I laughed awkwardly, all too aware of how warm his hand felt on my shoulder. Though there was a thin layer of fabric separating our skin, I could almost imagine what his smooth hands would feel like caressing my body.
“If there’s any way I can make all of this up to you, don’t hesitate to let me know,” he added, his words as passionate as I could have only imagined prior. I didn’t realize how deeply he was touched by my friendship, but I felt my heart swelling at the thought.
“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, though you’ve been just as good a friend to me,” I said, a mix of dismissive and embarrassed. He chuckled, drawing his hand away from my shoulder and taking a step back. I immediately missed the contact, but I couldn’t exactly beg him into my office to touch and explore me more thoroughly.
“On days like this, I feel like more of a sad sack than anything,” he admitted, though it seemed it was his turn to regret his words. Offering him a soft smile, I resisted the near overwhelming desire to reach out and touch his cheek, simply wringing my hands as I tried to think of some words of comfort to offer him.
“You never have to worry about coming to me, Jensen. I hope you know that,” I said gently. “You can tell me anything, happy or sad. I’m here for all of it,” I continued to ramble, much to my humiliation. His hesitant expression immediately turned confident once more, and he offered me that charming smile.
“Good to know. Well, I’d better get back to the grind. Running an empire is busy work, you know,” he teased, winking.
Though I was happy to see him in a good mood again, I couldn’t help feeling flustered. I knew what he was really doing in his office and while it wasn’t anything particularly lewd or crude, it was still enthralling. He didn’t know I was privy to his secret, and I could only wonder what more lay behind that confident personality. I knew there was kindness, gentleness, but I never would have expected the man to have a paternal bone in his body.
“I’d better get back to work as well,” I said shyly, and he grinned, patting me on the shoulder before turning and walking back toward his office. My eyes remained locked on his rear as he walked.
Halfway back to his office, he paused and glanced over his shoulder at me.
“Glad you’re enjoying the view,” he called teasingly, and it was all I could do not to melt into a puddle on the spot.
Chapter 4
Ashley
Left alone in my office once more, I took a moment to think over the situation. I opened my browser, clicking over to the sperm donor database I’d been frequenting for the past few months.
People say beggars can’t be choosers, but when it came to my future child, I wanted to see it to it that he or she had the happiest, most successful life possible. I wasn’t just going to pick some random guy who had a PhD, or even someone who looked like a model—they had to have the perfect mix of all the right traits, and as days continued to pass, it was becoming evident that I wouldn’t find that in a database of random men.
I thought I had been as proactive as I could possibly manage. I was certain I had explored every available avenue, but it was clear that I was still lacking for something. I tried to deny the direction my thoughts were headed in, made an effort to ignore the undeniable call of my heart. My deepest desires were unachievable, at least, that’s what I tried to tell my furiously pounding head. You’d be surprised how far a desperate woman will go to get what she wants. At the very least, I knew Jensen would be surprised.
Working up the nerve to talk to him took more time than I cared to admit, and I spent an immeasurable amount of time pretending to carry out work assignments. Granted, I accomplished little more than reading the first three or so messages in my inbox, flagging them as important. At this rate, I’d likely mark everything in my inbox as important, but it wouldn’t exactly be a lie. Everything I received in this inbox was important. It was my job to determine just what, exactly, qualified as important enough to forward to Jensen.
On my good days, I did what I could to filter out the things I could handle on my own. I was having a bit more trouble than usual that day, probably because checking my email was just a poor means of distracting myself from the task that actually occupied my thoughts. It would be unwise to approach my boss without a plan perfectly formulated, and I tried desperately to organize my thoughts.
Belatedly, I realized it would probably be wise to clear my browsing data; it wouldn’t do for Jensen to see my idle searching for sperm donors on company time. Especially considering the fact that I wanted him to take the job, as it were. On the off chance he were to indulge me, I knew it was most likely that he would take the more clinical approach to providing the samples. As much as I liked to entertain the fact of actually sleeping with my boss, I also knew I would settle for anything he allowed me.
Though I spent long nights fantasizing about him claiming me as his own, to bear his child would be the next best thing. I could only hope that since he was hoping to have children, he could understand my plight. I could only pray that he would see how easily we could solve each other’s problems. Beyond having a child of my own, I wanted nothing more than to make my boss and friend happy.
The sex would be a nice addition, but I wasn’t at the point of allowing my hopes to soar that high.
Shaking off the thoughts of what Jensen would look like without his clothes on, I pushed away from my desk as I realized it was nearing time to clock out. I was swiftly running out of time to enact my plan, so I shut off my computer before walking out the door. Jensen seemed to still be lingering in his office, though I knew he wouldn’t make a point of sticking around after the clock struck six.
Approaching the door to his office, I rapped my knuckles against it and rocked back on my heels as I waited for him to call me inside. I wasn’t left waiting for long, though I was startled when he actually opened the door and considered me with an appraising look.
“Is something wrong, Ashley?” he asked idly, leaning against the doorframe. I could tell he was still troubled by the significance of the day, and before I could back out, I quickly tried to make an excuse for us to spend more time together.
“Oh! No, I’m fine. I was just worried about you. I know this has probably been a rough day, and I was going to ask, well, if you’d like to join me for dinner?” I rambled, finally coming out with it when it seemed I couldn’t prolong the conversation any longer.
Jensen tilted his head adorably, looking somewhat confused by my answer. We had never made a point of spending time together off the clock before, in spite of our close working relationship. Hoping I’d not raised any alarm bells in his mind, I offered him a nervous smile.
“I could use some company, I suppose,” he said warmly, and I managed to swallow a victorious cheer, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder.
“You know how much I care about you, Jensen,” I said, looking at him with all the sincerity in the world. He relaxed somewhat, quirking his lips in a fond and confident smile.
“Oh, you’re sweet. Let me tie up a few loose ends here, and we can meet downtown, at the Cerf Blanc,” he said, his voice so warm and sweet I could nearly taste the words on my tongue. “We’ll call it my treat. After all, it’s kind enough for you to want to spend time with your mopey boss,” he said with a grin. My cheeks flushed, and I averted my eyes timidly.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that. After the raise you so generously offered me, I’m not exactly hurting for money,” I replied with a soft laugh.
“Well, I’m not one to let my dates go Dutch,” he said slyly. I felt my cheeks redden, and I sputtered a bit helplessly for a moment. “Oh, I’m just teasing you, Ashley. Still, I’d be thrilled if you’d allow me to take care of dinner,” he continued. He seemed all too ecstatic about making me squirm, but Jensen had always been the type to play a sort of emotional tug of war.
The game had never been aimed at me, however. Only on those he found a genuine interest in. Perhaps I was allowing my hopes to rise too high, but co
uld you blame a girl? A relationship with Jensen Elliott would be a dream come true for any number of women in the city; hell, probably the world.
“All right. I’ll let you pay, but you have to agree to let me pay you back sometime,” I said with something of a pout, something the handsome man seemed enthralled by. He laughed, drawing away from me and retreating back into his office. “I’ll only be a few moments longer. Loose ends, like I said.”
I nodded obligingly, taking a seat in the waiting area. I fiddled with my phone as I waited, idly wondering if he were still looking over the surrogacy websites I’d seen on his browser. How bold I was being struck me rather suddenly, and I was momentarily worried that he may be angry at my snooping.
As much as I didn’t want to poke the bear, it was clear that I would have to reveal my snooping in order to bring up my hopes about arranging a deal. Was the potential of angering my boss worth the chance of bearing his child? The answer was obvious to me. Especially if, God willing, it meant I got to sleep with him.
The train of thought was far from professional, but, I’d long given up on remaining strictly professional. I smiled to myself, unable to ignore the giddy feeling working its way into my gut.
“What has you all smiles?” Jensen asked suddenly, and I jolted upright, wondering how I’d not heard him come out of his office.
“Oh, just…something on my phone,” I lied, immediately realizing my folly when it looked as if he would ask to see.
Mercifully, he simply smiled and nodded his head before stepping toward me. He extended his arm, as if he would to a woman he were taking on a grand date. Dangerous territory though it may have been, I decided to allow myself to entertain the fantasy, at least for a little while.
“All right. Off we go, then?” he suggested, guiding me toward the elevator. I allowed myself to be pulled, in nothing short of a trance, as we moved forward.
Off we go, indeed. Though in my case, it felt more like I were going off the deep end. Not that I was complaining.
Chapter 5
Jensen
Having resigned myself to spending the day wallowing in misery, you could imagine my surprise at Ashley Calhoun inviting me to join her for dinner. It was nothing short of startling, though not altogether unwelcome. Ashley had been working as my secretary for three years, and I’d be willing to admit that she was the closest thing to a friend that I had.
My work as CEO left very little opportunity to pursue relationships outside of work, be they in the realm of friendship or otherwise. As much as I wished I could say I had a fulfilling life outside of those office doors, the few things that brought me a measure of happiness had dissipated before my very eyes. First, my father died, leaving me in charge of a multibillion-dollar company. That had been five years ago. To make matters worse, exactly six months ago, my little brother lost his battle with cancer.
My father was a good man, nothing short of a saint. However, he had certain expectations of my brother and me, expectations I’d always intended to live up to. My parents had been sure that of the two of us, my young and vivacious brother would have been the one to settle down and have a big family. While I’d been raised to someday take over my father’s business, Jeffrey had a bit more freedom with his life.
God knew I didn’t resent either of the men, that I loved them with my entire being. I thrived on that knowledge that someday I would sit at the helm of everything my father had created. I delighted in the fact that I could focus on the important things in life, like seeing the pride in my father’s eyes when he someday handed GlobaPharm down to me.
Some might have thought my brother had it easier. I never considered that thought, though I would admit that I didn’t spend an awful lot of time with my younger sibling. It was always one thing or another, especially when I was away on business trips with my father. After he died, I went on the trips alone.
I liked to think it never bred resentment between our small family, but I could never be sure. It became even less clear when I received the call that Jeffrey had fainted in the middle of the grocery store one afternoon. I was told he was rushed to the emergency room, but I was so sure it was nothing.
Even as his cancer progressed, I was certain he would recover. The thought that he could die was unfathomable, and I refused to even consider that I would one day have to say goodbye to my little brother. Ultimately, the last time I would see him was right before I departed on a trip to close a deal in Japan. Before I returned home, I received the call that his condition had suddenly deteriorated. By the time I boarded a plane to return home, he was already gone. It haunts me to this day that I never really got to say goodbye.
Ashley bore the brunt of my foul moods when she first began working for me. It was a wonder she managed to stick it out. It was even more surprising when slowly but surely, we became friends. She was the only one in the entire company that knew the depths of my guilt, the only one who knew my darkest secrets.
While she became my confidant, I became something of one for her as well. She lamented her horrible relationships, spoke of deceitful, manipulative men. She was a kind and generous soul, so when she mentioned that she was trying to find a sperm donor, my first reaction was to give her a raise. She’d laughed when I immediately suggested it in the midst of our conversation, but when she realized I was serious, she hugged me more tightly than I’ve ever been embraced before.
In a way, though she didn’t know, I could relate to her troublesome task. My father had made it very clear that my brother was expected to produce a child to carry on the family name, while I was to manage the business. Jeffrey was a free-spirited sort, up until the very end. At first, he’d refused to settle down because he didn’t want the ties. Then, as he got sicker, his reasoning changed. He didn’t want to leave a child alone and fatherless. He didn’t want to leave a woman mourning her lost love.
The rest of my family supposed that the idea of carrying on my father’s legacy had died with my brother. I’d made it very clear for the duration of my life that I had no interest in having children. The women I had romantic dalliances with were little more than sex-fueled flings. I was always careful; I never made love to a woman without a condom. I valued my safety and my future over a brief moment of pleasure.
Which left me brooding in my office that day, wondering why I had dug such a deep hole for myself. With Jeffrey gone, my father’s wishes had been forgotten by everyone except myself. I refused to let the family name die with me, though, hence why I had begun to look into surrogacy.
Money wasn’t an issue. It was simply a matter of finding the right woman—the woman who would be the perfect mixture of beauty, grace, and wits. Unfortunately, most of the surrogates I happened to find lacked in one department or another. The most beautiful woman with the most delicate of features could be as dumb as a rock, and while it was far from my place to judge someone based on intelligence, for the sake of my child, I had to think objectively.
My son or daughter would have to have the smarts to run GlobaPharm when the time came, but intelligence isn’t everything. In a better world, perhaps, where humanity wasn’t so shallow, I would settle with a mousy woman with a PhD, but that simply wasn’t to be.
The chances of finding the perfect woman seemed to be growing increasingly slim. It wasn’t just the death of my father and brother that I was mourning that day—it was the fact that I couldn’t honor their wishes. As business-minded as I may have been, I had a strong moral compass and a determination to see my family done right by the world.
Even Jeffrey had approached me regarding our father’s wishes, when I’d refused to acknowledge that he could, and most likely would, die. He had felt guilty about placing such a burden on my shoulders, but I had given it little thought at the time. I didn’t even consider it until he was gone.
That was why, when Ashley approached me and suggested dinner, I was happy to oblige. I had very few confidants, and while I certainly wanted to keep my search quiet, I felt as if I could div
ulge my intentions to her. Perhaps we were closer than I liked to admit, considering the amount of trust I put in the woman. It didn’t help that she was altogether charming, and undeniably smitten with me. I would be a fool not to notice the doe eyes she looked at me with when we were alone. The meaning in her gentle touches would be obvious to anyone.
My refusal to acknowledge that I might have had a crush on her may have been over the top. The thought was silly, however, especially considering the boundary that employees and employers were supposed to maintain. Even if I had an inkling of feelings for her, I refused to lead her down a path that would likely end in heartbreak. I cared more about her as a friend than a potential lover. She also made a hell of a secretary, doing the job better than anyone I’d hired in the past. I was reluctant to let her go, though I knew there would be the maternity leave to discuss eventually.
I was confident that she loved her job enough to come back. A part of me was convinced that she simultaneously loved the idea of me enough to stay, even if she were to settle down with someone. I had no intentions of leading her on, which was why it was a bit strange that I’d accepted her dinner offer without further question. I would have, in most cases, considered the offer with great trepidation. While I’d had my doubts, I was quicker to give in than I’d expected.
There was something about the fact that I had an employee who cared enough to check how I was feeling on this day that wounded me so deeply. Whether I had an infatuation with Ashley or not, even I couldn’t deny that it was nice to be cared about.
God knows I had done my share of worrying. Even then, with Ashley waiting outside my office, I continued to fret.
It was time to move forward.
Protect Me - A Steamy Bodyguard Romance (You Can't Resist a Bad Boy Book 5) Page 29