His eyes blazed and burned into mine.
As calmly as I could, I lifted my ass out of his overstuffed chair. “Am I excused?”
“Yes,” he said and pointed at the door. “Get the fuck out.”
My breathing was labored and heavy as I pushed through the door and let it slam shut behind me. It felt like I’d just gone a few rounds with a pro-level fighter, but I was still standing.
Dad had been pissed at me before, but it had never been that bad. All over a fucking rock? It was insane.
Rage and irritation surged through me, burning my veins from the inside out. If I walked back into the living room with the rest of my family now, I was going to say something I would regret. Rain the same hatred down on them that Dad had just done to me.
I was over Christmas now anyway. Striding toward the entrance hall, I grabbed my coat and went outside. I’d had just about enough of their bullshit.
Chapter 4
Raeanne
“Baby,” I whispered as I shook Lawson’s shoulders on Christmas morning. The sun wouldn’t rise for another hour or so, but getting up early was our tradition. “Wake up, sweetheart. Let’s go see if Santa has brought you anything.”
His eyes flew open, and he was out of bed in the same heartbeat, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Do you think he did, Mommy? Do you really think so?”
I shrugged, trying to play it cool even though my heart skipped and jumped at the sight of him so childlike and excited. Somewhere along the line, my baby had become a boy, and that boy was growing up too fast.
Lawson was serious and soft spoken, not the kind of kid who acted like one often enough. On Christmas, though, despite his protests of not needing any presents, he succumbed to childlike excitement for a few hours.
“I’m pretty sure I heard him coming in last night, so let’s go check it out.” I took his hand, and together, we rushed to our tiny living room. The tree I’d bought took up too much space, but I’d always loved Christmas, so I didn’t mind the room being a little crowded.
I’d strung multicolored lights from the ceiling and dusted some flour on the floor to make it look like Santa had left his footprints. Lawson yelped when he saw it, running over to investigate before looking at me over his shoulder.
His eyes were bright and filled with joy. “He was here, Mommy. He was really here.”
“You should check out the tree, then. See if he left you anything.” I pointed at the blue wrapping paper covering his main gift. It was partially hidden by the branches, but I could just make out its shape.
Excitement made my heart gallop in my chest. If people were categorized into givers and takers, I was definitely a giver. There was nothing quite like the rush of watching someone opening a gift I’d painstakingly selected just for them. When that person was Lawson, the joy was so intense it nearly brought me to tears.
He rushed from the footprints near the window to the tree and fell to his knees, parting the branches to pull the gift out. A sharp gasp came out of him when he realized what it was.
Considering the shape, I hadn’t been able to hide what the gift held. Lawson blinked at me, mouth slightly agape. “A bicycle?”
I nodded, going over to kneel on the carpet beside him. “You wanted one, right?”
“Yes,” he replied instantly, but there was a sudden sadness in his eyes that I didn’t understand. The reason became clear with his next sentence. “I don’t know how to ride a bike, Mommy. I heard Justin at school telling everyone that his dad taught him. Who will teach me?”
“I will.” I took his hand and squeezed it tightly. “Mommies know how to ride bikes, too. We’ll be just fine. Do you want to take it out for a spin later?”
“Please.” The momentary sadness fled from his eyes. “You’re the best, Mommy.”
I leaned over to press a kiss to the top of his head. “So are you, baby.”
A knock at the door made me release him, leaving him to unwrap a few of the smaller gifts I’d gotten him as I went to let Tessa in. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold outside, her blonde curls peeking out beneath a woolen hat.
Arms overflowing with gifts, she grinned when I opened the door and stepped aside. “Good morning. Merry Christmas. I’m going to hug you as soon as I can, but am I too late already?”
I shook my head. “He’s just started opening his presents. You’re not too late.”
She beamed as she blew past me, heading straight for the living room. I closed the door and followed her back to Lawson.
“Merry Christmas, my dearest little boy.” Tessa dropped the gifts she’d been carrying beside the pile still waiting under the tree, then sank to her knees and drew Lawson into a tight hug.
He returned it, but his lips formed a tiny pout. “I’m not a little boy anymore.”
“Of course not.” She laughed as she released him. “My bad. You’re a young man now. Merry Christmas, young man.”
A small smile lifted the corners of his lips. “Thank you, Tessa. To you too.”
Getting back to her feet, she saw the bike standing against the couch. “Whoa, nice bike, dude. Did Santa bring it for you?”
“Yes,” he said, his thin chest growing with pride. “I’m going to learn how to ride it later.”
“That’s great,” she said, bending over to shove one of the presents she’d brought into his hands. “Santa dropped these at my place for you. He knew I was coming over here this morning.”
“He’s so smart,” Lawson replied as he took the wrapped box from her. “Thank you for bringing them.”
“No problem, squirt.” She ran her fingers gently through his hair before coming over to me. “Have you got any coffee? My fingers are still half frozen. It’s frigid out there.”
“Sure, come on.” I led her to the kitchen and reached up to get two mugs out of the cabinet above the stove. “I wasn’t expecting you this early. I’d have put some on if I knew you were going to be here before daybreak.”
“I didn’t want to take the chance of missing all the Christmas morning magic.” She propped her hip against the counter while we waited for the water to boil, cocking her head at me. “So a bike, huh?”
“We saw some kids riding them in the park the other day. I caught him looking at them with this longing in his eyes and decided it was time to get him one.”
“Sure, but who’s going to teach him how to ride it?” she asked as the water started boiling.
Picking up the kettle, I shot her a look over my shoulder as I filled our mugs. “Me, who else?”
Tessa shrugged, looking like she wanted to say something more when Lawson came zooming into the kitchen. There was a stuffed monkey on his shoulder, its arms tied around his neck with Velcro. “I got a monkey. Can you believe it? A monkey and a bike.”
“Want to go see what else Santa has in store for you?” I asked after handing Tessa’s mug over to her and lifting my own. “I bet there’s another trick or two up his sleeve.”
He clapped his hands and nodded, racing back to the living room. Thankfully, Tessa let the bike-riding subject drop and followed us out while telling us all about a website she used that supposedly tracked Santa’s movement as he traveled around the world to deliver his presents.
We sat down on the couch and sipped our coffee while he finished opening his gifts, then asked Tessa to see the website on her phone.
“Sure, squirt.” She pulled the device out of the pocket of her jeans and slid off the couch to sit on the carpet with him.
While the two of them watched Santa continue his trek, I went to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. I needed a minute or two by myself.
Why did the father have to be the one to teach a kid how to ride a bike? I could ride a bike as well as anyone. Surely, it shouldn’t come as such a shock that I would teach him myself.
Breathing out through my nose, I let my eyes fall closed as I leaned against the kitchen door with my head tipped back. I wasn’t angry, and I wasn’t bitter. I just didn’
t understand why the whole dad thing was coming up so often all of a sudden.
It was like it was everywhere, surrounding me no matter which corner I tried to turn. Like I was the trapped person in a zombie movie and was about to be overrun.
Trusting a man I didn’t know—and might never even meet—with Lawson was something I was having difficulty with, but it was like the universe itself was pushing me at this Big Brother program. It was starting to feel like the best thing for him was to enroll Lawson, despite my nerves about how well he was going to take to having strange males around him so often.
It wasn’t that he was unfriendly, but he was shy and not used to men at all. The only people he had in his life were Tessa and me. There were some male teachers at his school, but he didn’t have any for class yet.
Shaking some of the uncertainty and frustration out by flicking hands, I decided to forget about it for now and focus on making a kick-ass breakfast for Christmas. Bacon, eggs, cheese, milk, juice, and a whole selection of other breakfast favorites waited for me in the fridge.
Wanting to beat the rush, I’d stocked up at the store a couple of days ago, and we had everything here that we would need to have a magical day. Even if Lawson didn’t have a father or a father figure to teach him how to ride a bike later.
Tessa and Lawson came into the kitchen when the bacon started sizzling in the pan. He came to stand next to me and looked up at me with pleading eyes. “Can I go read until it’s time to eat, Mommy? Tessa and I cleaned up all the wrapping paper, and we’ve put the gifts in my room.”
“Sure and thanks for that.” I looked at her over his head, seeing him hurry to his room from the corner of my eye. “You didn’t have to. I would have gotten it all later.”
“I know.” She smiled. “But we wanted to. You don’t have to do everything by yourself, you know?”
Winking to let me know she was kidding, she crossed the kitchen to grab the bread. I gave her a narrow-eyed stare but couldn’t hide the smile that was forming on my lips. “I know that. It’s not that I don’t want help or that I don’t know how to ask for it. I just don’t get what’s wrong with me teaching him how to ride a bike.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it.” Tessa exhaled deeply, sliding two pieces of bread into the toaster before turning back toward me. “It’s just one of those things that, traditionally, a dad does.”
“Yeah, well, you need a dad willing to acknowledge your existence before he’s going to teach you how to ride a bike. That’s not on the cards for Lawson, so he’s going to have to make do with me.”
“And you’ll do great, just like always,” she said. “But there are reasons programs like the Big Brother one exists and have been doing so well for so long. There’s no shame in enrolling him.”
“I know that.” I ran my fingers through my shoulder-length hair and tilted my head back into my hand. “It’s not that I’m ashamed. It’s just that we don’t know these people. How do I know this man who gets assigned to him is trustworthy? Or worse, what if it ends up being some rich player type like Lawson’s father who doesn’t take it seriously and is only there for bragging rights? I can’t put him through something that might hurt him, Tessa.”
“They won’t hurt him,” she assured me. “Did you call them?”
“I did,” I admitted. “The leader sounds like a nice guy. He’s certainly serious, and he’s eased my worries about it a lot, but I just don’t know.”
As she walked past me to get some juice, she took my hand into hers and gave it a quick squeeze. “Lawson will be in good hands while you’re working if he’s there after school. I promise. That article I did on them was thorough. I met and interviewed a dozen of the Big Brothers. They’re good guys. Really. You know I love that boy as my own. I would never have recommended something for him that I didn’t believe in.”
“I know. I just don’t want him falling in love with his Big Brother, you know?” That was my biggest worry, and it was also one that the leader couldn’t ease. He had no control over these men, couldn’t force them to stay in the program if they didn’t want to.
Lawson had never had a male influence in his life. It would be devastating to him if he formed a bond with some guy who just walked out on him in the end.
“It’ll be fine, Raeanne. Trust me. It’s a really good program.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. She was right. Besides, I’d already signed Lawson up.
He was starting the following week.
Chapter 5
Declan
“Man, I love this place.” I grinned at Finley as I made my way to the open field on his grandparents’ land. “Birds chirping, green grass, fresh air. It’s exactly what I needed.”
After the blowout with my father on Christmas Day, the air inside the Hobbs compound felt stale and unbreathable. Although I hadn’t told anyone else in the family what had happened between us, they’d figured out pretty quickly that it had been bad, considering I hadn’t returned for the rest of the day.
The family compound, or so it had been nicknamed by Finley, was set on too many acres of land and was perched on top of a hill. It overlooked the ocean and had a view that people paid thousands of dollars a night for at the hotels surrounding our property.
It was decorated in only the best money could buy, but it felt like a prison sometimes. A pretty, poisonous prison with a shiny appearance but that was all rotten on the inside. All the luxury and décor in the world couldn’t change the reality of the place.
After Charles had graduated high school and went on to make a fuckup of his first business venture, Mom had tried to convince him to move back home. Still in school, I had watched from the sidelines and couldn’t believe when he had agreed to it.
He had a condition, though. He wanted to stay in the guest house, not in the main house. Mother agreed and renovated it almost overnight, luring her most precious baby back to her with a house that matched his style and specifications to the letter.
Since it had worked out so well for him and she had gotten to keep him close, Daisy and I had also gotten guest houses on the property after graduation. Mine was the farthest away from the main house, but it was still too damn close to them.
Over the years since I’d first gotten access to my trust fund, I’d made some investments and had done well. I could afford to move out and find a place that was really my own without touching my capital fund, but I lived comfortably at the compound, and I came and went as I pleased. No need to worry about finding someone to house sit or any of that crap.
Finley’s voice drew me out of my head. “Exactly what you needed? Why? It’s a piece of land with some skeets on it to shoot. You live in a palace.”
“I got into it with my dad yesterday.” I blew out a breath as we stepped onto the clearing, feeling like oxygen was reaching my lungs for the first time since he’d asked me to join him in his study. “I’d much rather have a piece of land with some skeets on it to shoot than live there.”
His eyes glinted with humor in the crisp bright sunlight as he shook his head at me. “There’s a simple solution to that particular rich-person problem, buddy. It’s called moving out.”
“Yeah, I know.” I mulled the thought over again. “If I do it now, it’s just going to look like I’m running away from him. It’ll probably cause another blowout that ends with him telling me that I’m worthless and immature.”
“You’re worth like, what, a few billion dollars?” He smirked. “That’s not worthless. You are immature, though.”
“You’re the one who suggested skeet shooting and a campout, but I’m the immature one?” I quirked an eyebrow at him. “It takes one to know one.”
Finley’s head dropped back as he laughed. “I’ll take it. I’m like Peter Pan, man. I’m never going to grow up fully. Well, more fully than having to work a dead-end job, pay my own bills, and worry about retirement.”
“All that does sound pretty grown up,” I agreed. “Maybe I am Peter Pan in this sce
nario. Fuck. I don’t even know what to think about that possibility.”
We slowed our pace until we came to a stop in a place near the center of the clearing. Finley set his gun down on the ground and rummaged around his backpack for a bottle of water, cracking the top and taking a sip.
“Is that what you got into it with your dad about?” he asked as he stood up and handed another bottle of water over to me. “The immaturity thing?”
“He found out about my arrest.” I dragged my hands through my hair and tipped my head back, soaking up the winter sun on my face. “Climbed down my fucking throat about it. Apparently, his lawyers have gotten me into this Big Brother program, and he expects me to be grateful for it.”
Finley winced. “What did he say?”
I resisted the urge to wince too. “It was said in many, many more words, but it comes down to the same thing. He thinks I’m a fucking loser who’s sitting around doing nothing, wasting my potential and not even trying to do anything about it.”
My friend was quiet for so long that I eventually turned toward him. When I did, I saw that he had a contemplative expression on his face and there was none of the usual amusement in his eyes.
“What?” I asked, a frown tugging at my eyebrows. “Why do you look so serious all of a sudden?”
“Because I’m trying to figure out a way to tell you that I think your dad is kind of right without getting a black eye out of the deal.”
Shards of icicles stabbed into my insides, not as shielded against Finley as they were from attacks by my father. My voice came out tight and strained as a result. “You think he’s right?”
“Kind of.” He shrugged but held up his hands to show me that he needed a minute. “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think you’re a loser or any of that, but it’s true that you’re not doing anything with your life, my man.”
“I do lots of things with my life. I’m busy every damn day of the week.”
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