Behind Closed Doors

by Ava Catori

  Hunter’s dark hair highlighted his face. His eyes were often hidden beneath sunglasses, but inside I got to see the crystal blue of his eyes. He was a handsome man, and the lonelier I got, the more I noticed.

  His frame was broad and sturdy, and when he was near, I knew he’d take care of me. At least somebody would. With his military training, I knew I was safe, but it’s not like anyone had interest in the Governor’s wife, it was more for show. My life wasn’t in jeopardy.

  Hunter sat in one of the leather chairs, his posture still alert. He did as he was told, but I could sense he was uncomfortable.

  “Tell me more about you,” I said, desperate for conversation that went in both directions. It seemed that when I talked to Harry, it was one sided most of the time.

  “I’m not much for conversation,” he said.

  “Could you try for me?” I felt pathetic asking him to have a conversation with me, almost pleading, but I needed a connection, any connection.

  He took a deep breath, “When I was in training, and back in my military days, I never expected to be here.”

  “Are you disappointed?” I asked, not thinking about what his other goals might have been.

  “No, not disappointed, just realizing my life took a different path,” he said. “What about you?”

  “I like how you steered it back to me,” I smiled. “Since you’re obviously not going to fill in more details, I’ll go.” I laughed lightly. “I’m on the path I expected, but it’s not as joyful as I’d intended. I thought I’d like it more and I thought my husband would…” she trailed off. “Never mind,”

  “Mrs. Michaels, would you like me to stay?”

  I nodded silently. “I’m lonely, Alex. May I call you Alex?”

  “Yes, Ma’am, you may call me whatever you’d like.”

  “Would you just stay here with me while I work for a bit,” I said quietly, almost embarrassed by my loneliness.

  “Yes, Ma’am.”

  “Alex, please call me Elle,” I reminded.

  “I’m sorry, yes, Elle.”

  “Thank you.” I looked across at my bodyguard and wondered if he was happy. Did he have a family, a relationship, children…I honestly didn’t know. “Alex, do you have children?”

  “No, Ma’am…No, Elle,” he said correcting himself. “No children.”

  “Is that too personal?” I hoped I didn’t offend him by asking these questions.

  “I’m not used to discussing personal things at work,” he answered simply.

  “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

  “I prefer to stick to my job,” he said, looking a little awkward.

  “I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to pry.” I blushed, realizing I’d put him on the spot out of sheer loneliness.

  “It’s okay,” he answered, and then said nothing.

  I went back to sorting my papers, and opened my laptop. Occasionally I’d glance up and see him sitting before me, still alert and still with perfect posture. I wondered if he ever slouched, or wore jeans, or if his hair ever got windblown. He seemed to keep things perfectly together, and made even sitting there seem effortless, when I knew he must be bored to tears.

  Finishing my business, I stood and headed to change for the day’s events. I hated that every hair had to be in place, and every outfit had to be perfectly coordinated. I never knew if there’d be a photo op, and I had to be ready, representing as the Governor’s wife. I missed being able to wear a loose ponytail, or jeans and a t-shirt for an outing. It was the little things that I missed the most. It was all about image, and with a possible Vice Presidency bid coming up, image was more important than ever.

  I pulled on my blazer, layering it over my silk blouse and took one last glance in the mirror. Choosing comfortable heels with a chunkier and shorter heel said sensible, but that I put effort in. I missed sexy heels, but these offered a more conservative approach, something we needed right now.

  Tucking my hair behind one ear, I reached down and picked up my bag. “Alex, I’m ready,” I called out to the man waiting in the hallway.

  “You look lovely, Elle.” His voice was softer than usual. I think he was trying to be nice, and felt sorry for me after this morning’s attempt at conversation.

  I swallowed hard and decided to break the ice. The formality was killing me. I craved real conversation. “So, did you see Harry’s harlot yesterday? What did you think?”

  He didn’t know how to answer, “Ma’am.”

  “Alex, for the final time, please call me Elle. Really, I’d greatly appreciate it.”

  “I’m here to do a job, Elle. I don’t want to cross boundaries.”

  “I understand. You’re not my friend, you’re my bodyguard,” I said bitterly.

  “And for the record,” he said under his breath, “She looked like a two dollar hooker.” He smiled a small smile and winked. “It’s a fine line I walk, Elle. I’m here to do a job, and I need to do it.”

  “Very well,” I scowled playfully. “Thank you for that bit.”

  Heading out to the car, my driver was waiting for me. Alex sat in the front with him, and I was taken to my meeting. It was the last place I wanted to be, but at least there was human interaction, something I sorely lacked at home.

  I pulled my small personal phone out of my purse, not my issued one. I didn’t need them tracking every damn call I made. I had my driver stop at a kiosk and grab me a pre-paid phone time to time. I tossed them randomly and grabbed a new one so I had a little privacy. It was the only way I knew my calls weren’t tracked. It’s not like I was calling people I shouldn’t be, but I resented that every single thing I did was watched.

  Dialing my sister, “Jamie, are you busy for dinner?” I frowned at her answer, “Right, okay, no problem. I just thought I’d give you a quick ring.” I listened to her rattle off one of a thousand excuses and responded. “No, nothing important, I’m heading to a luncheon. No, no, I understand, have a good day.”

  My sister was heading to pick up her son. My nephew was sweet, but I barely knew him like I should. My sister lived a more bohemian lifestyle and we weren’t close. Regardless, I reached out time to time to check in. I tried my mom, but she was busy at a conference. My father was my last shot. I didn’t really have anybody else left to call.

  “Daddy, how are you? A meeting, right…no, I’ll catch you later.”

  There was nobody else. I sat alone in the back of the car, waiting for my driver to drop me at my luncheon. I’d paste a smile on my face and pretend I wasn’t desperately lonely, and make a good impression. That’s all it was, showing up, being seen, and acting like I gave a damn. That’s all they wanted anyway, and maybe some money for their agenda, or a photo op.

  As the car approached the country club where the meeting was being held, I decided I wasn’t going in. “Reggie, can you turn around and leave. I don’t think I’m going today. Please take me home.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” he answered back.

  I pulled out my other phone, the business one, and called the head of the event. Profusely apologizing, I excused myself, begging out with a terrible migraine. The host feigned sympathy, but all she cared about was my name and face for her photo opportunity. I hated my life, I realized in that very moment just how much. Something had to give, needed to change, or I’d forever be living this lie.

  Before we reached the house, I redirected Reggie. “Will you stop over at Brielle’s Coffee Café first?”

  “Yes, Ma’am.” I hated all those Ma’am’s. I understood why my employees answered that way, but it made me feel older than I was, and felt so formal. I craved regular interaction, not the kind where people were detached.

  As the dark town car pulled to the curb, I got out, “Alex, would you join me? Reggie would you like me to grab you something? You can park the car; I’ll be a little bit. I’d like to sit for a while.”

  “No Ma’am, but thank you.”

  Alex stepped onto the sidewalk, as Reggie opened the door for
me. “Will you sit with me?” I directed the question to my bodyguard.

  “Certainly,” he said and went with me into the small café.

  I smiled warmly at the woman behind the counter and placed my order. “Is the small room in the back available?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Michaels, shall I bring your stuff back there?”

  “That would be great, I appreciate it.”

  We headed towards the back of the small café, and passed through a curtain. In the back there were two overstuffed chairs set aside in a small private area. I’ve been coming here for a quite a bit, and Brielle the owner shared her private alcove with me. It was for special clients, and she included me in that list. Most people didn’t realize there was a sitting area behind the curtain and thought it was storage.

  Two French country patterned chairs sat caddy corner to one another with a small table between them. Sitting, I looked at Alex. He looked stiff and postured as always. He took the chair facing the curtain so he could keep an eye on things. I was amused, knowing I wouldn’t be assaulted in the little coffee café, but he took his job seriously.

  “Alex, for just a moment can you be my friend and not my employee?”

  He looked at me curiously.

  “I want to ask you something, but not as your boss. I need some advice, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to.”

  He looked down, not sure how to answer. This wasn’t in his job description, but he was human after all.

  “Look, I just need a friend,” I said quietly.

  “Elle, I’m not sure what you need, but I’m here.”

  “Thank you, Alex.” I felt badly watching him shift, knowing he wasn’t sure how to respond. He was so straight forward, and focused on his job, and here I was asking him to just be a person, my friend for a moment.

  He nodded.

  “Alex, are you married or in a relationship? I’m not coming onto you,” I corrected quickly, I just wanted to bounce a thought off him. Knowing if he was committed he’d look at the question I was going to ask in a different way than if he was single.

  “Not currently,” he answered. “I almost married, but it didn’t work out.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, almost a knee jerk response.

  “Thank you, but it’s for the best. We wouldn’t have been happy. She didn’t understand the term monogamy.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again, knowing full well how that felt.

  He nodded.

  “Alex, do you think I’m a fool to stay? Knowing that Harry openly cheats on me,” I trailed off.

  “Only you can truly know what you want out of your relationship,” he answered, as if to say it was okay if I was getting something out of the marriage.

  “I’ve thought of leaving him, but I feel trapped. He’s in a bid for a possible Vice Presidency run, and if I leave I’ll hurt his chances of getting it.”

  “That’s a lot of pressure to place on your shoulders,” he commented.

  “I’m torn,” I sighed. “I’m tired of hurting and living a lie, and yet I don’t want to ruin his career either.”

  “We can only be responsible for our own actions, Elle. He’s responsible for his own choices,” he finished. After a moment’s pause, “You deserve better.”

  I looked at my bodyguard and smiled softly, “Thank you. Some days I feel like a fool for staying, and yet I don’t know if I have it in me to leave.”

  Sitting and drinking my tea, Alex sipped his coffee. I asked him about his childhood, and with a little prodding he shared a few shredded details. It was like pulling teeth, but it was nice to have a regular conversation.

  Standing, I smoothed my skirt, “You can go back to work now,” I smiled at him.

  “Thank you, Elle.” He said finding his comfort level again.

  “I appreciate you talking to me for a while,” I said. “I don’t have many friends these days, and the people that hang around all want something from me.”

  “That must be difficult,” he answered.

  “I don’t know who to trust, who to talk to, and I hate being lonely,” I finished. Walking out to the car, I got in and handed a small bag to Reggie. “I got you some cookies,” I smiled.

  “Thank you, Ma’am.”

  Chapter 3

  When Harry walked into the sitting room, I got up and left. I didn’t want to be around him right now. He usually avoided me anyway, but he had something to say. “Elle, I need to speak with you,” he started.

  I rolled my eyes and turned around before I was able to exit the room. Sitting back down, I looked at my husband. I realized in that moment I felt nothing for him anymore. I wished it had been different, but it was too late. I was tired of my husband fucking around on me, treating me like an accessory, and taking me for granted.

  “There’s been discussion, and it would appear I’ve moved to the short list of choices for the VP position. We’re going to have to be a united front and make a few appearances,” he started.

  “What’s the matter; your mistress is busy and can’t make it?”

  He pretended like I didn’t say anything. “Do you really need to do that now? A matching suit would be nice, dark colors, conservative hair and shoes would be appreciated. It’s important that we present ourselves in our best light.”

  “Harry, I can’t do this,” I started. I sighed, I hadn’t planned to go there, but I couldn’t stop the train from derailing.

  “What do you mean you can’t do this?” He looked at me like I had two heads. “You need to be there for these appearances. These are big photo ops, and there will be a lot of them over the next few weeks, maybe even months.”

  I sighed, “Harry, the game is over. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be your pawn. Our marriage is nothing but a front.” I stood up and felt amazingly strong as the words slipped out.

  “What?” He called out as I started to walk away. “Get back here, Elle. You can’t drop a bombshell like that and not discuss it.”

  I turned around, feeling next to nothing but relieved. “What’s to discuss? You’ve been fucking around with other women, you treat me like dirt, and I don’t love you. My lawyer will be in touch,” I said and then left.

  Harry chased after me, “Elle, get back here. We aren’t finished yet.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Harry. I am finished.”

  As Harry grabbed my wrist, I spun around, “Don’t you dare.”

  Hunter stepped out from the wall, I barely saw him there. “Remove your hand from Mrs. Michaels,” he said firmly.

  Harry turned and looked at the man talking, “Watch your tone, I’ll have your ass fired,” he said.

  “Again, remove your hand from Mrs. Michaels. This is your last warning.”

  Harry dropped my wrist, spinning his attention to my bodyguard. “What’s your problem? Elle is my wife. You’re out of a job, son. You don’t speak to the Governor like that,” he said in a power play.

  “I don’t work for you,” he said with a cool tone. “I work for your wife.” Standing his ground, he stepped up to Harry’s face. “I suggest you keep your hands to yourself if you can’t be a gentleman,” he wasn’t fooling around.

  I felt goose bumps watching the scenario take place. You’d think my husband would be the one watching out for me, protecting me, but when it came down to it, it was Alex who had my back.

  Harry turned around annoyed, “You’ll be out of here so fast your head will spin,” he called behind him. Pulling out his phone he called his assistant. “Contact the agency and have my wife’s bodyguard fired immediately.”

  Hanging up, he stomped down the hallway.

  “Alex, I’m sorry,” I started.

  “Elle, it’s my job, don’t apologize.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll smooth it over. You’re not going anywhere,” I said. “I want you here with me.”

  “It’s not necessary,” he said, “I’ll be leaving in the morning.”

  “Alex?” I was confused.

  �
��I can’t do this job with a clear head, I’ve got growing feelings.”

  Hearing the words took her off guard, “What?”

  “It’s hard to stay unbiased when I’m getting too attached.”

  I stood looking at the man before me. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s nothing to say,” he started, “you’re a married woman.”

  “Not for much longer,” I said. There was silence. Neither of us knew how to react or respond.

  I finally broke the ice, “I’m heading off to bed. Thank you for stepping up for me,” I finished.

  “It’s early for you to turn in. Are you okay?”

  “Not entirely, but I need to make a call. He won’t bother me if I’m in my room. I need to find a good lawyer. Our family lawyer won’t do, he’ll err towards Harry’s side.”

  “I know somebody,” he started, and then stopped himself. “I shouldn’t get involved, I’m sorry.”

  “Alex, if you know somebody,” I stopped. “I don’t mean to drag you into this.”

  “I’ll get you their number,” he said. “I should leave. I’ll see you to your room, and make sure the nightshift knows to keep an eye on Mr. Michaels. If you need anything,” he started. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his wallet. Inside he removed a card, “This is my personal number. Don’t hesitate to call if he bothers you tonight.”

  “That shouldn’t be necessary, but thank you. Harry stays as far away from my room as possible. He’s afraid he’ll have to be intimate with me, and we both know he saves that for his whores.”

  Alex held out his card, “Take it in case you need something. You can reach me at any hour,” he said.

  Walking to my room, my mind was spinning. What was I doing? I couldn’t divorce my husband could I? It would hurt his chances and his career. Was I being selfish, wanting a life of my own, wanting to feel things again? I’d lived this way for this long, what were a few more years. Maybe I should just settle my jets and let him get the bid. He’d worked hard for this, and I was about to dangle it in front of him like a carrot. That didn’t seem fair.

  Sitting in my room after saying goodnight to Alex, I realized I’d spoken in haste. It wasn’t right for me to step away just yet. He needed a good showing, to look like we were a stable couple, and if I divorced him now it would cause a controversy that he didn’t need in his political career. I resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going anywhere – not yet.