Between Friends

by Amanda Cowen

  “Give me the drinks.” I say forcing my hands to my hips. I hate Ben and his superior behavior as he glares at me with dark brown eyes. He slowly slides the drinks in my direction, I snatch them and whip around, but his hand fastens around my elbow.

  “Let go!” I shout already feeling the tears well up in my eyes.

  “What the hell did I do?” he asks completely dumbfounded.

  I look at Ben and the disbelief on his face, but I don’t say another word.

  “Come on Megan. Say something. Tell me what I did.” Ben asks closing the space between us. He is so close I can smell the rum on his breath. I push him away and walk back to the dance floor.

  Not here, not now.

  Ben doesn’t approach me the rest of the night. Instead he lets Stephanie hang all over him while he slams back the rum and cokes. Michelle and I continue to have some more good-natured fun, until our feet hurt and we decide we’ve had enough. We trudge back to the table, and I make the mistake of watching Stephanie lean over and kiss Ben’s cheek.

  I’ve reached my breaking point.

  “Well, I think it’s time to call it a night.” I say and stumble away from the table, “I’m not feeling so well.”

  “You shouldn’t walk alone.” Steven says, “Let me walk you back.”

  “No, no, no. I’m more than okay. Thanks Steven.” I say and slowly creep backwards.

  “No, I think I should walk you back.” He insists and stands up from the table.

  “Steven, please. Sit down. I’m fine.” I say. Steven opens his mouth to argue, but slams it shut.

  “Are you sure?” Michael asks and gives me an once-over.

  “Positive.” I say, and see Ben dart his eyes at me.

  “Call one of us as soon as you make it back to your villa. Promise?” Eric says.

  I nod and start to walk away, feeling Ben’s eyes follow me out the door. Once I am outside and safe from his view, I let the tears stream down my cheeks.

  Nothing is worse than being drunk and feeling sorry for your-self. It is a recipe for disaster. I am half way to our villa, when I flop down on some random steps outside of a gift shop. I let the tears flow, because I promised myself as soon as I made it to my bed, I would not cry one more tear over Ben. I drop my head in my hands, wishing I could just erase everything that happened between us. All I want is my best friend back, but I know he is gone forever.

  “Are you okay?”

  I suck up my tears and wipe them away with the back of my hands. I look up through my long wet lashes to see Ben standing in front of me.

  “Go away!” I shout, “Someone might think we’re actually together!”

  “What the hell is going on?” He takes one step closer and adds, “Holy shit you’re really drunk.”

  “I know that!” I shout and ungracefully stumble to my feet.

  “What the hell was that shit you pulled back there with Steven? Are you mad at me or something?” Ben asks moving an inch closer.

  “What was your first clue?” I shout, and turn on my heel to storm in the direction of my villa.

  I hear Ben jogging up behind me calling out my name, but I don’t care and it feels good to feel that way. He grabs onto my arm, and begs me to stop and tell him what I am so mad about. But I don’t want to say it out loud, because it will hurt too much. Besides, it really doesn’t matter what he says. I am done with him.

  “Megan, please.” Ben begs with a subtle nervousness to his voice.

  I cross my arms over my chest and tap my foot on the ground, “When were you going to tell me you fucked Stephanie?”

  Ben’s face drops, he starts breathing heavy and he doesn’t move a muscle. His nostrils flare a bit, and he clenches his jaw. He starts to mumble something about how it was a long time ago and it only happened once.

  “You’re lying!” I scream, “Stephanie told me it happened more than once. Matter of fact it happened a few times.”

  “Megan stop. It was a long time ago –“ Ben tries to defend himself, but I don’t want to hear him speak another word.

  “Actually Ben. It wasn’t a long time ago. It was less than a month ago to be correct. What is wrong with you? Is this a game to you? To fuck your friends? How could you hide that from me?” I shout and my face turns red.

  For a moment Ben doesn’t respond. He is completely silent. Then he takes a deep breath, “Are you done?”

  “No I’m not.” I shout feeling my chest tighten, “Oh, don’t let me forget to mention how you asked Stephanie not to say anything about you repeatedly shoving your dick in her. Just like you didn’t want anyone to know about us! How many more dirty little secrets do you have? Are you banging Michelle too? Jessica? Who else?”

  “Megan, it was not at all like that.” Ben tries to reason with me. He runs his fingers through his dark hair, and adds, “I never wanted to hurt you. If I would have known that this would have happened between us, I would have never slept with Stephanie.”

  “Oh, you never wanted to hurt me?” I let out a hard bitter laugh “You never thought about how much you were hurting me every time you slept with another one of your bimbos or whores. You never thought anything about me then.”

  “Megan, enough. We’ll talk in the morning when you aren’t drunk,” Ben says with a hint of frustration to his voice. He reaches out to grab my arm and lead me back to my villa, but I pull away.

  “It’s over Ben. I don’t want a friendship and I don’t want a relationship. I just want a clean break.”

  Ben doesn’t break his eye contact with me when I push him away. I drop my gaze and kick off those damn Louboutin’s. I let out a huff and storm back to my villa alone and liberated.

  Chapter 16

  When I wake up the next morning, I lie in bed staring at the ceiling. I listen to the quiet murmur of people milling around the resort, and Michelle’s soft snores in the bed beside me. I pull the covers up to my mouth, bite down and let out a muffled cry. Why did I let Ben see me like such a wreck? I should have never let my guard down. I should have never let him see me cry. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

  I catch a glimpse of my turquoise bridesmaid dress hanging in the closet and feel completely empty. I want to be happy and excited for the wedding today; there is no reason why I shouldn’t be. Despite Ben’s ultimate betrayal, the sun is still shining, Jessica is about to marry the love of her life, and I am on vacation (something I haven’t taken since I started my real estate career).

  I want to shake myself. Stop it! What are you moping about? You knew what Ben was like!

  I should have known he would end up breaking my heart. It was inevitable that he would eventually disappoint me. He is not ready to settle down and probably never will be. Now I am doing the one thing I never wanted to do. I am choosing to lose him as a friend forever. A tiny unwanted whimper escapes my lips, but I suck back my emotions and pull myself together. Today is not about me and Ben - it is about Jessica and Michael.

  ****

  The morning flies by like a blur, and I spend the rest of my afternoon trapped inside the Spa tending to Jessica’s every little need in preparation for her big day. I still feel like garbage, and have been less than approachable with hunched shoulders and a permanent frown. Jessica either doesn’t notice my miserere, or she is just ignoring it. Either way, by the time we get our hair done, eat a generous plate of tropical fruit, and drink a dozen morning mimosas; Jessica is still all smiles. I on the other hand can’t manage to stand up straight or even look Stephanie in the eye. Every time she opens her mouth I cringe with anger. Just having her in my presence, makes me sick, because it is a continual reminder that Ben is a man-whore who can keep his prick in his pants.

  While Jessica’s stylist adds the finishing touches to her sleek bun, Mrs. Ellis presents Jessica with a gorgeous diamond necklace for her something new and an old antique ring that belonged to her deceased Grandmother for something old. I help Jessica tie the ring to her bouquet so it dangles perfectly from her flowers when she walks
down the aisle. Just like a good maid-of-honour should.

  Then it’s my turn for something borrowed. Jessica looks expectantly at me, vibrating with excitement. I reach into my clutch, and limply hand her my Sephora exclusive Disney Cinderella compact mirror.

  Jessica squeals and yanks it out of my fingers, “I knew that was what you were going to let me borrow.”

  I try to force a smile and share in her glee, but my body takes over and shrugs with wide eyes staring off into space. We once spent many play dates as kids imagining and re-enacting the whole Cinderella movie. Jessica would always insist she played Cinderella, because she had the long blonde hair, while I was left playing one of the miserable stepsisters. When Sephora came out with that classy little compact, I rushed there to buy one. When Jessica saw my purchase, she insisted she had to have one too. But because it was a limited edition, by the time she got there they were all sold out. It killed her I had one and she didn’t, so it only made perfect sense it became her something borrowed for today.

  Tears form in Jessica’s eyes as she wraps her arms around my neck and whispers for me to place it in her clutch.

  Stephanie pipes up, “What do you have for something blue?”

  Jessica smiles with a devilish grin, “My bra and panties of course. I have a sexy baby blue ensemble hidden under these layers of silk.”

  Mrs. Ellis gasps, and puts her hand over her mouth. Jessica laughs and gives her mom a playful shove, “Don’t worry mother, I swear I am still a virgin.”

  “Oh, Jessica” Mrs. Ellis laughs and everyone except me shares a giggle.

  In order to finalize Jessica’s look, we head up to the Ellis’s villa. The ceremony is less than an hour, when Mrs. Ellis and myself help Jessica into her lavish strapless organza high-low gown. It is breathtaking. Adorned with beaded detail and a dropped waist that clinches her body to perfection. She was crazy to think it was too tight back in Chicago. It is so stunning; I am shocked silent just basking in her beauty. She looks absolutely perfect.

  Jessica’s face changes from happy to ecstatic when she admires herself for the first time all dolled up and looking like a real bride draped in white. Her mother kisses both her cheeks and gushes she is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. Jessica thanks her mom and looks to me. I give her a tiny hug and a smile. I whisper in her ear that Michael is the luckiest guy in the world. And by marrying Jessica he really is.

  When Mrs. Ellis leaves the room, Jessica says, “What is going on?”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask completely taken aback.

  “You look miserable and it is my wedding day. So chipper up.” She orders.

  “I’m fine” I lie and start to fix the fluff on her dress. I want to tell her so badly about Ben, but this is not the place, or the time, and now that it’s over, I never want to think about it ever again.

  “I’ve known you your whole life. You can’t fool me.” She scolds.

  “Nothing’s wrong. Look.” I plaster a forced grin on my face.

  “Well whatever it is, get over it. The ceremony is in fifteen minutes.” Jessica huffs.

  I know it’s unfair of me to be pouting on such a beautiful day, and at my best friend’s wedding to boot. But I can’t help but feel the way I do. I am trying my hardest to let everything go and push forward, but it is really really hard. Although, I would actually argue the whole thing is totally Jessica’s fault to begin with. If she hadn’t of suggested Ben as a suitable candidate to Stephanie in the first place, Stephanie would have never revealed their top-secret love affair. Therefore, everything would have been carrying on like normal. Ben and I would still be having great sex (even if it were nothing more to him than a secret “friends with benefits” situation), but at least I would be happy and oblivious to his lies right now!

  Mrs. Ellis’s high-pitched voice startles me when she shouts for everyone to start heading down to the ceremony. She tells me to lead the way, so I yank open the door and let everyone funnel out of the villa. Jessica is the last one out and tells me to grab onto the train of her dress. So I do as we make our way down to the beach.

  The sun is beaming and warming my skin. A section of the resort is closed off and I can see rows and rows of white chairs lined up under the gigantic gazebo overlooking the ocean. Michael is happily standing beside the marriage officiate, and for the first time today, seeing the look of joy on his face brings my first wave of happiness. It soon changes back to misery when I see Ben poised off of Michael’s shoulder looking ridiculously sexy. I tell myself to look away.

  Just do it Megan, look away!

  But it’s too late. He catches my stare and a small smile creases at the corners of his lips. I feel my knees buckle and my feet throb in these golden heels. I remind myself I will not let Ben play me for a fool, just like he does with every other woman in the state of Illinois.

  When the violins kick in, I watch Michael’s parents walk down the aisle, then Jessica’s mother accompanied by her brother. Stephanie leads the bridal procession and winks at Ben, and he actually winks back! Just like the pig he is. Then Michelle follows, looking lovely with her fancy up-do. I take one quick look back at Jessica and her father, before I emerge into full view of the guests. I whisper she looks beautiful and she smiles back, motioning her hand for me to move forward. So with the deepest breath imaginable, I walk down the aisle in full view of Ben.

  To keep myself distracted, I acknowledge anything but the line of ushers at the end of the gazebo. Instead I smile, passing through the guests and looking from side to side. I first see Steven who beams at me. I kick myself when I think how stupid I was for choosing Ben over him. But not anymore, Ben and I have seen our last romp and there isn’t anything he could say or do to convince me otherwise.

  I smile at Jessica’s Aunt Florence and even at Michael’s prude mother. She looks completely miserable and on the verge of a meltdown. I sigh with relief thinking at least I am not the most depressed person at this ceremony.

  When I get to the front of the makeshift altar, I don’t dare look up at Ben, even though I felt him staring at me the whole time I was walking down the aisle. I know what he wants. I know he is trying to draw me in. Ben is just waiting for me to give him that reassuring smile of forgiveness. But I will not. I will not be that Megan who lets guys walk all over her, and I surely will not be that Megan who constantly gets her heart broken and puts up with it. Her ship has sailed and it is never coming back. The new Megan is standing up for herself, because she truly believes she deserves real love and respect. I will not back down or crack under pressure from his perfect white grin. I have way too much self-respect and pride to be another one of his endless string of women who walk through his revolving door, right into his bedroom. I hold my head high and carry on, placing myself in front of Michelle and Stephanie, showing him how strong I can be.

  My palms are clammy and I begin to sweat all over, especially when the only thing standing between us is Michael and the marriage officiate. His eyes are still glued on me, but I remind myself not to be sucked in. He whisperingly shouts out my name, and Michael turns and shushes him, which instinctually forces me to look up. I unwillingly lock eyes with him and watch, as he slowly mouths, “I’m sorry.”

  I keep a straight face and look away to see Jessica beaming down the aisle. Her flawless smile and look of pride on her dad’s face, combined with Michael sucking back some tears suddenly makes me weepy. I glance over at Ben, seeing his soft brown eyes prickled with a mixture of hurt and doubt. I wish I could just give him the reassurance he needs to know things will be fine between us. But how could they be? How could I be with someone who has been with more women than Hugh Heffner? How could I be with someone who doesn’t believe in love and commitment? And now, after all of this, how could we possibly go back to being friends like we once were?

  Jessica and her father distract the both of us, when they approach the altar. Her father has a huge crocodile tear rolling down his cheek when he gently places Je
ssica’s hand in Michael’s. He gives his only daughter a kiss on the cheek, before he hands her off on the most highly anticipated day of her life.

  Chapter 17

  After a short and sweet ceremony under the blistering sun, Jessica and Michael are finally introduced as Mr. & Mrs. Michael Mercier. They kiss and he whispers something into her ear. She tosses her head back in a full-bodied laugh, and beams back at him with hearts in her eyes. Everyone cheers and claps when they hoist their clasped hands above their heads, and give each other another loving kiss. Cameras start flashing as Jessica and Michael start the procession down the aisle. Ben catches me off guard and swoops in under my arm to follow behind the bride and groom.

  “You look beautiful.” Ben whispers in my ear.

  “Thank you.” I reply as mundane as possible.

  I plaster a fake smile on my face, grinning at the guests as we walk down the aisle. You can do this. I think to myself, both fearing and hoping I won’t cave from his attempted charm.

  Once we are free and clear from the gazebo, Jose comes flying by and snapping his fingers to get the bridal party’s attention. He places himself on a concrete stair and shouts, “Alright everyone, the guests are being shuffled into the hall for cocktails and tapas while you are off taking some lovely pictures on the beach.” He flamboyantly whips his head in the direction of the photographer and shouts, “You only have two hours, so use your time wisely and do not be late.” Within a blink of an eye, Jose is gone and herding the remaining guests with bubbling glasses of champagne and tiny cocktail shrimps.

  The photographer takes over and introduces himself as Victor. He has a curly head of hair and a floral printed t-shirt with bulging eyes and a skinny frame. Jessica hoists her dress up, and leads the way down to the beach. She complains to Victor that she doesn’t want every picture with the ocean in the background. Victor proudly informs her he is known for bringing an artistic flare to a traditional bridal shoot. She giddily claps her hands together and engages Victor in a discussion of a lifetime over the first choice of picture location. In the meantime, Ben hasn’t let me out of his grasp. When our friends are out of earshot, I harshly whisper for him to let me go.