I don’t think. I just act, grabbing her hand.
“Then let’s get out of here.” I take off toward my car and smile when she follows.
If only she wasn’t following me just to run away.
Four
Alexis
I can’t believe I’m running away with West. I can’t believe West is helping me. I can’t believe I want his help. No, what I really can’t believe is that West was getting a little too happy down south while he was holding me.
I almost panicked and ran, and not just because West got a hard-on …
Really, I doubt that was because of me. Maybe he was looking at someone else.
He had to be.
“You’re so fucking ugly.”
“Where do you want me to take you?” West asks after we hop into his car.
I blink at him. Huh? What did he just say?
“Um, what?”
The corner of his lips tugs up into a lopsided smirk. “Jeez, I never knew you had such a dirty mind.” He pauses, chewing on his bottom lip. “But, if you really want to, then …” He gives an insinuating look at the back seat while waggling his eyebrows. “I’ve always wanted to do it in my back seat.”
I roll my eyes, hoping to God I don’t blush. “Yeah right. Like you haven’t screwed someone there already. You’re such a little manwhore.”
His brow arches upward. “Says who?”
“Says everyone.”
“When’s the last time you heard someone say I’m a manwhore?”
“Um …” Come to think of it, it’s been a while. “I don’t know … Maybe a year or two ago.”
“Exactly,” he says. “And you know why I was like that back then.”
True. A couple of years ago, West admitted his parents were fighting all the time, which was weird to hear since most of the town thought they were the perfect couple. Even West had thought so. When they started fighting all the time, his view on love changed. At least, that’s what he told me one night after we raided Blaine’s dad’s whiskey cabinet. Blaine had passed out after three shots—the dude’s such a lightweight—and West and I stayed up playing cards.
I hugged him that night and, for the craziest moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. But he didn’t, so I’m pretty sure I misread the entire situation. Wouldn’t be the first time. Thankfully, Blaine woke up and puked all over the floor. Yeah, it was gross, but it stopped me from doing something stupid, like leaning in with my lips puckered like a fish. I can only imagine what West would’ve said if I had. It would’ve given him plenty of ammunition for jokes. Like enough to last him at least a year or so.
Definitely not one of my finer moments—
I’m yanked from my thoughts as Masie nears the car, shouting meaningless apologies at the top of her lungs.
“West, please get me away from the raving lunatic running right at your car,” I say in a desperate plea. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I talk to her, and honestly, I don’t want to deal with it right now.”
“Oh, yeah, right,” he says, like he forgot all about Masie, which would definitely be a first for a guy. He revs the engine. “Let’s get you out of here.” He shifts gears then presses on the gas, tires spinning and kicking up a cloud of dirt as we peel out of the parking lot.
I peer over my shoulder and out the window, Masie is surrounded by a cloud of dust, her hair messed up, and she’s missing one shoe.
Okay, now that’s a picture I thought I’d never see.
“You look way too pleased right now,” West teases as we speed down the road.
“Sorry.” But I’m really not.
“You don’t need to be sorry about it. Masie deserves a face full of dirt.” He sighs, gripping the steering wheel. “She deserves more for what she did to you.”
I pick at my fingernails, feeling squirmy over how much he seems to understand the situation.
I hate feeling squirmy. I like control. Control keeps you from getting hurt. Control stops the pain. Right now, I’m not in control, and that’s probably why my heart aches so badly. That mask I wear, that wall that’s supposed to be surrounding me, I want them back.
“How long have you known? I mean, about me … liking …” I exhale loudly. “How long have you known I liked Blaine?”
He lifts a shoulder. “I first thought you did when we were about sixteen.”
Blood roars in my eardrums. “How? I mean, what gave me away?”
He moves one hand off the steering wheel to reach over and graze his finger along the corner of my eye. “It was the way you looked at him.”
“Oh.” I frown. “I didn’t realize I was that obvious.”
“It wasn’t that obvious,” he assures. “At least, not enough for Blaine to catch on.”
I almost relax. “So, he doesn’t know?”
He shakes his head, returning his hand to the steering wheel. “He’s never said anything to me.”
I release a breath of relief. “That’s good.”
He cocks his brow. “Why?”
“Why the hell would I want him to know I’m in love with him?”
His fingers tense on the steering wheel. “So, you are in love with him, huh?”
Am I?
Maybe Before, but now …
I don’t even think I know what love is anymore.
Emotions, they are dead to me.
I feel nothing.
I am Unfeeling Alexis Baker.
“I thought you already said you knew I was?” I ask, avoiding answering.
He shrugs. “I knew you liked him, and I guessed you might be in love with him, but I wasn’t completely sure.” He looks away, focusing on the road, his lean arms tense.
While I’m not sure what has him so wound up, I seize the opportunity to stare out the window and collect my thoughts.
“Are you sure you are, though?” he asks so unexpectedly that I jump.
I glance at him. “Am I sure what?”
“That you’re in love with him?”
“What kind of question is that?” I sound offended, and I don’t even know why. He didn’t do anything to me. None of this is his fault.
“I didn’t mean to piss you off.” He gives me an apologetic, sidelong glance. “But sometimes people think they’re in love with someone, when their feelings are more of an infatuation than actual love.”
“You say that like you’re speaking from experience.”
“Nah. It takes me a lot to fall in love with someone.”
“Have you ever been in love before?” I reach into my pocket to silence my phone as it buzzes again. My fingers brush across my car keys, reminding me of another problem I have to deal with—my car broke down in Masie’s driveway.
Shit.
His jaw clenches as he stares ahead at the road. “Maybe once or twice.”
“Did someone break your heart?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
I angle my head to the side in confusion. “That doesn’t really make any sense.”
“Of course it does.” He catches my gaze. “If I haven’t told the person I’m in love with them.”
My lips for an O. “Okay, I get it. So, we’re kind of in the same situation then, since I haven’t told Blaine how I feel, either.”
“Maybe.” He restlessly taps his fingers on top of the steering wheel. “Do you think you will?”
I shake my head. “Definitely not now.”
“Do you think you would’ve if”—he hesitates—“if you hadn’t caught Masie and Blaine doing … well, you know?”
No, I don’t know what he means. Sure, I saw them kissing, but that doesn’t mean it was the first time they made out. For all I know, they’ve hooked up a ton and I’ve just been blind and naïve. Then, why did Masie keep insisting Blaine likes me and encouraging me to go for it? Who knows? Perhaps she was messing with my head and getting some sort of twisted pleasure out of watching my heart shatter. That doesn’t really sound like Masie, but at this point, I’m not sure I know her
at all. Maybe I never did. Perhaps she was one of those plastic people—fake on the outside and the inside, just like how I am now.
What I do know is that I wouldn’t have told Blaine. Not when I’m certain he wouldn’t feel the same way. Not when it means I’d have to deal with heartbreak, with emotions and feelings and all that shit I work so hard to fight back.
“No, I wouldn’t’ve told him,” I admit quietly.
He nods, silence stretching between.
“What is that in your hand?” he asks suddenly, his gaze dropping to my hand.
“What? This?” I hold up my car keys. “My car broke down at Masie’s.”
“That sucks. Do you know what’s wrong with it?”
“I’m not sure, but it looked like the battery cable broke.”
A crease forms between his brows. “That’s fucking weird.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s old though, so maybe it was just worn.”
“Maybe.” He seems doubtful, though. Then he pauses, considering something. “Maybe I can help you fix it. You know I’m good at that stuff.”
“I know, but I don’t like freebies.”
“Maybe it could be a belated birthday present,” he suggests, glancing at me.
“You already gave me a present,” I remind him, looking down at the studded leather band I am currently wearing on my wrist.
We may fight like angry cats most of the time, but he always gives me the best gifts.
He glances down at the bracelet, as well, and a small smile pulls at his lips before he returns his attention to the road. “I don’t mind helping you out. It’s not a freebie or anything. It’s just one friend helping another.”
“We’re friends?” I question.
He lifts a shoulder. “I think so. It kind of hurts that you don’t think so, though.”
I feel kind of bad in that moment, which is a little bit weird. Maybe that’s why I briefly lose my sanity and say, “All right, you can help me if you want.” I sit up straighter in the seat. “But I want to do most of the work.”
He chuckles. “Okay, cute girl.”
“Okay …” I trail off. Wait. Back the hell up. “Did you just call me cute?”
He smiles. “I’ve called you cute before.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, when you were teasing me which, FYI, you do all the time.”
“How do you know I’m teasing you when I do it?” He smiles, highly amused. “Maybe I mean everything I’ve ever said to you.”
“So, you really believe I’m a fairy princess from the realm of Spoiled Brat?” I repeat the nickname he gave me in fifth grade.
“Hey, that was a long time ago. You can’t hold that against me, or I’ll hold it against you that you called me West the pest who lives in a rat’s nest.” His muses over something. “You know, when I really think about it, we were pretty clever for grade schoolers.”
“I may have been clever,” I tease. “You were just cleverly stupid.”
Narrowing his eyes, he reaches over and lightly pinches me on the thigh in a ticklish sort of way.
I nearly jump out of my seat. I hate being tickled, and West knows that. Yet, he repeats the movement.
“Take that back, Alexis with the pretty blue eyes.”
“Never!” My eyes water as he continues to tickle me, laughter bursting from my lips.
The sound is so unfamiliar.
So strange.
So wrong.
I choke down the noise and the feelings stirring inside me.
His fingers dig into my sides …
“Hey, no frowning.” He slants his head to the side, sending strands of blond hair into his eyes. His hand is still resting on my leg, only now he’s tracing a light path up and down my thigh, instead of tickling me. “Come on; cheer up and smile.”
“I didn’t realize I was frowning—”
I’m thrown forward, my seatbelt locking up and throwing me right back against the seat.
When I blink at the front of the car, Masie is standing there with her hands out in front of her, eyes huge, breathing fiercely, her face bright red.
“What the hell is that crazy woman doing?” West mumbles as he shoves the shifter into park. Then he sticks his head out the window and yells, “Do you have a death wish or something?”
“Oh, shut the hell up!” she snaps at him before she skates her gaze back to mine. She swallows hard, her eyes watering. “Lex, please, just listen to me, okay?” She positions herself in front of the car, putting her hands on the hood and raising her voice over the grumbling engine. “I didn’t mean for it to happen … We were just swimming, and he kissed me.” She shakes her head. “But that’s no excuse. I’m your best friend, and I should’ve talked to you first before I did anything.”
For a brief moment, I feel kind of bad for her. She looks so tormented, so upset …
Wait … I rewind over what she just said.
“Are you saying you wanted to kiss Blaine?” I snap. “That you’ve thought about it before?”
More tears pool in her eyes, and her bottom lip quivers as she fights not to cry. “I didn’t mean to fall for him. It just sort of happened.”
I’m not sure whether I’m heartbroken or pissed off. It’s been so long since I’ve felt anything. And now that I am, I can’t make sense of what the emotions are.
I want them off.
Turn them off!
Stop!
I ball my hands into fights and stab my fingernails into my flesh until I feel the skin break apart.
“For how long?” I ask in an eerily calm voice.
A crease forms at her brows. “What do you mean?”
“How long have you two been hooking up?” Yes, it’s an assumption, but I know Masie well. When she wants a guy, she doesn’t mess around; she just goes for it. So, if she’s saying she likes Blaine, then …
I swallow the lump crammed in my throat. Her silence says it all.
“So, it’s true, then?” My tone sounds hollow as I shove every ounce of pain I have deep down inside me. “That wasn’t the first time you guys kissed?”
Tears spill from her eyes as she slowly shakes her head. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few months. I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I—”
“You wanted to tell me?” I shake my head. “Sure you did.”
“I did!” she insists. “I swear, I did.”
“Sure, whatever. That’s why you continued to encourage me to go for it with him. Why would you do that if you knew my heart was just going to get broken?”
She’s crying so hard now, snot running down her face. “I’m so sorry. I thought, if I kept pretending like nothing was happening between Blaine and me, you wouldn’t find out.” She sobs. “But things got so out of hand … And Blaine, he kept saying we should tell you so this wouldn’t happen. But I was so scared.”
I curl my hands into tighter fists. “You told Blaine I like him?”
Her bottom lip starts to quiver harder. “I’m sorry. It just sort of slipped out. He was flirting with me, and I said I couldn’t date him. He kept pushing me, asking why, and I let it slip.”
She rushes toward the passenger side of the car and grips the door. “Please, don’t let this ruin our friendship. I know we can get past this.” Her gaze flicks to West then back to me. “Just come someplace with me. Someplace where we can talk. Just you and me. I know we can fix this. Please, please, please.” She’s babbling hysterically.
And I feel nothing.
The friendship we had is gone, withering away like the flowers on my parents’ graves.
I look at West. “Just go before I get out and kick her ass.”
Nodding, he reaches for the shifter while Masie lets out a heart-wrenching sob.
“Lex, no, no, no,” she babbles, trying to open my door. “We can’t just let this go. We need to fix this. You’re my best friend!”
I shake my head, lock the door, and start to roll up the window. “No, we’re not. In fact, I’m not sure we ev
er were.” The words cut against my lips, carrying so much truth.
I may have thought Masie and I were best friends, but that wasn’t real. Best friends don’t do what she did to me. And the friendship we once had could never be the same.
Not ever again.
And just like that, the one thing that hadn’t changed since my parents died now has.
It’s all gone.
The Before is gone.
And all that’s left is nothing.
Five
Alexis
After West drives away, leaving Masie in another cloud of dust and a sea of self-pitying tears, I remain quiet for a long time. So long that I’m sure I start to freak him out. But I can’t find any words to follow what just went down. How can I when I’m not even certain how I feel?
Feelings. What I would give for them to go away. I’ve tried too hard to make that happen and have succeeded for months, but now everything is going to crap.
“Oh my God, feelings suck,” I mutter, pinching the brim of my nose.
West lets out a hollow laugh.
I shoot him a perplexed look, and he holds up a hand in front of him.
“Sorry,” he says. “It’s just that … I think that same thing all the time.”
“That feelings suck?”
“Yep.”
“Is that why you haven’t ever been in a real relationship? Or is that because of your parents?” Shaking my head, I look away. What am I doing, prying into his life like this, getting to know him? “You know what? Forget I said that. It’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s fine … And the answer is neither.”
I flit a glance in his direction. “Really?”
He nods, biting back a smile. “Yes, really.”
“Why do you seem so smiley about that?”
He lifts a shoulder. “You should know by now that I’m a smiley sort of guy.”
I snort a laugh but hastily bite down on my tongue to stifle the noise. “Sure, you are.”
He presses his hand to his chest. “How you wound me so?”
I roll my eyes. “Easy, wannabe Shakespeare.”
“You know, normal girls like that romantic shit.”
Signed with a Kiss: A Novel (Signed with a Kiss Series Book 1) Page 4