by Soraya Lane
Alex nodded. This time he didn’t take so long to make a decision. It was like something had changed between them yesterday. Even after what had happened, they seemed to have silently moved on. He was more open. Different. And there was even more of a closeness between him and Lilly. Lisa could sense it. Perhaps they’d been talking more than she realized?
“Do you walk the same track each time?” he wanted to know.
Lisa enjoyed a ripple of excitement as she saw she’d piqued his interest. One of the reasons this property was so special to her was its connection to nature. It was a nice feeling to think he was going to share it with her.
“I’ll meet you outside the cabin in an hour. You’ll find out all about it then.”
Alex went back to eating his toast and Lisa rifled through the fridge for the makings of the picnic. Lilly loved going on excursions, but she knew better than to rush off empty handed.
And it helped keep her mind off Alex. There was a spark, a flame that traveled between them when they were close, but he was so hard to get to know. The barrier he’d built around himself was made of something strong.
Lisa loved being outdoors. Loved hanging out with her daughter and enjoying the weather. She hoped Alex would too. Anything to bring him a little further out of his shell. Right now it was like they went two steps back for every one forward.
She wanted to know more about the demons he fought. She wanted to know if she could help him. Yesterday, she’d never thought it would be possible. Not when she still loved William so much. Not when Alex had pushed her away.
Now she was wondering if maybe, just maybe, something real could develop between the two of them. If they both took a big leap of faith.
Lilly was dancing along the edge of the river as Lisa attempted to haul the rowboat from its makeshift house. She heaved hard, but it was only moving an inch at a time.
“Hey!”
She turned at the sound of the voice and watched as Alex crossed the yard.
“Let me get that.”
She stood back. Grateful. She didn’t much mind rowing it, and it usually wasn’t so hard to get it out, but it had sat dormant since William’s last visit home and then gone back wet the other day after it had been capsized. She should have told Alex to just leave it out.
He made it look easy, though. Alex hauled it behind him, the thick rope looped over his shoulder.
“You want to launch here?” he asked.
“Perfect.”
She passed Alex two packs, which he placed in the boat. Then he reached for Lilly.
“Need me to do anything else?” he said.
“Grab the dog.” That was the part she hated. Boston usually leapt and toppled them out, or she had to pick him up already wet.
Alex chased the dog and tackled him. “Come here, you filthy mongrel!”
Lilly laughed. Alex was trying his best to look stern.
Lisa decided not to point out how dirty Alex’s T-shirt had become. He manhandled Boston into the boat, but the dog didn’t seem to mind. He’d taken to Alex almost as quickly as Lilly had.
“Sit!” Lisa used her sternest voice.
Boston surprised her by obeying for once. She wondered if it was her command or the dirty look Alex gave him that had him sitting still.
Alex took up the paddles. “Where to?”
“I can row,” she offered.
Alex looked her up and down before shaking his head. “I could do with the exercise.”
That suited her just fine. She sat back with Lilly. Besides, it meant she got to admire him while he pulled the oars. Today was the first time she didn’t feel quite so guilty about admitting she liked the look of him. Didn’t feel quite so sinful.
“Head upstream. We go maybe ten minutes up, then get out to follow a trail,” she instructed.
He started to row. She watched his arms flex back and forth. Her ten minutes might not even make it to sixty seconds, given the speed at which he was propelling them!
“Just watch out for ducks,” she said slyly.
He slowed. Then gave her a pointed look.
“Boston tends to jump.” She grinned.
“You think I don’t know that?” he said.
Lisa laughed. “Just reminding you.”
Alex shook his head and glared at the dog. “Not again.”
Boston looked up at him like a sweet little lamb. Lisa knew that look well, and didn’t trust him one bit.
“It’s beautiful here,” Alex commented, looking around.
“Take us in over there, by the outcrop,” she said, pointing.
He slowed his paddling and expertly guided them in.
Lisa reached out to catch the edge and tie the little boat to it. She looked back at Alex. He was holding both packs. She took one and strapped it to her back.
“Ladies first,” he said gallantly.
She climbed out carefully, and then put her hand out to take Lilly. Alex helped guide her. Boston was long gone.
“I thought we had to have him on a lead?” Alex said.
“We do. He got away from me, lead attached.” Lisa grimaced. “Boston!” she called.
He emerged, flying out from between the trees, and came to a flying halt at Lilly’s feet. Lisa grabbed him by the leash.
“Want me to take him?” he asked.
She threw Alex a grateful look. “Please.”
They walked along in a comfortable silence that strangely made her feel closer to Alex than ever before. Lilly skipped behind them and inspected spiders’ webs and bugs attached to the trees. Lisa kept up a steady pace, which had her lungs blowing after a while, but she didn’t give up. Alex looked like he hadn’t even walked an inch. His breathing was steady. No sweat. Just loping along. It was driving her crazy. Maybe she needed to do some army-style training to get her body up to speed.
He looked like he was chewing something over in his mind. She didn’t pry. From what she’d seen of him so far, he needed to walk it off. Think. Not feel pressured. And he seemed relaxed despite it.
Lisa had already learnt the hard way not to expect too much in the conversation stakes. She was a compulsive talker, so it wasn’t easy, but she could appreciate his pain. The way she felt about William wasn’t exactly something she knew how to talk about. What he was feeling she guessed was on par with her pain.
“Tell me about Lilly.”
Just when she thought he’d gone and lost his tongue, Alex surprised her by talking.
She slowed down. Lilly had fallen behind anyway. So much for a punishing pace! If she went any faster she’d lose her own child.
“What does her therapist think about her progress?” he asked.
She still hadn’t figured out why he had bonded so well with Lilly. What it was in her that resonated with him. Why she’d chosen him to talk to after all these months. Lisa was too scared to ask either of them in case she rocked the boat. But what was it that her daughter’s eyes had seen that had made her want to connect with him so strongly?
“That she’s doing okay, but she’s taken William’s death incredibly hard,” Lisa told him.
He stopped. His hand fell to Boston’s head as he looked back at Lilly.
“Has she been prescribed any medication?”
Lisa thought that was an odd question for him to ask. “No. There were things offered initially, but one school of thought says time and routine is enough. I’d rather go for the non-medicated option.”
“Good.”
Good? What did he know about therapists and medication? Did he go to one himself? If only she was brave enough to ask him.
“You’re lucky to have a therapist in a town this size,” he commented.
Yes, they were. “She travels in every other week. Does the rounds of a few small towns.”
She sensed Alex had moved on. He seemed focused on the path ahead now.
“Where do you want to stop?” he asked.
“We keep following this path, not much further, then there’s a smal
l pond and a clearing. A few picnic tables.”
“Mind if I run ahead?”
Boston looked ready to go too. “Go for it,” Lisa said.
He surged into action. A steady rhythm that he seemed to find from his first stride.
She couldn’t steal her eyes away.
His calves were bare, shorts ending just above his knees. His back stayed straight. Then he disappeared.
Alex waited for them at the clearing. The run had done him good. Boston lay sprawled out beside him, still panting.
Lilly came into view first, followed by her mother.
They were a pair, those two. Lilly had her hair tied into pigtails, but a handful of the hair from each had escaped. She gave him her usual grin and collapsed beside him. Lisa—well, he didn’t even want to look at her too closely.
“Have you seen anything yet?” Lilly asked him.
He wasn’t sure what she meant. Should he be keeping an eye out for something in particular?
“Mommy always says to keep your eyes peeled for moose and bear and caribou and elk and even wolves!” Lilly elaborated.
Lisa was shaking her head.
“Well, that’s one very informed mom you have there,” Alex teased.
Lilly smiled proudly.
“Let’s have this picnic before any of the above find our stash, shall we?” Lisa said.
Alex ignored the niggle in his chest as Lilly sat beside him and Lisa fiddled with the food. Getting too close to these two would mean more pain. Emotions that he couldn’t deal with again. So why did he suddenly feel prepared to risk his heart for the first time since his parents had died?
They sat on a rug beneath scarcely waving branches as sunlight filtered through to warm their skin. Lisa was conscious of Alex’s leg close to her own. So conscious that if she as much as wiggled her leg her thigh could be pressed against his.
She hadn’t brought up the kiss, but then neither had he. They’d skirted around the issue, and she had a feeling it wouldn’t ever be spoken of if she didn’t bring the subject to the table. Literally.
Right now it was like she’d been released. As if she’d realized that she could be happy again. That she could be a woman and enjoy the pleasures of another man’s company without disrespecting her husband.
But she needed to understand this man. Know more about him.
“Alex, you’ve never mentioned anything about your family,” she murmured.
Other than implying he didn’t have one.
A wary look danced across his face. She recognized that look now. Knew it meant for her to back off. Fast.
“You don’t have to tell me. I was just curious,” she said reassuringly.
He lay back, his hands finding a spot beneath his head. Lisa held her breath. He was going to talk. She could feel it. To her it seemed like a major breakthrough. As if they were finally connecting. What they had, the bond between them, meant he could finally trust her.
“My parents are both long-dead. It’s just me,” he said tonelessly.
So there was a reason he’d never mentioned them. A reason he’d kept them close to his chest. “You lost them young?”
“Yup.”
She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them. Maybe if she offered him something of her own past he’d keep communicating. “My father died of a heart attack when I was pretty young. So then it was just me, Mom and my sister.”
He propped himself up on one elbow. “You were close to your father?”
She gulped. It still made her feel sad, thinking about her father. “Very.” She might have been eighteen when he’d died, but it had still hit her extremely hard.
Lisa watched Lilly where she sat with Boston less than a few feet away. She was sprawled out with him, stroking his fur. They often spent hours like that. “Where do you live, Alex? I mean before your term away where did you live?”
A shadow over his face told her she’d probably asked enough questions for the day. But she needed to know. Wanted to know more about him.
“California. Originally.”
She nodded.
“But I haven’t exactly had a place to call home for a long, long time,” he admitted.
“That must be hard. Not having somewhere to go.”
They sat silent for another few moments. Lisa looked up at the trees, her head snapped right back, and Alex plucked at the short shoots of grass.
“Alex, are you going to be deployed again?”
She sensed him tighten.
“No.”
Lisa could have leapt to touch the highest branch! She had been fighting that question for days, hours, and to hear him say no was the best news she’d received in a long while. Relief shuddered through her. She didn’t need to pine for another soldier. Not ever. Losing one was enough. She wasn’t even sure if she could ever truly let another man into her life. Even Alex. She certainly could never, ever cope with losing another one.
He drew up to his full height and brushed off his shorts. “Shall we get back to the boat?”
Lisa didn’t push him. There was nothing else she needed to ask. She put out a hand for him to help haul her up. He did. His hand clasped over hers and pulled her upright. His fingers felt smooth, firm against hers.
She didn’t want to let go.
She was starting to read him. To understand him. To put all the pieces of the jigsaw together slowly. He might have stopped talking, but he hadn’t closed himself off. His eyes were still light, open. He wasn’t shutting her out. Alex’s lips hinted at a smile. Hers were more than hinting, but she was trying to keep herself in check.
He’s not going back. He’s not going back. The words just wouldn’t stop ringing in her ears. Did it mean she could let something happen between them? That if something special developed she could find room for both William and Alex in her heart?
She let go of his hand as he pulled back. Reluctantly. He started to scoop up their belongings and she helped him to pack.
What she needed was to keep him talking without pushing the wrong buttons. They’d covered enough heavy stuff for today, but it felt good to just talk openly without him being guarded.
“Do you cook?” Was that a silly question for her to ask, given the years he’d probably spent in the army?
“I do a mean lasagna, and that’s it,” he replied.
“One signature dish?”
He nodded before swinging a pack in her direction. A wolfish smile turned the corners of his mouth upwards in the most delicious arrow. “Just the one.”
She’d bet it tasted good too. It had been a while since anyone had cooked her a meal, but she’d like to try his lasagna. Might even pick up a few tips.
“I’ll do it for you one time before I go,” he promised.
A drum beat a loud rhythm in her ears. She’d almost forgotten their being together was coming to an end soon.
“Come on, Lilly.” She forced her voice to comply with her wishes. To not show him how upset she was.
Lilly stretched like a kitten, then stood up. She grinned at Alex. Lisa didn’t miss the wink he gave her.
“Let’s go.”
Alex fought to keep his pace slow and steady. He liked moving fast, but he wanted to enjoy walking beside Lisa. He’d had fun with his army buddies, his makeshift family, but times like this were a rarity for him. Once he’d enlisted he’d volunteered for every deployment and opportunity he could to stay overseas rather than come back to America. Because he’d had nowhere to go, nowhere to call home.
When others had gone home for even a few days if they could, jumped at every opportunity to come back, he’d stayed away. When the army was your only family you didn’t have anything else or anyone to turn to.
Which was why this felt so special. This was what he imagined all those men loved about being back home with their loved ones. Just walking side by side with another human being, with a woman who made you feel happy and light. He could only imagine what it would have been like to come home to his pare
nts—to his own family, even. Children.
For years he’d told himself he didn’t want that kind of life. That he liked being a loner and didn’t want to risk losing anyone close to him again.
But maybe he just hadn’t realized what being loved, being part of a real family, would be like. Just what he’d sacrificed by closing off that part of him to any possibility of finding that kind of happiness for himself.
“Why are we stop—?” Alex’s sentence died in his mouth.
Lisa turned to him. She motioned him to step backward. Bear, she mouthed frantically.
He obeyed instantly. “Quiet, Boston,” he growled, only just loud enough for the dog to hear.
Lisa watched as Alex wound the lead tight around his fist, twice, then reached down to half his height to gather Lilly up to him.
Lisa felt a tremor of fear run through her body, gather momentum, and then explode within her. She’d never experienced it before. She was usually so careful, so aware.
They were still edging away, and the bear hadn’t noticed them. Not yet.
“She’s fishing,” Lisa whispered.
Alex nodded.
“She hasn’t seen us,” she added thankfully.
Alex pulled them away behind a thick cluster of trees before stopping. “But she knows we’re here,” he warned.
Lisa’s body shook again. Did she?
He must have seen the question in her eyes. “She knows. She just doesn’t see us as a threat. Yet,” he clarified.
They could still see her. Only just. If Lisa hadn’t been so afraid she would have found it beautiful. This huge black bear, female, flipping her paw into the water and expertly tossing fish out.
Lisa glanced at Alex. He didn’t look at her, but just like the bear she knew he had seen her. He’d just chosen not to look back at her. Yet.
“We need to move. If she has young we could be in real trouble,” he murmured.
Lisa agreed. But she wasn’t volunteering to move. Not with the bear right there.
“Can we walk back if we have to?” he asked.
She nodded. “It would be tricky, but it’s possible.”
He looked uncertain.
“They feed often at this time of year,” she told him. She was angry with herself for being careless and stupid. Her head had been filled with ideas of a picnic, and yet if she’d thought—really thought—she’d have known this was a real bear time of year. They were still hungry—plenty hungry—and they were always out fishing.