Past Lives

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  Calming mother and father both, he waited for Adison, and when she arrived it took the usual eight hours for Ilsa to deliver a healthy baby boy.

  Lukas could see the difference between Ilsa and Melissa, Ilsa was exhausted but satisfied with her accomplishment, whereas Melissa had been in a much better state physically, but totally worked-up in her mind.

  The little boy, who was called Peter George after both grandfathers, was much less intense than Edward, he was sleepy and content, as he had been all along.

  Lukas was amazed how much his own son had grown in three weeks, he was quite a bit larger already though Edward was born a bit earlier than they had expected, and little Paul much later than expected.

  They had had few comments on little Edward's likeness to himself, but in a way Paul and him didn't look that much different, they both had curly hair and a slender figure, only Lukas was a bit more boyish than Paul, but a baby was boyish by nature. It was the eye-colour and the dented lip that gave him away to those who knew.

  Cleaning up the bed and the new mother was done quickly with the help of a trusted servant, and Frances had arrived by now to help the couple adjust to having a baby for the first few days.

  As they sat together afterwards, enjoying a cup of excellent and well-deserved coffee, Adison asked Lukas to assist him in a birthing she expected within weeks, a difficult one she feared might end in losing either mother or child, or both, without Lukas' help to prevent internal bleeding. Lukas consented of course, and agreed to come on the next check-up visit.

  Their clientele was much different, mostly well-to-do and some even wealthy, and Adison insisted on paying Lukas for his efforts.

  He would take the money and invest it in helping the poor, his crafting made him enough to live on, the rest would go to those who needed it desperately.

  He was still eager to have his own practice, but couldn't think of a way to make it safe to practice magic in the same place all the time, according to Mr Jones, and Adison and Victor, stories were already circulating about a young man who healed the poor, and it wouldn't do to have someone get too curious about the number of miraculous healings that was being performed.

  Lukas was the only known cure for tuberculosis, a fact that should not become common knowledge, and no matter how badly he wanted to save everyone, he needed to find a way to be able to do so in secret.

  Lukas ran back from the Telling house, considering taking a shower in the apartment, John never locked it and since it was around ten already he would probably be off to the estate. And if he were still in, there were other things they could do, since Aphrodite had left, Lukas and John had resumed their occasional sharing, somehow they both had a need to make their love physical once in a while.

  But John had already left, and since the others would be waiting for news,

  Lukas took a quick shower and went to the kitchen for breakfast.

  His little family was already there, and the first thing Lukas did was greet Edward, by picking him up and kissing him, relishing the milky scent of a new baby. Then Paul and Melissa got their kisses, Lukas still holding the baby, who watched everything with interest.

  'It's a boy, of course, Aphrodite had already hinted at that, and he's healthy and much less interested in the world than this little fellow.' Edward got another few kisses. 'Of course that might be because he was on his way so much longer. Ilsa was tired but content, Frances arrived just after the birth, she's taking care of them. They called him Peter George.'

  They went to work quickly, to have the afternoon free for a visit to their friends.

  Nearly two weeks later, when Rhoda had finally agreed to let Lukas and Melissa address her trauma, they gathered in the little garden near the greenhouses. George was there, too, he had a lot of faith in Lukas and expected Rhoda to improve a lot in spirits by having her past attended to.

  Jonathan would not share in the healing, Rhoda did not want him to see her memories or feel her pain, she wanted to tell him herself, and he respected that, he just wanted to be near for moral support, as he had been there for each of his lost children.

  With everyone sitting down comfortably, and Melissa knowing their baby in Paul's loving care, they all linked, and Lukas touched Rhoda and activated his talent. He knew what was coming, but still it was an assault on his feelings.

  Shockingly little had been done to detach Rhoda from her feelings, she was just barely able to go on living, on will-power and Jonathan's ceaseless support alone.

  Lukas felt Melissa's outrage, those self-important Greek gods were so fallible, how could they have considered her cured of trauma?

  He agreed but wanted to take on the memories quickly, he knew they'd start with the part he had a shameful share in. But this was not about him, and anyway, he felt Melissa's support, he had been at fault but he couldn't have known and he was trying to make up.

  But before he encountered any memories, he had to remove one of those barriers the lost children had had in their minds, keeping back the memories of their pasts. This was a strong barrier, of course it held back some heinous things, but Lukas was very strong, and was through it in a few heartbeats.

  Strangely enough, with the barrier removed, they were not flooded with memories as in all the former cases, but then, every mind was different.

  Lukas found the most recent traumatic memories soon enough.

  Going over the memories of having her magic burnt out, again and again, Lukas was mostly caught up by his guilt and Rhoda's state of mind at that time, her near-total madness, her all-consuming need to get at someone, anyone, fading fast and already being replaced by deep remorse.

  But Melissa managed to view the whole scene more objectively, and she tried to figure out what Aphrodite had done exactly, whether she had just willed the magic to be gone, or had focussed on specific targets and destroyed them. She intended to check the damage later.

  It took a long time and a lot of power from Lukas to fade that set of memories, and then they went on to the next, the ones that concerned both of them personally because they involved the person they both loved most in the world.

  Of course they had already experienced these memories when they saved John from Hera's attempt on his sanity, but these were still strong, and very hurtful. Lukas was impressed by Melissa's mental strength, for she did not flee from seeing her beloved beaten, abused, humiliated, tortured, and finally almost killed, she could even feel some compassion for the woman who did it to him, to have relived these memories of an atrocious crime every day and every night. Small wonder she avoided seeing Paul.

  Lukas detached the memories immediately, Aphrodite had done it for him before, and they no longer had a hold on him, he could go over them with Rhoda until she finally let go of them, still not convinced she had paid enough, but exhausted with living with guilt as well as fear.

  As Rhoda let them go, Lukas could feel Melissa following suit, though he would spend some time with her later to see if they were not bothering her.

  But now they were approaching the worst memories of them all, the months in which Rhoda had been at court by day, but had been abused and tortured beneath Hermes' palace by night, subtle practices that left her skin unblemished, but destroyed her hold on reality by subverting every ideal she had ever had of love and faith.

  Ishtar had seduced Rhoda to love her slavishly, by getting into her mind but also by showing her body the most exquisite feelings of love and sexual fulfilment. And when Rhoda had been totally won, the goddess had turned

  that love on her by abusing her herself, but also letting her be despoiled by countless others, night after night, for months, until she had finally broken.

  The shame of having allowed herself to be seduced, and the fear of repercussions from their own gods for becoming involved with barbarians, had kept her from seeking help, and when the situation came to be that her uncle, who had gotten her into this in the first place, had warned her against, had asked her to create a diversion for, she had unle
ashed all her fear and her hatred on the person she had projected every thing that had been done to her on: a defenceless, blameless foreigner, who had done nothing worse than choose to share his love with a lower-ranked girl at court.

  Though had he gone with her voluntarily, the outcome would not have been different, she'd have tortured and killed him anyway.

  The thing that had been done to Rhoda was really bad, Lukas was concerned that she might never be able to physically love again.

  She had been programmed by Ishtar to bring pain and misery to anyone she loved, the goddess' revenge for Dionysus keeping Lykos out of her clutches.

  All Rhoda's better feelings had been turned against her, it was a miracle she could even feel attachment to Jonathan, but Lukas was not surprised she could not bear being touched.

  Her feelings had all been wired in a new and perverted way, a stimulus giving the totally opposite reaction to what it should. Lukas could help her process the memories, but the wiring was still totally wrong, and might cause her to react unpredictably to physical attraction and love.

  She felt some of that, for she had not kept Jonathan at a distance for nothing, if they tried to make love, she would hurt him, she couldn't help it.

  Lukas appealed to Melissa for advice, and together they looked for a way to disconnect the wiring and redo it. But it was just too complicated, there was no way they could find out how feelings worked and rewire them. In the end, Melissa proposed: 'Can't you rewire her by just willing it to be? You're a god, aren't you? If it takes too much power I can feed you, if you need more, George can feed you from the node. Maybe by making love to her, bit by bit, redirecting the feelings as they come at you?'

  Seeing some sense in that, Lukas thought it would be hard to do, and difficult for Jonathan to accept, letting Lukas do what he couldn't, but that would be the couple's decision.

  So Lukas first went over the horrible memories with Rhoda, again and

  again, and they, too, receded at last. If she never tried to love again, she would not be pained by these memories, but if she tried to make love, they would be back, or she would do things to create new horrible memories.

  That done, they did what Melissa wanted, and checked out her body for signs of magic ability having been destroyed.

  Pretty soon they found the evidence, the satchels supposed to contain magic power were shrivelled and rendered totally useless, indeed showing signs of having been burned to their destruction. One seemed vaguely better than the others, and Lukas opened it carefully and tried to repair it a little bit.

  But the ducts leading towards them were damaged as well, broken off, burnt shut, shrivelled and dead.

  Again, he managed to find two that were not totally hopeless, and he healed them and brought them towards the one functioning satchel. Nothing happened, no power started to accumulate, but that might take some time.

  It would never be more power than just enough to light a candle, but Melissa knew there was something they were forgetting. It had to do with Rhoda still having sight, but she couldn't think of it, this had been tired work, and they were not done yet, they still had a difficult talk with Rhoda and Jonathan before them.

  They went back into the now, where Frances was ready with tea from the red jar for Melissa, and coffee for all of them.

  Rhoda seemed completely restored, and she thanked all three of them profusely. Jonathan was also beaming, he knew he had been right!

  But there was not just good news, they had to tell the bad news, too, and before the young couple started thinking of making love.

  Lukas said: 'Rhoda, Jonathan, not all is as good as it seems now. There is still damage in Rhoda, which I could not heal from the inside.

  The thing that was done to you by the Babylonian goddess, I have receded the memories, so you are no longer traumatized by them, but what she did to you has rewired your feelings, so that if you ever try to make love, or love someone intensely, the outcome will be totally wrong.

  You'll feel hate instead of lust, or fear instead of love, nothing will come out right, and a lot of pain and even severe harm may result.'

  This was a shock to them, for Rhoda felt just fine, she was looking forward to sharing love with Jonathan now, she could face the thought of him touching her with desire.

  But Lukas was so serious, they had never seen him that way, well, actually Rhoda had, but Lukas had just receded that memory. She had never seen him that serious here in England. So they had to believe him.

  'So she can never love again? Not ever?' Jonathan asked, abhorred by the very idea.

  'There may be something I can do,' Lukas answered, 'but I have never tried it, and you will not like it, Jonathan.'

  'Let me decide that for myself,' Jonathan sounded like an adult just now,

  'no, let Rhoda decide for herself what she likes or doesn't. It's her life that was ruined.'

  'Tell us,' Rhoda said plainly, dryly.

  'I think I can undo the damage tiny bit by tiny bit, but I'd have to do it instinctively, will it to be gone, on the supposition I'm still a god, even here, and can do so.

  But to do so I would need to trigger every single one of these faulty circuits, and that means.....'

  He just couldn't bring himself to say it.

  'Spit it out, Lukas,' Jonathan said, 'don't keep us in the dark.'

  Rhoda looked fearful, and Jonathan only a little less.

  'I'd have to make love to you, Rhoda, start at the beginning, work my way through all the feelings involved.'

  Both youths' faces were a study in relief: 'Is that all?' Rhoda seemed to speak for both of them.

  'You don't mind?' asked Lukas, stunned.

  'I'd make love to you myself, Lukas, if it had any chance of helping Rhoda,' Jonathan said, laughing.

  Rhoda observed: 'It will be an honour to make love to you, master Lykos, everybody wants to.'

  If the situation hadn't been so serious, Melissa would have thought it hilarious. But it was not certain at all that Lukas was right about this, and things might get dangerous, or have no effect at all.

  'You will let me anchor you and feed you, won't you, Lukas, from a discreet distance?' George observed.

  'You and Melissa please, George. I may need her ability to see through things as well as your node-power. This will be my biggest challenge yet.'

  Melissa knew Lukas and Rhoda wanted to do it straight away, but she

  was a mother with a baby not even a month old, and the process had taken hours so far. Little Edward needed to be fed first, she was starting to feel uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally.

  It would be a lot of hassle, but there was nothing for it, her baby needed his mother.

  Rhoda observed: 'You need to go back to little Edward, don't you? I can wait, you need to be concentrated to watch over us, babies don't wait.'

  As it turned out, she didn't need to wait very long, for when they came back to the manor house Paul was there, with Edward. He embraced both Lukas and Melissa eagerly, he was getting worried at their long absence, and had taken Edward in the carrying sling on the bicycle to see whether everything was all right.

  Melissa took her baby and let him relieve the pressure on her breasts, as Lukas told Paul what they had learned, and what he planned to do to try to help her.

  Paul agreed totally, glad now he had given in to his disquiet. He noticed that Rhoda was a lot easier towards him, looking him in the eye, showing no signs of wanting to escape and run when he greeted her, even initiating a hug, something he had left off after she reacted adversely the first time.

  Little Edward stuffed himself greedily and let his dad take him with a reluctant Jonathan to see the stables and Percy, the two-headed dog. Melissa suggested using Frances' little love-nest in the old greenhouse as place of treatment. It was private, safe, and nice and hot, which both parties involved liked.

  She and George stayed on the terrace next to the greenhouse, in physical contact, and Lukas took Rhoda inside. She was an
xious now Jonathan was no longer with her, and Lukas soothed her as he would a child.

  When they got to the little love-nest, Rhoda was amazed: 'I never knew this was here, it's so romantic! Her anxiety seemed forgotten for a moment.

  'I didn't know either, until John told me about it. It's Frances little secret.

  If you plan to use it in the future, please ask her first.'

  As they sat down on the low couch, Lukas said: 'I have no idea what is going to happen, Rhoda, I'm as much in the dark here as you are, so please have patience with me.'

  She smiled benignly and admitted: 'I've always wanted to share love with you, Lukas, so if anyone can help me, it must be you.' She was almost eager now.

  They started with a kiss, getting ever more passionate, Lukas' feelings rose quickly, he was not getting as much loving as he was used to, Melissa was still bleeding a little, so they could not have intercourse yet, though they had found out they could have any other kind of lovemaking.

  But somehow rough loving had always been their thing, and they both missed it.

  Rhoda's passionate kissing was answering some need in him, but still Lukas managed to lower his shield a tiny bit, to pick up any strange reactions before they'd have consequences.

  That was none to soon, for it saved his tongue when she suddenly flared up in anger and bit down hard. Not on him, though, he had been warned and had broken off the kiss.

  Immediately she felt guilt and fear, Lukas was too shocked to have seen where the anger came from, but Melissa had seen and led him to it. He saw the wrong immediately and corrected it.

  Soothing Rhoda away from her guilt he dared kiss her again, trusting his empathy to warn him of any dangerous feelings.

  She gave herself up to the kiss with difficulty, afraid to hurt Lukas, but she knew she had to and she had a very strong will, and slowly she got into the flow again. This time she felt anger flaring up but not enough to want to hurt him, and he knew where it was seated now and corrected it even further, not even letting go of her mouth.

  Rhoda had not made love for months, and Lukas' gentleness and passion were very heady, she really wanted Jonathan but she knew he was untouched and would need guidance, this was much better for now, to explore loving in the hands of the master.