very deep inside his heart, John still had a little of his old pride left, and he knew he could still please a woman, maybe even more so since he really cared about other people now. A fire sprang to light in his eye, and he said:

  'You're as beautiful as ever, and though I'm a bit afraid of you, I suppose that only makes me more appealing to you.

  I'll take the challenge, Aphrodite, on one condition: when we visit George, his wife will not find out we're sleeping together.

  She always has a hard time seeing George with Hermes, and she has been very good to me all this time, giving me love, and a job, helping me develop

  my skills with plants and the magic here. I do not want to hurt her even more.'

  Aphrodite smiled at him, undoubtedly moved by his care for a mortal, and she held out her hand and said: 'Done!'

  To Melissa, this was a great relief, she wanted Lukas close, and not totally absorbed by his aunt, whom he didn't even love that much. However glad she was to have the delivery of her baby in the hands of the goddess of love, there had always been the fear of losing Lukas' attention when she needed it the most.

  Especially since she had met Adison, who inspired her with nearly as much faith in her ability to deliver a baby safely.

  Could it be, that some people on this world had it in them to be gods like those who ruled Greece, but never came into their own because their world just didn't work that way?

  If so, Adison would surely qualify, and something in Melissa told her her father was one, too.

  But that thought was not a place where she wanted to go, so she left it and was very happy to find Lukas in her lap, as he had asked.

  She scratched the bases of his horns softly, and gave him little kisses on the new pink skin of his hands and arms, as unblemished as it had always been, though very sensitive and soft as yet.

  Inside her, their unborn child found the place where Lukas touched her belly with his face, and bumped his father with energy.

  That just did for him, he didn't say anything, but his eyes filled with tears, rolling down his cheeks, absorbed by the skirt of her dress. Melissa gently stroked his hair and his face, breathing in his musky scent, looking at him with love, his cute, boyish face with the dented lip and the loving eyes, those slender, clever hands, his narrow but very strong body.

  She heard Aphrodite ask Paul for a tour of the house, and she felt Hermes kiss her as he prepared to leave for the manor. Paul offered him a bicycle, but Hermes politely refused, he'd rather run. Of course he did.

  The world ceased to exist for a while, as she sat there with Lukas, feeling him, smelling him, and feeling his child inside her, almost ready to leave his safe hideout and meet his parents.

  In the living-room, Aphrodite asked Paul: 'Is she often dreamy like that?'

  He replied: 'Yes, she is. From the moment she allowed herself to stop

  working as hard as always, she has been like that. She has even started knitting little socks and dresses, all boy's colours, she says he is a boy, and that he knows when someone touches her belly.'

  'She's right, you know,' the goddess said, 'he is a boy, and he knows who touches him. He said hello to Hermes a while ago, and he is comforting his father right now. Lukas needs both of you, and Melissa needs Lukas a lot, she has put all her trust in him, he knows about babies, and he will make everything right.

  That trust will make everything much easier on both herself and the child, so we should give them every chance to make close contact like this.

  That does not mean that you're not part of it, she needs you too, but of course you know that, you are always the one she looks for first. Why don't you join them, and I'll get to know my newly found brother a lot better, it seems I have misjudged him for centuries. We'll see you at dinner, and then we'll exchange news and make plans. I thought you called on me for Melissa's birthing, though John's voice made me suspicious. But it will not be long, you will soon meet your son.

  John had removed himself to the garden when Hermes left, there was no-one in the house for him to associate with, Melissa and Lukas were miles away, and Paul was leading Aphrodite through the house. He hadn't dared to accompany them, he still felt a respect bordering on fear for the goddess of love.

  But sitting in the garden was something a man could do quite comfortably on his own, except that he usually couldn't just sit for very long. He always spotted something that needed to be done, and since he loved doing it, he usually went to work immediately.

  This smallish garden had once been a yard overgrown with brambles and nettles, but two days hard work and steady upkeep had transformed it into his pride and joy. Melissa had spent many afternoons here, dozing in the spring sun as John weeded and planted and watered.

  She often told him that he couldn't have done it at a better time, they would have even more use out of it once the baby was born. He wondered whether he would still be welcome here once that had happened, and he also wondered whether the time hadn't come to start thinking about a real future here, with a house of his own and a wife and children.

  He had grown attached to Frances, though, and he wondered if he could keep working with her if they stopped sharing love. But John could not

  imagine a life without her gardens, her greenhouses. How would he fare in winter if he couldn't have green around him, and the heat?

  He would have happily settled with her, if she had been free to do so, but Frances loved her husband, too, and her children, and her life on the manor with as many plants to care for as she wished to have.

  It was not easy, and John would have been glad to move back to Greece, to feel warm again, and to make love to Hailee and see her adoring eyes on him. But she would never be really safe with him, too many people associated with him had come to a bad end, and he loved Hailee far too much to put her in danger. Hera would never give up on trying to kill him, he would never be able to hide from her on a vineyard, not even if he kept a low profile. She'd find out, and she'd take away all he loved, then come for him.

  If John hadn't been working in the garden he would have had himself in knots by now, but somehow the work kept his body relaxed as his mind ran around in circles.

  He woul
d talk to Lukas, Lukas always had a kind word and some good advice, and he would spare John half an hour. Putting aside his doubts and his fears, he stored the tools where they were supposed to go in the shed, then sat down on the little bench and touched the experience of that afternoon.

  Just then, someone sat down beside him, and a smooth woman's voice said gently: 'Don't touch it, John, just let it go. It is time to forgive yourself, you are the last person left who hasn't.'

  Aphrodite put an arm on his shoulder and sat there, saying nothing.

  John exclaimed in indignation: 'That's Paul's trick, you shouldn't use that in his own house.' Then in a milder tone: 'Want to learn how to ride a bicycle? We've just enough time before we have to make dinner.'

  'All right, but first I want you to detach those horrible memories Hera put upon you, or let me do it for you. They are going to poison your mind, and you deserve better. So, what will it be?'

  He thought about that for a moment, and asked: 'Will you do it? I still can't, but I want to be rid of them.'

  'I won't wipe them completely, for then they'll get power all over again, I'll just put them somewhere safe. Do you agree?'

  'I do,' he replied.

  And she took hold of his head and slowly brought it towards her own, then kissed him intensely, letting the horrid memories pass his awareness again and again, until they were in the past, still there but free of the pain.

  She was so beautiful, and so nice to him all of a sudden, and he didn't even feel distrust, he just knew she wanted to be nice to him because he was someone worth pleasing. Giving himself up to her greater strength, he felt wonderful, free of every negative feeling he had ever had.

  When the kiss ended, he didn't even feel disappointed, it had been so good, it would cling to him for hours.

  They got up and John unlocked the shed, taking out his own bicycle and Melissa's, and locking it, and the gate to the garden, behind them.

  On the pavement he demonstrated, then helped the goddess with getting on, driving off, and stopping. She loved it, and learned quickly, and they set off for the same short ride he had had with Lukas.

  Aphrodite was just struck by everything, the number of houses, the roads, the river, the view on the city, the huge trees with fresh green leaves recently unfolded.

  'All those trees seem to have new leaves, was there some disaster that took them?'

  John laughed and answered: 'There was, people here call it winter. It happens every year, it gets dark, and cold, and it rains all day, until the rain freezes and turns into snow. It will freeze you to the bones, until you don't care about anything anymore, you just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.'

  'How do they bear it?' she wanted to know, then, softer: 'How did you bear it?'

  She knew how he had borne it, had seen it in his memories: badly.

  He told her what she didn't know, what he had learned since, what people did in wealthier neighbourhoods when the sun left and darkness came: 'They wear thick woollen clothes, even in the house, and stoke up their fires. They light candles and lamps, and sit at home more and read or make music or play games. And then they have feasts, at midwinter, and the new year, and they drink spirits and eat a lot.

  They need to eat a lot, greasy things, meat, cream, gravy, chocolate, if they can afford it, to keep warm. The poor fare worse, they suffer cold, get sick, hungry, if they don't have a job to work at all day, from dark until dark, they lose their homes and go even hungrier and colder, until they die. Lukas scoured the streets all winter to help the homeless and the poor. That is how he found me, in March, spring already on its way, just enough winter left to kill me.

  Still, when spring does come everyone is thankful and very gay, as I was, to have survived, to have food again, and warmth, and love.'

  She wanted to touch him, but she needed all her concentration not to drive into a pothole and fall. Still, it was very beautiful here, and they went back on the other side of the river, where there were even more houses, and lots of people, but also better roads.

  They passed a lovely building, made entirely out of glass, and John said in a weird voice: 'This is where it happened, where Lukas nearly died today.

  It is a lovely building and the gardener was very friendly, very knowledgeable.

  But I'll be sure to meet him again, for they will need a new boiler after this accident, and this time only one of Paul's, with gauges and vents and thick walls, will do for them. And strangely enough, I'm looking forward to it.'

  'Will you tell me exactly what happened, tonight in bed?'

  'I thought you wanted me to please you, to prove to you I was almost the master of love, until Lukas outdid me a thousandfold?' John said this laughingly, his former fear had no power over him anymore.

  'That too, yes, but I suppose the night is long enough for both?' she sounded so gentle, so interested in him personally, that he lost a bit of his fearful awe for her, and started to look forward to sharing love with her.

  When they got home, the goddess found that his house-mates had moved from the sofa, for they were now at work in the basement, the workshop as they called it. It was a pleasant space, with some of the tools of trade Galan had, but very different products.

  This society was clearly much more advanced, there were gleaming apparatus standing everywhere, and John explained what they were for in terms Aphrodite could understand. Of course, most of their uses could be replaced by magic, but people here generally didn't use magic, and use of magic tired the mage, whilst these machines didn't feel a thing.

  Lukas was clearly very happy here, his accident not forgotten, but accepted. They used magic openly in the shop, Paul was working on a sword like the ones Galan was famous for these days. She had been present when they had thought up the process and designed the sword.

  'I'm starting to get some fame for them as well, even made some friends and gained some fighting skills of my own through Galan's superior design,'

  Paul said.

  Aphrodite still thought it a waste of talent that he didn't just make jewellery like her own necklace, though Melissa seemed to have a new one, copper once more, but with the horses frisking instead of merely running.

  They left the happy family to go upstairs, and then she got to see the kitchen and the working boiler, as John really did make dinner, and Aphrodite helped him. Of all the scenes today, this one tickled her most, and she couldn't help laughing.

  John looked at her mildly, and she didn't care what he thought, she just kissed him there and then.

  He was still afraid of her, but then he had reason to fear her, they had not been good friends and she was way more powerful and connected.

  'Somehow it's so funny to see you dice vegetables and peel potatoes. This morning I still pictured you guzzling wine and lounging in a large bed with at least three gorgeous girls.'

  'I'm much happier peeling potatoes. I'll drink wine tonight, in honour of your visit, and though my bed is too small for three gorgeous girls, I may manage to fit in one beautiful woman.'

  Did she hear some quiet confidence in his ability to please her?

  That gave her a little thrill. Had Dionysus flattered her like that, she'd have felt a shiver of disgust, but then he had always been slightly grubby, and she hadn't wanted to know what was hiding in the folds of fat of his otherwise quite impressive body.

  But coming from this incarnation of the same guy, half Dionysus' size, the simple compliment, the fact that he had wanted to pay it, thrilled her. His self-deprecating attitude seemed on the verge of being replaced by one almost flirtatious, and in this clean, modest little man the expectation was very enticing.

  Dinner was very good, though simple, and very entertaining.

  The time spent together had done wonders for the loving parents-to-be, and they were all outgoing and very witty. Lukas seemed happy to leave Aphrodite to John, and she couldn't feel jealous of his attentions to Melissa, this mortal couple gave him exactly what he wanted out of life, a lo
t of love without the fetters love usually brought with it.

  And he gave as much love, and at this moment, trust as well, he was different again, more his age, the experienced father soothing his uncertain partners all would be well.

  And John was exceeding her wildest expectations of him, he was flirting with her outrageously and she didn't even mind. To have him give her the best he had to offer as the person he was now was gratifying, and it was so much! She started to look forward to bedtime even more, she had always preferred large, athletic men, but Lukas had shown her the foolishness in that.

  Would this slight man convince her even more?

  Her husband was very broad and muscular, but because he was the only cripple in a family of perfect specimens he had never had the self-confidence that had once attracted her so much to athletic gods like Ares.

  Lukas had taught her better, and when he had left her, she had sought comfort in her reticent husband's arms, and found a surprising amount of it.

  And passion as well, once she had won his trust he had shown her his true nature, and it was as hot as his forge.

  He had been slightly jealous of the artist who had made that masterpiece that she insisted on wearing wherever she went, but since she could convince him Paul was beyond her reach and had always been because of his monogamous nature, he had come to just admire the handiwork and try to match it himself.

  And the idea of just loving one person had rung a bell with him, he had never felt the will to share love with anyone but her, and now he knew there were others like that. They had had a series of good talks, and he could understand that she did feel a need to share with others, and could even love more people at any one time.