Noah

by Cristin Harber

  She tipped her head, tapping a finger against her chin. “Hmmm. I do collect them.”

  “I should have realized that.” He took her thought-pondering finger and counted off, “Mom. Counselor. Psychic. Girlfriend.”

  Teagan’s eyes lit. “Girlfriend.”

  They needed a candy apple or whatever the Halloween equivalent was for mistletoe because he had run out of excuses for randomly kissing, but oh well. Noah kissed his girlfriend only to receive cheers from Bella and Will.

  Teagan ducked her head, giggling quietly, then turned against him as he wrapped her to his chest. “Well, that’s a first.”

  “Let me go get my helmet and lock up.”

  As Noah walked by Bella and Will, he laughed as he heard their whispers.

  “Noah?” Will ran up to him.

  “Yeah, buddy?”

  “Thank you.”

  He stopped. “What for?”

  “Even though it’s Halloween, you make people smile. Even when it’s not Halloween. Like Bella and my mom.” Will ran back to Bella, not knowing what his words might’ve meant to Noah.

  “Thank you too, kid,” Noah said quietly. For all the classified ops and the good they’d done around the world, never once had a single mission made him feel as that kid just had. He was where he was supposed to be.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Kids in costume and their in-costume parents walked the Main Street route waving to the community who brought candy and tossed it from the sidewalk as they walked by. The Eagle’s Ridge tradition was a slight twist on trick or treating, replacing the door to door knocking. It brought families out from both sides of town, and added that little touch of specialness that the community thrived on.

  Teagan shivered and curled under Noah’s astronaut arm as they walked behind Bella and Will who ran from one side of the street to the other with a group of their friends, showing off their costumes and snatching thrown pieces of candy. “Can you see through that thing?”

  His helmet-covered head tilted toward her. “What?”

  “Can you,” she raised her voice, then stopped. Obviously, he couldn’t.

  Noah pulled off his helmet. “Just kidding, I could hear you fine. But I’m fogging up.”

  She snickered but then burrowed into him. “I’m cold, even with long johns under my outfit and heating packs tucked everywhere that they’d hold.”

  He pulled her close, and she snuggled against him, enjoying the festivities.

  “Hang on a sec.” Noah gave her a quick squeeze and stepped away.

  She followed his gaze toward one of the Eagle’s Ridge police officers who had them in his sights. The man’s tight face was pinched and locked on Noah, even as the astronaut separated from the parade and moved closer.

  Will fell back. “Where’s Noah going?”

  “Just to talk with a friend.”

  “His friends are the police?”

  She nodded and her jewelry clinked as they continued to walk in the parade. “Sure. He has all kinds of friends. Just like you do.”

  “It’s good that he’s a good guy.” Will spun away.

  Amused, Teagan watched her son run back to his group of friends then walk with Bella. “It’s good, that’s for sure.”

  Bella and her rolling tower of books stopped with Will, and Teagan continued to walk in the parade. The kids started walking again when she reached them.

  “If Noah is a good guy, would that make him like a prince?” Bella asked.

  Teagan tried to understand the basis of her question. “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “You could be a princess and he could be a prince. Then you both could match.”

  She held her bangled wrists out. “But I really liked being a fortune-telling gypsy, so that wouldn’t have worked.”

  Bella and Will scowled, and Will asked, “Are you sure?”

  Her smile cracked. “Yup. Positive. And I’m also positive Noah wanted to be an astronaut.”

  “Really?” Bella’s nose scrunched. “Are you sure?”

  Teagan pressed her lips together. “You can ask him. But he chose his costume.”

  They trotted again, conversing with their heads together, then dropped back again. Bella asked, “What are you going to be next year? A princess?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “You should be. And he could be a prince.”

  Will nodded, swinging his bag of candy. “Because they go together.”

  “I don’t know. We’ll see.”

  Bella tossed her head back and scowled, but then ran after a handful of thrown candy. Will gave Teagan a placating grin. “That wasn’t what she thought you’d say.”

  “I could tell,” she laughed.

  “But we can still make it work.”

  Teagan had no idea what they were talking about. “All right, baby. You do that. Go have fun.”

  Whatever Bella had in mind, Teagan had a feeling that it had to do with her favorite movie prince and princess that kissed at the end. “Very cute.”

  Noah walked back over, eyeing her. “Did I just see you talking to yourself.”

  “Bella has our costumes picked for next year. We’re matching.”

  He chuckled. “I can’t wait.”

  “I bet.” She nodded to the direction he’d come from. “What was that all about?”

  “Eagle’s Ridge PD had a report of suspicious activity in your neighborhood, and they went to check it out.”

  “Really?” Someone else had their shed shredded?

  He shifted his helmet from one arm to the other and tucked her under his arm. “Someone parked a van a block away from your house and it ‘didn’t look right’ according to a neighbor. So they parked a car on your street for a while. Nothing came of it.”

  “The wild crime in Eagle’s Ridge.”

  “Nothing to complain about,” Noah said.

  “That’s the truth.” Perfect place to raise a family and live their lives. Everything was easy—or would be. She’d convinced Noah to spend time at Lainey’s grave, and that would be heart wrenching. But after that, if they could all survive that, they could do anything.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  The old cemetery wasn’t old by East Coast standards. Still, Noah pulled down the winding road with his wrist draped over the steering wheel as though he hadn’t a concern. He couldn’t help being glad that Teagan sat shotgun.

  His mom had told him that Bella would do fine. His dad said the same thing but not in so many words. Taking Bella to Lainey’s gravesite wasn’t Noah’s concern. He hadn’t been there since the funeral. He was the concern.

  It was more than the weight of losing the woman who might as well have been his sister. They had been raised just as his mom and uncle were, as twins. At times, when Noah and Lainey were kids, they’d believed that they defied logic and science and were also somehow twins.

  The small church served most everyone in the community, and they passed it, rolling by on their way to the church’s lot. He pulled the dually truck into an unmarked space and shifted into Park. Both kids were unusually quiet, and the slide of the gearshift clicked loudly in the cab. Noah sighed, resting his elbow on the center console. Teagan cupped her hand over his in the silence.

  “Are we ready to go see them now?” Bella asked from the backseat, sounding more chipper than sad.

  He honestly didn’t expect it to be this hard. Not trusting his voice, he nodded, and Teagan squeezed his hand, opening her door first.

  “Of course, sweet pea. Let’s get you guys unbuckled.”

  Her door shut, and she let both kids out of their restraints. Then they burst, if not respectfully, toward where Lainey and her husband lay buried. Noah hadn’t even unbuckled.

  Teagan ducked her head through the door that the kids had exited. “Doing okay?”

  He held her eyes but shook his head. “This isn’t fair for them.”

  Teagan shut the kids’ door and walked to his but didn’t open it, standing there until
he opened it himself. When Noah pushed out, he eased his arm over her shoulder. She tucked against the crook of his arm and hooked a thumb into his belt loop.

  They followed the trail that the kids had made, passing row after row of pristine gravesites scattered with flowers and flags, many traditional stones, and others adorned with crosses and testaments to patriotic duty.

  They summited a small hill to see both kids cross-legged in front of the Force plots. Bella’s little mouth and hands were moving a mile a minute, as though she were explaining to her parents everything that had gone on since she last saw them. Will ran his hands over the grass beside her while she did. Noah expected Bella to sob, but instead it was more like a regularly scheduled update with her mom. His throat burned as he tried to understand.

  “Bella’s doing very well. Considering,” Teagan said quietly.

  “Yeah, she is. But I don’t get it. Why that little ladybug has to go without Lainey and Davis. I’d be shattered.”

  “She is.” Teagan paused. “And in our own ways, we are too. But we take those devastated pieces, patch them together, and you’ll see life’s a mosaic. It’s not fair. It’s unforgiving. It steals the unflawed and the innocent, but we can take what’s broken and build a beautiful life that we never saw coming and, now, can’t live without.”

  There were times over his military career when his team had lost men and women who didn’t deserve their fate. Families were robbed of their loved ones and their future full of memories. Noah wished he could go back in time and share Teagan’s words with them. How did one woman comprehend what he had felt many times before but been unable to name or understand? He still didn’t understand but maybe was inching toward acceptance.

  “I’m really glad you’re here.” He clung to Teagan’s hand as they proceeded closer.

  Bella was finished with her enthusiastic conversation, and after a couple of giggling glances at Noah and Teagan’s handholding, both kids settled into a secretive conversation, lying on their stomachs until they rolled onto their backs and stared at the clouds.

  What was he supposed to do at a gravesite? Noah had never understood that. At least, he didn’t know what someone was supposed to do there for extended periods of time. If there had been a fallen SEAL or anyone he’d fought alongside, he had lowered his head and said a few words. That he would continue their fight and protect their loved ones. That their effort was not for a lost cause and their death had a purpose.

  He didn’t understand Lainey’s death. That death had a purpose that eluded him.

  “Look!” Will pointed toward the sky. “A shooting star!”

  “Where? Where?” Bella searched frantically.

  “Right there.” Will pointed.

  “That’s an airplane. It’s too slow.”

  “No it’s not,” Will snapped.

  “Quick, make the wish, make the wish!”

  “I’m making the wish!”

  “Will, Bella,” Teagan hushed them. “Too loud. Take it down a couple notches.”

  Noah had to laugh at Bella and Will’s frenetic wish making, despite Teagan shushing them. Maybe that passing airplane was Lainey intervening with a moment of laughter and love because she wouldn’t want him spiraling into depression over her death, not that Noah listened very well.

  He scrubbed his hands over his face. He never listened. Not back in high school when Noah got into a fight with Jack, after Noah assumed his buddy had dumped Lainey. Nope, she’d dumped him. And he didn’t listen when she said she was dying. Noah’s first response had been denial as he kept looking into cancer treatment options that her medical team hadn’t thought about.

  He made a mental note to drop Jack a phone call. Jack hadn’t turned up for Lainey’s funeral, and that had thrown Noah for a loop. He wasn’t sure how to feel about Jack.

  “Everything okay?” Her slight eyebrow lift indicated that her concern was far greater than the delicate wording of her question.

  “Just thinking about an old friend of Lainey’s.” Noah cleared his throat. “And in general, how I wanted to protect her from everything, and in the end couldn’t… From anything.”

  “You’ve seen worse than I have.” Teagan leaned against him. “With life and loss. Devastation. So you know life’s not fair.”

  His throat continued to tighten, and his eyes burned. He shut them and faced the sun. “Yup.”

  “No one lives to the last chapter of their book like we want them to. But her book didn’t end, because it’s a story. Bella’s living it. You’re living it.”

  Eyes still closed, he squeezed Teagan’s hand in silence.

  “Everything hurts because you’re paging through the past right now. Which you should do.” She squeezed back then relaxed. “But you’re wishing there were more of Lainey in the next pages without realizing that there absolutely is.”

  He glanced down, his gaze sun-bleached. “How so?”

  “Grieve, Noah, because grief never goes away until it’s ready, but treat it like unspent love that’s collecting in the form of pain and unshed tears. You’re keeping it to yourself, but whether you realize it or not, you’ve found a way to lavish that in the form of love on that little girl who feels the same way you do.”

  He dropped his gaze to the kids and back to her, then he looked over the horizon, past the church, over the green landscape of Washington State trees fed by powerful rivers and a community of good people. What was he doing? Remembering everything that he’d had growing up. Patient conversations. Meaningful moments. He was always with his cousin and extended family and those who made him feel confident and cared for—all similar to how he was raising Bella, just as her mother had.

  Noah had already told Teagan his intention for the long term, but not until that moment did he understand the gravity of what that meant—family.

  This was his story. Eagle’s Ridge was how it all came together, and Lainey and Davis’s tragedy wouldn’t end there. Exactly the way Lainey would want.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Teagan gathered the kids. Their attention spans had long flittered away, and she held Will and Bella in each hand so they could go for a short walk and leave Noah for a few minutes. Kids were resilient and terribly honest, and she didn’t know if they would have questions about life after death or maybe why she and Noah were holding hands.

  Over the years, Teagan had advised plenty of parents on this very topic. The question of introducing new relationships to kids was one that had to be handled with care. Adults could easily have many friends. But kids of all ages noticed special friendships and relationships, when they started and if they ended, and how they were handled and how they were communicated best determined how well a child reacted.

  She and Noah hadn’t said much, but they had been honest.

  Still, there might be questions. With Bella, there were always questions or a comment more suited for an adult.

  “Why don’t we have a Thanksgiving parade?” Will asked.

  “Yes, how come? We could have the balloons go down Main Street.”

  Teagan laughed. She was so focused on serious topics that the wave of relief that washed over her nearly made her woozy as they bantered back and forth about the need for another major Eagle’s Ridge community event. “We just had the Halloween parade, you two. I don’t think I could handle another extravaganza.”

  Will tugged on her arm. “You could hold the string so the hot air balloons don’t fly away.” He swung one way and Bella the other. “And that way Santa would have to come at the end of the parade, and we would all get to talk to him.”

  Bella froze as though she’d just realized the perfect gift to ask for, her eyes wide and her mouth open, then she jumped in the air with Teagan’s hand still knotted to hers. “Yes! We need a parade.”

  “Don’t be silly,” Teagan said. “We will see Santa, with or without a parade. You know that.”

  “But we need to see him now,” Bella pleaded as Teagan looped them around and headed back toward Noa
h. “Let’s make it through Thanksgiving before we talk about any other holiday.” She squeezed both of their hands and spun them in a circle. “Deal?”

  Both kids chimed in with their agreement as Noah strode forward and met them, and Bella took off to jump into his arms.

  He tossed her over his shoulder as if she was his Nuts and Bolts bag then ruffled Will’s hair. Her son roared, darting ahead, and Noah hooked his arm around her. Such an odd location to find a peaceful moment, but as they walked back toward his dually, Teagan listened to their laughter as the cool breeze lifted her hair, and she knew all was right in her world.

  “How about we meet back up for an early dinner?” Noah asked as they pulled out of the church driveway.

  “Hey, Mom?” Will mumbled, half talking to Bella also.

  “Oh, that’s a great idea,” Teagan told Noah. “I actually want to try this new dish with butternut squash and pine nuts. If you drop us off at the organic market, I think they’ll have everything that I’ll need.”

  “Can I show Bella that game on your phone?” Will followed up.

  “We’ll wait, or go in with you,” Noah said.

  “I have to use the restroom. And I’d rather use my bathroom. Can we go there first?” Bella asked. “I have to go very badly.”

  “Can I show Bella now?” Will asked again.

  Teagan fished her phone out of her purse and handed it to Will. Very badly were bathroom code words she didn’t like to hear, so she was up for anything to use as a distraction. “Sure. Here.” She handed it to Will then faced Noah. “Drop us on the way, and you two go straight home. No biggie. We’ll see you soon enough.”