Finley rolled his eyes, some of his trademark humor sparking back to life in them. “You’re busy fucking around every damn day of the week, not actually doing something. You’re the smartest of everyone in your family, maybe even your dad.”
I scoffed, but he just kept going. “I hate to say it, but I get that he’s frustrated with you. You need to be putting that brain of yours to good use, but at the moment, the only body part you’re putting to use is most definitely not your brain.”
My mouth was already opening to utter vehement protests, but I shut it when I realized he wasn’t completely without a point. “Fair enough. Let’s say that I’m not putting my brain to good use and that I am only fucking around. What does it matter?”
“What do you mean, ‘what does it matter’?” Disbelief clouded his usually clear blue irises. “It fucking matters because this is your life, man. You’re wasting it with drinking and fucking and God only knows whatever else you do with your time.”
“Drinking and fucking is never a waste of time,” I objected, though even I was starting to hear what this sounded like. “Look. Okay. Let me be honest with you for a minute.”
“Fucking finally,” he muttered, his hands coming down on his hips. This was how Finley and I had become best friends. He was the only guy I’d ever met who called me out on my shit, who gave as good as he got and didn’t have two fucks to give about my last name.
Just after high school, we’d met in a bar that didn’t check IDs, ended up on stools beside each other, and eventually got to talking. It didn’t take us long to figure out that we were polar opposites in many ways. Finley’s family lived day to day, not even making it to month to month. Both of his parents worked their hands to the bone, just like their parents before them.
But he loved his parents, grandparents, and siblings something fierce. They were a close-knit family who, in many ways, remained true to their Irish heritage. Every Sunday morning found them in the front row of mass, for instance.
They drank and cursed like sailors on shore leave every other day of the week, but on Sundays, they went to atone for their sins. I didn’t think my parents had ever taken me to a church service when it wasn’t for a wedding or a funeral.
We weren’t close knit and didn’t much enjoy spending time together. Mom kept trying with all the family dinners and guesthouses and all that, but it was like we just didn’t gel together.
Finley and I had debated the pros and cons of our own lives in comparison to the other’s that first night, nearly came to blows at some points, but woke up sprawled in one of the booths the next morning and had been friends ever since.
He was probably the only person on the planet who spoke to me the way he was today and got away with it. Except for my father, of course. But Finley didn’t make me feel like shit while doing it, which made all the difference.
“If I cared enough to pursue a career, I know that I could be more successful than my brother and sister,” I said. “I need something to call my own and to take ownership of. I know that. Once I find a reason to do all that, I might just do it. For now, I’m just going to enjoy my life. Why wouldn’t I?”
Finley was quiet for a long time, the set of his jaw telling me that he didn’t necessarily agree with me. “You may find a reason in this Big Brother program. Friends of mine were in it in high school. Fucking loved it. You might find that you do too. When do you start?”
“Tomorrow.” I shoved my hands through my hair. “I have to go for three months. It’s really not something I’m looking forward to.”
The seriousness melted from Finley’s features, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Well, look at it this way. There are only going to be two options for you. You’re either going to get arrested for bailing and go to jail, or you’re going to get signed by the NFL for having an arm like that. I mean, you hit a fucking cop car as it drove by. It’s a tossup between those two things.”
I ignored his comments, still contemplating my immediate future. “These next three months better go by fast. I’m not the role-model type. I pity the poor kid who gets stuck with me.”
Chapter 6
Raeanne
“There you go,” I said, sliding Lawson’s plate of eggs and toast onto the counter in front of him.
He smiled. “Thank you, Mommy.”
“You’re welcome.” I turned back toward the stove and fixed a plate of breakfast for myself before joining him at the counter. After filling our glasses with water, I took a sip of mine and then cleared my throat. “So what do you want to do today?”
It was Sunday morning, and we usually spent Sundays doing something fun together. We tried to change things up, preferring not to do the same thing every weekend.
Lawson shrugged as he swallowed his bite. “We could go to the library.”
I bought myself some time to answer by shoveling some food into my mouth. Reading was great for kids. I knew that. It was Lawson’s favorite pastime and something that I encouraged, but I also knew he needed to get out and be active.
There was such a thing as too much curling up to read for a seven-year-old boy, and Lawson was dangerously close to it. I had to approach the situation delicately, though.
“How about we go to the park? We haven’t been there for a while, so it might be fun for a change.” I watched as the corners of his mouth turned down at my suggestion, but I didn’t jump in to agree we should go to the library instead. “You used to love going to the park. Don’t you like it there anymore?”
His hazel eyes were dim, but he nodded anyway. “I do like it, but I don’t want to go today.”
A careful examination of his expression revealed that he was being truthful. He wasn’t fibbing or trying to appease me to get me to agree to go to the library just because that was what he wanted. His features were open and honest.
“Okay, why don’t you want to go today?”
While he finished chewing, he jerked his head in the direction of the small window in the kitchen. He swallowed and took another sip of water before giving me an explanation. “Those clouds outside are called nimbostratus clouds. See how thick and dark they are? That’s how I know what kind they are.”
I nodded, suddenly struck completely dumb. My seven-year-old seemed to be giving me a meteorology lesson. Where the hell did that come from? “How do you know that, baby? Are you learning about clouds in school?”
I remembered that we’d covered clouds in school at some stage, but I honestly couldn’t remember when. Lawson frowned and shook his head no. “Ms. Avery said we’ll only do that in a few more years from now.”
Ms. Avery was his teacher. Before he’d started going to school, I’d often heard about how teachers become the be all and end all to kids Lawson’s age. Maybe it would still happen, but he certainly didn’t look at her that way yet.
“I read a book about it last week,” he continued, oblivious to the worry swirling around in my mind. “There were pictures, but also descriptions of the different kinds of clouds and when they make their appearance.”
Stunned didn’t begin to describe what I felt in that moment. “Okay, and these clouds are the reason you don’t want to go to the park?”
“Yes,” he said decisively. “Nimbostratus clouds can produce both rain and snow. Of course, we won’t get any snow on the island, but I don’t want to get stuck outside in the rain.”
I could only blink at him for a minute. “Well, that makes sense. Good thinking.”
Needing some time to process this topic of conversation, I finished off my breakfast in silence. Lawson was well read for his age, but wasn’t that a little too well read? I didn’t know.
Amassing such an incredible general knowledge at an age when his brain was still like a sponge didn’t seem like a bad thing, but on the other hand, what was it coming at a cost of?
Balance was the one thing that kept coming up when I researched what I should be doing with him, and I felt like this was a good time to bring in some of it. An idea pop
ped into my head, bringing a smile to my lips.
“If it’s a bad idea to be outdoors, why don’t we head over to that indoor trampoline park we’ve been talking about visiting?” It seemed like a win-win to me. Lawson had been wanting to go back there ever since they went on a school trip, and it counted for both getting out and getting exercise.
Some brightness returned to his eyes, and he sat up a little straighter. “That would be fun.”
“I agree. Let’s finish breakfast, get cleaned up, and then we’ll go.”
He nodded in response and quickly wolfed down the rest of his food while I started collecting the dishes. Letting them soak in warm soapy water, I did a quick wipe down of the counters, and Lawson helped me pack away whatever had to go back in the fridge.
We worked silently, but it was a comfortable silence. Since we’d been doing variations of this for years, depending on which household chores were age appropriate for Lawson to help me with, we made quick work of it.
With the dishes washed, dried, and the kitchen reasonably clean, we headed to our rooms to get ready for the day. Lawson twisted the doorknob on his but turned to face me before he went inside.
“Do you think Tessa will want to come to the trampolines with us?”
“I’m sure she’ll want to, but I don’t know if she’s busy today. I’ll find out.” Deciding to invite her earlier rather than later, I fired off a text before grabbing a shower.
When I got out, there was a reply waiting for me.
Tessa: Sounds awesome. I’ll meet you there. Give me an hour.
A smile curled on my lips as I thanked whatever gods were out there that I had found a friend like her. After I’d dropped out of high school when I found out I was pregnant, I was so focused on somehow making a living to support the life growing inside me that it was only after Lawson’s birth that I realized I had no friends left.
Adam had been a god among men at our school, and I wasn’t surprised to find that he’d gotten to the few friends I’d thought I had. Everyone from that life had turned against me, though I still didn’t really know why.
Undoubtedly, Adam had spun some lie that didn’t involve telling them that he’d gotten me pregnant and that his family had forced me to sign those contracts. To be honest though, it didn’t bother me all that much.
Being a social butterfly just wasn’t me. I was perfectly content with a few good people in my life. I didn’t need crowds or groups around me at all times.
Tessa had been working as a journalist for a year or so when I met her. It had been a total fluke that I’d landed in her office with my portfolio that day.
For my sixteenth birthday, before they’d found out I was pregnant and pretty much wrote me off on the spot, my parents had gotten me a camera. It was a really good one, too. I knew that it must have taken them months to save up for it.
I’d joined the photography club when I started high school and had proven that it had become more than a passing hobby to me. In fact, I’d gotten pretty good at it and had already started talking about possibly making a living for myself by taking pictures.
I didn’t know if they’d taken me seriously about it, but they had gotten me the camera that had landed me my first job a lot earlier than expected, the job that had also led to my best and only real friend.
Tessa had flipped through my portfolio after I’d applied for a freelance position they had advertised, made a couple of calls to get me on their books, and then immediately sent me out for my first shoot. Over the course of the next few months, we became friends and eventually, best friends.
She was more like a sister to me and had even been the only person at the hospital for me when Lawson was born. That was why she was so invested in him. She was like his second mother, and I honestly didn’t know what I would have done without her.
Setting down my phone on my dresser, I pulled out a pair of worn but comfortable blue jeans and a soft black T-shirt. It would be hot once we started jumping, but it was freezing outside so I grabbed a green coat and some gloves too.
Flat-soled boots went on my feet, and then I brushed my hair, tied up as much of it as I could into a ponytail, and was ready to go. I’d never been big on makeup. Simple charcoal eyeliner and mascara were as far as I went, but since we were going to a trampoline park, I didn’t even bother with that.
The park was busy when we got there, but that was hardly a surprise. It was the day after Christmas and a Sunday, so very few people had to work. It was below freezing outside, taking most of the water-related activities around the island off the table for even the hardiest locals.
Families filled the space in its entirety, kids screaming and laughing as they jumped. Pure joy radiated from kids jumping on the brightly colored trampolines and even those gathered around them.
The smell of popcorn, cinnamon, and rubber hung in the air, the concession stands buried under a sea of people carrying food and snacks away from it.
After securing Lawson’s admission bracelet around his wrist, I smiled down at him. “I’m going to wait here for Tessa. You go on for now.”
He nodded but with less exuberance than the children who took off before and after us. One of the boys in line had tried making conversation with him, and Lawson had been polite but was clearly too shy for the boy’s liking.
The boy had made friends with another kid waiting in line, and the two of them took off for the trampolines together. I sighed quietly as I watched them race past Lawson, who was hanging back and allowing children to start before he did.
Tessa’s voice beside me made me jump. I’d been so wrapped up in watching him that I hadn’t even seen her approach. “Hey. You ready to get crushed by every kid in town? It’s crazy in here.”
“Yeah, it is,” I agreed, my eyes finally straying from Lawson to meet hers. “He hasn’t spoken to more than one child since we got here.”
My voice was quiet, but she must’ve heard me loud and clear. She gave her shoulders a nonchalant shrug, but I could see the worry in her eyes. “Maybe it’s just taking him some time to warm up to them. It is a little overwhelming with all these people.”
“True, but I recognize some of his classmates. Kids he sees every day. He hasn’t even acknowledged them.”
Tessa released a slow, measured breath. “Do you think it’s a self-esteem thing?”
“I don’t know, but I’m glad he’s starting the Big Brother program tomorrow. It took me a while to come around to the idea, but I think it’s going to be good for him.”
“I think so too,” she agreed, but then a sudden frown drew her features together. “Wait. Tomorrow. Crap. One of my colleagues needed someone for a shoot in the morning, and I signed you up for it.”
“What time does it start?” I asked, appreciating that she signed me up for everything she could but also worried about how Lawson was going to get to the program. Usually, I took him with me on last-minute shoots when school wasn’t in session and Tessa couldn’t watch him.
But I couldn’t do that tomorrow.
Tessa relaxed when she pulled up her calendar on her phone. “You have to be there at eight, but my first interview isn’t until ten so I’ll take him.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled, and her gaze swung toward Lawson, walking up to us after jumping for no longer than a few minutes. “Have you told him yet?”
“I will now.” I’d been putting it off because I had been so uncertain myself and I didn’t want to mention anything to him before I was sure. The more I thought about it though, the more convinced I became that this really was the best thing for him.
It didn’t mean that I wasn’t also worried about it, but it felt like a calculated risk to take. I’d done a lot of reading on the program at night, and it seemed well respected worldwide.
“Sweetheart,” I said when he stopped in front of us. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. How would you feel about going to meet some new people tomorrow? They’re men who spend some
time with boys while moms have to go to work.”
He looked up at me with questions in his eyes, not overly excited but also not saying no. “Okay, I’ll go.”
“Great.” I forced a smile to my lips, hoping that if I seemed excited then he would be too. “Tessa’s going to take you because I have a shoot. Is that okay?”
“Sure.” The questions vanished from his eyes as he accepted what I’d said, and he transformed right in front of us. He grinned at Tessa, then at me. “Are you guys going to come jump or what? It’s no fun being out there by myself.”
I didn’t point out that there were tons of kids for him to befriend jumping with him. He didn’t want to befriend them. He just wanted us with him.
Tomorrow would hopefully be the first step toward introducing him to some other people as well. More particularly, male people.
After that, we’d work on social interaction with kids his own age.
But for today, it was what it was.
I reached for his hand and led him to the trampolines, noticing that for the first time since we’d arrived, there was a smile on his face.
Chapter 7
Declan
“All right, gentlemen,” a middle-aged guy who’d introduced himself as Wayde said, standing in front of a group of about fifteen of us. “Welcome to orientation with Big Brothers of America. We’re happy to have you here, and we can’t wait to get you paired up with your little brothers, but we need to go over some house rules first.”
I stared off into space, losing interest within the first few sentences the guy said. He droned on and on. Then suddenly, the guys around me started moving away. I blinked and looked down at my watch, realizing that ten minutes had passed since we’d started.
Considering that the other guys were all headed to the coffee stations situated around the hall where the orientation was taking place, I assumed I had missed out on all the rules.
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