by M J Hardy
He smiles kindly. “Listen, don’t worry. You’ll be fine. If Richard is out there, it’s a good thing. It means he’s alive. If he’s alive, there is no crime to charge you with. Any little thing you can think of please tell me because it will work in your favour in the end. Every time he contacts you write it down and call me immediately. Like I said, if he is out there, we’ll find him.”
He turns to leave and I say falteringly, “Tony, what’s happening with Ellie Matthews, you know, the girl on Gander Green lane?”
He looks at me sympathetically. “Her family are arranging the funeral. The body has been released to them as the investigation is over.”
I think I hold my breath as I have to ask. “Where does that leave me?”
He crosses the room and pulls me down beside him and looks at me kindly. “I’m sorry, Sarah. Your solicitor will be in touch. Like I said, you were charged with causing death by dangerous driving. I know you said you weren’t driving but we have two witnesses who will swear that you were. The case will go to court and you will be tried, and I expect convicted. It’s likely to incur a prison term but I’m not sure how long that will be. Your only hope is that we find your husband, although even if we do, the evidence is pointing against you.”
I feel the ever-present tears burning behind my eyes as I say fearfully, “But I wasn’t driving. Richard was injured, his blood would be on the driver’s seat, surely. Who are these witnesses who say they saw me because they’re mistaken?”
He shakes his head and says firmly, “I can’t tell you who they are but I can tell you the only blood we found of Richard’s was on you. Your fingerprints are on the steering wheel and your DNA on the driver’s seat. We did find Richards but that would be expected as he is your husband and would have had access to your car. However, there was no blood on the passenger seat and yours was on the steering wheel. This indicates that when your head hit the windscreen, it splashed onto it. I’m sorry, Sarah but nothing at all points to the fact that Richard was driving, only what you say. It doesn’t look good I’m afraid.”
I start to cry and he places his arm around my shoulders and says softly, “I’m sorry, I wish I had better news. The trouble is, the law deals with the facts and they don’t lie. You need to prepare yourself for this because I’m guessing when the trial date is set, you will not like how it ends. Remember though, I am always here to help. I may be the officer on the case but I want to make it easier for you. This job, it’s complicated. Feelings do get involved sometimes and yet I must remember I’m here to do a job. I wish things were different but I can’t control that.”
He stands and says sadly, “I should go. You need to think about what I said and maybe call your solicitor who can reassure you more than I can. Call your friend, in fact, call anyone you can because you shouldn’t be alone right now. However, I’m not the best person to keep you company because ultimately, I am the one who will send you to prison.”
He heads towards the door and I say through my tears, “Thank you.”
He sighs heavily. “Don’t thank me, Sarah, because right now I feel like a complete and utter bastard. I can tell you’re a good woman. I can see you have struggled with something I don’t fully understand but what I think doesn’t matter. I wish things were different but they aren’t. Maybe I should let officer Jones deal with this case because I’m getting too involved and it will only end badly.”
I look at him in shock as he looks at me almost desperately. “I should go.”
Standing up, I walk towards him slowly and a little unsure about what I’m going to do next. He falters a little as I reach him and say softly, “I understand. Maybe it’s for the best you do go because you’re the only person I can think of right now. Maybe it’s because I’m lonely, frightened and vulnerable but you’re the only friend I’ve got to turn to. Gloria has been amazing, but she doesn’t offer me the same support that you do. I’m not being fair on you by keep on asking you to come. Maybe it’s for the best that you walk away now, for both our sakes.”
He nods and yet stands rooted to the spot. Our eyes connect and I can’t look away. He shuffles a little closer and I meet him halfway. He reaches out and I take his hand as he pulls me close and whispers, “I can’t walk away, Sarah. I can’t let you go.”
I look into those kind eyes and feel my heart flutter. I imagine those lips on mine chasing the shadows away and making things better. I crave him like oxygen because he is the only constant in my life. Maybe it’s because he’s the only person showing me any kindness and I’ve confused that with something else – a stronger, deeper, connection, that shows my mind’s more a mess than I thought it was.
So, I pull back and say sadly, “You should go.”
He says nothing and I feel the cold air from outside hit me as the door closes behind him. For a brief moment, I wonder what would have happened if I asked him to stay. Would an already complicated situation be made even more so if I had given in to the impulse to kiss him? What was I thinking? I’m not interested in starting something before this hell I’m in is concluded. Would I really have just gone against every rational thought in my head for one snatched kiss from a kind stranger?
I’m more confused than ever now and pray that sleep comes quickly tonight because I’m not sure how much longer I can cope with this.
Chapter 18
A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more peace and content in life than simply being a good husband and father. Frank Abagnale
I’m not alone for long.
It must only be around twenty minutes later that I hear a loud knock on the door. I feel nervous as I head across the hall to answer it. Only Gloria and Tony visit, unless you count the unwelcome one from Sylvia. I hope that it’s Gloria because I could use someone to talk to after the day I’ve had already.
However, it’s none of the above because standing there, looking slightly agitated, is Mason. I make to slam the door shut, half expecting Sylvia to be behind him but he puts his foot in the way and says desperately, “Please, hear me out, Sarah.”
My heart starts racing as I listen to every reason why I should refuse but something about the look in his eyes makes me stop. I recognise that look. I see it in the mirror every day. Mason is struggling and if anyone knows what that’s like, it’s me.
Against my better judgement, I let him in. He follows me into the kitchen and I say in a dull voice. “I expect you’ve come to attack me the same as Sylvia. Well, let me save you the job because I don’t know where Richard is and I’m not responsible for what happened.”
“I know.”
I look up in surprise and see the conflict raging through his eyes as he stares at me with a hard expression.
I whisper, “What do you mean… you know?”
He shakes his head and sits down wearily in the same chair that Richard always sat. It shocks me a little to see an older version of my husband sitting where he usually sits, although Mason looks to be a man in torment.
He sighs heavily. “I haven’t come here to argue, Sarah. I’m not here to blame you for anything. If anyone knows what my son is capable of, it’s me.”
I say almost fearfully, “Why are you here then?”
He looks at me with a pitying look and says dully, “Because I believe you.”
Those words are unexpected and have more of an effect than any spoken in the last week or so. He believes me. They mean so much coming from a man who should hate me.
He carries on. “We both know that Richard has problems. I recognised the signs from an early age but Sylvia thought he could do no wrong. He was always cruel and unforgiving and having Sylvia as a mother only encouraged him to think he was right. I should have stopped what I saw happening before my own eyes but I was too weak to step in. You see, Sarah, I have also lived my life under the shadow of a formidable partner. Sylvia is the same. She likes to control and does so in a way that strips you of your humanity. I co
uld see the same thing happening to you and I was too weak to step in. Now this is the result and we are going through hell. You see, Richard is our only son and all we have. We need to know what happened and think you can shed light on it. I’m not here to shout or argue or harm you in any way. I’m here for the truth of what happened that night, so we can begin to deal with what that may mean for the future.”
I look at him with an overwhelming sadness. Richard is still their son and they must be worried. For all they know, I murdered him and then fled the scene. They must be confused but I know they won’t like the answers to their questions.
Sitting opposite him, I say sadly, “You’re right. Richard liked to control. He liked obedience and everything was on his terms only. He was a bully and a despicable human being and I was planning on leaving him. You see, I made that decision many years ago but never had the strength to see it through. That night of the accident something snapped inside me and I told him I wanted a divorce.”
Mason looks at me and says sadly, “That must have taken a great deal of courage.”
I nod. “It was a courage that had deserted me years ago but chose that moment to revisit. I found an inner strength and blurted it out. However, as expected, Richard wasn’t having it. He punched me so hard my head hit the window. You see, Mason, Richard was the one driving, and he caused the accident. When the dust settled, he told me I would pay and fled the scene. He left me to take the blame because I told him I was leaving him. What man does that? A weak, despicable, bully who likes to control everything in his life. Well, that was something he couldn’t control, so he took off. If you want to know where he is, it can’t be far because your son is still terrorising me now. He is trying to scare me and send me mad but I’m not going to let him. I’m going to do what I should have done years ago and stand up and be counted. You see, Mason, I’ve had enough and I don’t want to be like you and live my life in the shadow of another. He can try but he won’t succeed because I have made the decision to be free of him. Whatever happens to me, I will always be free – of him. I may go to prison and I may find things hard but that’s the easy part because staying would have been the harshest prison and I owe it to myself to break free.”
Mason stands and to my surprise holds out his hand. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I blame myself for not speaking out years ago and sitting back and watching something spiral out of control that I could have prevented. You’re not to blame for what happened – I can see that; however, we still need to know where our son is. Sylvia is out of her mind with worry which only spells trouble for me. So, I’m begging you, please tell us any little piece of information that will help us find our son. We need closure on this, for all our sakes.”
Turning towards the window, I look outside and see life going on as normal. I see the usual comings and goings of a community wrapped up in their lives without an obvious care in the world. Behind those curtains, a different life may be played out but nobody knows what.
I shake my head and say sadly, “I wish I could help you. Trust me, if I knew where Richard was, I’d be a happier woman. I am locked in a prison awaiting my fate with no control over it. I can assure you that Richard is out there somewhere – watching and waiting. I’m sure that when whatever he’s planning pans out you’ll have your son back because of that I’m certain. Richard hasn’t finished with me yet and I’m resigned to that.”
I turn to look at him and say with feeling. “Don’t accept your own situation though. You have wasted far too many years already. Find your inner strength and get help for a problem that will never go away. You owe it to yourself to never settle for anything less than you deserve.”
Mason stands and says in a low voice. “It’s too late for me. You see, this is something you or I come to think of it, will never understand. I love Sylvia. I always have done and even though she treats me this way, I will never leave her, because, without her, I may as well be dead. Maybe you will never understand it, I’m not sure I do but I would rather this life than a life on my own. I admire you, Sarah but I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.”
His words shock me and he grins ruefully. “Anyway, I said what I came here to say. Please call me as soon as you hear anything because like I said, we are out of our minds with worry for our son. There is one thing I want to say before I go.”
I look at him questioningly and he smiles weakly, “Take care of yourself because I’m not so sure you will be as strong as you think you are. Think about it. In the eyes of the law, you have killed someone, if not two people. You are about to exchange one prison for another and both are unforgiving. If it turns out you did murder our son, there will be no end to your suffering because we will make it our life’s work to punish you for what you’ve done. If it turns out you were right all along, it will probably only be because they find your body because if I know my son and if he is out there, you are about to experience hell on earth and nobody can save you from what he has planned.”
He doesn’t wait for my reaction and I get no chance to answer him because Mason is gone before I pick my jaw up from the floor. As knockout punches go, that was a good one.
Shaking, I race to the door and bolt the door as tightly as possible. I lean back against it and feel my legs shake with fear and my heart beat out of control. He’s right. I’m waiting here for the inevitable and there is no way out. Richard is out there biding his time and I am making it easy for him.
Chapter 19
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Walter Winchell
The next few days are uneventful. Nobody calls and the walls are closing in on me. There is no word from Tony which doesn’t surprise me. I could tell he wouldn’t be back. There was something about the look in his eyes that told me he was walking away. I call my solicitor but she doesn’t return my calls. Even Gloria doesn’t stop by and I think I’m going out of my mind with boredom and worry.
Then, one morning, I decide to do something different. It’s a beautiful day outside and there is a lot of activity in Richmond Avenue. I see James washing his car and various neighbours out tending their gardens. Children are cycling past on their bikes and their happy laughter makes me smile. Life goes on and so should mine. I need to start living again and so, I grab my gardening trug and head outside to join them.
As I take a deep breath, I feel the fresh air fill my lungs and my heart settles. Why didn’t I do this weeks ago? I may be waiting for something out of my control but I am allowed outside. I should be making the most of my freedom while I have it and look around me with a little trepidation.
I kneel down to the side of the flower bed and start pulling out the weeds. The birds circle overhead looking for food and the sound of a lawnmower buzzes nearby. Looking up, I see James polishing his car and as he looks in my direction. I raise my hand and wave. He turns away.
I feel a little foolish. Maybe he didn’t see me. Carrying on I see Jenny walking along Richmond Avenue towards Alice’s house. She looks up and I smile and wave. She, however, looks down and turns away.
A cold feeling creeps over me. What’s going on?
Standing up, I move to the edge of my drive and watch Sally and Crispin get into their car. I call out, “Hey, Sally.”
The car door slams and the engine starts, cutting any conversation stone dead.
I make to move towards the reversing car and then it happens. I see her. Ellie Matthews, standing across the road behind the reversing car. I watch with horror as she waves and smiles at me. I cry out as the car gains speed and she shakes her head and smiles once more as the car hits. I watch in horror as she flies forward into the road and lies in a heap on the ground.
It all seems so real and yet they drive off and the body disappears. I know it’s my mind playing tricks on me but it all seems so real. I pinch myself literally to check I’m not dreaming but nothing changes. Sinking to my knees, I start to cry. This is too much; I’m slowly going mad. What’s happening to me?
As
I sob on the path outside my house, life in Richmond Avenue goes on. Cars pass me and children play. Sounds of nature mix with those of man and nobody pays me any attention. I am invisible and no longer part of this community. I may as well be dead because this is no life to live.
Then I hear steps running towards me and a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Hey, Sarah. It’s ok, I’m here. Let’s get you inside.”
Looking up, I see Gloria’s anxious eyes staring down at me and I smile at her gratefully and say in a whisper, “I think I’m going mad, Gloria.”
She shakes her head. “No, you’re not, honey. You’re the sane one in all of this. Let’s get you inside and you can tell me all about it.”
She helps me back inside number 15 and I’m grateful when the door closes and peace is restored.
Gloria makes me a cup of tea and says kindly, “Listen, Sarah. There’s something you should know.”
She smiles sadly. “The people around here are conflicted. Word is, you killed Richard, and it’s all they can talk about. Obviously, I believe you and have told them as much but they aren’t convinced. The police have taken statements from everyone and you know what they’re like, so wrapped up in their own lives they don’t want to get involved in another’s problems.”
I say shakily, “So, they think I’m a murderer.”
She nods sadly. “I’m sorry but you know what they’re like. They stay away because they don’t want to be dragged into all this. I’ve tried to reason with them but nobody will budge. Until this is resolved, you don’t exist. To them anyway. I’m sure you’re not surprised, really. I mean, I’d be surprised if they did stand by you to be honest. It’s human nature, after all. Friends on the surface but when the chips are down, they stay well away. Too wrapped up in their own lives to give a thought to anyone else. Word is, you’re heading to prison, and that scares the hell out of them.”