by Ami Le Coeur
“Holy fucking mother loving shit asshole technology.”
I pressed my lips together, but was inwardly pretty impressed with the string of curse words. I looked at the phone again. The dot was still blinking even though the GPS seemed to have lost its way. I enlarged the screen. “Turn left… here!” I pointed and squealed as he swung us into a hard left, the back of the huge SUV fishtailing dramatically.
“Getting route.”
Thom cursed a few more times as the GPS came back online. My eyes were still on the dot, afraid that if I even blinked, the green orb would disappear.
“Turn right. Not this one. The next.” My navigator skills were improving and the turn wasn’t so sharp. I felt safe enough to not hold onto the handle.
“How did she make it this far,” Thom muttered as we took another turn. I’d been wondering that myself. She’d walked over five miles at least. It couldn’t have been easy with braces and crutches.
“Up there,” I shouted, just as the GPS confirmed, “Your destination is on the right.”
“I know this place,” Thom said as we pulled into the park’s entrance. “Rachel and I used to bring Em here. Back in the days before she...” He bit off whatever he was going to say as he pulled into a parking space and threw the vehicle into park.
“You stay here and I’ll start the search.”
Thom snagged his flashlight from the console as I handed him the phone. Then he leaned over and kissed my cheek before he literally bounced out the door. I watched the light snake away from me, my fingers crossed that everything was okay.
Damn my paralysis. I would have crossed my toes if I could have.
Chapter 8 – Thom
“Emily!”
I stopped and listened, shining my flashlight into every bush, my eyes flickering back to my phone every few seconds. The dot was still there, but I didn’t see my girl.
“Emily!”
I yelled for her again. Over and over and over. She should be here. Right here. The damn dot said so. Where was she? Did she still have her iPad? Why couldn’t I find her?
“Daddy?”
The voice was soft. Like the breeze. I stopped, frozen in place. Willing myself to hear it again.
“Daddy!”
It was louder this time and my heart leapt as I located the direction. Just on the other side of the hedgerow and coming my way.
“Daddy!”
“Emily!” I called out to her. “Stay where you are. Don’t move, but keep calling my name.”
“Daddy, I’m here… Daddy, I’m here… Daddy, I’m here.”
It was the sweetest mantra I’d ever heard. I ran up the hedgerow, trying to find a fucking opening to get through. Whoever the hell had planted this thing should have been head of security for Fort Knox.
There. I saw a small break in the hedge and pushed my way through it, still listening for Emily’s sweet voice. Finally, I was on the other side.
“Daddy!”
I turned and there she was, moving as fast as she could. Oh thank God. Thank God. Thank God.
She was in my arms within a second, her thin arms latched around my neck. “You found me. I knew you’d find me.” My brave girl was crying now. But safe and very alive.
Sinking to the ground, I held her in my arms while she sobbed. She needed this few minutes without having to answer questions. Hell, after what we’d both been through, I needed this too. I rocked her. Soothed her. Kissed her sweet smelling hair. I told her how much I loved her and how I would have searched for her until the end of eternity. Even longer if necessary.
Finally, she grew quiet and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Her small body shuddered every few seconds and I knew I needed to get her into the car where she could warm up. Where she’d feel safe again.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to get lost. I was trying to find you and I couldn’t find you and then I got scared and my iPad wouldn’t work and then… then—”
“Shhh,” I interrupted her string of words before they led her into another crying jag, trying to be soothing and calm. “What made you need to find me, sweet girl?”
She sniffed and wiped at her nose again. “I got scared at Mom’s house. The man sounded really mad.”
Man? What the fuck?
“What man, sweetie?” My consciously measured voice held no trace of my real concern.
“I don’t know. I never saw him. Just heard his voice. He was loud and growly tonight. And things got thrown and there were loud crashing noises and…”
“And what?” I prompted her.
“And I just wanted to find you.”
“You did. You did find me. But we’ll need to talk about better ways to find me in the future.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” She sighed and laid her head on my chest, her arms squeezing me tight. “Can I go home with you? Please?”
It was my turn to sigh. I stood up, easily lifting her from the ground and hugging her tight again. How could I even begin to answer her question?
“I don’t know Em. We’ll have to see what the police say.”
Her eyes grew big. “Police? Am I going to jail?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No way. They were just helping us look for you. A lot of people were really worried.”
She peeked up at me, eyes still big and tears brimming at the edges. “Is Mom really mad?” she asked in a tiny voice.
I kissed her forehead and blew out a breath. “Well, yes. She was… worried about you, like we all were. Is, is your mom mad a lot?”
She laid her head on my shoulder. “Only when I’m bad.”
I gritted my teeth. “Then she should never be mad at you, because you’re the best girl in the world.”
She sighed. “Mommy doesn’t think so.”
“Well, I know so, punkin. You’re not just the best, you’re the bestest. The bestest girl in the whole wide world.”
She giggled. A beautiful sound.
“Look at me for a second.” I waited until her big brown eyes were focused on mine. “Some things are going to change, okay? We’ve talked about the lawyer stuff and why I only get to see you every other weekend, right?”
She nodded. Solemn. Understanding.
“I’m going to talk to my lawyer friend and see about getting more time with you. Would that be cool with you?”
She nodded, giggling again. “Nobody says cool anymore, Daddy.”
“You’re kidding. What do they say now days?”
I began walking her toward the car, listening to her sweet voice rattle off all the ‘cool’ names for cool.
“Slick. Rad. Sweet. Wicked. Neato burrito. Nuclear. Awesome sauce. Sick. The tits.”
I laughed and immediately forced myself to stop, taking on a stern ‘parenting’ face. “Young lady, you know you’re not supposed to say that, right?”
“What? Tits?” She giggled as she said it again. “Oh Daddy, you’re so old fashioned.” She shook her head. “You really need to shizzle your fizzle.”
I hugged her close to me again. Yeah. She was right. My fizzle absolutely needed some shizzling.
###
Unfortunately, my shizzle totally fizzled about fifteen minutes later when I pulled back into Rachel’s driveway, completely popping my temporary bubble of happiness.
Watching Emily and Maria reunite in the car had been simply beautiful, with Emily immediately bubbling on about a story idea she’d come up with. Something about mermaids and butterfly wings, the last few scary hours clearly already forgotten.
While they chatted, I’d stayed outside the car and called my police contact to let him know we’d found my baby girl. Then I’d called Rachel, who had immediately gone off the deep end, as usual. “Bring her back right now,” she wailed.
I wondered how many laws I would break if I took Emily home with me right then. Hell, I didn’t have to wonder, I already knew. A shitload of them. My attorney had warned me often enough. I couldn’t sue Rachel for custody if I was behind bars.
I’d hung up on Rachel, cutting her off mid-wail and slipped back inside the Suburban, turning around in my seat. “Serious talk time now, Em.” I hated to see her bright smile disappear, but this conversation needed to happen.
“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?” she said, slumping down, her voice small and resigned.
“Yes and no. You put yourself in serious danger tonight by running away. You scared all of us half to death with worry. But, I’m even angrier that you’ve not been telling me how unhappy you’ve been with your mom. There’s no way I can help or make things better if I don’t know about them.”
Emily dropped her head. “I know. I just wanted to make everybody happy and not be a bother.”
I glanced at Maria, who laid a hand on my arm, her thumb stroking my skin. Then I looked back at my daughter. “Emily, why would you think you’re a bother?”
She lifted a shoulder and said nothing.
“Emily,” Maria said softly. “You need to talk to your dad.”
“Can I go home with you and we can talk there?”
I’d been expecting the question, waiting for it to punch me in the gut. It did and then landed a solid left hook to my heart. “I don’t know, sweetheart. We’ll need to talk to the policeman and your mom.”
Her eyes grew big. “The police? Are they going to ask me questions and then lock me up?”
I chuckled. “No, sweetie. We asked them to help us look for you, but they’ll want to talk to you in a few minutes about why you ran away. You need to be honest with them, okay?”
I expected Em to cry or beg me not to make her talk to them. Instead, she surprised me once again. “Well, this is embarrassing,” she said, scrunching up her face as she crossed her arms over her chest, looking and even sounding remarkably like her mother in that one moment.
Maria covered her mouth and faced forward, but I heard a little giggle slip out. I pressed my lips together and drew my eyebrows down as far as they would go, desperate to keep my face serious. “As you know, all our actions have consequences. I’m not sure what is going to happen when we get back to your mom’s house, Em. But I want you to know that I’m going to do everything in my power to get to see you more. I’ve done a really bad job of making that happen, but I’m going to do everything I can to make sure it happens now.” I couldn’t tell her I was going to fight for custody. I didn’t want her in the middle of this mess until it was absolutely necessary. Plus, I didn’t want to get her hopes up. I had no idea if there was any chance I’d be successful.
Her arms are still crossed over her chest as she looked directly into my eyes. “Well, it’s about time.”
Yeah. It was.
Chapter 9 – Thom
“My baby. My precious baby.”
Rachel’s flair for the dramatic was in full force as she ran across the lawn to my SUV. With one police car still sitting at the curb and one pulling away, her timing wasn’t unexpected.
“Good grief,” I heard Em mutter from the back. “Not again.”
“Amen,” Maria said from the front.
“Here we go,” I said as I opened the door. “Three. Two. One.”
Rachel flew around the side of the SUV, jerked open the door, and dragged Emily out into a rib crushing hug. The air whooshed from Emily’s lungs as her startled face turned into a grimace.
The same police officer I’d spoken to earlier strode up. “Young lady, you’ve worried a lot of people tonight,” he said, his voice not unkind. Rachel said nothing, just continued to hug Emily, swinging her back and forth like a rag doll.
After a few minutes, Rachel finally put her down and Emily was able to speak. She pushed her hair back from her eyes and straightened her top, then inserted her hands back into her crutches.
“I’m really sorry,” she said, lowering her eyes for a moment, but sounding very grown up. Then she straightened her shoulders and looked directly at the officer, even though her eyes sparkled with tears. “I just wanted to find my dad. I didn’t mean to get lost.”
I noticed Rachel’s mouth tighten, then she closed her eyes, relaxing her face as she quickly released the pressure holding her lips together, and continued to stroke Emily’s hair.
“Is that the only reason you ran away?” Officer Reynolds asked and Em glanced up at me and nodded her head. “I just got scared and wanted Daddy.” A single tear trailed down her dirty cheek.
“What scared you?” the officer asked. Rachel stiffened, but continued to stroke Em’s hair.
“Mom was fighting with her boyfriend.”
I wanted to cheer and high five Emily for telling the truth. Instead, I simply stood there, silently supportive, willing my little girl to be braver than her dad.
“Oh darling, did you hear us argue?” Rachel gushed, seeming to be filled with maternal mortification. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. It was just a little disagreement. I had no idea you heard us talking.”
Officer Reynolds spoke up. “Are you hurt, Emily? Did anyone touch you?”
Emily shook her head quickly. “No, it was just loud. Can I go home with my daddy now? Please?”
The officer looked from Rachel, to me and back to Rachel again. Rachel shook her head no and I sighed. The struggle continued.
“Emily, do you mind sitting in the car while I talk to your mom and dad?” the officer asked.
Em’s face brightened and she looked over at Maria, who waved at her. “Sure. Can I sit in the front seat?”
I smiled at her. “You bet. Just don’t play the radio too loud.”
She rolled her eyes. “Shizzle, Dad. Shizzle.”
Laughing, I helped her into the SUV.
Slamming the door closed, I turned back to the officer, who continued. “It doesn’t appear that your daughter is hurt, but I will need to document her statement and submit it to Child Protective Services to see if they feel further investigation is warranted.” He turned to me. “I understand that you’re not the legal guardian. I’m sorry, but regardless of the child’s request, I cannot legally allow her to go with you without her legal guardian’s permission.”
“I don’t permit,” Rachel spat out.
“So I gathered,” the officer said. He turned back to me. “If you believe your daughter isn’t safe tonight, I can take her into protective custody until the investigation is complete.”
“Why protective custody? That isn’t necessary… why not me?” I stared at him. Appalled at the idea of my sweet girl being shoved into the foster system… even temporarily… I’d do just about anything to prevent that.
“Mrs. Thompson showed me the custody papers while we waited, and it appears you signed over guardianship and are only approved for agreed upon visitation.”
“But I’m her dad—“
“You’re her sperm donor,” Rachel interrupted me. “You gave her up three years ago. Don’t be crying the concerned parent now just because she and I had a misunderstanding.”
Misunderstanding?
I knew what she was doing now. She was trying to goad me into becoming angry. It couldn’t matter that I was seething on the inside. She wouldn’t succeed in pissing me off this time. Calm. Control.
I looked at the officer. “Can I speak to Rachel privately for a moment?” He nodded and stepped away and I raised my hand, inviting Rachel to lead the way, being very careful not to touch her.
“You bastard,” she spit at me the moment we are far enough away. “You’re trying to make me look bad.”
I looked at her. “Rachel, you don’t need me for that.”
She raised her hand to strike me and hope bloomed. Hit me. Do it. I silently urged her. Thinking better of it, she ran the hand through her hair. “I’m tired. It’s time for Emily and me to go to bed. Now that you’ve acted like you give a damn about your daughter in front of the police, can we end this ruse and call it a night?”
I ground my teeth. “It seems like tonight I have no choice. But be warned, Rachel, I will not stop until I get to the bottom of this. You heard the office
r. You’re going to be investigated. Questioned. So will Emily. If I were you, I’d be very scared. Very. Emily told me what you’ve been doing and I will not rest until I make sure it never happens again.”
“You—“
“Me nothing,” I interrupted her. “This is about you now, Rachel. I will leave Em with you tonight—but only because I don’t want her in foster care. But everything changes tomorrow. Get it? If you lay one hand on that child. If you raise your voice to her one more time. If you lock her in her room. If you so much as breathe on her too hard, you will regret it. Do you understand?”
She raised her chin but said nothing.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Now, I’m going to assure Emily that she is safe here with you. In the custody agreement, I have the right to speak to her by phone every day. If she tells me that you’ve been anything but wonderful, child services will be so far up your ass they’ll be choking on your tonsils.”
I didn’t give her time to respond, just turned on my heel and walked back to my daughter. I opened the door, took a deep breath and looked into Emily’s beautiful eyes. “You need to stay here, sweet girl. But things will be different now, I promise. I’m going to call you tomorrow and if anything… anything at all is wrong, you’re going to tell me and I’m going to fix it.”
She surprised me again. She didn’t cry. She didn’t beg. She simply nodded. Solemn. My little girl was growing up too fast. She turned to Maria. “Remember to make the mermaid butterfly girl have long brown hair with a yellow ribbon.”
Maria leaned over and kissed my daughter on the cheek. “I promise to remember. And you can call me anytime you want. You know that, right?”
Emily looked at her gravely. “I wish you were my mom.”
My heart shattered like glass, piercing my chest and I looked up at Maria, seeing her struggle with the same kind of reaction. For the briefest moment, I allowed myself to imagine us being a family unit, then I wrenched my thoughts away from that daydream and focused on making my daughter know how much I loved her.
I picked her up from the seat and held her close in my arms. “You mean the world to me. I love you so much my heart sings and dances every time I think of you. Every time I leave you, I cannot wait to talk to you again and I cannot wait to see you again. If you need anything… anything… you call me.”