by Tiana Smith
“So I think it’d be fun if we all go together. As a group.” Robyn set her spoon down.
“Are you asking me to be your date?” Logan’s voice was slow, like he was struggling to process this conversation just as much as I was.
Robyn’s eyes shot to mine. I don’t know what she saw there, but her eyes immediately widened. I realized I was holding on to the table like my fingernails were claws, so I forced myself to release my grip and pick up the spoon instead, shoving another spoonful in my mouth.
“No!” Robyn practically spat the word, fumbling with the phone in the process. “No, I wasn’t asking that.”
“So you’re saying I should ask Elena?”
I didn’t know it was possible to choke on ice cream until it happened to me. I blamed the chocolate chips. Dangerous things, chocolate chips.
Robyn raised an eyebrow while I struggled to get control of myself.
“Well.” She cleared her throat. “I thought maybe you could just join our group, but now that I think about it … I guess?”
The other end of the line was silent for a bit while I simply stared at Robyn.
“Uh, why?” Logan asked.
Robyn seemed to regain her composure, taking a deep breath and sitting up straight. She looked down at the phone, then back up to smile conspiratorially at me.
“Trust me. You know why they call me Cupid, don’t you?” Robyn paused for dramatic effect. “It’s because I know how to make sure people end up with their best match.”
My eyes stung, which was stupid. But just because I had turned Logan down didn’t mean Robyn had to match him with Elena. Even hearing her name made me bristle all over. Especially hearing Logan say her name. It was a fresh kind of torture, one that had me tensing up like I was braced for an attack. And it was Robyn’s fault.
I guess I shouldn’t have felt betrayed. Logan wasn’t mine to get upset over.
Not anymore.
Not ever.
He was silent on the other end of the line while he thought about something. Was he actually considering it? I took another bite and scraped the bottom of my bowl. Empty.
“Don’t you think, Mia?” Robyn’s eyes bored into mine as she spoke into the phone. “Don’t you think it’d be good if Logan asked someone else?”
I was pretty sure my eyes were bugging out of my head, like those squeaky toys I’d loved as a child, but I forced myself to answer with a bright tone. “Yes.” It was the only word I could get out.
“Think about it, okay?” Robyn asked. “I’m going to text you my number from Mia’s phone. We should talk. About ways you can ask Elena.”
I needed more ice cream.
Logan took a long time responding. “Okay.”
“Great. I’ll talk to you later then.”
Robyn hung up, and I was pretty sure I could feel smoke coming out of my ears. If ever there was a time for yoga breathing, this was it. Five seconds in and ten seconds out. In and out again. I clasped my shaking hands under my legs and repeated a new mantra to myself: “I. Am. Fine. With. This.” Robyn was smirking as she typed her text, which meant she wasn’t buying it.
Mentally, I calculated how much money I had in my bank account and whether I could afford more ice cream. Robyn passed me my phone.
“Elena? Really?” I’d promised myself I wouldn’t say anything, but it slipped out before I could help it.
Robyn crossed her arms, but I thought I detected a hint of uncertainty behind her expression when she said, “You stole her homecoming date. It’s only fair that she steals yours.”
I sucked in a breath, but for once, I had no words.
thirteen
It was only Wednesday morning, but already I needed a weekend. Or a professional massage. Or maybe I needed to move someplace far away. Like Tahiti. Maybe there people wouldn’t give me nasty looks and call me names when they thought I couldn’t hear.
I made my way across the courtyard, eager to get to homeroom. I’d texted Vince last night and told him I wouldn’t need a ride but would talk to him later. I’d even added a heart emoji so he wouldn’t feel like I was blowing him off. I was trying to be as late to school as possible without actually being late, of course. The teachers were the only ones on my side, and I couldn’t afford to alienate them. Even if they were paid to be nice to me.
What Robyn said—that I’d stolen Elena’s homecoming date—still rattled around my brain, refusing to make sense with everything else I knew. So I shoved it to the corner, vowing to deal with it later. It kept poking at me, though, like an itchy tag in an already itchy sweater. But Elena had told me herself that they were only friends, which meant maybe Robyn was seeing things that weren’t there. And Vince had submitted an application, which he probably wouldn’t have done if he already knew who he liked. Right?
I wanted to ask Elena outright, then remembered we weren’t exactly speaking at the moment. I was hit all over again with the loss. She’d have found a way to make me feel better, laugh all this off. But I didn’t need to dwell on her any more than I did Logan.
I quickened my pace to get to the door connecting the courtyard to the rest of the school. A group of girls behind me were clustered in a small circle, their voices carrying enough that I knew they were talking about me.
“That’s her,” one of them said. I looked behind me to see if I recognized any of them. I didn’t.
“What? Think you can do better? Vince isn’t enough for you?” she called out to me. I ducked my head and tried to walk as quickly as possible.
With the momentum I had going, I shouldn’t have been surprised when the door loomed up in front of me, but I was. And I smacked into it. Hard. There was no time for a graceful landing—I simply hit the grass and felt all the air leave my body. It only took about two seconds, but now I was staring up at the gray overcast sky and wondering if this day could get any worse.
The girls laughed, and I was glad I didn’t know them. But then again, if I didn’t know them, they were probably in a different grade. That meant students who were probably younger than me were openly mocking me, so that was great.
A hand reached into my field of vision, offering to help me up. I took it and tried to repair what dignity I could muster. Turning to the person who’d offered to help when mocking me would have been just as easy, I gave my first genuine smile of the day. It quickly turned to a frown.
“Logan? What are you doing here?” I asked. This was not supposed to happen. I’d rejected him and he was still being nice? I mean, that was great, and much preferable to the alternative, but still unexpected. Then again, I did need his photography creativity for the paper. Pictures were worth a thousand words and all that. I needed all the help I could get if I wanted any chance at that internship. So I needed to play nice, too. Maybe he had the right idea. I studied Logan’s face. He looked good. Too good. I wasn’t supposed to be thinking he looked good.
My eyes moved to his shirt instead. Much safer. But then I noticed how snugly his shirt fit over his muscles, and I stifled a groan. He was making this hard. Stupid boy for being hot. It was all his fault. And since when did I like the artsy look? Because, I realized as I resisted the urge to run my fingers through his messy hair, I did like it. A little too much.
I blushed and cleared my throat.
“Sorry,” he said, and his voice sent shivers up and down my arms. For a second I worried that he could read my thoughts. “I wasn’t aware the courtyard was off-limits.” He smiled, and I relaxed. We could be friends. That was all this was.
My reasons for breaking things off with him were still valid, and I kind of hated that I had to remind myself of that. Seriously, was I that weak? Well, with chocolate, yeah, hands down. But it wasn’t like I ate it for every meal. I had some restraint.
If I could turn down a delicious truffle, I could do the same with Logan. It was all about willpower, and I totally had that. Vince was like a chocolate protein bar—packed with nutrients and enough flavor to satisfy my chocolate cravin
g. Who needed truffles, anyway? I knew which one was better for me.
“I mean, hey, how’s it going? What brings you here?” I knew I sounded lame.
“I was looking for you, actually.”
Maybe we couldn’t be friends. Not if he pushed the boundaries. I’d have to email him for pictures, like everyone else. Just because I logically knew what was better for me didn’t mean my heart agreed. But that was easily fixed. I simply needed to spend more time with Vince and then things would feel more focused. Mind over matter.
I took a step back, putting more distance between us.
“Ummm.” I coughed nervously. “Well, you found me.”
Logan ran a hand through his hair, managing to make it look mussed and adorable all at once.
“Listen.” He looked at the students milling around the courtyard and pulled me to a secluded corner. Oh boy. An electric current seemed to reach between us, but I tried to ignore it.
My heart thudded against my chest, and I was hyperaware of my hands. What was I supposed to be doing with my hands? They itched to reach out and fix a strand of his hair, but I clenched them tightly at my sides. That didn’t seem to be enough, so I shoved them deep in my pockets.
Once upon a time, Logan had been only a nuisance to me. I had my lists. My reasons. They were good reasons, too. When we were apart, it was so easy to think of them. But when we were together, and when he was looking at me this way … Where was Vince when I needed him?
“I wanted to talk to you,” he said. “Last night … last night I said I wouldn’t change my mind, remember?”
As if I could forget. I nodded.
“Well, I feel like a total jerk for saying this, but I think it’s only right for you to know.” He took a deep breath and looked down at his shoes. “I think I might have … changed my mind.” He looked at me then, and I felt a pang.
So soon? He’d gotten over me that quickly? And how? Who?
“I was thinking about what Robyn said last night, when she called me from your phone, and when we talked later, I could see that she was right. I’m going to ask Elena to the dance.”
Elena?
Ice burned in my veins but was quickly replaced by fire. I struggled to make sense of what Logan had just said, but it was hard to think clearly when I felt engulfed by flames.
But who was I to get upset? Or even confused? I shouldn’t have felt blindsided by this announcement. Logan had said himself that he thought Elena was hot, back when he’d caught me in the computer lab. It’d been yet another reason I’d thought he was nothing but a flirt. And with the phone call last night, I should have expected this. Planned for it. I was the queen of planning.
“That’s great, Logan.” I swallowed. “It’s better this way. Now you can go with Elena, and I can date Vince, and everyone can be happy.”
So why didn’t I feel more relieved?
He looked up from his shoes and palmed the back of his neck.
“Yeah. Elena is loud and kind of crazy, but I think she’d keep things interesting. I mean, Robyn helped me see that it has potential.”
Potential? So this wasn’t just for homecoming? Or some weird trick to get under my skin? He really was interested in Elena?
I drew in a breath, then slowly released it. But that didn’t stop me from feeling suddenly dizzy.
Elena didn’t deserve him. Even if we were friends. Sort of. Not as much anymore. Even if I could see all her positive attributes and why someone like Logan might like her.
It didn’t matter if Logan and Elena had more in common. Maybe. I tried to think logically, but it still felt like I’d been run over with this news.
I shook my head. I’d already made my choice. Now I had to see it through, no matter how much it made me see red. It wasn’t like I could pick who Logan liked. But the thing that made it worse was that it was Elena—I totally got why guys were interested in her and I couldn’t even fault them for it. She was my friend. Elena was serious competition. Then again, I shouldn’t be competing. I wasn’t.
The only competition I should be involved in was the one for the journalism internship. That was what I needed to focus on.
This was why Logan and I would never work. He short-circuited my brain and strangled out all common sense to the point where I couldn’t think clearly. That was definitely a check in the negative column. I liked logic. Doing things that made sense. Having a plan. All the things Vince stood for.
“That’s great, Logan. I’m happy for you.” My smile was forced, but at least it was there. His smile, on the other hand, was overly big. Like he knew something I didn’t.
“So,” he said, all his characteristic swagger back, “I need your help with something.”
It was like his smile had some kind of brainwashing control over me. Why’d he have to be so freaking adorable? I couldn’t say no to this guy, especially after all I’d put him through. But if I had to be honest with myself, it wasn’t my guilt that got to me. It was that smile.
“Sure, anything,” I said.
“I need you to help me ask Elena out.” He said it simply, like it was the most reasonable request ever.
“Wait, you want me to help you get Elena to go out with you? I don’t think you’ll need my help. I mean, you’re … you.”
“Yes, but she’s Elena.” He might as well have said, She’s ten times the girl you’ll ever be. I swallowed the bile reaching up my throat, threatening to choke me. I tried to ignore my emotions, but it was like they were a broken faucet that wouldn’t turn off no matter how I tried.
“And we’ve never really talked,” he said. “All I really know is she’s pretty, and she seems like a lot of fun. You’re her friend, so you can tell me what she likes.”
He smiled again, and those dang dimples made their appearance. I squared my shoulders and gave him my best fake grin.
“Of course I’ll help you out,” I said. “That’s what friends do.” Something caught in my throat, and I turned it into a cough. “Elena really likes big, dramatic displays. So we should come up with some way of making sure you stand out.”
“Stand out? You don’t think my good looks have that covered?” He grinned, and I slugged him in the arm. Too bad I totally agreed with him. Then again, I had another hot guy waiting for me, and once I reminded myself of that little fact, I relaxed.
“She has play rehearsal today after school. Maybe you could do something then to ask her out?” I suggested.
Logan shook his head. “I’ve got tennis lessons after school.”
“You play tennis?” I asked. “I didn’t know that.” That certainly explained his lean muscles.
Okay, I was totally not supposed to be thinking about his muscles.
“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” he said with a smirk. Robyn wondered how I had such a hard time believing Logan meant anything by his flirting? Well, this was exhibit A. Even when he wanted to ask out another girl, Logan couldn’t turn off the charm if he tried.
I’d made the right choice.
“Okay, well, the student council is announcing the themes for spirit week today during the assembly,” I said. Spirit week was next week. Already I was dreading whether I’d have to be a cowgirl for a day or a disco queen. Or, with my luck, probably both at the same time. I still hadn’t figured out how wearing costumes for a week was supposed to boost school spirit for homecoming, but hey, who was I to judge? “It’s during eighth period, right? That might be a good time to go for it.”
“You said she likes big displays?” he asked, and I nodded. He gave a slow smile. “Then I think I might have a great idea for getting her attention.”
The two-minute warning bell sounded, finally giving me an excuse to break off the conversation. With relief, I waved and made my way to homeroom, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach. By the time I made it to class, I’d almost convinced myself that I was over Logan.
Almost.
fourteen
Not all politicians are bad.
&nbs
p; At least, that was what I used to think before Elena, the secretary of the student council, decided to stab me in the back with her gavel by writing that “gossip” article. This internship competition was already proving to be more trouble than it was worth. Half the people in our class used clickbait headlines simply to up their numbers, and I was pretty sure Elena had convinced her friends to hit refresh on all the articles but mine.
As I watched the student council set up for their assembly announcement, I tried to remind myself that some of them were actually quite nice. Even if they had instituted a pretty severe library-fine policy and banned chocolate from the vending machines. That last one still hurt.
The gym was somewhat full, and I couldn’t see Logan anywhere. Robyn was mysteriously absent as well. Vince stood near the bottom of the bleachers with some of the other soccer players, and I slowly wove my way through the crowd to reach his side. His friends gave me dirty looks before slapping Vince on the back and heading a few feet off to group together. When Vince turned to me, his expression softened.
“Hey,” he said, an unspoken question hanging between us.
“Hey,” I said as I reached out and took his hand. His face immediately lit up in a smile.
“You’ve made your choice then?”
I nodded. I could have done worse. Vince was attractive, popular, and the star of the soccer team. He was everyone’s dream boyfriend. He’d been my dream boyfriend until Robyn had gotten into my head with all her talk of Logan being my perfect match. It should be easy enough to fall for him again now that Logan was saving his flirting for someone else. Robyn thought I only liked the idea of him? Well, now I could remedy that. Finally. I couldn’t wait to see what else was hidden beneath all his muscles and golden-boy persona.
With a whoop, Vince picked me up and twirled me around. I buried my red cheeks in his shoulder and pretended we were twirling all alone, that we weren’t in the front of the gym with a hundred students analyzing our relationship. Maybe fewer people would have stared if it weren’t for Elena’s article, but then again, maybe not. I’d simply have to get used to sharing his spotlight.