Perchance

by Lila Felix

  Perchance ~ Lila Felix

  Perchance

  LILA FELIX

  To sleep, perchance to Dream

  -Hamlet

  Copyright @Lila Felix 2012

  This publication is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, and all rights are reserved, including resale rights: you are not allowed to give or sell this book to anyone else.

  Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if we use one of these terms.

  To my family who put up with this new thing that I do called writing.

  To my Dad who took the time to give his girls a rock ‘n’ roll education.

  To my posse who love me no matter what: Shelly C., Amanda C., Mandy A., Gloria G., Melinda S., Annie H., and Rachel H.

  And thank you Monique O’Conner James for kicking my butt about my love of adverbs and ellipses.

  Remi

  I volunteered to leave. She would never kick me out or ask me to leave. She wouldn’t even hint at the fact that things were getting harder and harder and something had to give. Tuesday was getting more and more out of control and the twins were a handful on their own. I was the oldest. I could go and live with someone else. I could get a job. I had tried several times but she said that education was my only priority. That way I would never have to rely on a man. She had relied on a man and he had left her high and dry and now she worked two full time jobs to support us.

  I think her name was Daisy. It was something cheery and friendly but what she had come here to say was anything but nice. Mom had too many kids to take care of, that’s what she said and after Tuesday had shoplifted from the local grocery store again. Yes, again. And while the store owner hadn’t pressed charges, Daisy had to come by for a visit at the request of the Sheriff’s Office.

  Tuesday had volunteered to leave too. She was going to go live with our grandparents in Michigan. Mom was on the phone trying to find a cousin or an aunt to take me. It was like she was peddling off extra soup or something.

  This way Mom would only be left with the twins, Scout and Sable. They were both in middle school and they couldn’t skip school yet, hopefully.

  Mom had had it hard even before he left. When he wasn’t working he was drunk and when he wasn’t drunk, you almost wished he was. They fought constantly and she was always miserable. She had warned me ever since not to put your faith in a man, not to trust them, not to bank your life on a man taking care of you.

  Tuesday was fifteen and was already packing her stuff in a suitcase. Grandma Aline was on her way from Michigan to pick her up. But it would take two or three days for her to get here, so I’m not sure why she was in such a hurry. But Grandma only had room for one of us and honestly she wasn’t my biggest fan and the feeling was mutual.

  “Remi, your Aunt Brenda wants to talk to you.” Ding Ding Ding, we have a soup taker!

  “Ok.” I got up from the table where I was pretending to nurse a bowl of oatmeal.

  I answered the phone and my Mom gave me a tight lipped smile.

  “Hello?” I sounded pissed, but I really wasn’t. I was annoyed.

  “Hello Remi, it’s your Aunt Brenda. I spoke to your mother and the only way I can afford to get you here is by bus. Your mother will explain more, but I am happy to help out. I think you and I will get along wonderfully.”

  She said all of this in a sticky, sweet as southern iced tea voice.

  “Thank you. I promise not to be a burden.”

  She laughed a big haughty laugh, “Of course you won’t darlin’” and she repressed her voice to a soft whisper. “After all it wasn’t you who skipped school all the time, right?”

  I laughed a little, “No Ma’am, not me.”

  “I heard the story Remi. I’m glad you’re coming. I don’t have any kids of my own so it will be nice to have some company.” She sounded sincere, but I wasn’t a good judge of sincerity.

  “I’m sorry Aunt Brenda, but where do you live?”

  “I live in Southern Louisiana honey. It’s a smaller community, but there’s some cities nearby and it’s really pretty here.”

  Yay! I get to ride on a stinky bus from Northern Texas to Louisiana. My luck I would get stuck next to a child molester who smelled like he washed himself with a crap covered rabid dog.

  “OK,” I said, looking at my Mom who was stoic as her kids made plans to leave her. “When can I come?”

  “I can buy your ticket today if you want or we can wait.”

  “As soon as possible, please. School starts soon there, right?”

  “Yeah darlin’ school starts in about 9 days.”

  “Thank you. I’m going to pack my bag now.”

  I hung up and phone and packed without saying a word.

  Cooper

  Why had he waited so long? I mean, seriously, why wait until I am freakin’ seventeen years old before you decide you want to see me? And my Mom? She agreed to it. He had the nerve to call our house after he ran out on us, well on my Mom, when she was pregnant with me after seventeen years! He had the balls to ask to see me? Not only did I not want to see him because he was a loser, but now he was a loser who had grown a pair and decided it was time to get to know me? Screw that crap.

  But, unfortunately for me, I was still under age and my Mom, who I normally loved to pieces, said it was ok. Not only did she say it was fine for me to visit a perfect stranger, but they decided that I should spend my Senior year with him at his house! I very nearly asked her what the hell she had smoked that had made her go bat crap crazy enough to do this to me.

  Don’t get me wrong, I loved my Mom. I loved her more than anything and she’s raised me on her own, with no help from anyone, including Mr. Big Balls. She always showed up to all of my school events and didn’t hesitate to give me a come down on me harder than nails when I started to slouch off in school. But this was every shade of stupid.

  “Cooper, honey, are you going to pack? Your flight leaves in the morning. Do you need me to get anything for your trip?”

  She was perched on the corner of my bed teetering like she was going to fall off at any moment.

  I heaved a heavy sigh and flounced back on my bed. One last try couldn’t hurt.

  “Mom, don’t make me go there. He’s a dic…”

  She clipped my words short, “Language Cooper Neal.”

  “Sorry, um, he’s a really big butthole and I would rather be scalped than to go live with him.”

  “Cooper, go stay there for a while, if he’s absolutely the worst person on the face of the Earth, then you can come back. But you had better have a darned good reason. And at least you can say that you tried.”

  My toddler Cooper made an appearance and I folded my arms across my chest.

  “I don’t have a big enough suitcase.”

  “I bought you a new one today while you were at work.”

  “I need some new clothes.”

  “Let’s go now and buy some.”

  “I hate flying.”

  “You’ve never flown on a plane.”

  “I don’t want to…”

  She let out the longest breath ever.

  “I know. “

  I scrubbed my hands up and down my face with a fury.

  “Fine.”

  I got up and walked the span of the room and began throwing clothes out of my dresser and closet onto the bed. Mom started to fold them as I threw them. She walked out into the hallway briefly and returned with a new army green colored suitcase and started filling it.

  Remi

  After we dropped the twins off at daycare the next day, we made our way to the bus station. S
he gave me the safety run down on the way. Don’t talk to strangers; don’t go in the bathroom by yourself, keep your purse in your hands at all times. But let’s face it. I was getting on a bus, going to a place I had never been. I was going to have to speak to a stranger; everyone I was going to come in contact with for the next two days was going to be a stranger, including the aunt on the other side of my destination. And what was I supposed to do, only go to the bathroom when other people were in there? I know she meant well, but I had been taking care of myself for a while now. She worked her butt off to provide for us and I had filled in the gaps the best I could.

  We arrived at the bus station and I went to the counter and provided my driver’s license to claim the pre-paid ticket Aunt Brenda had sent for me. The lady at the counter gave me a look. I’m sure she had a million internal theories as to why I was travelling alone at my age and I’m sure that most of them included me being some type of delinquent.

  I kinda felt like a delinquent.

  I picked up my ticket and my suitcase and did a clumsy walk to the departing buses. I had to use my leg and kick my suitcase out at every other step to make it move. Not that it was filled with tons of stuff but it was probably the bulkiest, ugliest suitcase I had ever seen and of course it was made way before suitcases with wheels. Abraham Lincoln probably owned a better suitcase.

  Tuesday was filing her nails while she followed me and when I stopped in front of my bus, matching the number on the ticket with the number flashing inside the window of the bus, she stabbed me in the back with the nail file.

  “Jeez Tuesday, why don’t you watch where you’re going with that thing?”

  “Ugh, come on Rem..it was an accident.”

  “Yeah? I’ll show you an accident…”

  We were held apart by Mom’s hands and shushed.

  I was already pissed off at Tuesday to the point where I couldn’t stand to look at her so this didn’t help.

  My Mom stared at the bus and then turned back to me.

  “Ok, Remi, best behavior and watch yourself on this bus. You know how men are.”

  “Yeah Mom, I know.” Then I turned the meanest glare I owned on my sister.

  “And by the way, my behavior is not the one you have to worry about.”

  With that I hugged my Mom and got on the bus quickly, but not before handing my big lug of a suitcase to the man standing by the door. He loaded into a cargo space under the bus and before I knew it the bus took off making the most disturbing noises I have ever heard.

  “I hope Aunt Brenda isn’t a hag.” I whispered.

  Cooper

  Leaving my Mom crying at the Charlotte airport was gut wrenching. I thought that I was so angry with her that I wouldn’t even be upset, but it was out of my control. She looked so torn. I felt like she was sending me away somewhere as a punishment. Why was I being punished because this man in Po-Dunk, Louisiana all of the sudden wanted to claim that he had some right to see me?

  I hugged her as hard as I could before I boarded a plane to Baton Rouge. I gave the security people my boarding pass and driver’s license and made my way to the gate. And just my luck there were not one, not two, but three families with crying babies. Maybe they would all be cried out before the plane took off. Maybe they would cry the whole way and it would give me a headache so excruciating that I would pass out and stay that way through the whole flight. Whatever the case, I was about to be thrown right into it. The flight person, whatever you call him, announced that the flight was boarding and everyone lined up like it was first come first seat. They probably weren’t going to see their long lost loser Dad.

  “Nope, not calling him Dad. I’m calling him Eric.” I said to myself as I got in line with the other passengers.

  I wondered how mad Mom would be if I turned around right now and went home. I sighed and looked at the airport ceiling, moving inch by inch on my way to what seemed like hell. She’d be pissed, that’s what. She’d feed me my rear end on a spoon and make me say I liked it.

  “Boarding pass and ID please.” The guy said. His name tag said ‘flight attendant’. At least I knew what they were called now. I handed it to him and he scanned it and wished me a good flight. Yeah right.

  I made my way down the aisle and sat in my seat. At least he had gotten me a window seat. I’ve never flown before, but I’m pretty sure I would be pissed off if my elbow got removed by that cart that was being pushed up the aisle.

  I looked out the window and watched as the men piled the suitcases into the back of the plane.

  I blew out a great huff of breath and it fogged up the window.

  I got my iPod and earbuds ready for the flight and tried to relax.

  Remi

  My eyes were closed and my head butted into something hard, like concrete. I opened them and looked around, disoriented from being asleep. That concrete was not concrete at all. It was metal, the metal that encased the window beside me on this God forsaken bus. We had stopped, where, who knew. The bus driver was standing and making an announcement, but there was a drummer by the name of headache in my head stopping me from hearing him. I squinted to try to make out the words and barely heard ‘Shreveport’.

  Ok, Shreveport, that’s only about six hours away.

  I wonder if I packed any headache medicine.

  I dug through my purse and the older lady next to me looked amused.

  She cleared her throat and said “What do you need honey? I’ve got everything but the kitchen sink in this big ole’ bag.” She patted her bag and looked on it proudly.

  “Oh” My voice was still sounded like I had swallowed cotton before going to sleep. I tried to clear it. “Thank you. I woke up with a killer headache. Do you have anything?”

  “That’s all? Why sure I do.” She pulled out a plastic bag and inside of it were bottles and bottles of every kind of medicine. This woman was a freakin’ Walgreens.

  She took a smaller squatty bottle out and handed me three blue oval pills.

  “Do you have anything to drink?” Her voiced almost creaked as she spoke.

  “No Ma’am, I’m gonna get out here and get something. Can I get you anything?”

  She smiled and patted my hand. “No thank you honey girl. I’ve got to use the bathroom. I’ll get myself something.”

  I smiled back at her and stepped over her knees to exit the bus.

  Stepping down those four steps towards the concrete below was a feat since my legs had been constricted to the small space between seats in the bus. I was a little wobbly and had to hold on to the handle on the side of the bus door to get my balance.

  I looked out and we were stopped at a truck stop. I made my way into the gas station area, bought a bottled water and took my pills right there before paying for it. I paid for the water and a pack of gum since my mouth tasted like a gorilla had crapped in it.

  I used the bathroom and washed my face off before making my way back to the bus. I sat in my seat and noticed that the older lady still wasn’t back. I was kinda worried since the bus driver looked ready to go. Then I heard her voice before I saw her and leaned back in my seat no longer worried.

  Six more hours, six more hours, six more hours.

  Cooper

  I was being nudged in the arm by somebody. There had better be a fire, that’s all I can say.

  “What?” I croaked out. But all I could hear was the Beastie Boys talking about Sabotage.

  I jerked my earbuds out, prepared to stare down the sucker who woke me up.

  What I got was an eyeful of Mr. Flight Attendant, with his hands on his hips, giving me this ‘I know you just didn’t say what to me’ look.

  “Sorry, are we there?” I said as I sat up and tried to straighten myself.

  “Yes, the rest of the passengers deplaned a while ago.”

  I jumped out at that statement. “Oh crap, thanks.”

  I grabbed my stuff as fast as I could and made my way out of the plane, getting some ‘so not so friendly skies’ glares as I
did.

  I pushed my hair back trying to look halfway presentable, not for him but for my Mom. She’d slap me where I stood if she thought I was getting off of the plane looking like a homeless guy. I mean, she’d never hit me, but sometimes she’d make you wish she would. It would be easier to take than the lectures I got.

  I pulled downward on my dark green Van Halen t shirt and tried to flatten the wrinkles in my jeans as I walked out of the gate and towards baggage claim. My Da..Eric said he would meet me there.

  I rounded the corner in the small airport, well it was smaller the Charlotte, and looked around. I fully expected a cheesy sign that said “COOPER NEAL I AM YOUR DADDY” on it, but no, that would be too easy.

  I looked for the baggage claim and went to retrieve my bag and there was a man standing next to it. I stopped in my tracks with widened eyes because his appearance shocked the hell out of me. It was like seeing myself in a mirror. Yes, he was older and a little taller and had a little beer gut, but other than that it was me. He smiled and took hold of my suitcase that I pointed out.

  He made his way towards me until he was about a foot in front of me and stopped.

  He put his right hand out and said, “Cooper, son, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Eric, your Dad.”

  I lifted my backpack higher on my shoulder and reached out to meet his handshake.

  “Hi Eric, nice to meet you.”

  He smiled and chuckled. “Trish was right, you’ve got manners. That’s good, she raised you right. I knew she would.”

  “No help from you.” I mumbled under my breath. How’s that for manners old man?

  “What was that?” He said, but we both knew good and well that he had heard me.

  “Nothing. Where do you live again?”

  “I live in St. Francisville. It’s about an hour from here. We’ll be there in no time. You hungry? We could eat here in the city or wait until we get home.”

  “Yeah, I’m starving.” I said as we walked through the parking garage to his car or truck or whatever he drove.

  “Ok, we’ll eat here and then make the trip.”

  We ate at a restaurant in Baton Rouge and then made our way for his house.

  So the guy drove a pretty sweet truck. I would give him that. It had a huge back seat and was up on these really tall tires.