Soldier on Her Doorstep

by Soraya Lane

  She moved to stand right next to him. He didn’t look at her.

  “I’ve lived in Alaska all my life, and when I saw this place I knew I’d live here forever,” she said wistfully.

  He envied her that—having a place to call home all your life. He’d moved from town to town into different foster homes before he’d been old enough to escape that life. Having a house, a place, anything that remained the same, was something he’d always wished for.

  “You mentioned you wanted to do some fishing?” she prompted.

  Alex nodded. He hooked his thumb over his shoulder to point. “I’ve got my rod, a sleeping bag and some camping equipment in the car. Thought I’d just see where the wind took me for a while.”

  He could feel her eyes roving over him. It made him feel uncertain.

  “But you were planning on staying in Alaska?”

  He shrugged. Perhaps.

  Lisa turned away and started walking. He didn’t want to watch her but he couldn’t help it. She had tight jeans on that hugged her legs, ballet flats covering her feet, and a T-shirt that skimmed her curves. He swallowed a lump of…what? It had been so long since he’d felt attracted to a woman that he didn’t know what to think.

  He ground his teeth. What he had to think of was that she had belonged to someone else—to the very man who had taken a bullet for him. And she was also someone’s mommy.

  He determinedly averted his gaze.

  “Alex, there’s something I want to show you.”

  His head snapped up. Maybe if he’d been better at sticking to the plan he wouldn’t be torturing himself like this.

  Still, it would be rude not to follow her.

  He started to walk. Then stopped when he saw her standing at the foot of a hodge-podge-looking cabin perched behind a cluster of low trees. He hadn’t even noticed it before. Although if you weren’t looking it wasn’t exactly visible for all to see.

  Lisa pushed at the door, and he watched as it slowly fell open. She stood back and gestured to him with one hand. “Come have a look.”

  He obeyed. He had no idea what he was looking for, but he had a scout around with his eyes. The interior was dim. Light filtered in through grubby windowpanes, it smelt a touch musty, and there was an old bed lying forlorn in the corner.

  He looked at her for an answer.

  She smiled. “If you’re looking for a place to bunk down for a while, we’d love to have you.”

  Alex looked from Lisa, where she stood on the grass outside still, back into the cabin. Stay? Here?

  She must have seen the scared rabbit look on his face.

  “I mean, just until you figure out where you want to go. A couple of weeks, perhaps?” she offered gently.

  He kept staring at her incredulously. He couldn’t help it.

  “It’s not that I wouldn’t want you to stay in the house. I just thought you’d prefer some space,” she went on.

  He shook his head. A slow movement at first that built up to something faster. “Lisa, I…”

  “No, don’t refuse.” She ignored his frantic head-shaking and started to walk back toward the water. It was only meters from the cabin—so close you could practically swing through the trees and land in it.

  She swung back around to face him. “I need to fix the cottage up, and it’s not like I’m ever going to be able to do it myself. Please. You can stay, fish, help me out, then move on once it’s done.”

  He didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the idea of staying here. The place was great. But how could he take up this kind of hospitality knowing that her husband wasn’t coming home because he’d chosen to save Alex’s life? How could he look at that little girl every day and know that he was the reason she wasn’t going to see her daddy ever again?

  “I can’t stay.” His voice was gruff but resolute.

  “Alex.” She moved closer to him. He saw her hand hover, as though she was about to touch him, and then she crossed her arms. Perhaps she’d already sensed he was damaged goods. “Please. It would mean a lot to me.”

  Until he braved telling her the truth.

  He ignored the familiar trickle of guilt. It had followed him his whole life, was something he was used to living with. But he still recognized it.

  “I don’t…” He clenched his fists in frustration at not knowing the right thing to say.

  She waited patiently.

  “You don’t want me here,” he finally gritted out.

  She looked surprised. This time she did reach for him.

  He tried to ignore the flicker within him at her touch. There was something too intimate, too close, about seeing her fingers over his forearm. He didn’t want to be touched by her. “I do want you here,” she insisted. “To be honest, I’d appreciate the company. And fixing this place up was meant to be William’s task once he came home.”

  He fought not to grind his teeth. There was the guilt again. If William hadn’t sacrificed his own life for Alex’s he’d be here, home, attending to the cabin himself.

  “Think on it. If you do decide to stay you’ll be helping me out, and you’d have somewhere to fish,” she wheedled with a smile.

  Her grin was infectious. He didn’t know when he’d last wanted to laugh, but she was having some sort of effect on him.

  “I don’t know,” he muttered, but he saw a flicker of something cross her face. She knew he was cracking.

  “Just say you’ll think about it,” she insisted.

  He nodded. Just a hint of a nod, but she didn’t miss it.

  “You think it’ll take just two or three weeks to fix this place up?” he asked warily.

  She nodded, a gleam of obvious triumph in her eyes.

  Alex sighed. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to go. And he owed it to her to help out. “Okay, I’ll stay for a while,” he said.

  “Great!”

  He still wasn’t completely sure about it, but at least he could do something for her. He had no plans. No direction. He’d just wanted to give her William’s things and then spend some time alone. Find himself. Think.

  He looked around. The water twinkled at him. The trees seemed to wave. The cabin looked sturdy, albeit rundown.

  There were plenty of worse places he could have ended up.

  Besides, it was just a few weeks.

  “It feels like the right thing, you know, having you here for a while. Makes me feel like part of William is here with you,” she said softly.

  “Thanks, ma’am. I really appreciate it.” He did. Even if he found it hard to show. Foster care did that to you. Stripped you of emotion. Besides guilt and anger, that was. The army hadn’t helped much either.

  She just smiled.

  “I’ll make sure to stay out of your way,” he added.

  Lisa shook her head. “You don’t need to stay out of my way. But you might want to stay in the house again tonight, until we’ve had a bit of a tidy up in here.”

  He nodded his agreement.

  “Come on—I’ll show you around,” she offered.

  Alex fell into step beside her. “You been here a long time?”

  Lisa slowed so their steps matched. “We moved here before we were married. It’s the kind of place you find and never want to leave.”

  He liked that. The idea of having a place that you knew would make you happy for life.

  “You have a place that you want to settle now that you’re a civilian?” she asked.

  He shook his head politely, but it was hard to unclamp his jaw to find words.

  She glanced at him. Made eye contact briefly. He read her face, knew that she hadn’t meant to make him uncomfortable.

  “I grew up here. Alaska born and bred,” she continued.

  Much better. He could listen to her talk all day so long as he could keep his own mouth shut about his past. Some things were better left forgotten.

  Like where he was from. Family. And why he had no one in his life besides the army. Army life was family life for
him. It was virtually all he’d ever known.

  Lisa didn’t know quite what to feel. Had she pushed Alex too hard? The last few hours had passed pleasantly, but she was worried about forcing him if he wasn’t ready.

  Maybe she had been a touch insistent. But that was beside the point. He needed a place to stay—somewhere to just be himself and work through the issues he’d brought home with him.

  She could do with the company, and Lilly could do with whatever it was that Alex did to her. Her face hadn’t lost the shine it had enjoyed all morning. Not a word had been said, but her actions had been more than obvious. The girl was happy and, lately, that was rare.

  Alex was a mystery, though. Why did he have nowhere to go? No family? At least none that he wanted to talk about?

  She hoped he’d tell her. Eventually. But she only had a few weeks to coax it out of him—unless he decided to stay on longer. But the flighty look in his eyes told her that staying put was not part of his plan.

  Alex hacked at the over-hanging branches as if they’d done him some serious harm in the past. He had acquired a good pile already. A body of leaves, branches and debris littered the ground beside him.

  It felt good to work up a sweat.

  The morning air was coolish, but nice against his hot skin. His stomach was growling for breakfast but he ignored it. Even when it hissed and spat like a cougar.

  Yesterday he’d had mixed feelings about staying. Issues about hanging around. But this morning everything seemed different. Maybe it was the good night’s sleep—his first in a while—or maybe the fresh air was doing something to him, but he just felt different. And it was good to be doing something positive.

  It was still unnerving. Being around William’s family. Staying in another man’s house. But William was gone now, and Alex had made him a promise. He might have fulfilled that promise, passing William’s widow the items and telling her the words, but what kind of man would he be to come all this way and not help a woman in need? He owed it to the man. Owed him his life, in fact.

  Even without this drawing them together, making him feel closer to William even though he had passed away, he and William had shared a bond. They had been in the same small unit more than once, and being posted to the places they had been sent meant they’d shared a kind of trust that was hard to explain. It was what made being here even harder—because he knew how much William had cherished what he’d left behind to serve his country.

  Alex might have lost his family young, but honor and integrity were high on his list of morals. Of values. He knew how different his own life might have turned out if he’d had his family, if he hadn’t lost everything as a child. Even the memories he’d clung to all these years didn’t make up for what he’d lost. So he knew how important this little family was.

  Lisa and Lilly only had each other now, and if she wanted the cabin fixed up he was happy to be of assistance. It was his duty to be there for them, to serve them.

  Part of him hoped that staying, doing what he could, would help him put some demons to rest. But even if it only gave him peace of mind for a short time it would be a welcome reprieve from the guilt he had lived with of late.

  He looked up at the cabin. It was shabby, there was no denying it, but it was habitable. Plus the view was incredible. Deciding to stay here might be the best decision he’d made in a long time.

  He was officially discharged from the army, and he had no idea what he wanted to do. There was enough money in his savings account to keep him going for a while—a very long while—and he didn’t want to start anything until his head was clear.

  He just wanted to work with his hands. Fish. Chill.

  And preferably not get too attached to his host family if he could help it.

  “Morning.”

  He looked up. Lisa was watching him. She was dressed, but she still had that early morning glow. Her hair was wet, hanging down over her shoulders, leaving a damp mark on her T-shirt that he could see from here. She was nursing a cup of something hot.

  “Morning,” he replied. He reached for his own T-shirt, tucked into the back of his jeans, and tugged it on.

  “You’ve been busy,” she remarked.

  He stepped back and looked at the mess he’d made. “Too much?”

  She laughed. “I don’t think any amount of work in or around that cabin could be called too much.”

  He wasn’t used to casual chat with a woman anymore, but he was starting to warm to her. She was so easy, so relaxed. As if she expected nothing from him. Yet he knew she’d expect more. An answer. An explanation.

  He swallowed the worry.

  “You ready for some breakfast?”

  His stomach doubled over in response. “I didn’t want to go poking around in the cupboards.”

  She motioned with her hand for him to follow. “You’re welcome to anything we’ve got here. Make yourself at home.”

  If only she knew how promising that sounded to him. Only he didn’t really know how to make himself at home anywhere. Except in an army camp, perhaps.

  “I hope you’re hungry.” She threw a glance over his shoulder.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Lisa stopped and gave him one of those heart-warming smiles. “Good—because I’ve got eggs, bacon and sausages in the pan for you.”

  He’d never thought breakfast could sound so good.

  “Oh, and Alex?”

  He walked two beats faster to catch up with her step.

  “Please don’t call me ma’am again. It makes me feel like an old lady.”

  He sucked a lungful of air and fell back a pace or two behind her. And wished he hadn’t. He had to fight not to look at the sway of her hips.

  The term old lady hadn’t crossed his mind when he’d looked at her. Ever.

  Lisa patted the bacon down with a paper towel to absorb the grease and then placed it on a large plate. She saved a rasher for herself, and slipped the spatula beneath the eggs to turn them. She hoped he liked them easy-over.

  “Do I take all your work out there this morning as notice that you’re definitely staying?” She didn’t look over her shoulder, just continued getting breakfast ready. She thought he’d feel less pressured without her watching his face.

  “Ah…I guess you could say that,” he answered warily.

  She pursed her lips to stop from smiling. “Excellent.” She spun around and just about tossed the plate and its entire contents over Alex. “Oh!”

  He moved quickly, grabbing the plate and steadying her with the other hand.

  “Sorry. I was just…”

  She felt a sense of cool as his hand left her upper arm.

  “…going to help you with the plate,” he finished.

  Lisa felt bad that his tanned cheeks had a hue of crimson adorning them.

  “Aren’t you having any?” he asked in concern, looking at how much she’d given him.

  That made her smile. She couldn’t cook breakfast and not partake. “Just a small version for me.”

  She sat down at the table with him, her own plate modestly loaded. His hands hovered over the utensils.

  “Please start,” she told him, wanting to put him at ease. “Eat while it’s hot.”

  He did.

  She watched as he firmly yet politely pierced meat and cut at his toast, practically inhaling the breakfast. She wondered if she’d served him enough.

  “I’ve got work to do today, so I’m not going to be any help to you out there,” she said.

  Alex placed his knife and fork on the edge of the plate and reached for his coffee. She forced herself not to watch his every move. Strong fingers curled around the cup and he wiped at the corner of his mouth with the other hand.

  “Where do you work?” he asked.

  She was pleased he’d asked. Maybe food was the way to communicate with a man after all.

  “I work from home,” she explained, rising to collect the toast she’d left cooling in a rack on the counter. She brought it back to the t
able. “As I mentioned before, I write cookbooks, so I’m usually trying out new recipes, baking things.”

  He swallowed another mouthful of coffee. “Right.”

  “And today I’m under pressure, because my editor wants recipes emailed to her by the end of next week.”

  He looked thoughtful. She opened a jar of homemade jam and nudged it toward him. Alex dipped a knife in and spread some on a piece of toast.

  “Do you have to take Lilly to school soon?”

  She shook her head. “Spring break.” She sighed. “But she hasn’t gone back to school since William died, so I’ve had to start home-schooling her.”

  Alex looked like he was calculating how long that was.

  “I do my best, but I need to get her back there.” She sighed.

  “Have you tried therapy?” he asked.

  She blew out a deep breath. “Yup.”

  She couldn’t tell if he approved or not. For some reason his opinion mattered to her.

  “I’d better get back out there,” he said.

  She rose as he did, and collected the plates.

  “Thanks for breakfast,” he added.

  He looked awkward but she ignored it. “No problem. I owe you for taking on the jungle out there.”

  The look he gave her made her think otherwise. That he thought he owed her. The way his eyes flickered, briefly catching hers, almost questioning.

  “You need a hand with those?” he offered.

  Lisa turned back to him. To those sad eyes trained her way. “I’m fine here. I’ll have lunch ready for later, but help yourself to anything you need. The door’s open.”

  She watched as Alex walked out. His shoulders were so broad, yet they looked like they were frowning. He looked so strong, yet sad—tough, yet soft. As if he could crush an enemy with his bare hands, yet provide comfort to one of his own all in the same breath.

  She wished there was more she could do for him. But something told her that whatever she was doing was enough for now.

  Lisa looked out the window as he appeared nearby. He reached for the ax and dragged it upward in the air before slicing through a tree stump. She felt naughty watching him. Indulging in seeing his muscles flex and work, seeing the tension on his face drain away as he started to gather momentum.